I always think in extremes. Any solutions?

sneaky_charm

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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I don't know what it is about me, but I always tend to imagine scenarios that are too extreme on both ends.

For instance, if I'm thinking of visiting a new country, the first thing that comes to my mind is 'What if I get arrested or get in trouble, who will have my back there?'

Or, if I'm thinking about my future career, finances, and everything, I think 'What if I don't have money at all and become homeless?'

Another one, and a very common one at that, is ' What if I get into an accident and then become wheelchair bound for life?'

And, when I meet a new guy, I don't want him to come to my room cause 'What if he murders me?'

Similarly, when I imagine positive things, I envision everything to be perfect in my life in future.

Also, I worry about 'What happens if both of my parents die, who will be there for me then, financially and socially?'

What the fuck is going on? I don't like thinking in extremes, especially the negative thoughts?
 

Rain

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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I also have similar types of thoughts. The what if scenario, and it tends to be sometimes very bad worsed case type of scenarios.

I thought I heard that It's possible to have an over active cognitive part of your brain. You could test that by getting some family/friends, and all sit in a room. Write down on a piece of paper all the words starting with M or L or something, and put a 3minute timer on it. If you have a much longer list, you might have an over active cognitive part of your brain. Not sure how much of an impact that has on this topic. It's similar to approach anxiety isn't it? What if she has a boyfriend and he starts a fight? What if you get a bad rep just for talking to her? What if I have a relationship and she cheats? And yeah, some of the ones you mentioned as well.

But with experience it may help. I used to worry about going to the supermarket and forgetting my wallet and looking stupid or a theif. That happened more recently though, and I was fine. Just confidently said I'll leave these here and goto the atm machine and get some money. But I'm more confident now in general then back then.

The other thing is, when something bad happens, it isn't always, as bad as we make it out to be. We can make it worse in our minds because that's how we are wired or something. Emotions are drawn out when you watch tv shows and stuff as well, I don't know if too much tv makes people more emotionally extreme thinkiers or if its more a biological thing from genetics. You could also catch yourself thinking like this and try changing thoughts to something else when it happens, if that may or may not help. Sometimes the bad things don't always happen, and things sometimes are not always as they appear.
 

sneaky_charm

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Does the m and l thing work with languages of other speakers too? And what do you really mean, should I count both my words and their words during those 3 minutes starting with the letters?
 

quiteastory

Space Monkey
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sneaky_charm said:
I don't know what it is about me, but I always tend to imagine scenarios that are too extreme on both ends.

For instance, if I'm thinking of visiting a new country, the first thing that comes to my mind is 'What if I get arrested or get in trouble, who will have my back there?'

Or, if I'm thinking about my future career, finances, and everything, I think 'What if I don't have money at all and become homeless?'

Another one, and a very common one at that, is ' What if I get into an accident and then become wheelchair bound for life?'

And, when I meet a new guy, I don't want him to come to my room cause 'What if he murders me?'

Similarly, when I imagine positive things, I envision everything to be perfect in my life in future.

Also, I worry about 'What happens if both of my parents die, who will be there for me then, financially and socially?'

What the fuck is going on? I don't like thinking in extremes, especially the negative thoughts?

What worked for me with these negative thoughts is telling myself two things:
-focus on what you can control (you're afraid of getting arrested? focus on not doing stupid shit)
-if you're starting thinking negative, there's no point to think at all

Not so long ago, I had a point in my life where my health really fucked up - my vision started getting worse rapidly, it came out I have a very rare disease, and I need a surgery. In addition to that, I had a neck & lower back injury while doing sports. AND in addition to that, I started getting bald (which doesn't really suit me).

All this shit messed me up pretty good, I had to quit doing sport, wear glasses, which really struck my self confidence. I literally cried every day, and had no control over my emotions. I stumbled upon a book "how to stop worrying and start living" by Dale Carnegie. It helped me to bounce off the bottom, I HIGHLY recommend it :)
These thoughts are just in your head, If some people can control it, why can't you? :)
 

sneaky_charm

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Oh I've read some of that Carnegie book. It really gets to the point, and so far as I remember the concepts and apply them, they seem to work pretty well when it comes to eliminating worry. So what was your situation, would you like to elaborate a bit?
 

quiteastory

Space Monkey
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quiteastory said:
Not so long ago, I had a point in my life where my health really fucked up - my vision started getting worse rapidly, it came out I have a very rare disease, and I need a surgery. In addition to that, I had a neck & lower back injury while doing sports. AND in addition to that, I started getting bald (which doesn't really suit me).

That was the issue.
 

sneaky_charm

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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quiteastory said:
quiteastory said:
Not so long ago, I had a point in my life where my health really fucked up - my vision started getting worse rapidly, it came out I have a very rare disease, and I need a surgery. In addition to that, I had a neck & lower back injury while doing sports. AND in addition to that, I started getting bald (which doesn't really suit me).

That was the issue.

Oh that sounds rough, hope you're past that now. Do you have any strategy for dealing with day to day small things that irritate you, like the plumber not coming on time, some weirdo on the way to office etc.?
 

quiteastory

Space Monkey
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sneaky_charm said:
quiteastory said:
quiteastory said:
Not so long ago, I had a point in my life where my health really fucked up - my vision started getting worse rapidly, it came out I have a very rare disease, and I need a surgery. In addition to that, I had a neck & lower back injury while doing sports. AND in addition to that, I started getting bald (which doesn't really suit me).

That was the issue.

Oh that sounds rough, hope you're past that now. Do you have any strategy for dealing with day to day small things that irritate you, like the plumber not coming on time, some weirdo on the way to office etc.?

That strategy is emotional inteligence :) How old are you? Give yourself time to think why these things irritate you. Plumber not coming on time - you can't really control him, why should you be angry? Maybe you feel a guilt because you can't stick to your day's plan? Or maybe you think he doesn't respect you? I've learned to notice, analyse and understand these emotions to manage them. Just be careful no to start analysing too much.
 

sneaky_charm

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Yeah I get your point. I do this weird thing where I think of each second as a moment. NOW, if you will. If something frustates me and I notice it I say the incident happened 600 moments ago i.e. 10 minutes. Sometimes helps calm me down.
 

quiteastory

Space Monkey
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You're trying to supress your feelings instead of understanding them, and setting them straight. I don't recommend doing this.
 

Rain

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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sneaky_charm said:
Does the m and l thing work with languages of other speakers too? And what do you really mean, should I count both my words and their words during those 3 minutes starting with the letters?

Which letter you use doesnt' matter, I just picked them at random, can be any letter I think. Not an expert but I guess it would work in another language I'd imagine. I found the clip where the psychologist talks about the method better than me, possibly halfway through answering someones question but the thing I mentioned is here at about 1h33m29s roughly
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeNxc6M ... t=1h33m29s
 

sneaky_charm

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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quiteastory said:
You're trying to supress your feelings instead of understanding them, and setting them straight. I don't recommend doing this.

What do you mean suppressing and not understanding? How am I to set them straight?
 
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