Hi guys,
Need some advice regarding a girl I’ve been dating. Really not sure if I’ve fucked up and what to do from here to salvage the situation. Have included a summary of the four dates so far below but tldr skip to number 4.
Matched with the chick on Bumble about 5 weeks ago. She’s actually really attractive (8.5+ I’d say). She’s 26 and I’m 25. We started chatting and had good banter.
Date 1: met in the city for drinks. Took her to a nice bar, and had a drink each. On this date I make sure to do a lot of disqualifiers and try and qualify her for doing wild things. I also build my value in a non-try hard way suggesting I also get lots of other online matches. As she’s Fijian Indian (and I’m Indian) I tell her it’s not going to work out, how am I going to introduce her to my mum etc. We talk about drugs etc. and I get the sense she’s pretty conservative. Doesn’t drink much, never tried any drugs. She lives quite far out of the city (1.5hr train) and suggests we should go. I pick up on it and walk with her to the station. This date was about 1.5hrs.
Date 2: She had an exam to study for so this date was 1.5-2weeks after the first. I invite her to meet at the station near my place. I’m such an idiot but I’d read this strategy online about leaving your wallet at home and then telling the girl you’d left it at home and then going back home to get the wallet before going out and doing the activity. The aim of this is to let the girl get familiar with your place so that the second time you return it’s easier to sleep with her. So I try it. I meet her and tell her I’ve left my wallet at home. She says its ok it’s her shout for drinks anyway (I was expecting this). I say I wont get into the bars without my ID. She says why don’t we go for dinner instead… fuck. We go for dinner and I just try and get to know her better and keep setting frames like I’m cooler than her (I’m too crazy for you) and disqualifying her. She says she has to get up early for work the next day so we get up to go. I walk with her towards the station after dinner and we’re having good banter and physicality. This date was about 1.5hrs.
Date 3: I ask her to meet me in the city for coffee on a weekend. We meet at 10.30am and I know she has an appointment at 4pm. She books a nice brunch place. Brunch is ok but we sit opposite each other and not great for vibe. I’m starting to realise fuck dinner, generally adds nothing to an interaction – can’t be intimate, can’t escalate physically etc. I tell her lets go for a walk after brunch. We go on a half an hour walk after this. She’s being quite girlfriendy during the walk. Walking close to me, wanting to go check out the playground in the harbour, walking along these steps that lead through some water etc. We eventually walk to a park and grab icecream and sit in the park. Talk for a while and I build solid comfort here. Talk about our first jobs, family etc. All the while I’m trying to disqualify (when we were walking our hands brush and I tell her to stop trying to grab my hand we need to get to know each other first). This date goes well. At 2pm she says she has to go. We walk back to station. Convo gets a bit sexual here. Get to station and part ways. I regret not going for make out in the park.
Date 4 (today) – I meet her at 6.30pm at the station near my house. I know she has nothing on the next day. I’m going into this planning to pull (cleaned my room and everything lol). We meet at the station. My plan had been get food -> icecream home (this girl doesn’t like to drink). When we meet she’s really dressed up in a black dress and wearing pearls. I ask if she’s eaten and she said she’d had a late lunch. So I try to rearrange plans. I walk towards my place which is also the direction of the icecream. I then decide drinks would be better. I take her into a bar. We sit down on a couch area and have a drink each. This is good. I push the convo sexually. Tell her how on a walk on Christmas day we passed a nudist beach where a couple was having sex and all these Asian tourists were standing by and watching. She likes this and we talk about sex generally for a bit. We talk about tattoos and generally there’s good physicality and banter. By the end we’re leaning in and enjoying things. She then says she’s hungry and we go to find somewhere to eat. The place I had in mind was closed so we go to an Indian restaurant (poor leading by me at this point). This fucked the date I reckon. Now we’re sitting opposite each other. They take ages with the food. Sitting around for at least 40 min. I’m in a bad mood and we discuss some intimate topics but I’m not really into it. I tell her I’ve never had a “girlfriend” before to which she is surprised. She tells me she had her first kiss at 21 and has dated one guy she’d consider her boyfriend. I start feeling better when the food comes and build the energy back up. I’ve set frames where she thinks I’m a bit of a player. She says that she’s my Saturday girl and I have a girl for each day of the week. She also says that we don’t know each other (?what the fuck I’ve built so much comfort today and on the previous dates). During this convo I try seed the pull brining up ecigarettes and what music she listens to. After dinner I pay and tell her lets get an ecig (at my place). She says I don’t want to go back to your place. I play it off and I’m like ok let’s go to this park. We go to the park and its dark. We sit on a bench and my arms around her. Build good comfort here. Was planning to try make out with her here but she throws me off by saying “did you just bring me here to make out with me?” Dodge question and keep building comfort and staying physical but don’t make out. We go climb some playground equipment and then she says she wants to walk back to the station. I feel like I have an ok radar in reading girls signs. However this chick seems to be actively blocking opportunities to escalate physically. I feel any other girl who comes with a guy to a park at night would be down to at least make out...
We walk back towards the station (which passes my house). As we pass my street I again ask if she wants to come back for the ecig. She again says no not this time. I say ok then and was planning to just walk home but she doesn’t know how to get back to the station. I say I’ll walk her back. Again on the walk she says she’s my Saturday girl and I rotate a girl each day (?comfort shit test) and I say that she shouldn’t think that she’s not special. As I get close to the station I’m like fuck I need to try and at least make out with this chick. I tell her to come to one side for a minute and say I didn’t want her to think I didn’t like her because I do. She said that was sweet. I also said I didn’t want the date to end formally and put my arms around her. She says oh ok, leans in, pecks me on the lips and gives me a hug (?what the fuck). We part ways and she texted me about 15 min later and we banter for a bit.
Question: Have I become the early boyfriend or is this just a conservative chick? I don’t fucking get it. I set frames where she views me as a high value guy. I’ve disqualified and I’m sure she finds me attractive. I text less than her with less investment (she sends me photos of stuff she’s doing and I just message though we only text about 1x/wk) and she initiates first more often. Yet she’s still not willing to come back to mine or makeout. The negatives have been I’m always the one setting up the date. Also dates tend to be expensive ($15-$35 each). Also fucked up by not going for the makeout at the right times today and making a big deal of trying to pass that comfort shit test at the end. My plan from here is not to initiate the next date. Happy to text etc. but she needs to put in work. Not really sure if this is a lost cause and I should just cut and move on. As always feedback much appreciated.
Need some advice regarding a girl I’ve been dating. Really not sure if I’ve fucked up and what to do from here to salvage the situation. Have included a summary of the four dates so far below but tldr skip to number 4.
Matched with the chick on Bumble about 5 weeks ago. She’s actually really attractive (8.5+ I’d say). She’s 26 and I’m 25. We started chatting and had good banter.
Date 1: met in the city for drinks. Took her to a nice bar, and had a drink each. On this date I make sure to do a lot of disqualifiers and try and qualify her for doing wild things. I also build my value in a non-try hard way suggesting I also get lots of other online matches. As she’s Fijian Indian (and I’m Indian) I tell her it’s not going to work out, how am I going to introduce her to my mum etc. We talk about drugs etc. and I get the sense she’s pretty conservative. Doesn’t drink much, never tried any drugs. She lives quite far out of the city (1.5hr train) and suggests we should go. I pick up on it and walk with her to the station. This date was about 1.5hrs.
Date 2: She had an exam to study for so this date was 1.5-2weeks after the first. I invite her to meet at the station near my place. I’m such an idiot but I’d read this strategy online about leaving your wallet at home and then telling the girl you’d left it at home and then going back home to get the wallet before going out and doing the activity. The aim of this is to let the girl get familiar with your place so that the second time you return it’s easier to sleep with her. So I try it. I meet her and tell her I’ve left my wallet at home. She says its ok it’s her shout for drinks anyway (I was expecting this). I say I wont get into the bars without my ID. She says why don’t we go for dinner instead… fuck. We go for dinner and I just try and get to know her better and keep setting frames like I’m cooler than her (I’m too crazy for you) and disqualifying her. She says she has to get up early for work the next day so we get up to go. I walk with her towards the station after dinner and we’re having good banter and physicality. This date was about 1.5hrs.
Date 3: I ask her to meet me in the city for coffee on a weekend. We meet at 10.30am and I know she has an appointment at 4pm. She books a nice brunch place. Brunch is ok but we sit opposite each other and not great for vibe. I’m starting to realise fuck dinner, generally adds nothing to an interaction – can’t be intimate, can’t escalate physically etc. I tell her lets go for a walk after brunch. We go on a half an hour walk after this. She’s being quite girlfriendy during the walk. Walking close to me, wanting to go check out the playground in the harbour, walking along these steps that lead through some water etc. We eventually walk to a park and grab icecream and sit in the park. Talk for a while and I build solid comfort here. Talk about our first jobs, family etc. All the while I’m trying to disqualify (when we were walking our hands brush and I tell her to stop trying to grab my hand we need to get to know each other first). This date goes well. At 2pm she says she has to go. We walk back to station. Convo gets a bit sexual here. Get to station and part ways. I regret not going for make out in the park.
Date 4 (today) – I meet her at 6.30pm at the station near my house. I know she has nothing on the next day. I’m going into this planning to pull (cleaned my room and everything lol). We meet at the station. My plan had been get food -> icecream home (this girl doesn’t like to drink). When we meet she’s really dressed up in a black dress and wearing pearls. I ask if she’s eaten and she said she’d had a late lunch. So I try to rearrange plans. I walk towards my place which is also the direction of the icecream. I then decide drinks would be better. I take her into a bar. We sit down on a couch area and have a drink each. This is good. I push the convo sexually. Tell her how on a walk on Christmas day we passed a nudist beach where a couple was having sex and all these Asian tourists were standing by and watching. She likes this and we talk about sex generally for a bit. We talk about tattoos and generally there’s good physicality and banter. By the end we’re leaning in and enjoying things. She then says she’s hungry and we go to find somewhere to eat. The place I had in mind was closed so we go to an Indian restaurant (poor leading by me at this point). This fucked the date I reckon. Now we’re sitting opposite each other. They take ages with the food. Sitting around for at least 40 min. I’m in a bad mood and we discuss some intimate topics but I’m not really into it. I tell her I’ve never had a “girlfriend” before to which she is surprised. She tells me she had her first kiss at 21 and has dated one guy she’d consider her boyfriend. I start feeling better when the food comes and build the energy back up. I’ve set frames where she thinks I’m a bit of a player. She says that she’s my Saturday girl and I have a girl for each day of the week. She also says that we don’t know each other (?what the fuck I’ve built so much comfort today and on the previous dates). During this convo I try seed the pull brining up ecigarettes and what music she listens to. After dinner I pay and tell her lets get an ecig (at my place). She says I don’t want to go back to your place. I play it off and I’m like ok let’s go to this park. We go to the park and its dark. We sit on a bench and my arms around her. Build good comfort here. Was planning to try make out with her here but she throws me off by saying “did you just bring me here to make out with me?” Dodge question and keep building comfort and staying physical but don’t make out. We go climb some playground equipment and then she says she wants to walk back to the station. I feel like I have an ok radar in reading girls signs. However this chick seems to be actively blocking opportunities to escalate physically. I feel any other girl who comes with a guy to a park at night would be down to at least make out...
We walk back towards the station (which passes my house). As we pass my street I again ask if she wants to come back for the ecig. She again says no not this time. I say ok then and was planning to just walk home but she doesn’t know how to get back to the station. I say I’ll walk her back. Again on the walk she says she’s my Saturday girl and I rotate a girl each day (?comfort shit test) and I say that she shouldn’t think that she’s not special. As I get close to the station I’m like fuck I need to try and at least make out with this chick. I tell her to come to one side for a minute and say I didn’t want her to think I didn’t like her because I do. She said that was sweet. I also said I didn’t want the date to end formally and put my arms around her. She says oh ok, leans in, pecks me on the lips and gives me a hug (?what the fuck). We part ways and she texted me about 15 min later and we banter for a bit.
Question: Have I become the early boyfriend or is this just a conservative chick? I don’t fucking get it. I set frames where she views me as a high value guy. I’ve disqualified and I’m sure she finds me attractive. I text less than her with less investment (she sends me photos of stuff she’s doing and I just message though we only text about 1x/wk) and she initiates first more often. Yet she’s still not willing to come back to mine or makeout. The negatives have been I’m always the one setting up the date. Also dates tend to be expensive ($15-$35 each). Also fucked up by not going for the makeout at the right times today and making a big deal of trying to pass that comfort shit test at the end. My plan from here is not to initiate the next date. Happy to text etc. but she needs to put in work. Not really sure if this is a lost cause and I should just cut and move on. As always feedback much appreciated.