Openers  Bar / Club Openers

Chase

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Quick post here in response to Scofield's question about bar / club openers: What are some good club/bar openers?

Answer to, "Does it matter what you open with?": no, not really, not at all, so long as your fundamentals are tight (you look good, your voice sounds great, you come in smoothly, etc.). You can open girls by dangling things in their faces like they're kittens, by asking for some of their food, by making faces at them, by motioning them over to join you, by throwing something at them playfully... ANYTHING, if you do it with the right vibe to back it up.

However, when you're new and you're still getting your footing, or if you're feeling a little off and you're still getting warmed up for the night, you may find it easier to have some fall back openers you can rely on. Here's a handful.

Before you open, make sure you pre-open her... it ups your opening rates and the warmth of your receptions substantially.

Openers:

Direct

"I saw you standing here... and I just HAD to come tell you... you have the most AMAZING [sense of style / hair / grace about you / poise / etc.] I've seen all night. I'm [name]."

"Killer [sense of style / hair / poise / etc.] you got there. It's nice." [wait for reaction] "I'm [name], how do you do?"

[hip-check her, bumping the side of your hip into hers lightly but firmly] "I didn't come here to get harassed, you know."

Direct pros:

  • Polarizes - you'll get more blow outs, but more harder hooks, too - you get better responses from girls who stay
  • Screens - girls who don't like you don't respond well; girls who do, do
  • Gets to the point - no beating around the push; no her trying to figure out what you're there for, or you trying to figure out how to show her / tell her if you don't have your vibe down right

Direct cons:

  • Polarizes - you'll get more blow outs, but more harder hooks, too - you get worse responses from girls who go
  • Fewer women will stick around to talk to you - which makes this harder if you're new / just starting to build up experiences
  • The rejections feel more "personal" - she's not rejecting your conversation, she's rejecting YOU (at least, it seems that way - she's still only rejecting how you present yourself, however, and that can change)

More on direct:

Book Excerpts: The Direct Opener

Situational

"You are having way too much fun over here."

"How's your night going?"

[nudge her to get her attention, point to something funny / unusual in the environment, then look at her and make eye contact and shrug your eyebrows like, "I don't know!"]

[something said on the fly about the environment, like, "I read on Yelp this bartender is the slowest on the West Coat," or, "You know if you look into those flashy green strobe light things for too long, you'll leave with the DJ's named etched into your retinas"]

Anything indirect direct (part situational, part direct)

Situational pros:

  • Less polarizing - lower blow out rate, but positive reactions aren't as warm as with direct
  • More women stick around - better for preselection / social proof, and gets you more comfortable talking to girls if you're inexperienced
  • Can feel easier to do / less threatening than direct

Situational cons:

  • Less polarizing - lower blow out rate, but positive reactions aren't as warm as with direct
  • More women stick around - including women who are only interested in talking to you for fun or as a friend, and not interested in your as a romantic or sexual partner
  • Over-reliance can lead to complacency - favoring reactions (smiling, happy women) over results (turned on, highly interested women)

Thoughts

If you want a balanced approach:

1. Situationally open the first 3 to 5 women you talk to in a night while you warm up to make things easier on yourself.

2. Switch to a mix of situational and direct after that - direct gets better results with girls who hook, but harsher feeling blow outs with girls who don't; situational doesn't always hook that hard, but you can use it to rebuild momentum when this is lost, and talk to girls you can't find anything to genuinely open direct over or this feels unnatural with.

Practice making up your own openers, don't just stick with those you've learned. The more you experiment, the better you get.

Vibe: read "How to Use Indirect Game to Get Girls" and practice maintaining a vibe of "it's on" no matter whether you use direct or situational openers.

Direct: read "How to Compliment a Girl Like You've Know Her for Years" and learn how to cook up new compliments on the fly - then begin doing this, so you can go direct anytime, anywhere, and always have something to say.

Also see: "When to Use Direct Openers Versus Situational Openers"

Chase
 

PinotNoir

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Chase said:
[hip-check her, bumping the side of your hip into hers lightly but firmly] "I didn't come here to get harassed, you know."

I love this. I'm going to have to use this some time. "Club Game" isn't me, so I'll have to try this at a bar or maybe even while waiting in line at a coffee shop or something.

For some reason, I always gravitate to "cheesy" things, but I try to never make it too cheesy (like bad pickup lines) -- which can be a fine line to walk. I guess it's just my style...
 

RodeoRyan

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I've recently begun working on perfecting my direct openers. Here's one I've found to work fairly well: "Hi, I saw you from over there and I knew I'd beat myself up tomorrow if I didn't at least come talk to you (said slowly with a smile). I'm Ryan . . ."

In my opinion, this is a good opener because I realized that so many times I'd wake up the next day thinking to myself, "Ugh! Why did I psyche myself out yesterday and not go talk to that cute girl?" All the while I knew I was too scared to approach girls for 2 reasons: (1) I was too scared the truth would be too brutal, and too much for her to hear, too soon, and (2) I didn't have a clever line (you know, those "lines" that beat around the bush) to win her over right away.

Then I realized I could solve both fears in a simply crafted opening. This opening is very direct with her. I'm telling her the truth; I literally would kick myself if I didn't talk to her, at the very least, based on my previous "freeze-up" experiences. Also, it solves my second fear of not having anything to say.

The truth is, in my experience, girls don't care much what you have to say when you approach them. Fundamentals like pre-opening, body language, being sexy, etc. can be much more important than the actual words that come out of your mouth.

Once I realized this, I was able to finally boil down my direct openers to just simply executing fundamentals and telling her the truth about how I really feel at that moment in time; the first thing that comes from my mouth is probably going to be the first thing that pops into my head at that moment.
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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Bookmarked for the next time I go to the bar.

I do use "how's your night going?" quite a lot.

Will report back with results!
 
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