Articles by Chase Amante | Girls Chase

Articles by Chase Amante

How to Escape a Woman's "Gotcha" Questions

gotcha question
Ever have a girl hit you with a "gotcha" question, at the worst possible moment? You had just asked her out, or to come home with you, or got to bed. Then – GOTCHA!

Under my article on women not counting men they've slept with, SZ asked:

"How do we not get into the settle down relationship thing ? A girl might admit she's a slut, but she'll say something like, "you have to promise me you'll stay with me if we have sex, you have to tell me you won't leave me, will you leave me? Will you be my boyfriend? Etc.""

These are what we call "gotcha" questions. Women will hit you with them when you least expect it, and are worst prepared for it. They're tests... aimed at you at the most inconvenient of moments.

Example "gotcha" questions include:

  • You're about to sleep with her, but she stops you to ask you if you'll be her boyfriend

  • You ask her out, and she says "okay", then says "Wait, what will we do on this date?"

  • You give her a drink, and she asks "You're not trying to get me drunk, are you?"

  • You invite her home with you, and she asks "Are you trying to have sex with me?"

  • You move to kiss her and she stops you to say "This is as far as we go, right?"

I'm sure you've seen other similar questions too.

These questions may be conscious traps. Or the girl may just find her in a suddenly uncertain situation, and want a little clarity from you.

Regardless her reason for asking though, the effect on you can often amount to "Geez, what do I say here?"

Should You Ever Date a Girl with Baggage? The SMV Discussion

girl with baggage
Every girl has baggage. But should you date one with a lot of baggage... And how do you deal with baggage a girlfriend brings into your relationships?

Commenting on my article about starting a relationship with a new girlfriend, a reader named Arik writes:

Hi Chase,

I’ve been gaming for a while and defintively gotten amazing things from it in all areas of my life. I met a girl that I really like and would like to move foward with her. She has had a bad experience with getting cheated on and feels scared of going through that again.I met her through cold approach. She is scared of me doing this all the time. If she were to find out that I do and flirt with girls boldy like that daily, it will definitively hurt her bad. I dont want stuff like that in my conciense I already talked to her about my intentions with her and pretty much following your points. Nothing official yet but clearly the ‘we can see other people until then’ wont fly well. At the same time, I know that if I stop approaching and doing game, just like with he gym, my gains will be gone and that will drive her away. I’ve seen it so many times happen to others. I am not sure how to handle this, since this is the first girl I want to push things with from game. All this time I’ve been focused on getting good and refusing to settle with girls I met. You talked briefly on ideas of how to handle this, but If you could elaborate further, I would greatly appreciate it .

Thanks!

First, a few notes directly to Arik’s situation. If a girl is adamant that you don’t approach other women, and you assure her you won’t, you’ve made a choice. You could lie and do it anyway... whether you are comfortable with that or want to deal with the fallout from it is a personal decision. That said, you can still flirt with women in your day-to-day life, sans cold approach... that will maintain some degree of abundance (albeit not to the level that taking things farther along with women will).

That said, what we’ll focus on in this article is not the question of Arik’s comment but rather one that occurs to me based on the situation he details. It’s that of ‘women with baggage’ – for example, this girl who’s been cheated on... and fears a repeat. Should you date a girl with baggage... and how do you manage it if you do?

Tactics Tuesdays: Realigning a Girlfriend's Beliefs

realigning a girlfriend's beliefs
How do you change a girlfriend’s beliefs, and bring them inline with yours? By shifting her personal Overton window – to alter her ideological environment.

Commenting under a prior Tactics Tuesdays article on dismissing ideological fights you want no part of, Kaelos asked:

How about in a long-term relationship with a woman, where you share similar beliefs/views but there are some mild to moderate differences on topics like feminism, frugality vs spending, child-rearing practices, small differences in religious beliefs, etc.

Is there a strategy to implement so that her beliefs/views more closely match your own well-researched beliefs/views over the long term?

We’ve talked about behavior modification on Girls Chase plenty.

What about belief modification?

Well, yes. You can absolutely change someone’s beliefs... to an extent.

To do that, first, we’re going to focus on shifting a woman’s own personal Overton window.

For Getting Girls, What You 'Cost' a Woman Is Vital

what you cost to date
Once you’ve made yourself an attractive man women want, the battle is half won. The next step: finding ways to lower your cost, to make it easy for women who want you.

Most of what men focus on when they think about doing better with women is what they have to offer women. They think about how they can sell themselves to women; what women have to gain from them. Their value. Being impressive, taking women on fun dates, getting muscular, showing off their successes, having cool stories to tell – all these are ways to better display what you have to offer to a woman.

Much of what we focus on on the attraction side for men at Girls Chase focuses on bolstering what you have to offer, too. With better fundamentals you become a man women are more and more interested in. And with better game you make it easier and easier to showcase your attractive sides and find ways to get girls to go come with you.

Yet there’s another side of the equation to any value offering. It is not just how valuable something is, but also what its costs are.

That’s ‘costs’ plural, because there are always multiple costs to anything you acquire or add to your life. Costs like:

  • Time: how much time does it take to get this thing?

  • Money: do you need to spend money to get it? If so, how much?

  • Image: are there costs to your image if you acquire this thing?

  • Motivation: do you have to exert willpower or fight inertia to get this thing?

  • Opportunity: by choosing this option, do you give up something else?

... and more.

When it comes to dating and seduction, every woman you meet faces these and other costs when she considers you.

Tactics Tuesdays: Imagine Games

imagine game
Fun personality games you can use with women you talk to, ‘imagine games’ increase a girl’s immersion and connection – when you use them right.

There’s a class of game or gambit we can call ‘imagine games’. An imagine game is when you ask a girl to imagine something, like that she is wealthy or can travel anywhere she wants to. You then spin her answer into a cold read, which escalates the courtship forward and makes her feel like you know her very well (thus establishing some similarity).

Imagine games are similar to, but different from, other games I’ve talked about on Girls Chase before, like:

These sorts of games (imagine games, and the games above) have the added advantage of creating a bubble with a girl, where she zeroes in on you and becomes intensely focused on you, and the outside world drops away, immersing her.

(the downside of this much immersion, this fast, is that it’s difficult to sustain for long, and if you don’t bring her out of it on your own terms, the spell breaks. So, just make sure you bring her back up to the surface on your own so she feels you’re in control and it never gets awkward – you can always re-immerse her later on)

We’re going to take a quick look at ‘imagine games’ – how they work, wrong ways to use them, and right ways to use them – below.

Fixing Your Woman's Bad Behavior with Sex

fix bad behavior with sex
Want the most enjoyable way to fix a girlfriend’s bad behavior? Do it with sex! However, you must be careful to do this the RIGHT way…

I was too late with yesterday’s Recommended Reading list to make Tactics Tuesdays this week. But we’ll still cover a useful tactic for your relationships regardless.

Today’s tactic focuses on fixing a female partner’s behavioral problem through a mix of calling a problem out both before and during (good, but not great) sex.

This is an ‘intermediate’ level tactic and up. I don’t suggest it for beginners... you need to be fairly dominant already with women to pull it off, and you need fairly solid social calibration/timing. If you’re still building your confidence around women, save this tactic for once you’ve built up more.

You’ll also want to save this for your more girlfriend-level relationships. Using it with friends with benefits is too much; while it’s a great technique for behavior-shaping, it also communicates to the girl that you are really looking out for her, and this is a bit too much for casual relationships.

The gist of the technique is you will tell a girl to knock off a bad behavior... then begin sex with her... then, when the sex is good (but not before then), you’ll tell her in a dominant-yet-protective way that you want her to cut off the behavior and how it is for her own good.

Before we get to the technique though, we need to talk about one aspect of it.

Recommended Reading 2018: Lubbock's List and More

recommended reading
A collection of books across many genres Chase recommends. History, business, biography, psychology, spirituality, self-defense… there’s much to read.

I wrote a post in 2012 about books I’d read and would recommend to readers. It’s been six years since then, and I’ve had numerous folks over the years ask me for an updated list. This is that updated list.

I won’t include books already on my 2012 list, but I still recommend them all. The books on that list by Jared Diamond have come under academic scrutiny more recently, and have not necessarily stood the test of time. Still, even those books were fun reads... and everything else on my 2012 list I’d continue to heartily recommend. You can see that list here.

Full disclosure: there are Amazon affiliate links for these books in this post. I almost left them out, since Amazon affiliate pays such trinkets, but if we’re going to send them traffic I guess if you buy through those links some of it might as well come back here rather than all stay with Amazon. Note however that many of these books are available free online (especially the ones written prior 1950, most of which are no longer covered under copyright), so if you want to pick them up that way, you can likely find them with a quick search engine query.

Tactics Tuesdays: 5 Mid-Pull Tips for Multiple Girls with a Wing

pull girls with a wingman
You and your wingman want to pull a couple of girls back home. Use these 5 tips to make sure the pull goes smooth and the girls come along.

Today’s Tactics Tuesdays is an assortment of five (5) little tactics to mind when you pull a couple girls with a wingman. These hold true whether it’s you and a buddy and you’ve pulled two girls together, or you and a buddy pull three girls, or you and three buddies pull two or three girls, or you and a buddy or buddies pull a group of guys and girls... all these tips hold regardless.

Before we begin, you may want to check Daniel’s article out, which is about inviting multiple girls home to after-parties. Though not required reading, this is generally the easiest way to invite multiple girls home at night (whom you meet in bars and clubs, or via nighttime street game) – just invite them to an after-party.

We won’t talk about the specifics of how to invite girls home in this article. You can learn more about those subjects in these articles:

This article focuses on the transition itself, mid-pull. You’ve gotten a few girls to agree to go somewhere private with you and a friend or two... now how do you keep things smooth and make sure your gals don’t decide to ditch?

Is a Woman Ever Really "Done with Hookups"?

done with hookups
Women tell you they’re “done with hookups” all the time. But when they say it, do they really mean it?

A few years back, I rode down the elevator from a business conference around 8 o’clock at night. There was a woman in the elevator car with me as I rode down, and I struck up a conversation with her. She was 39; six years my senior at the time. She was married with children, but thin and shapely, and looked good for her age.

In the lobby, she revealed she was leaving the conference. I was on my way out too, and I noticed her linger a bit after she told me. She seemed like she was waiting to see what I’d say. So I told her “Me too. I’ll walk with you,” and we left together.

She was hungry; she hadn’t eaten dinner. We headed to a diner nearby. There, she ordered food and a drink. I didn’t want to eat and only ordered a drink. And she told me about her life. The vibe grew ever more intimate, and ever more charged. We got the bill; she paid for everything. Then, as we got up to leave, she said she thought she would just head back to her nearby hotel and rest. She gestured in the direction of her hotel and told me it was this way.

So, I called it off. I bid her goodnight, and walked a different way. I’d gone along with her because I don’t spend time with women in their late 30s, or women who are married with children, and I was curious how far things would progress. I never had any intention to sleep with her though. Just to have a nice conversation.

As things progressed, and the vibe got sexier, I did get a bit tempted... everything just flowed so well. I try not to break my “no girls over 30” rule, though I thought about it here since the girl looked fine and everything flowed so smooth (I’ll set the rule aside for genuinely beautiful post-30s women who don’t look like they’re post-30s... or for attractive-enough women in their 30s who make it sufficiently easy and enticing). However, I also have a rule about not hooking up with married women I know are married, especially if I know they have children, and that is one I don’t break. So I let her go... yet it stood out to me, for one reason:

I thought women her age were supposed to be ‘done with hooking up’ and too mature for all this hookup stuff, I thought.

When Girls Think You're a Player (Then Shut You Down)

girl thinks you're a player
If a girl thinks you’re a player, it can be a pretty uphill battle with her after that. Here’s why she thinks you’re a player – plus how to remove the ‘tells’.

I counseled a friend recently who's struggled with women for sometime. He's a bit of a 'hard case' - a guy who's been in the game a long time, is friends with many very skilled seducers, and is highly skilled at the early part of approaching and meeting women, and even good at getting girls back to his place... but he has lots and lots of trouble sealing the deal with women. After the first kiss at his place, they invariably leave.

Guys like this can be tough to work with, because things that work for almost everyone else stubbornly don't for them. And you run into the issue of the guy not knowing exactly what's wrong himself, and it being hard to diagnose if you don't spend a lot of time with him in-person.

However, one clue recently was his report on a date that didn't pan out. Early on into the date, the girl closed off a bit and made remarks such as "How fast do you usually have sex with the women you have sex with?" and "I'm someone who doesn't just hop in bed right away." This, mind you, was not when he was trying to take her home, or touching her, or hitting on her - this was early into the date, when they'd just arrived at the date location and just began to talk.

This friend gets comments like from other women too; sometimes on dates, sometimes back at his place.

And while it is common to get girls telling you things like "This is too fast for me" or "Do you always move this fast with girls?" once you're back at your place with them, peeling their clothes off, the farther removed you get from that while still receiving these comments, the more of a problem you know you have.

In this case, the problem is the 'player vibe problem'. The problem is she feels like you are a heartless player, and she is only the latest slab of meat to cross your path.

Obviously, for successful seduction purposes, this is one perception you'd like to dispel.