Back when I first got into learning to get better with girls, one of the things I recall really struggling with was communicating to women I was interested in them.
As I watch most newer guys, they seem to consistently have as much difficulty with this concept as I used to. There’s one of two ways it usually goes with guys who struggle with this:
Here’s a short, powerful tip for getting girls feeling both attracted and special around you in a hurry: tell them you’re picky. Tell them you’re very picky – but you like them. And then have some valid reasons for why (them being beautiful does not count – there are a lot of beautiful women in the world!).
I picked this up originally from women I dated; it seems like every girl I date tells me she’s picky at some point or another. I’m not sure if that’s because I actually date mostly picky women, or if they just like to tell me that because they can tell I myself am picky. Regardless, it’s something I started telling women too: that I am picky.
Every time I hear of other men’s efforts to get intimate with women they’ve brought home, they seem to have these elaborate places filled with all forms of entertainment and ways of engaging women and things to occupy them and give them something to do.
Guys bring girls home and get them playing Nintendo Wii together. Or they play some game like Jenga (I remember when this was a big craze on the West Coast a year back or so – any guy who wanted to be successful with women had to get a Jenga!). And then, presumably after beating their date at a few rounds of Wii Sports, they make their move and go to get intimate.
To me, this has always seemed like a lot of work. Early on, I had travel souvenirs that I would show to girls; but even then, I’d dive right into getting physical with them as quickly as possible. I noticed soon into my seduction career that the longer I took to get physical with women, the more awkward tension there was with them and the less sexual tension there was with them. The more time taken, the more awkwardness generated.
Had a discussion with a friend of mine the other day where he asked me if I ever got the scenario of walking up to a girl, engaging her, and having her blankly stare at me and not respond. He asked because he wondered what it meant – in other words, what he might be doing wrong.
And it touched on something I’d been thinking about recently: on how perceptions of “rejection” change as your understanding of women evolves.
Five years ago, I took any form of non-engagement by a girl I’d started speaking to as a deep, personal rejection. It was as though she had assessed my person and found me unworthy. I felt hurt and insulted.
Nowadays, I recognize that reaction I used to have for what it was: a combination of a lack of understanding of women, and a lack of any kind of abundance mentality. Because the world is not so simple as I assumed it was back then.
This is one of those things that, when I figured it out, kinda made me slap my forehead and go, “Duh.” But even still, it took me five years to figure it out. And I’m going to give it to you in one post.
You’re welcome ;)
I figured it out gradually as I realized a number of things:
For use with girls who like you a good deal.
So, anyone who’s been following my writing recently knows I’ve been talking a lot about chase frames lately. Along with speed, persistence, and understatement, chase frames are one of the things I’m quite big on these days.
In fleshing out the right description of how chase frames work though, there was one detail I neglected to mention in that first post on them linked to above; namely, that to get a girl to chase, you usually need to give her a little bit first.
Think about it like this. You walk into a bar and go sit down and order your drink. A pretty girl walks in and sits down two seats away from you. How do you get her to start investing in you and pursuing you?
Getting investment from women is a crucial element of your success with them. Men who fail to get investment fail to move things forward with the women in their lives – it’s as simple as that. Investment is vital.
So what happens when you ask for compliance and get a “no”? What happens when you say, “Come with me,” and she just shakes her head and stays put?
A common response from a lot of guys is they back down; they retreat from their compliance requests or compliance demands, and forget about it. The following scenario is typical in a number of guys’ interactions:
Physical escalation is a subject that’s a bit under-discussed in the world of seduction. This is probably for a combination of reasons – most of the men who are studying seduction aren’t running into scenarios all that often where they’re escalating physically, and most of the men who are decent enough at it don’t hear enough questions or concerns about this topic to bother sharing some of their secrets.
Ever go for a girl’s number, and have it just feel really awkward and contrived? Any idea why that was?
Imagine you’ve met a girl you liked a lot, and the two of you talked for ten minutes. Things went really well for the first seven or eight minutes, but they started to die down at the end. Finally, she says, “Well, I have to go find my friends.” (often, incidentally, a consequence of not moving fast enough with her)
Want a really cool, sneaky way of getting girls to wonder about you and find you more intriguing? You can use something I call a question suggestion.
A question suggestion is, in a nutshell, a way of quite deftly placing a burning question about you into a woman’s mind and making her curious about you, without much more than a subtle drop of a hint of question into your normal conversation with her.
