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Tactics Tuesdays: How to Be a Warm Person

how to be a warm personCommenting on the post on building social status, a reader asks the following about how to be a warm person:

Hi Chase, great site, great article. Could you discuss more about warmth? You discuss it quite often, but you could dive into this topic more in-depth? It's a powerful tool to use in all aspects of life, so your breakdown of this would be much appreciated!

Thanks

Happy to oblige, Anonymous.

Back in 2001, a young female customer walked back into the tire store where I worked as a technician and salesman to complete a transaction she'd begun the day before with me. I wasn't there, so another salesman helped her. "That guy who helped me yesterday was nice," she told him, referring to me, "but I felt like he had bad intentions."

When this salesman told me she'd said this, I was surprised; I knew I'd adopted an edge over the past few years - it had been designed specifically to make sure no one would want to fight me, since I was always alone and frequently in dangerous situations. But I didn't think it was actually scaring off women.

I went to work trying to change it, but even a year later, friends on my college dorm room floor told me, "The girls on the 7th floor said, 'That kid with the red hair is scary.'"

When I heard this, the first thing I thought was, "All right. I've adjusted my face for men - to be intimidating and frightening - long enough. It's time I adapt myself for women instead."

Within a few years, I was regularly hearing things like the following:

"I only just met Chase, but I felt like we'd been friends for ages."

"It's so great hanging out with you; I feel like I can tell you anything."

"Spending time talking to you makes me feel like I can breathe."

How I figured out how to be a warm person and how I made the switch to that from "scary and intimidating" is what I'll detail in this post.

How to Get What You Want (with Women and Life)

how to get what you wantEver find yourself wondering how to get what you want?

When was the last time you did something that was clearly not in your best interest?

Don’t worry, we all do it sometimes… In fact, most people do it A LOT:

  • We go on a diet, and then order a pizza the next day.
  • We sign up for a gym, pay the membership for a full year and then stop going after a month.
  • We set a financial goal, and then never seem to get around to starting that business.

Do any of these sound at all familiar?

Why does this happen?

I mean, it’s not like it’s hard to figure out HOW to do these things… as Tony Robbins says, “We know what to do.”

Yet for some reason, we always feel caught and smile the smile of recognition when Robbins adds: “…but we don’t do what we know!”

What would it do for you, if you could take control of your own behavior and DO what you know will ultimately improve your life? If you suddenly found yourself with the power to get what you want? How much better would your love life be… how much more money could you earn… and how much better would you look in the mirror?

The 9 Secrets to Being a Sexual Man

sexual manWhen you first meet a woman and you both don’t know each other that well yet, you may be wondering… what kind of girl is she? Does she want a casual relationship, or is she looking for something serious? Is she open minded about having sex the first night, or does she have moral judgments about that sort of thing?

The good news is – she doesn’t know any of these things about you either. So it is up to you to present yourself in the light that you want to be seen in… to set your very own relationship expectations... and to put the relationship in the context of your choice.

For example, I once had a friend who was looking for a wife. He met a girl on the internet, and when I saw the two of them together, she seemed to be exactly what one might want in a wife: conservative, loyal, “hard-to-get” and trustworthy.

The question is, however: did she just present herself that way because my friend had subcommunicated his expectations?

What if I had been the one to meet her on that dating site instead of him… and what if I had told her that I enjoy my single life?

What if I had implied that I was a sexual man - that I think casual sex is fun, healthy and perfectly okay?

You can bet MONEY that she would have presented herself in a very different light indeed… and that an entirely different relationship would have resulted from the first date.

So the question is… what kind of relationship do YOU want?

I’m guessing that you want sex to be a part of the relationship… and if that’s the case, read on. There are only nine things you can subtly clarify on a date, and if you do it right, she will likely be fine with a casual liaison.

In fact, even if you’re looking for a girlfriend or something more serious, it’s still a good idea to start that relationship very passionately.

Later, when you look back on the weeks when you first met, you want to be able to say that you were so crazy about each other that you couldn’t resist… and that your love story started off with a bang!

Also, once you’ve had sex with a girl, the questions of WHETHER and WHEN to sleep together is finally off the agenda, and you can just be normal around each other. Now you can get to know her without this question looming over your heads.

The 3 Things to Know If You Want to Be Charismatic

be charismaticSome guys seem to be born lucky... They have a natural charisma about them that just magically DRAWS people in. Women are attracted to them, men follow their lead, and everybody likes to be around them. They just KNOW how to be charismatic, and no one ever had to teach it to them.

For centuries, people have been wondering what exactly this magical aura is, and what causes somebody to have it.

In fact, the French call it the “je-ne-sais-quoi” – in English: the “I don’t know what.”

You will even hear women say these exact words when they talk about a man they find irresistibly attractive. “I just don’t know what it IS about him!” – Because often this man isn’t particularly PHYSICALLY attractive.

And while women don’t know why they like him, they also can’t stop calling him, or dropping whatever it is they’re doing to meet up with him… or sleeping with him, for that matter.

Many people simply admit defeat around this kind of man… they think he got lucky, he “has it”, and that “you have to be born with it”.

But is that really logical? If you did the exact same things as this man – if you behaved in the same way, had the same body language, and said the same words – if you KNEW how to be charismatic – wouldn’t you have the same effect on people?

No brainer… of COURSE you would.

A world-famous chef might be able to prepare a better “Crème Brûlée” than you can – and he may have a lot of talent in this area that you don’t have.

But guess what. If you can take the exact same ingredients and combine them in the exact same way, you WILL get the exact same dish.

No two ways about it.

Book Excerpts: Good Posture (for Attracting Women)

Book Excerpt: Good Posture (for Attracting Women) | Girls Chase

good postureGood posture is one of those things it's easy to overlook -- how often do you examine your posture, for instance? But it has a tremendous impact on how others view you -- so much that you might be amazed, in fact.

Our excerpt today is on how to recognize and use good posture, from my eBook How to Make Girls Chase: Every Tactic and Technique You Need to Get the Girl(s) of Your Dreams. Posture's a fundamental -- it's something that many men forget to work on when improving themselves with women, but it has large and continuous impacts on your development and success rates with the opposite sex.

If you haven't given much thought to posture before, I'll start you off with an example that'll snap you right into seeing how important having good posture really is...

How to Be a Dominant Man: What You Didn't Know About the 'Winner Effect'

how to be a dominant manDominance is a touchy topic. It's positively loaded with cultural baggage - in the West, we're averse to both the idea of being dominant over others and of others being dominant over us. It has all kinds of ill-favored connotations that most would rather just avoid. I'm throwing all of that out today though and talking to you about how to be a dominant man, political correctness and sensitivity aside - and I'm going to teach you a lot of things you didn't know about dominance before today.

In the post on how to be an alpha male (without becoming a stereotype), we broke down the difference between what's generally thought of as "alpha" and what alpha actually is, and about the character of the nomad -- the man who's neither alpha, nor beta, nor any other role in a social hierarchy, but instead operates outside it entirely.

I've long noticed a failure to differentiate among "being alpha" and "being dominant" in those who discuss social dynamics. They're treated as one and the same -- if you're being alpha, you're dominant, and if you're being dominant, you're alpha.

But they aren't the same. Being alpha's about heading up your group.

Meanwhile, being dominant... that's about something else altogether. What that is -- that and the winner effect -- is what this article is all about.

How to Be a Powerful Man: The Secret You Didn't Know

how to be a powerful manI sat there staring for a moment at the woman who'd walked outside to tell me to clear out, thinking about how to be a powerful man in a situation like this. I was sitting at an empty table -- one of about thirty of them -- in a largely empty seating area in the middle of a square surrounded by a bunch of restaurants.

"You can't sit here, sorry," she told me. I'd gotten my food at one of the restaurants ringing the square. She apparently was from another one. "This seating is only for our customers."

I looked slowly out over the tables. Then I looked back to her. "All of this?" I said, gesturing to the entire square of empty tables.

"Yes," she said. "That's all ours."

I briefly considered. On the one hand, it was incredibly unnecessary for her to come and ask me to get up and leave. It's not like there was a mad grab for tables; they were almost all empty. And it wasn't like me sitting at the table was going to wear the chair out or anything. I supposed there was the risk that I'd leave some crumbs or garbage or something and she'd have to clean up after a non-customer.

But on the other hand, it was her restaurant's private property. They paid for it, they owned the rights to it, and they had final say on who gets to use it, when, and why. That's how it works in cities, where there's basically no public property. Fighting back means fighting the system; police or security get called, and then it's a big mess.

"Okay," I said. "Which restaurant are you?" I asked her. "That one?" I said, pointing to a classy Japanese place.

"No," she said, "that one." She pointed toward a tiny little deli. I had a hard time imagining a deli was going to fill up all these seats with paying customers and that owning the rights to use this big outdoor square (and spending the time to police it all) was worth it.

"Okay," I said, after another moment. "I'll head elsewhere." I slowly started packing up my food.

"Sorry," she said quietly, and walked off, leaving me to pack up and leave. I noticed there'd been some people who'd stopped to watch the interaction. As I slowly packed my things and left, they turned and went their ways.

After I left, I realized I should've just ordered a bottled water for $1 or whatever it was from the deli. I'll do that next time. But regardless, it got me thinking about looking powerful even when you're not getting your way, which can end up being something that makes or breaks your interactions with women, more often than you might care to think.

How to Be a Man Women Chase and Pursue

how to be a manAs a boy, I decided I wanted to learn how to be a man who inspired others to gather around him. I wanted to become a magnet for people. I don't know why I wanted this; it's just something I've always had, something deep in my DNA. I have family members who are actors, singers, and entrepreneurs; at least one of my ancestors was a privateer (or, more commonly, a pirate), a few hundred years back.

Even as recently as my great-grandfather, I'm told that my grandmother was first introduced to her future father-in-law when my grandfather brought her to his father's estate in Europe, led her up a large grand staircase, and cast open the doors to his bedroom, revealing an old man reposed in his bed with two young women, one on either arm. I come from a long line of different, eccentric individuals who have had little taste for playing by the rules.

Yet, I still faced an uphill climb as I developed. It might seem that being a man is passé in today's world of tender, sensitive males and assertive, upwardly mobile females. TV and the movies lionize the shy, unconfident man; powerful men routinely get painted the villains, or used as unintelligent plot devices eventually triumphed over by strong women and underdog men. Society tells you it's men's feelings that are most important, and achievement is of secondary importance; so long as you're happy, that's all that really matters.

Because of all this, we now celebrate the ordinary, and frown upon the exceptional. It's as though the exceptional threaten ordinary individuals' contentedness in their own ordinariness, and so must be discouraged from pursuing the exceptionalism that would seem so disruptive to those around them.

Well, if you want to know how to be a man women chase and pursue, you're going to have to accept that you're going to get a lot of push back from people, and you're going to have to confront the beliefs you've been instilled with since a child. You'll have to pull the wool from your eyes, so to speak.

But as you do, you'll find the world comes to look a more and more beautiful place, the more you see it for what it really is. Today, I want to help you pull that wool down and see the world a bit more for what it is, and arm you with a few steps to start taking right now to set yourself on the road to becoming the kind of man you've always dreamed you could be.

And in order to accomplish all this, I'm going to give you a set of maxims to grow by.

Book Excerpts: Get a Sexy Voice

Book Excerpt: Get a Sexy Voice

get a sexy voiceI'm launching a new blog series today that'll roll every Friday of each week, featuring selected excerpts from my acclaimed manual on meeting, dating, and succeeding with women. If you've already got a copy of the book, these should serve as nice weekly refereshers! And if you haven't gotten yours yet, here's a small sample of what you're missing...

Today's excerpt is on how to get a sexy male voice, from my eBook How to Make Girls Chase: Every Tactic and Technique You Need to Get the Girl(s) of Your Dreams. Voice is one of those topics that's tragically under discussed; it's a huge fundamental, and (if Mehrabian's numbers are right) it comprises a whopping 38% of what you communicate to other people -- and women. Not your words, mind you -- your voice itself.

This is an area you should definitely pay a little attention to...

Your voice is one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal. It can be used to attract, to seduce, to build intrigue and capture a woman’s interest.

If you listen to women talk, you’ll notice first off that some women have appealing voices; you’ll also notice that other women have unappealing voices. Some women have voices that make you think, “Wow, she’s cute, but she must be a nerd.” And other women have very sexy voices.

It’s the same with men. There’s a great deal of variation in voices; in fact, every man’s voice is in fact surprisingly flexible in how it can change and evolve. Your voice is most likely the result of the way people around you spoke as you were growing up. If you were raised in Northern England, vs. Southern California, vs. Australia, vs. South Africa, you will have a different accent, for instance. And within each of those accents, there are even different voices.

Before we get into the deeper stuff though, first let’s cover some of the vocal basics:

How to Be an Alpha Male -- Without Becoming a Stereotype

how to be an alpha maleIf there's one pet peeve I have right now, it's the current way being an "alpha male" is talked about in most pick up and dating circles. I've gotten to the point personally where I cringe every time I hear some guy talking about "being alpha."

But I don't want to go on an anti-alpha tirade here, because at it's core, the alpha male ideology is very correct; it's just that the term itself has become so laden with cultural baggage that "the alpha male" has just about become a stereotype -- a clownish, cartoon caricature of what an alpha male used to be.

Every time I hear the term "alpha" these days, I imagine some bald, shirtless, gargantuan, vein-popping 'roid-head screaming, "Alpha... ALPHA!!!" at the top of his lungs, and a crowd of skinny nerdy guys standing around him, pointing at him in awe, and whispering to each other, "That's alpha. That's how you get the ladies."

This post is my effort to wrestle back the term "alpha male" from the shadow of itself it's become, and redefine once and for all what the term really means -- and exactly how to be an alpha male... without turning yourself into a cartoon character.