How to Pick Up a Girl for Sex: 9 Steps (Quick Sex Guide)

You want to get laid with girls in real life. Awesome.

You’re sick of dating apps, after all.

Social circle’s a drag, too (not to mention limiting).

But how do you actually pick a girl up for sex?

There’s loads of bad advice out there from men who have absolutely no idea what they’re talking about.

Let’s fix that for you.

I will assure that if you follow this guide:

• You won’t have to spend money (total cost can be $0)

• You won’t need to be “corrupting any morals” (lol)

• And you certainly will not be going to prison (WTF!)

Instead, I’m going to give you a process to follow – simple, basic, and to-the-point – that hands you everything you need to know about how to pick up a girl for sex.

That way, you can succeed at picking women up again and again.

Ready?

 

Who Am I?

My name’s Chase Amante.

I’ve picked up scores of girls off the street, in bars, on beaches, at parties, waiting for trains, and just about everywhere you can imagine, on three different continents (North America, Europe, & Asia).

I’ve had plenty of drawn-out seductions; however I’ve also learned to move pickups along as fast as possible. I’ve picked up (hot) girls for sex within minutes of meeting, largely because once you get the process down, being able to recognize a girl who’s open to a pickup, then making the right moves in swift sequence, comes to feel second nature.

I’ve been teaching men to pick up girls for decades. If you’re from a dating app background, no, picking up girls is not dead; for guys with game it works better than ever. (One of the guys in our community picked up 80 girls for sex in 12 months via approaches made in-person, just a year back. Even the app guys don’t pull those kinds of numbers!)

Thanks to the amazing support of our customers and community, I’ve had the chance to hone my ability to teach this art to a razor’s edge. Follow this guide and I’ll teach you how to pick up a girl for sex in the most straightforward way imaginable.

By the end of this guide, you’ll know what to do to pick her up, without the fluff.

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Note: if you’re completely new to pickup, you may want to read my beginner guide to picking up girls here.

 

Step #1: Scout for Good Venues

The first rule of pickup is not all venues are created equal.

You know those big, giant mega-clubs with huge lines outside that take an hour to make it into, with cover charges that cost half your paycheck?

You know how when you ask people, “Where’s the best place in town to hook up?” people say there?

But you know how when you actually go there and talk to girls, you get rejected left and right, and the only guys you actually see leaving with girls are the ones who came with them?

That’s because mega-clubs are terrible places to pick up girls at. Despite what everyone will tell you to the contrary! Believe your eyes and experiences, rather than what people claim!

What makes for a ‘good’ venue to pick up women for sex at depends somewhat on your angle:

• Are you better at talking? You’ll do better somewhere chill where you can talk.

• Are you better at dancing/being physical? You’ll do better somewhere more physical.

There are both daytime and nighttime places good for picking up girls for sex. However, generally, nightlife offers more options. Women simply don’t go out ‘on the prowl’ as much by day.

(You can indeed find women ‘on the prowl’ during the day – horniness isn’t limited to between sundown and sunup, after all. But it’s often harder to spot for novices, and even harder to act on; when you catch that girl eying you like a piece of meat on the street in broad daylight, if you’re like most guys you’ll start second-guessing yourself: “She couldn’t really be that down… right? I mean, it’s 2 PM!” Turns out she was…)

I’ll break our top ‘hunting grounds’ down into three kinds of spots:

• Tourist hotspots

• Physical nightlife

• Conversational nightlife

Let’s have a quick look at each.

 

Tourist Hotspots

Tourist hotspots are your best bet for picking up girls for sex during the daytime.

They are really quite good.

When I say ‘tourist hotspots’, I don’t mean family-friendly resort areas.

We’re not talking Disneyland here.

Instead, I mean spots like:

• Popular beaches

• Monuments & memorials

• Famous shopping streets

• Side streets off those famous shopping streets

• Other major tourist attractions

The best ones are usually free or cheap: beaches, shopping streets, attractions you can visit without needing to buy a ticket or wait in line.

Look for tourist spots with an abundance of lone women and women in pairs. These are the spots you can visit again and again.

If you’re not sure how to start the conversation, a casual, “First time here?” followed by, “Where’re you from?” are really all you need.

 

Physical Nightlife

Physical nightlife consists of dancing, grinding, touching, making out, and, if all goes well, pulling. You can do this at house parties and some bars and nightclubs. This approach works best for guys who are more physical than verbal.

You’ll either need to be prepared to build a connection once you get her somewhere you can actually talk, or to make things happen with her fast enough that you can pick her up for sex and seal the deal before the buzz of touching you in the dark wears off (bathroom sex comes in handy here).

What you’re looking for:

• Venues that are LOUD… too loud to actually talk

• Venues with active dance floors that are more like mosh pits

• Venues where the women are obviously ‘looking around’

The last bit is important. If it’s a venue where the girls all stay closed off and don’t pay attention to strangers, it’s probably not good for hooking up.

However, if you notice women scanning around frequently, giving off the sense they’re ‘looking for something’, well, they are probably looking for men.

Go up, hunt for approach invitations, and if you get one, initiate contact.

I list out some openers for the dance floor in this post on our forum.

 

Conversational Nightlife

Our third good option for picking up women for sex is conversational nightlife.

What’s that? It’s any nighttime venue that lets you actually talk to women and run game.

You need the ability to connect well with women to make this work. That means you will need some game. If you lack verbal game, you’ll have to develop it.

What you’re looking for, venues-wise:

• Not so loud as to preclude conversation

• In-venue spots to go talk (couches, lounges, catwalks, nooks, etc.)

• Not ‘table heavy’ (i.e., not a place where everyone just sits at tables all night)

In other words, you don’t want to be herded into a cattle car mosh pit, and you also don’t want to be stuck at a table where you can’t talk to strangers. You must be able to circulate around and seamlessly interact with other people (i.e., new women).

 

Is It Good for Meeting Girls?

The most important thing you’ll be looking for at any of these venues is your prospects.

That is:

• Are there enough women there?

• Are the women there attractive?

• Are the women there receptive?

Look for approach invitations, but don’t rely on them.

Open women and talk to them, then see how it goes.

Don’t be fooled just because a place has many hot women, or just a handful. Some of the hardest places to pick up girls for sex are big, flashy nightclubs with tons of hot women. Girls go there to ‘see and be seen’; they get hit on all night and have very high shields.

Meanwhile, a small, quiet bar with only a handful of hot girls may be much easier to pull from. You might be the only guy to talk to her all night!

This is why you need to talk to girls and get a feel for your reception in a place. Smaller venues can be better than huge ones. Discovering your consistent spots is crucial; that only comes through exploration!

 

Step #2: Dress, Pose, & Vibe for Success

If you want to pick up girls much, much easier, you need to dress and look the part.

You do not want to go out dressed like Joe Average, slumped shouldered like Joe Average, with Joe Average’s vibe.

You want to go out looking like the guy a woman fantasizes picking her up!

That means, for starters, being well-dressed.

Women view well-dressed men as higher status. They comply more with them (i.e., do what those men ask & invite them to do) as a result. As one meta-study puts it, “the more formal or high status the clothing, the greater the compliance rate obtained.”

Compliance is one of the things we’ll discuss later. It’s important. You can’t pick a woman up without it.

Hairstyle and facial hair make a BIG impact on how you look (cool & sexy vs. boring & lame – for instance!). These are items to take care of in advance. Get a cool, modern, sexy haircut and some sexy stubble, and you’ll look like a new (and far more enticing) man.

Another way to come across as dominant and higher status is to stand tall. Straightened shoulders raise a man’s attractiveness 16%; keeping his head held up raises his attractiveness a further 12%. (study) All just from standing up taller! Women “seeking mates” are also more likely to go for men with expansive (i.e., taking up space) posture. (study)

And open body language (arms open and uncrossed, legs uncrossed, nothing blocking your torso) prompts others to move toward you and align themselves with you (study).

So, stand tall, hold your head up, take up space, and keep your body language open.

Once you’re out, smiling and good eye contact are also mission critical.

And what about vibe? Well, you want to be sexy.

READ MORE: Sexiness: What It Is & How to Have It

If you’re not sure how to do that, role models help. Check out my Charisma Breakdown series, or browse my comparison of old Hollywood sex symbols versus modern ones.

Summing up, before you even go out to pick up girls:

• Dress well (trendy + high status clothing for max compliance)

• Get a cool, trendy, sexy haircut + grow some sexy facial hair (see here & here)

• Stand tall, with an erect back, straight shoulders, head up, & take up space

• Smile and make (and hold) eye contact with her

• Be sexy

Review my full set of attractiveness fundamentals if you really want to buff your image up.

It makes a heckuva big difference.

 

Step #3: Start Opening Girls

Okay!

You look, sound, and feel good, and you’ve found a few good places to go. What’s next?

Next comes “the scary part”: you’ve got to talk to girls.

I know. Terrifying, right?

The good news: it’s only scary when you’re not talking to girls.

As soon as you’re actually, you know, talking to them, the fear goes away.

Scientists find this phenomenon (known in pickup circles as ‘approach anxiety’; check that link for my and others’ many resources on combating it) is both “common” and “can be treated” (link).

Men in general are “hesitant to approach a female in the absence of substantial eye contact and nonverbal indications of interest” (link). What can we do to remedy that?

Two things:

1. We can look for approach invitations.

2. We can learn to open whether an approach invitation is present or not.

 

Looking for Approach Invitations

Approach invitations are common. Scientists have found that women who want to meet someone exhibit way more approach invitations (or solicitations) than women who don’t – on the order of two signals a minute (study).

However, many men are bad at recognizing such signals.

January 15, 2025

If that’s you, and you “never see women signaling you”, read this.

Otherwise, if you are not ‘signal blind’, here are some of the big ones to look for:

Women who…

• Glance at you repeatedly (3+ times)

• Toss their hair back (esp. after glancing)

• Arch their backs around you (breast & buttocks display)

• Continually ‘appear’ nearby you

• Preen around you

• Smile at you when you hold eye contact

• Hum, sigh, or talk loud next to you

The more of these you see, the more likely she wants to meet someone – or you.

You can also elicit approach invitations.

 

Approaching Without Approach Invitations

You don’t need invitations to approach; the best pickup artists do fine without them.

However, it pays to look for signs a woman is more likely to be receptive.

Signs she is UNLIKELY to be receptive:

• She’s deep in conversation

• Her body language is closed

• She’s walking very fast

• She looks away after eye contact and doesn’t look back

• She speeds up or turns away when you look at her

• She frowns/grimaces when you look at her

Signs she’s more likely to be receptive:

• She’s unengaged/chilling

• She’s ambling slowly

• She’s stationary/relaxed

• Her body language is open

• She maintains eye contact when you look at her

• She smiles when you smile at her

• She slows or shifts toward you when you look at her

Watch for these and minimize rejections (always a plus for not burning out) while maximizing the odds you approach girls who’re open to it.

 

The Opening + Initial Conversation

You can open with anything. Literally!

I’ve opened by asking women if they thought a popular media figure was hot or by dangling my (low-end) car keys. Stupid stuff. Yet it works! Don’t put much thought into it.

The opener is just to get you talking to her. The talking is what actually matters.

If you want specific openers to use, check out the Openers section of Girls Chase. We have tons.

Just don’t forget: the best opener is whatever you’re comfortable with.

 

Talking After the Opener

After you open, you need to riff a bit.

A good rule of thumb: be prepared to carry the first two (2) minutes of conversation.

Many women won’t be in ‘social mode’ when you approach and will need to ease into it.

You want to chat, find out a little bit about her, flirt, and see if she will flirt back.

Flirting is what tells a woman she is in a romantic (not a platonic) conversation. What is flirtation? Erving Goffman (in Encounters) breaks it down to include:

• Playfulness and games

• Spontaneity

• Creating then easing tension

• Silly gaffes that raise the tension

• Integrating “potentially disrupting incidents” into the fun

• “Flooding out” when tension gets too high (i.e., she starts laughing, etc.)

This is all very different from how you’d talk to your boss or professor. It is play. And play is how you signal to women you’re here for something other than polite chitchat.

In particular, look for vibe and compatibility.

It is not your job to enchant every woman you meet.

It is your job to figure out which women are enchantable and looking for what you’re looking for. Otherwise, keep it moving.

Unsure how to flirt? Check out my article on it.

Struggling with conversation after the opener? See this article.

 

Step #4: (Optional) Build Preselection

Women engage in a strategy called ‘mate-choice copying’ (also called preselection).

That is to say, girls want the guys other girls want.

If you want to make it easier for yourself to pick up a girl for sex, get a little preselection going.

Preselection has such a large effect on how women think about men that a woman who sees you with another attractive woman instantly upgrades your attractiveness in her eyes by 25%. (source) That’s huge!

Even if a girl thought she wasn’t into a guy, seeing other girls act into him can ‘reset’ her interest and make her want him.

How do you leverage this? Well, here’s a trick:

Women who don’t know you also don’t know the relationship between you and another woman. They’re just going by what they see.

It’s very easy to approach one girl, have a fun but harmless conversation with her, yet do it in eyeshot of other girls. Other women pay attention to who’s talking to whom around them. If you caught their eye, and they saw another (attractive) woman enjoying talking to you, they’ll like you more.

Just don’t overdo it. Competition is like a spice: good sprinkled on, but ruins things when you dump it in by the fistful.

 

Step #5: Compliance Test

How do you know if she’s actually attracted to you or just being polite?

How do you escalate her level of attraction and take it to the next step?

You need to compliance test!

Compliance is one of the most important aspects of picking up girls for sex – and it’s the one most guys miss the most. It’s so important that it’s one of the three keys of my SAC attraction model, which thousands of men have used to revolutionize their pickup game.

If you’re not a Girls Chase reader, you’re probably totally unfamiliar with the concept of compliance. It’s discussed virtually nowhere else in terms of pickup.

But take a look at any guy who knows how to pick up a girl for sex consistently, and you will discover a guy who leads, leads, LEADS! and gets girls doing one thing after another for him.

Want a little science? Consider these studies:

• Reciprocal concessions procedure for inducing compliance (1975): women who turn down a big request of yours become more likely to comply with a smaller request that you make after.

• The Dynamics of Persuasion (2010): women who comply with a smaller request become more likely to comply with more and bigger requests afterward.

• Sunk cost and commitment to dates arranged online (2009): women are more likely to comply with (show up for) dates with men in whom they are invested.

• Better think before agreeing twice (2010): once you’ve gotten a woman to agree with several of your statements, she becomes more likely to comply when you ask her to do something (i.e., you create a yes-ladder).

• Investing in affection (2010): once a woman gives affection she feels more committed to the recipient of her affection.

Many things influence how compliant a woman will be with you:

• The smaller the compliance request, the more readily she complies. (source)

• Pleasant men get double the compliance unpleasant men do. (source)

• Seeming like you’re an expert makes her more compliant. (source)

• When you make her laugh, she becomes more compliant. (source)

• In asking her out or texting, asking her availability first increases compliance. (source)

• In texting, when you simply greet her first, she’s more compliant.

Two of history’s greatest men – Aristotle and Benjamin Franklin – both discussed the importance of compliance. In his Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle noted that

Those who perform a benefit seem to love those who receive this benefit more than those who are the recipients of the benefit love those who perform it.

Aristotle even goes on to note that compliance needs further investigation because of the “supposition that it occurs contrary to reason” – that is to say, we expect that those we do things for will love us more, but that really just makes us love them more… if we want to know how much they love us, if we want them to love us more, we need to get them doing for us!

In his Autobiography, Franklin says that

He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.

All that is to say: rather than doing things for her or trying to avoid ‘inconveniencing’ her (which is what most men do when they talk to women), you need to get her to do stuff:

• Show me this

• Tell me about that

• Move here

• Let’s go over there

• Let’s sit down here

• Scoot over & make some room

• Hand me that

• Let me see that

• Let’s change venues

• Let’s go for a walk

• Sit on my lap

• Climb on my shoulders

• Wait for me a second

• Save those seats for us

• Come closer

• Try this on

• Take that off

The more you get women to do, the more compliant they become, and the more deeply invested in and committed to seeing things through with you they get.

Further, it goes both ways: compliance testing tells you how into you and comfortable she currently is with you. Remember the SAC attraction model (Similarity-Arousal-Compliance)? What’s one of the biggest determinants of how compliant a woman is with you? Similarity. The more similar she feels to you, the more compliant she becomes (study).

For a good primer on compliance, see my guide to building compliance with women here.

If you’re ready for the whole enchilada, then watch my video on the One Date System, which hinges on the powerful, science-based Similarity-Arousal-Compliance model, here.

 

Step #6: Logistics Screen

Even if she’s receptive to you and highly compliant, that doesn’t mean she has the logistics to hook up.

If her friends are going to drag her away from you the moment things get hot… if she really, really wants to go with you but she has a plane to catch… if she’s so into you but she’s the designated driver and she has to take her friends back home… well, you still won’t pick her up.

Interest + receptivity is not enough. She needs the logistics to be picked up, too!

There’s little worse than spending hours talking to a girl, only to find yourself cockblocked by Uncle Logistics. You realize only too late you should’ve checked her logistics first thing!

What logistics should you screen for?

• Who she’s with

• How well she knows them

• How much time she has

• What she needs to do later

• (if going to her place) What her living situation is

Logistics screening can enable you to pick up a girl you’d have failed to pick up otherwise.

For instance, if you find out she has two hours to spare, but then she really has to be somewhere, then you know: if I want to pick this girl up, I must be quick!

You don’t have time for a lengthy conversation and a walk along the waterfront. You need to get her somewhere private ASAP. Because here’s the thing: some girls are down for this!

Some girls will get alone with you and have sex with you remarkably fast.

Most guys won’t believe how fast it can happen until they’ve experienced it themselves.

Necessity is the mother of invention, and when you know she’s short on time, that can prompt you to see if you can make something happen with her with speed.

For a full tutorial on (rapidly) screening girls’ logistics, refer to my guide on this.

 

Step #7: Isolate & Use SAC

You’ve opened her, compliance tested her and found her willing, and screened her logistics and found her open to a pickup. What now?

Well, now you need to isolate her and build SAC.

‘Isolation’ is what we call it when you get a girl away from the crowd, her friends, and prying eyes. i.e., you get her somewhere you and she can connect more properly.

Take her to sit somewhere.

Move somewhere quieter.

Head to a corner.

Get to a place that feels more intimate and less exposed.

SAC comprises the three core romantic elements that need to be in place for you to successfully pick her up:

• Similarity, which builds trust, because she feels like you and she are so alike.

• Arousal, which builds tension and excitement, because you are turning her on.

• Compliance, which gets her invested and committed to following your lead.

Get her isolated.

Build SAC.

For a primer on isolating girls, see my guide to it or Alek Rolstad’s isolation series.

To understand (& use) SAC, see this article as an introduction, or watch the video on my One Date System (which describes how to use SAC).

 

Step #8: Extract Her

If she likes you, she wants to go back home with you.

She doesn’t want to just “talk and talk forever.”

She wants the attraction to move to the next step.

This is what picking a girl up is: it is picking her up to take her back to yours (or hers) to get intimate.

If you’re not ready to pull her straight home after isolating her, you can bounce her to another venue first (like a diner or a quiet, cozy dive bar).

But after that, you need to invite her home.

If you’re on the ball, you’ll have seeded several things back at your place for later:

• Your pad’s excellent view

• Your interesting travel souvenirs

• Your exotic teas / imported chocolates

• Your half bar and cocktail-making mastery

• Your new home theater system

Then, when it’s time, you can just invite her: “Let’s go check out that view I told you about. I’ll mix you your favorite drink, free of charge.”

This is how to pick up a girl for sex and actually get her back for the sex!

 

Step #9: Escalate to Sex

She wants you to make a move, man.

She really does.

Women ask each other how to get guys to kiss them.

They are waiting for it.

They are going crazy wondering when you are going to do it.

If you’ve picked up a girl and brought her home with you, she is WAITING for you to make it happen.

So… don’t disappoint her!

1. Get her comfortable at your place. Let her settle in a bit.

2. Grab a seat right next to her, touching her. Or have her come sit with you.

3. Make a little light chitchat.

4. Kiss her.

5. Keep kissing her, while also feeling her up.

6. Keep kissing her and feeling her up, while also undressing her.

7. Get her naked, get yourself naked, have sex!

If you’re not sure how to kiss girls, read this guide.

If you’re not sure how to escalate to sex, read this guide.

Ultimately, it is not rocket science; it is just about making the moves.

If you find you’re shying away from making the moves you need, give yourself a timer.

The best one: you must kiss her within 10 minutes of bringing her back to your place.

 

Wrap Up

If you’ve followed this guide, you now know how to pick up a girl for sex and actually get it.

This guide focused on keeping it as short and to the point as possible.

We didn’t discuss deeper seductions, where you’re seducing a woman over time.

We didn’t deal with obstacles, social circle situations, or other things.

Instead, we focus on the ‘brass tacks’ of going out to find a girl who’s receptive, then making the right moves to get her back at yours and into your bed.

Are the receptive ‘green’ girls the only ones you can pick up for sex?

Certainly not! But when you’re just getting started, they’re the easiest by far.

If you’re ready for my best tools for picking up girls, you’ll want to use my SAC system.

SAC is how you know what to do next with her each step of the way (connect with her, excite her, or get her to invest), and just how to do that.

It’s how you avoid the awkward pauses, ‘stall outs’, and missed opportunities where you kick yourself later because “she was ready for it but I just didn’t think of what to do.”

You can learn more about my powerful One Date SAC attraction model here, and start using it with women today:

Oh, and here’s one parting tip to help your hunting:

Look for women wearing pink or red. They’re 2.3x more likely to wear these colors when they go places likely to encounter prospective mates; and 77% of women wearing red or pink are women at “high conception risk”, meaning they’re ovulating and can get pregnant – they put these colors on to attract men they want to mate with.

So when you see red or pink, take that as a likely sign that “she wants to meet someone.”

That someone might as well be you!

Happy seducing,

Chase Amante