Feminine Vibe vs. Masculine Vibe: Why Acting Less 'Manly' Can Get You More Girls

Hey guys. 

Welcome back. So last week I discussed the masculinity crisis – how the latest cultural shifts have contributed to first deconstructing the notion of gender, and thus the notion of masculinity, and at times even pushed it down – that is, masculinity as a whole – that is, being a man. 

I shared some brief opinions on the matter – and why I usually do not care much about this debate, especially when it comes to pick up, because masculine ideals and so on have rarely contributed to my success – social skills, frame control, calibration and so on have. Had nothing to do with projecting a male ideal of what being a man is. 

In most cases, those male ideals are usually ideals sold by other men to men. These ideals are… ironically, attractive to men, not women. One example is being overly ripped (I am not referring to being fit) – you know the gym guys stuff. Well, who compliments who? Women? Yes, some love those guys – but it is actually a minority. 

Funnily enough, being overly ripped is a gay thing. Well, gay men are… men, so they do what men find sexy or whatever appeals to their ideal of beauty. 

You get my point. 

I did nevertheless share some quick pointers on traits I believe can be associated with masculinity, and more importantly, attractive masculinity. 

However, what I will cover in this post is whether or not a feminine vibe is superior to a masculine vibe. I will discuss the pros and cons, and how to actually pull each off. 

 

Masculine vs. Feminine Vibes

That said, irrelevant of whether or not you want to opt for a more feminine or masculine vibe, the foundational masculine traits discussed at the end of the last post still apply.

These pointers were: 

• Independence – think independently, be your own character and own it*

• Confidence – believe in yourself. If you can’t, at least act that way. 

• Expect respect and be respectful – it goes both ways. 

• Being a leader can be seen as attractive, but being independent is equally attractive. One gives more social points, the other, more intrigue points. 

• Be able to lead – that is, take responsibility for your actions, make things happen, and facilitate progression.

This is very important, especially if you opt for a more feminine vibe, as we shall see – you want to avoid coming off as outright gay and disqualify you that way.

 

Feminine Vibes

I will first start off by discussing opting for a feminine vibe. 

Sure, last week I did discuss that I did not have a clear definition of what masculinity was – and I still do not. However, we must all admit that there are certain conventions that help us define typical “manly vibes” and “girly”, also for the latter when referring to men. 

We have all seen or met guys who one may consider more feminine. Some may even call them “effeminate” men. 

Typical men with a more girly vibe tend to speak more, are wordier and more oriented towards rich description in their language. Body language is a bit more reminiscent of what women would express. Their interests are social and they dress… well, you guessed it, more feminine – more colors, more tight clothes, more girly cuts. 

You probably know what I am referring to. 

Now onto the question: do these men get laid? 

Yes they do. However, only if this vibe is used correctly. That is, they still manage to escalate the vibe, lead the process forward and have a masculine foundation. 

How do I know these guys get laid? I have seen it. 

And I have at times been one of them. Sure, I have experimented with both vibes – and some nights I like to dress more feminine with more colorful clothes, or even opt for some high fashion outfit. You know, the sophisticated type. It all depends on where I intend to go out and the girl in question. 

I may sometimes opt for a more feminine vibe. 

Girls ask me if I am gay quite often. This has become less frequent as I grew older – could be because I less frequently dress “fancy” and perhaps sporting a beard kind of helps. Or maybe it is just the fact that I look a tad bit older now. 

The one thing I have noticed is that whenever I pull whenever I dress or act more on the feminine end, other men tend to be particularly annoyed – especially men who seem to have drunk the “masculinity” Kool-Aid.

They invested so much in striving toward that odd conception of what being a man is, and that conception is in their mind attractive. Women are supposed to find that to be the most attractive.

And then they see a twink like me pull – they take it badly. Bouncers for instance hate it, which is why I always act low key whenever they are around. I never hold hands when I drag her out of the club. 

Anyway, being on the more feminine end works. Here is why. 

 

The Benefits of a Feminine Vibe

The first obvious one is that it is way catchier. You will be more expressive, both in your way of speaking but also in your vibe – and especially your clothes. You will get much more attention. This is usually a clear benefit – especially in night game. 

Furthermore, you come off as pretty harmless. Yes, they think you are gay often, and if not, they feel you are less dangerous (because you are more feminine) so they tend to be more at ease with you. Now this part is key because building comfort is actually one of the more important things.

And another key benefit is that you will usually speak in a way women resonate with more. And if you are a man with a more feminine wiring, you are likely to think more like them, talk more like them, talk about subjects that they resonate more with, and more importantly communicate in a way that resonates with them.

I have very feminine wiring. I love aesthetic stuff. I love fashion. I have tons of hair products. In my bedroom, I have a row of different boots, as well as a closet full of clothes. Girls always want to try my clothes when they come to my place. I also love subjects women care about – social stuff, drama, and all that. I mean my sex talk is a form of feminine type of speech – in a way. 

So I basically go straight in, and I easily get this secret society vibe – like a kind of insider. Escalating to sex is easy because I am an insider. Communication tends to flow, and comfort is easily built. 

It is quite efficient. But there are some pitfalls. I will cover them below, as well as ways to counteract them.

 

The Cons of a Feminine Vibe

I must admit that there are fewer cons than you might think (not saying it is more superior than opting for a more masculine vibe – just that it works well, at least for me and many other experienced guys in this community). However, there are some pitfalls. 

The first and most obvious one, and note here that we are talking about opting for a vibe that is primarily feminine (on the edge of the spectrum) is that just like with very masculine men, only a chunk of women have this as a preference (some girls are totally crazy over feminine dudes). Now this is not a problem per se because note that I only said “have a preference for” – this means that many women will go for you even if you are not their preferred guy. Lots of girls end up with guys who are not constituent of their ideal stereotype. It will of course be more challenging – but with good skills, it can be done – and quite often, very successfully. 

The same problem goes for very masculine guys too. That is, the stereotypical very masculine guy. 

Another more global problem one will face is that women will think you are gay and not even see you as a potential sex partner. And even if they don’t outright think you are gay, they might still instinctively have a hard time seeing you as a potential sexual partner. This is a very serious con that needs to be resolved.

Fortunately, it can be resolved. How? By being sexual. Set sexual frames, create sexual tension, and escalate. The good news is that all of this can be done quite easily – because as I said earlier, you talk their language and you get instant comfort right away. 

In addition, make sure that if you come off as feminine, that you also project a masculine foundation – be confident, stand your ground, and be able to lead – make things happen – and do so confidently. Lead the process. 

This is the key to make it work. 

 

Using a Feminine Vibe

So when should you use a more feminine vibe? 

Well it all depends on a few factors. I will split this discussion into two subsections – one discussing macro level – that is, the overall strategic choice – that is, making the call to opt for a more feminine vibe as an overarching strategy, then discuss when you should add a bit more feminine vibes in set – as in real time micro calibration.

 

As a Strategic Choice

So the first thing to consider is obviously whether or not you actually want to opt for a feminine vibe as an overarching approach. Furthermore, it also needs to match your personality. 

Now on that note, many men are unaware of what actually matches their personality and what actually provides results. So I recommend being a bit open minded and willing to experiment.

There are nevertheless some settings where a feminine vibe is actually beneficial. For instance, environments where feminine men are seen as more edgy and virtuous. 

Some I can think of is high end venues – a place where flash, clothes, social intelligence, and connection is the main currency. I am not saying you cannot have success in those places with a masculine vibe, but those who do well there tend to have a more feminine vibe.

The alternative/techno crowd also favors a more feminine vibe – as people there tend to be more progressive and … alternative. They like more artistic and flamboyant guys. It just matches the social frame. 

There are many other settings where a feminine vibe could be beneficial – any places that requires flash, flamboyance and social butterflying as well as avant-garde attitudes. 

The exception to this rule is gay clubs. Being feminine in a gay club can backfire. Go figure why. I mean I have had success dressing up very flashy in gay venues – but you better know what you are doing, and you will have to compensate for it. 

There are also places where a feminine vibe is not desired. Think of places where women are attracted to strong men – eastern Europe tends to favor masculine vibes. So do clubs which attract the hip hop crowd. Feminine vibes there will not benefit you. 

At the end of the day, if your vibe is not working, calibrate accordingly. 

 

Calibrating in Real Time

Now, you may have gone for a masculine vibe – that is, you may have dressed a certain way, and then happened to end up in a venue where such vibes are not desirable. 

Then you can calibrate in real time – by adding more feminine gestures, ways of talking and vibes to tone it down. 

For instance, if you need to play more fancy social dynamics – that is, run the status game, deal with groups, and a lot of social butterflying, a more feminine vibe is key.

And if you want to play the social proof game, a feminine vibe helps  because opening becomes easier, and feminine gestures are more attention grabbing. 

Same goes if you feel you are being too intimidating and you need to build comfort. Add more communicative and open conversation that is more embedded in emotive talks. 

Also if you happen to feel that the crowd in a venue is more into feminine types, then opt for more feminine gestures and ways of speaking. 

Calibration is everything.

 

Parting Words

A feminine vibe can have a lot of benefits – it helps you open girls more easily, and more importantly, it also helps women open up to you more easily. 

It creates a form of insider vibe and escalation becomes easier. 

But you also do not get that instant attraction that a masculine vibe gets – and women may not always see you as a potential sex partner – and whenever you actually do display heterosexual interest, tests often come.

At the end of the day, pick your poison. 

Next week we will discuss the subject of masculine vibes, which also has a lot of pros and cons – and we need to point out how to make the most out of it, while also mitigating the pitfalls. 

So stay tuned

Alek