Many people believe that it doesn’t
matter much what you say to a
girl when you chat her up… that 93% of all communication is nonverbal
anyway, and that the words are just filler. Thus, any sexual frame you employ should be
more focused on your body language and less so on your words… they just
aren’t as important, goes the thinking.
This is a misunderstanding of Mehrabian’s study, which showed that somebody’s body language and tone of voice account for 93% of our LIKING for that person… it does not, however, mean that the spoken word only convey 7% of the meaning of any communication.
“Liking” is also largely irrelevant when it comes to seduction –
girls will often sleep with and even get into relationship with guys
that they don’t particularly like… attraction beats liking, hand over
fist, every time.
And if it was true that words only conveyed 7% of what’s being communicated, it should be perfectly possible to watch a movie in a foreign language and still understand 93% of what is being said…
Try that some time. :)
If it was true, it should also be
possible to tell a girl to bugger
off… and get a 93% similar response as when telling her that she’s
There is, however, a more subtle reason why words matter… and that reason is frames, and the implications of what is being said.
So what are frames and frame control now?
Well, let’s look at some examples.