Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

Have you tried out some advice from a pick up artist and it didn't work? Was it some pretty extreme bad advice, like "always do this super intense thing"?

I've interacted with lots and lots of students over the years.

You see all types, in terms of depths of study and levels of results:

• There are the guys who study seduction for a bit and use it to get some lays and find a girlfriend

• Then there are the guys who study seduction in-depth and go on to get respectably good with girls -- they rack up respectable notch counts, get some beautiful girls, and build a mini harem or settle down with a top notch long-term partner or wife

• There are the guys who poke around with it a bit, read some, watch some, experiment a little, but never really commit to learning it, and drift off, eventually meeting whatever women come into their lives in more conventional ways (e.g., dating a friend's ex... hooking up with a girl from work... meeting some chick off a dating app, etc.)

• Then you get guys who get into seduction for a while, do well with girls, but drift off to something else before they can really cement their results, presumably because woman success doesn't really do a lot for them and something else is more engaging to them

• And, finally, in the 'most likely to leave irate and disappointed' category, you get the guys who get into it, became obsessive about it, but focus on the wrong things, and proceed to struggle for a while (sometimes for years), until they eventually flame out, sometimes angrily so

Among the guys who've actually studied seduction, except for those guys who flame out, there are generally positive feelings. It's pretty hard to argue that things like "keep your posture tall and erect" and "lead your conversations where you want them to go" is bad or harmful advice. Even if a guy doesn't stick with it long enough to get many immediate results, he will generally appreciate whatever he did learn.

However, there is a class of student that's mystified me for a long time.

This class of student will show up later on, typically after he's become disillusioned with a branch (or all branches) of seduction for this or that reason, and either accuse you (the teacher), or other teachers in the space, of giving shoddy advice that doesn't work.

Then you will ask him what this advice is that is not working for him, and he will tell you things that no seduction teacher has ever told a student to do, and that violate what you yourself personally tell people to do.

And you will wonder how did this chap get it in his head that this horrible advice he has seemingly pulled out of thin air is in fact what seduction teachers want people to do?

When I figured out what caused this, it also led me to a thinking mistake many students of just about any field (including seduction) appear to be prone to make.

That problem is the problem of thinking in extremes.

Jealous women aren’t always a bad thing, because there’s good jealousy and bad jealousy. The key is to understand the difference and make the good kind work for you.

My first girlfriend (let's call her Sarah) was this perky-breasted firecracker of a love muffin. I was 21, and she was 17 (legal in Canada). We were together for nearly three and a half tumultuous years. At the time I met her, I thought she was the most awesome girl ever. She was cute, smart, and into the same music as me (Indie/Punk). So we got on great, for about a year. Then, from her, I had my first lesson in jealous women.

When I think of jealous women, I think of two types of jealousy: good and bad. These two types have subcategories for inside and outside of a relationship.

Inside: A long-term monogamous relationship (LTR). This involves managing jealousy from your girlfriend or wife. Jealousy inside is mostly negative but can be used to re-establish waning attraction.

For example, you go to a party and have a conversation with an attractive woman. Your girlfriend becomes a little jealous. She knows she’s not your only option and you could get another girl if you broke up. So that night she makes sure to give you really hot sex, and that’s the extent of the consequences you'll face. This is good jealousy inside a relationship.

Or she could become an insanely jealous woman and light your apartment on fire because you smiled at your waitress. That is bad inside jealousy.

Outside: An impending, casual pickup, or non-monogamous relationship. This is dealing with jealousy from a girl who isn’t your girlfriend or wife.

For example, you approach a girl at the bar. She’s sort of interested but not enough to hook up with you. Then, because you’re talking to this attractive girl, another attractive girl notices and hovers near you (preselection). So you start talking to this second girl, which makes the first girl jealous. Now, when you return to her, she’s suddenly very interested in you.

However, if you’re doing really well with a girl and then you switch to another one, you might piss off the first girl, and that’s the end of your seduction. Pitting two jealous women against each other is a powerful tool, with a small chance of backfiring.

Good Jealousy: Used to either create attraction or increase it. It can be utilized both inside or outside of a relationship.

A good jealous woman is one who becomes more attracted to you because of the jealousy. It’s a signifier of your value to other women, which makes you more valuable in her eyes. It doesn’t make her crazy, violent, or depressed.

Bad Jealousy: Jealousy inside a relationship can turn toxic, destroying trust. Outside of it can lead to hurt feelings, and occasionally, violence. Bad jealousy is the cause of destroyed relationships, divorce, sometimes murder, and even suicide.