Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

Why Don't All Beautiful Girls Sleep Around?

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

beautiful girls sleep aroundShe’s beautiful. She can sleep with anyone she wants to. So, if she’s a beautiful girl, why WOULDN’T she sleep around with every hot guy she can get?

Commenting on my article on picking up girls with a jealousy plotline, a reader asks:

Hey Chase,

I've gotten together with a girl I met in a cafe.

That marks my first lay ever from day game!

It was not super straightforward to get her in bed but I managed.

She's beautiful, very smart, great personality, pretty good body- amazing girl.

The thing which shocks me is this:

After sleeping together, I casually asked her how many partners she's had before. I always do this and never come across as judgemental, so chicks always give me the full list, including guys who don't "really count"

So I know she's been honest with and freely opened up. She told me she had one serious boyfriend and that's it. One partner only.

I asked "What about any casual wild adventures? Some naughty action at parties or something?" She laughed and said she's not really a party kinda of person. She can drink socially but never got drunk and passed out and she despises clubs.

I guess what really confuses me is: if she's telling the truth, why on earth would a sexy girl like her not hook up? Guys check her out all the time, I'm sure they must have hit on her. It's so easy for her to have sex, yet she claims she only had one serious boyfriend.

It does not make sense to me because beautiful women can get sex on demand, so why on earth would she not use that opportunity?

It's interesting the range of expectations you see among men for what beautiful women's sex lives must look like.

There are men who expect the most beautiful women to be almost virginal. There are others who expect them to be total nymphomaniacs.

The actual truth of course is beautiful women are just like normal women.

They have the same kind of range in sexual inclinations and experience you find in the general population of girls: some with many lovers, some with few, most somewhere in the middle... with the added twist that as women get more beautiful, they trend toward fewer overall lifetime sex partners.

But... why?

Why wouldn't these girls, given the opportunity to hook up with so many hot guys, indulge?

Or, on the flip side, given the ability to not have to hook up, why wouldn't they stay virgins till marriage?

8 Ways to Differentiate Yourself with Women

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

differentiate yourself with womenMen who stand out in attractive ways attract far more women. There are many ways to stand out: peacocking, behavior, social proof, standout items, stages, and more.

In a previous article, I mentioned differentiating yourself with women who are used to being hit on all the time. A reader asked for more tips like this one might use to stand out with girls:

Hi chase but this concept of appearing different that in this case you do it through this technique for this type of woman how to do it in general and with different types of women? Or on women who are not like that you just have to build rapport, generate emotions and carry things forward?

It's a great question, because 'standing out' is a big part of what we do. If you can differentiate yourself from other guys... if you can stand out from the crowd and intrigue women... it makes the job of meeting and getting somewhere with girls much easier.

There are different ways a man can stand out, and guys will tend to focus on different ways to do it.

Which makes sense; if everyone tried standing out the same way, no one would actually stand out, right?

I'm going to give you the eight (8) most useful ways to differentiate yourself from the crowd.

Before we get to those ways to differentiate though, first we need to talk about standing out in general.

Learning to Love Women

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

learning to love womenIf you’ve been hurt by women, can you ever become a lover of women? To love women is not to ignore their flaws, but to enjoy them for their blessings.

I have always loved women.

They haven't always been perfectly kind to me. On some (fleeting) occasions, women have really been quite cruel to me. Of course, I don't think of it as "she is being so cruel to me!" because that is not how I think about things... instead I think, at worst, "Geez, here is an unpleasant person!"

I'm not a masochist; I don't stay in bad situations, and I am rather ruthless about cutting value-draining people from my life, including unpleasant or nasty women.

However, my dislike for a particular unpleasant person (or woman) does not dent my overall warmth toward womankind in general.

In this way, I suppose I'm opposite a great many men, who seem to have a general distrust of womankind, and instead busy themselves seeking out a singular "good woman" who is "not like the rest" to lash their hopes and dreams to.

Indeed, this is a human thing to do: there are just as many women distrustful of most men yet who search restlessly for that "one good man" who is "not like all the rest", just as men search for that among women.

Not every man may want to move from general distrust + "seeking the exception" to something closer to how I view women.

However, should you wish it, let me lay out a path for you to this kind of thinking.

Did the Game Drop You or Did You Drop the Game?

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

did the game drop you?Sometimes it can feel like the game has changed… and things that used to work to get girls don’t work anymore. Yet the game abides. You can rebound, too.

Lately, I have been discussing issues with low momentum: the times when you feel like you’ve lost your mojo and that getting laid or meeting women is more difficult than ever. Low momentum periods are your “off periods.”

These are the periods when you get few results, and what worked well doesn’t anymore. Your energy level is low, your vibe is not as sexy, and your results have diminished.

It’s a natural part of the game. All seducers face periods of high and low momentum. How long the low periods last depends on your skill level, experience, and how much work you put into getting out of low momentum.

I have discussed the benefits of not giving up during low momentum, plus provided a guide on how to get out of it. If you are experiencing low momentum, these posts are for you!

Today, I’ll share a reflection on low momentum that stems from a chat I had with fellow experienced seducers.

Usually, I don’t write philosophical posts as I prefer to share practical insights, but I can sometimes make exceptions.

Tactics Tuesdays: Be Friendly

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

be friendlyA simple tactic that makes gobs of difference: just be friendly. Opening’s easier, hooking’s easier, and social proof becomes well-nigh automatic.

Here's a deceptively simple tactic:

Be friendly to every person you encounter.

Just yesterday we talked about conflict escalation and the dog-eat-dog world inside the prison system.

The good news is, you're a free man, and you're not in that kind of world. In this world, unless you venture into a bad part of town, you can and should be friendly to everybody.

Any time I've felt some rust or a renewed sense of approach anxiety, "be friendly to people" is the primary tactic I use to shake that off. Alek followed this same advice recently when he sought to warm up his social momentum after over a year of almost uninterrupted citywide lockdowns. It's simple, basic advice but it really works.

"Be friendly" has a ton of upsides for getting yourself approaching more easily with a lot less fear.

If you've only been doing targeted approaching -- where the only people you approach are sufficiently good-looking girls -- you may well find this alternate tactic a breath of fresh air.

Respect Maintenance: Conflict Escalation & De-escalation

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

escalating a confrontationWhen you find yourself in a conflict, you can back down… or you can escalate. How far should you take it? How do you know what the right thing to do is? A few simple rules can guide you.

I recently binge-read a series of colorful Quora answers from ex-convict Matthew Holmes. Holmes was someone who grew up, more or less, inside the US penitentiary system, and shares advice on how to survive the hostile conditions there. He contrasts the prison world with the outside world; inside the prison system, a prisoner's life is a Hobbesian war of all-against-all, where there is no real law and no one you can trust to have your back but you.

One of the many repeating sentiments in Holmes's prison advice is you must be prepared to defend your reputation at any time, and go to almost any length to do so. Holmes stopped short of killing anyone in prison (as doing so would've added an automatic life sentence to his 10-year term), but came close to it on several occasions, where he severely beat inmates who tried to fight or rob from him.

In terms of general principles, I'd call his approach to conflict "always escalate a confrontation until you win."

For some time, I've followed 'always escalate' as a general (but not absolute) rule. I generally follow it with:

  • Girlfriend drama
  • Some business disputes
  • Some physical confrontations
  • Moral high ground debates
  • Any kind of interpersonal argument

However, the real world isn't a penitentiary. It is not (for the most part) a Hobbesian situation of all-against-all.

Thus, much of the time, you will not want to continue escalating to the extremes in real life situations. In many cases it's counterproductive; the gains you get from continuing to escalate outweigh the costs.

Today I want to talk about the 'always escalate' philosophy -- which is one I've long found helpful -- and where the limits are to it where you decide to hop off that train and not always escalate.

The Group Approach Spill-Over Effect

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

spillover effectWhen you talk to one group, others take note of you. This is the “spill over effect”: a way to meet more people by meeting other people first.

Hey guys, and welcome back!

Last time I shared insights on building social micro momentum or “warming up” socially before going for the girl you really want.

Why is it a good idea to warm up?

  • To eliminate approach anxiety

  • To feel warmed-up socially so you approach girls confidently and smoothly, increasing your chances of success

  • To acquire benefits like social proof and familiarity with girls so that you can re-engage later if needed

How do you build social momentum?

  • Start early

  • Select a warm venue if you feel like you are at risk of getting rejected

  • Approach in the most indirect and risk-averse way possible. The goal is to keep a few conversations going here and there

  • Interactions shouldn’t last less than five minutes or more than 20 minutes. Ideally, strive for 10 – 15 minutes

  • Don’t approach the girl you want yet, since you do not want to waste the opportunity when warming up

Once you feel ready to play seriously, you will be warmed up. Now you can approach those hot girls. You don’t need warm-ups because hotter girls are harder to approach (but not necessarily). You are probably feeling more anxious about approaching them because you find them attractive.

After all, isn’t it better to approach a girl you like when you are warmed up and have higher chances of succeeding with your approach, rather than doing so when your social muscle is still cold, and your approach may be unsmooth?

If Every Girl's a Bitch, You're Doing Something Wrong

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

every girl's a bitchDoes it seem like most girls are awful, horrid, mean-spirited bitches? If it does, it’s a sign you’re doing something wrong – and that’s a good thing (it means you can fix it).

Does it seem to you that almost every girl you meet is just an unnecessarily mean person?

Do you ever find yourself wondering why so many girls are just horrid, ruthless bitches?

Commenting on my article that "Female Bad Behavior Is Often Defensive", Xander writes:

Ok. I agree if bad behavior is one-off interaction that doesn’t mean anything. However, even in this case if that negative reaction is overly negative i.e. overly expressed toward guy (and most women do this at least where I live) that is also the sign that particular woman can be considered as bad person. Many guys (at least what I have seen) don’t do overly annoying things with women and still get overly negative reactions from uninterested/unsure/insecure women.

Also, what I have seen is that the majority of women where I live rarely changes previously negative attitude toward guy. If she is negative during approach, initial interaction or later in courtship she stays that way no matter what guy will do. In live interactions they are rude, bitchy, aloof or disrespectful and it just increases no matter what new tech or moment guy will choose. In online/text interactions they ghost immediately after 2-3 messages, no matter how message is interesting, non-pushy, polite and easy to reply.

I feel sad whenever I read comments like these, for the person who writes them, because you know that person's dating life is hard.

I have read many, many comments by men talking about how horrible most women are. I have also read many, many analogous comments by women panning men (on various Reddit boards and what have you; here's an article about how horrid men are to women, with a bunch of women commenting their bad experiences).

If you take these comments at face value, both most men and most women are absolutely loathsome people: bad dates, bad lovers, and almost all men and women are totally undatable, unpleasant individuals.

It makes you wonder how the species perpetuates itself at all.

Of course, the reality is most men and most women are actually just fine, normal, nice, pleasant people... but that people who have continually negative experiences cause this in others, or misinterpret that from others, almost always without realizing they're causing it or misinterpreting it.

Warming Up Social Momentum

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

warming up social momentumFeeling approach anxiety? Here's how to warm up before trying your luck with the girl you desire.

Hey guys!

As I worked hard to get back into the game in July and August after a long period of lockdown, I realized the part of my game I struggled with the most was approaching.

After months of not socializing, I regained a bit of approach anxiety. I was uncomfortable going up to talk to strangers.

This was highly unusual for me, but extraordinary times generate the unusual. After all, I spent almost eight months not socializing.

Clearly, I had bad momentum (that’s why I wrote posts on bad momentum and how to get out of it). After much hard work, things started to go well again in August (four lays in three weeks), and in September, I was back in shape.

While working on this, I learned and bettered my game. After all, low momentum is the time when you learn the most.

However, as I was getting back in shape, I realized something odd.

Despite getting lays in August, I still struggled with approaching. I would get laid out of three approaches per night, and if I didn't approach or only approached once or twice, and they didn't work out, I'd get no results. It was a weird time since I'd either win big (get laid with a hot girl) or go home alone having barely approached. One weekend was particularly odd: I laid a super-hot 19-year-old girl on Friday, and the next day only ended up having two brief, inconsequential interactions. The contrast was huge, and it confused and frustrated me.

Tactics Tuesdays: Self-Monitoring Setting: LOW

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

self-monitoring lowSelf-monitoring allows you to adapt yourself to the people around you. It’s a good thing… but too much of it can really cramp your style (and the naturalness of your interactions).

If you've gone through my charisma course, Charisma In A Bottle (which, incidentally, I'll be re-releasing soon), you're familiar with the concept of 'self-monitoring'.

A self-monitor is someone who keeps a mental eye on himself, observing his own actions, making sure he is acting in 'correct' ways and not screwing things up.

Charismatic people are high self-monitors. While they might seem to be the most casual, relaxed folks out there, they are in fact carefully monitoring and adjusting their social presentation.

Dating is another area that turns men into high self-monitors. You go out to approach girls and you focus relentlessly on:

  • How nervous vs. confident you seem
  • Whether you approach from the right angle
  • If you're delivering an opener she'll respond to
  • If you're getting enough compliance from her fast enough
  • Whether you've moved her soon enough
  • Whether you're dominant enough
  • Whether you're bantering enough
  • What your value is relative to hers
  • What your attainability is relative to hers

... plus a whole bunch of other things you are doing or that are about you.

And while this is useful for spotting your weak points and improving on what you want to improve at, it hobbles your ability to truly be in-the-moment with a girl and interact with her in a truly smooth, natural way.

Thus, some of the time, you are going to want to do things the opposite way, and turn your self-monitoring way down.