Once you’ve hit it off with a girl in a gay bar, how do you pick
her up? By showing you’re straight, beating her tests – and turning her
on.
Welcome to Part 4 of my series on meeting girls in gay venues. Here are links to the other articles:
The endgame of a seduction is one of its’ most crucial points.
How do you get her alone, sexual, and escalating toward the bedroom
with you?
Contents
So you’ve got a hot and friendly girl in front of you at a club, but you don’t know how to take the next steps that will lead to your arrival inside her warm spring back at your place. Don’t worry, you are about to get some practical tips that will help you visualize the process, build your confidence, and get that hot girl horny and having sex with you.
If you have done much clubbing, you have probably found yourself in a situation where you have met a hot girl and wanted to bring her home with you, but making it actually happen seemed like a fantasy. You’re not alone! That’s why I wanted to put together a guide detailing some of my own quick and dirty tips to help you out.
This guide is primarily directed to guys who practice night game, but some of this stuff is also very helpful for bringing girls home and having first-day sex with day game.
Let’s get to it.
This is for more advanced practitioners of game. If you still ride seduction training wheels, don’t worry about this yet. You can circle back to this article and its contents once you’ve progressed a bit further.
Contents
Confusion game is the term I’ve long used to refer to a style of game focused on befuddling answers and high uncertainty. This style of game only works if you have strong fundamentals; and, in particular, it only works if you have a strong sexual presence. Women you use it with must be sexually interested in you.
The underlying premise of confusion game is this:
The mating process involves having a woman overcome or set aside her logical reservations, that she may indulge in her physical / sexual / emotional urges. By triggering the latter with good fundamentals and game, and disarming the former with thought-entangling confusion, you give her the ability to set logic aside and indulge in her desires.
Further, by keeping her in a state of confusion, you establish yourself as the unambiguous leader. You are the one who knows what’s going on and leads the way. She is in the dark, and must trust you and stick by you as you lead.
Confusion game is not a girl-getter in and of itself. If you are not too attractive yet, and you go around confusing women, all you will end up with is a bunch of confused women.
However, when coupled with an all-around solid seduction skill set, confusion game allows you to bypass too-logical reservations women have. It is a way to throw a wrench into a woman’s objection machine. And on top of this, it allows you to build and maintain a firm, unshakeable lead – you are, after all, the only one who actually knows what’s going on.
Like clockwork, a guy makes a breakthrough in game – then gets a girlfriend. And before he solidifies his gains, the gains are gone. Why’s this happen?
I talked to Hector the other day about a phone coaching student of his. His student had just begun to break through a barrier he’d been stuck at, began to get more and hotter girls, and then... he jumped into a monogamous relationship.
It’s a trend in seduction. I’ve witnessed it innumerable times over the past dozen years. I used to hear grizzled old veterans make dire warnings against it on hoary old seduction boards: “Be careful, because right when it finally starts to come together for you, that is when you’ll take a girlfriend and drop out of the game.”
A few years in, I’d see a guy pop back onto forums after having vanished for a year or two. And you’d see him and be like, “Oh yeah... that guy! I think he was just starting to get good before, right? What happened?” Invariably, he’d explain that he’d gotten into a relationship before, just as he was peaking... but now it was over, the girl and he had split up, and he was easing back into the swing of things again... except now he had to climb back up to that barrier he’d been breaking through a year or more before. And now he had to try to break through that barrier all over again.
And I would see this happen, time and again, and say to myself, “Why don’t guys just hold out a couple more months? Why not solidify their breakthroughs and make them permanent first? Why do so many men rush off to monogamy as soon as they break through? And how exactly do all these chicks identify the guys who hit new heights and so efficiently snap them up off the market the moment these guys break through?”
There are a bunch of questions here, and they’re worth looking into if you’re hard at work on your skill set with women... and want to make sure it’s a skill set you keep, rather than one you find yourself trying to recover lost ground in later on.
If you want to be respected, you must set boundaries. But how do
you set these, without looking reactive, defensive, or weak?
Contents
A former student of mine asked:
“Hey, Denton, how do you balance being grounded and not being affected by others while also not being weak, a pushover, or being seen as passive?”
How can you assert boundaries without appearing reactionary? When your girlfriend is acting up, you cannot possibly ignore her. If a guy is aggressively crossing the line, you cannot simply stand by. What is one to do?
These are great questions! And they are often a source of dilemma for many guys.
Well, I find the biggest misunderstanding is the huge difference between being grounded and being passive.
In gay bars, you don’t want to be an approach machine. Instead, it’s often best to let girls come to you. Also vital here: your vibe and conversation topics.
Welcome back. This is part 3 in my series on how to meet girls in gay bars. You may read parts 1 and 2 here:
In this post, I will start getting into the whole “how to seduce in a gay club” thing, but keep in mind that this will not be a seduction guide from A to Z.
Most of the usual seduction rules still apply in gay venues. I remember the times I’ve brought skilled seducers into the gay environment, such as when Pablo Garcia visited me a few weeks back and asked me how to work these venues. I usually tell guys to do what they would normally do. Truth is, it doesn’t take much time to figure out the dynamics in these venues. You will not be seducing dudes, you will be seducing bisexual and straight women. It is not that different from what you would usually do.
It is just the environment that changes. In the case of a bar, only the crowd has changed, but you still have to deal with usual “bar vibe” related things. For instance, with clubs, you still have to deal with wildcards, noise, chaos, and all that good stuff.
Overall, things are more or less the same, with the only exception being that big chunks of the crowd will be gay.
So in this post, we will discuss the elements that are unique to the gay environment as they relate to seduction. I will cover the things you will have to keep in mind when hunting in this community.
Basically, I will cover a set of rules. In my next post, I will cover how you can work through each phase of the seduction and cover the elements that are specific to this environment.
Anyway, let us get back on point.
There are tons of great dating and self-improvement advice to
turn yourself into a slick Casanova. But how many guys actually listen?
The inspiration for this article came from reading the Girls Chase forums, where I’ve noticed various flame wars initiated over the years by certain users who ask a detailed question about how to improve an aspect of their dating lives. The user then receives superb advice from fellow members who come with various levels of experience and angles... but the user doesn’t just ignore the angles presented, he flat-out rejects them.
Other concerned members step in and suggest that the user honestly consider the advice with an open mind – most importantly, to try it out before dismissing it.
In many cases, the advice has something to do with an obvious fundamental barrier that the asker is simply unwilling to explore. He thinks the issue isn’t important, or that it doesn’t apply to him, so he continues to ignore it, remains open only to the answers he came to hear, and eventually the discussion fizzles after everyone bails out of frustration.
Then, months later, the same forum user returns, asks the same question, and proceeds to reject the advice he is given – again. The cycle repeats.
Our friend remains in his bubble, static, unmoved, destined to repeat the same failures over and over again until he learns his lesson some other way – most likely the hard way – or never at all. That’s his choice. It's a conniving paradox. At his disposal is an invaluable resource – a group of like-minded men who will undoubtedly help him accelerate his goals. His inability to just shut up, open his mind, and trust the advice of experienced teachers and peers render his efforts practically futile.
It boggles the mind. How is a student able to judge good advice? How can a student know that a particular piece of advice is not at all applicable to him? How can someone who is seeking knowledge close his mind when multiple, experienced, well-intentioned peers are telling him the same thing?
Do you do day game, or night game? When you cross game – that is,
do both day game AND night game – you get the benefits of both, and
more.
Have you decided to start to cold approach but wonder which type to choose – day or night game?
Or maybe you’re already experienced at one or the other, and you’ve asked yourself whether it’s worth it to branch out. Should you stick to your niche... or diversify?
Contents
To put simply, should you make a choice between these two times of day, two styles of meeting women?
I believe quite firmly that the answer is to do both.
This article sums up my reasons for why you should be ‘cross gaming’.
What is cross gaming?
Cross gaming is making use of multiple avenues to meet and seduce women. While there are several ways to cross game (i.e., social circle, online, etc.), for the sake of this article, we’re going to focus on the cold-approach aspect of both day game and night game to meet and seduce women.
In this article, I’m going to explain why you should start cross gaming... if you aren’t already.
Have a bad night at the bar and you may want to give up and go
home. But it’s not over just because you’re off to a bad start.
Every time you step outside your door, you enter a world filled with different, random, unknown others. Some of those others will be delighted to meet you. Some will be indifferent to you. Some will be rude, dismissive, or flat-out hostile. And on any given outing, the proportions of each of these groups you meet will be somewhat random.
There are a variety of ways you can increase the odds you meet folks delighted to encounter you, and minimize the odds you meet folks who want nothing to do with you. Some of those ways include:
Improving your fundamentals so you are by default a more attractive, appealing human being
Tailoring yourself toward the types of girls (or people) you want to meet, so you are by default the sort of man your sort of woman wants to encounter (after all, like attracts like)
Looking for signs of interest and approach invitations that alert
you a woman wants you to say hi
Building social momentum, often by being a naturally sociable guy, so you come across friendly and likeable, and people receive you more warmly
Choosing to socialize in low competition environments,
where women have lower walls to approach and are more
open to conversation with strangers
Contents
Yet, you won’t always be able to implement all these items. Sometimes you may want to check out a new venue, or you reach a preferred venue on an off night and discover the crowd is different from usual. Suddenly, you’re not tailored to the girls present and the environment is not so low competition.
And regardless the steps you take, there is always that element of randomness in the people you meet. Sometimes you’ll go out and every girl you talk to wants nothing to do with you. Other times you’ll go out and the second or third (or even the first) girl you talk to is all over you and ends up going home with you.
Each time you’ll be inclined to think “it’s you.” When the girls
reject you left and right: “I must be
really
off my game tonight,” or, “Did
I dress in a weird way or something? Am I putting out a weird vibe?”
And when girls are all over you:
“Damn,
I’m good!”
Yet much of the time it’s pure chance. It’s often dumb (bad) luck when you get that string of girls who reject you all in a row. And more dumb (this time, good) luck when one of the first girls you talk to is the one you take home.
Today, I’m going to give you some
tools to employ when you hit bad luck any given
night. This post assumes you go out and talk to various (i.e., more than two or
three) people with an
intent to find a girl to take a number from or to take home. If this is
not your style, it still might be an interesting read; in that case,
read it through, file it away, and pull it out should you ever find
yourself emboldened to meet enough girls to find
that one you click with and can take home.
Whose dating life is harder, men’s or women’s? The answer is
nuanced… because there are different groups within both sexes.
Contents
1. Men & Women Want Different Things
2. Do Men Have It Harder Than Women?
3. Men are the Best and the Worst
Several weeks back, I wrote “Urbanization, Romantic Anonymity, and the Birth of Game.” This piece of writing was about how ‘game’ (conversational and logistical aptitude aimed at meeting, bedding, and dating women) is an organic outgrowth of complex, fast-paced urban societies.
The reason we fingered for the emergence of game was that urban societies present new opportunities for men (i.e., the ability to have sexual intercourse with lots of women), yet also new challenges (i.e., women are much more experienced with men, have many more options, and cut a lot less slack).
One of the things I mentioned in this article was that while men have it harder in urban environments, fear not – women have it harder too. Yet several commenters wanted to clarify: women may have it harder, but men have it far harder still.
Well, do men have it harder?
The answer is yes. And no.
I’m going to both agree and disagree with this “men have it harder”
sentiment today. Don’t worry, if you’re currently feeling like it is
far harder for you than it is for many women, I won’t be telling you
you’re wrong. But I am going
to show you why it is this way for you... but not for every guy in the
city. Some guys have it the opposite way (i.e., it’s easier for them
than it is for women).
We’re going to focus on three (3) elements of urban dating that make things harder or easier for various groups of men, as these men’s dating success compares with women’s. Those three elements are:
In the end, I expect you will have a far more nuanced view of dating and mating in large urban environments, the plusses and minuses therein, and who you have to be to become one of the men who has it easier than girls do, instead of being stuck being one of the men who has it harder than girls do.
