Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

When Girls Think You're a Player (Then Shut You Down)

Chase Amante's picture

girl thinks you're a player
If a girl thinks you’re a player, it can be a pretty uphill battle with her after that. Here’s why she thinks you’re a player – plus how to remove the ‘tells’.

I counseled a friend recently who's struggled with women for sometime. He's a bit of a 'hard case' - a guy who's been in the game a long time, is friends with many very skilled seducers, and is highly skilled at the early part of approaching and meeting women, and even good at getting girls back to his place... but he has lots and lots of trouble sealing the deal with women. After the first kiss at his place, they invariably leave.

Guys like this can be tough to work with, because things that work for almost everyone else stubbornly don't for them. And you run into the issue of the guy not knowing exactly what's wrong himself, and it being hard to diagnose if you don't spend a lot of time with him in-person.

However, one clue recently was his report on a date that didn't pan out. Early on into the date, the girl closed off a bit and made remarks such as "How fast do you usually have sex with the women you have sex with?" and "I'm someone who doesn't just hop in bed right away." This, mind you, was not when he was trying to take her home, or touching her, or hitting on her - this was early into the date, when they'd just arrived at the date location and just began to talk.

This friend gets comments like from other women too; sometimes on dates, sometimes back at his place.

And while it is common to get girls telling you things like "This is too fast for me" or "Do you always move this fast with girls?" once you're back at your place with them, peeling their clothes off, the farther removed you get from that while still receiving these comments, the more of a problem you know you have.

In this case, the problem is the 'player vibe problem'. The problem is she feels like you are a heartless player, and she is only the latest slab of meat to cross your path.

Obviously, for successful seduction purposes, this is one perception you'd like to dispel.

Tactics Tuesdays: Questioning Other Males' Masculinity

Chase Amante's picture

undermine masculinity
One highly effective way to eliminate social and sexual competitors: undermine their masculinity. Yet as powerful as this tactic is, you must use it carefully…

Very slightly dark side tech here, but I’m giving it to you purely for defensive purposes.

In some situations, you will discover there is a need to defend yourself against competitor males. There are a variety of defensive measures at your disposal to deflect or declaw your social competitors, including many we’ve discussed before:

Right now I’m going to give you one I’ve always liked personally (but try not to use on Girls Chase... because it’s kind of mean), which is to undermine competitor males’ masculinity.

Now, to pull this off, you have to be reasonably masculine. You don’t have to be a hulking brute who chomps cigars for breakfast. You just need to be a little above average on the masculinity scale. Even if you’re a sensitive man high in verbal intelligence and empathy, it is not hard to up your masculinity to where you’re a bit above average. Focus on being cool, being an asshole, and being dominant, and you’re already at least in the top 15% manliest men.

So long as you’re masculine enough for it not to seem like the pot calling the kettle black when you accuse other men of unmanliness, this tactic works like gangbusters.

You’ll use it for two things:

  1. To directly demoralize social competitors, to their faces
  2. To influence the opinions of women and others against your social competitors

Let’s have a look.

The Phenomenal Seductive Power of Being Present

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

being present
Presence is a remarkable, awe-inspiring quality. And if you can learn to be present, you can use it to incredible effect with the opposite sex.

‘Presence’ is a difficult concept to write about, because it is so difficult to describe.

It’s an intangible, ephemeral thing.

You know when you are with someone who possesses it. You can feel the force of this person’s attention. It is like his eyes have tractor beams; his words carry magnets. You feel sucked in and humbled by this powerful, awesome individual.

What creates this effect? In part, it’s presence.

There’s a bit more to the overall effect an individual has on you than presence, of course. There’s also confidence, dominance, charisma, social rank, perceived value, and a whole host of other things. The word ‘presence’ often gets used as a catch-all term to mean “all these varied intangible elements on display, in force”, but we’re going to be a lot more specific today.

Today we’re only going to talk about the literal meaning of the word ‘presence’: actually being completely present with another person, right there, in the moment.

How to Hook Girls In, Pt.4: Practical Applications of Intrigue

Alek Rolstad's picture

using-intrigue
Making fun assumptions, storytelling, and gambits go hand in hand with building intrigue. Here’s how to use these tools to showcase your attractive qualities.

Hi, and welcome back.

Last week, we discussed intrigue and how it can be used to mentally stimulate a girl and increase your chances of hooking her into your interaction so that you can get settled in and buy time to convey your attractive personality traits.

Today, we will put the concept of building intrigue into context. You may have understood the concept, but when and how will you use it? The obvious answer is “wherever and whenever you want” – it can be used anytime, anywhere in the interaction.

However, knowing the concept during the early phase of the interaction won’t help you if you don’t have great material to use it with – i.e., techniques that can be used to hook girls in. That’s what this post is all about: putting the concept discussed last week in context and examining how you can use it in conjunction with other great material.

Before I move on, it is imperative for me to state that the list of techniques that I am about to share are great techniques that I personally use to hook girls in, but it is not a full list. Lots of other techniques and gambits can be used – some aren’t listed here but are great anyway (see Part 3 for other suggestions.) Let’s get into it.

Conquer Approach Anxiety with The Approach Game

Varoon Rajah's picture

the approach game
This fun, simple game is designed to banish anxiety and work out the kinks in your approaches. All you need is a wingman, a clock, and a woman-laden environment.

Very early in my seduction journey, right after deciding I (finally) wanted to get better with women and (finally) learn how to sleep with them effortlessly, I faced the biggest hurdle of all – getting started. After all, every resource, coach, and seminar I checked out mentioned cold approach as the best skill to learn and improve with women.

It was suggested that I set aside several hours a day several times a week to learn how to approach women, just to get started. However, therein lay the rub – approaching women.

What a scary proposition! After having lost my virginity in my early twenties, then finally having my first girlfriend at 22, I still had no confidence or understanding of what women wanted or how they wanted to be approached.

I felt nervous, afraid; and each time, fear ran through my veins. This is a woman. What if she rejects me? What if she doesn’t like me? How will she feel about me? How will she perceive me? How will I feel about myself if she rejects me?

I started by walking through the streets of my newest home – New York City – where day game opportunities were plentiful and hot women wandered the streets alone every single day. And yet, each time I passed a hot woman that I fancied, I talked myself out of an approach.

It Doesn't Matter What She's Thinking. Stop Chasing Rabbits

Chase Amante's picture

what she's thinking
What is she thinking? Before you try to get inside her head, you must know this principle: taking action trumps reading minds.

We talk about female psychology a good deal on Girls Chase. At the meta level, it’s supremely helpful to know how women tick and what goes on in their heads.

However, today, we’re going to look at the granular level. The “what is this one individual girl thinking?” level. We’ll start with part of a comment by Girls Chase reader SZ:

I was also hoping you could explain this interaction to me, I try to be a warm person, but people don’t become warm, they’re cold. I was at the gym, This girl I saw was nice to me and asked me how I was, I told her and asked her the same, I looked at her a few times while we worked out nothing too much, just to check her out, then when I was leaving I said bye to her and she had headphones in, but I felt she heard me, I waited there for a response, then she gave me this attitude way of saying bye, like she was too cool for me. It was like a look of “oh please, I’m too cool for you attitude”. It threw me off because I didn’t make it obvious I looked at her a few times, I didn’t try to ask her out, I made sure she didn’t see me look at her here and there. I was cool, so I don’t understand the coyness. I was just being a man and looking at a girl, I don’t know if she saw me check her out, so I don’t know if that was the reason she acted like that.

So, a girl started off seemingly nice to him. Then ended up seemingly cool toward him. What happened, and what does it mean? Well...

  • It could be she wanted him to flirt with her more and ask her out, he didn’t, and she was disappointed.

  • It could be she was just being polite earlier, and in truth didn’t want to encourage him any more than she needed to.

  • It could be she started off her workout in a sociable mood, but by the end of it she was focused on music and exercise and ‘tuned out’ socially, so just seemed cold.

Maybe it’s none of these, and it’s something else entirely.

The thing is, with an individual woman, in an individual situation, you will not know what she is thinking.

You may have guesses. And sometimes your guesses will be correct. Sometimes they’ll be wholly, completely, laughably wrong, though.

Which brings us to our primary point today: it doesn’t matter what she’s thinking right there, this very moment. Stop worrying about what she’s thinking. Get focused on results, and stop chasing after rabbits.

Tactics Tuesdays: Girl Blinders

Chase Amante's picture

girl blinders
Do you want to talk to a girl, but there’re people around and you feel unconfident? Put on ‘girl blinders’, and make your audience disappear.

You’re out in public. Could be on the train, on a street, in a bar, in a café, in a grocery store. You see a cute girl. She gives you a coy glance and you think she’d like to meet.

Only then... you take a glance yourself at all the people around you. There are a lot of them. If you approach that girl, they’ll notice.

You’ve never spoken to these people before. Odds are good you won’t see any of them again. Yet, they’ve immediately become the biggest obstacle to your approach. You may not even talk to this girl you’d like to meet, who looks like she’d like to meet you. All because there are people around, and you’re hesitant to approach in front of an audience.

There’s a simple little trick to get around this specific fear.

I call it ‘girl blinders’.

Should You Ever Set Up a Second Date While on the First?

Hector Castillo's picture

setting up second date while on first
When your girl is into you but you think she’ll resist first-date sex out of fears of getting played, this is how you can safely bring up a second date.

For most guys in most situations, it’s advisable to avoid setting up the second date during the first – or even setting up the third date during the second.

The risk of being so forward is that you play your cards early. Instead of waiting for her to tell you she wants to see you again – which can and will happen if you give her a great date – you should be the one to propose the second date.

You can potentially betray too much interest and come off as the one chasing.

For guys who have a more relaxed style, show little emotion, and prefer to be smooth and cool, I would advise against using the method in this article.

However, for those who have a more upbeat style, or for guys who find themselves having an attainability issue, either due to the player problem (i.e., she thinks you’re a player and doubts your intentions beyond sex) or from being too high value, you can use this more forward approach to prevent a girl from going into auto-rejection.

Let’s go through the two prerequisites for setting up a second date while on the first.

When Women "Don't Count" Guys They've Slept with Before

Chase Amante's picture

guy didn't count
Some guys just don’t ‘count’ for women. They can hook up with them, date them… and yet, the guys still don’t count. Why do women do this, and how can you be a ‘doesn’t count’ guy yourself?

There was a thing I set out to do early on in my journey into seduction. I couldn’t then have put it into words. But I knew what it looked like. I wished:

  • To be a guy women pined for, instead of the one doing the pining

  • To be able to walk into a room and seduce the woman I wanted

  • Women to expect nothing from me yet desire me just the same

  • Women to be genuinely surprised if I chose to keep them as girlfriends

  • To be a man the normal rules of dating did not apply to

There are different ways to name this. One might be to say I wanted all the power in the male-female courtship dynamic. The power to choose, seduce, and decide. And sure, you could say that was true. But that’s true of most people. Most people – men and women alike – look for ways to increase their power in the courtship dance. They want to be more liked, more loved, more adored; to better be able to pick and choose the mates they want, and captures those mates’ hearts and minds.

Another way to name what I wanted, though, was to be a guy who ‘didn’t count’.

The phrase ‘doesn’t count’ can apply to lots of things. However, the way women usually use it when talking about men they’ve had romantic involvements with is to describe men they want to erase from their histories: “He didn’t count.” “That guy didn’t count.” “Oh, Jim? He doesn’t count.”

That was the guy I wanted to be.

The one who ‘didn’t count’.

How to Hook Girls In, Pt.3: Building Intrigue

Alek Rolstad's picture

building intrigue
So far, we’ve tackled effective pre-opener tactics. Now it’s time to build intrigue to set the hook and reel her in.

Welcome back. So, last week we discussed opening, and in particular, pre-opening.

But what do you do once you open? You transition into material that hooks girls in. The things you have to focus on during the initial phase of the interaction are:

The first one is something you should always do throughout and after the interaction. The second aspect is the key here. There are many ways to hook a girl in a stimulating way. For example:

I use teasing sometimes, although I’m not an expert. I tend to fall into the trap of miscalibrating them and coming off as rude, ruining my sets.

Occasionally, some witty comments come out of my mouth, but it usually happens when I feel on fire – or in state, rather – which we label as high micro (social) momentum.

I will not discuss funny lines or teasing here because I will never write about anything that I am not a full-blown expert in. When it comes to “games”, they usually follow different structures. Using games is kind of out of trend these days.

Many guys prefer being more natural, and even for us technical guys, we like to make things “naturalized” rather than stick to canned games. Using canned games is so 2005 anyway! That said, they do work. They usually hook girls in and can stimulate them enough to buy some time.

Sadly, each game follows a different structure. I could write a post where I compile a bunch of games, but I think these will have been posted elsewhere on the web a century ago. Some examples that come to mind are The Cube, Strawberry Field, and question games. One I personally really like is called "Fuck, Marry, or Kill.”