Welcome back to another episode of Dating Mechanics! I’m Varoon Rajah, and today we explore a topic that frequently comes up on the Girls Chase boards – the question of dating your dream girl as a minority.
Our brains are super good at talking us out of doing stuff, even good stuff. Here’s how to switch roles and talk your brain into shutting up and getting laid.
We’ve all been there. You see that sexy creature and you want to approach her, but that little voice starts chirping, “All these people will see you. You don't want to come off as creepy, do you? You can try again tomorrow when you're in a better state. She’s on her phone, you don’t want to be annoying. Yeah, let’s try later.”
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Excuses, justifications, and avoidance. The more you think, the less you do. The less you do, the more you think. It’s frustrating. It feels like you’re a broken man, especially after watching all those infield vids on YouTube and reading all those Girls Chase articles that make it sound like common sense, like it’s so easy. But it’s not, is it?
When guys ask me what I think about when I approach, I tell them “Nothing.” And it’s true. I try to do all my approaches and everything that happens after as close to “the moment” as possible. And I’m pretty successful at it. But I wasn’t always so awesome.
The first time I went to a bar alone for the sole purpose of pickup – 11 years ago – I completely froze. I was in a room full of sexy women, completely packed, shoulder to shoulder. The longer I stood there, the deeper I went into my head. The excuses just piled on top of each other.
“Everyone is here with someone, except me.”
“They all know each other, and I don’t know anyone.”
“They’re all looking at me.”
“They know I’m alone – and terrified.”
Blah, blah, blah, excuses, fear, etc.
And even worse, I’d spent all night memorizing pickup routines. But as soon as that adrenaline spiked, approach anxiety overwhelmed me, and I either forgot all of them or convinced myself that I had because I was too terrified to try.
It’s amazing how great your ego is at talking you out of improving your life. It makes you think that by approaching women, you’re going to somehow die – a social death at least.
That summer night, I pedaled home through the humid Montreal streets on my bike, and I told myself, “Never again will I go out and not at least try.” But things didn’t really get better until I met a guy named Steve Piccus at a local seduction lair meeting, who claimed to be a master hypnotist. He was famous for being featured in the book The Game.
Steve showed us a simple meditation meant to clear our minds of chatter. He called it “silence the tongue”, the tongue being the voice that goes “Blah, blah, blah,” keeping us from achieving our goals. That short lesson, delivered to a room full of lonely, horny men, changed my life.
You meet a girl, and she tells you "You need to dress better when you go out" or "You shouldn't talk to girls that way." Can this be salvaged – or is your goose cooked?
Sometimes you meet a girl who hits you with a demand, a critique, or an instruction.
Sometimes it's in a flirtatious way. Others it's with attitude (whether annoyed, or of the schoolmarm variety). Either way, the words of the thing will look like these:
"You need to start dressing better and not wear t-shirts so much."
"You shouldn't walk up to girls and make fun of them before you know them."
"You have to do something about the way you talk to people. It's too assertive."
"You should be more respectful about how you talk to women."
"You need to trim your beard. It's too long."
"You should stop wearing torn jeans. It's not fashionable anymore."
... and any of a variety of similar instructions or critiques.
Again, the tone can vary: sometimes she's flirty; sometimes she acts like an adult lecturing a clueless kid.
There are a variety of ways to respond to these critiques. Most of these ways aren't that great.
However, there are a few excellent ways to respond to these, that are pretty much always what you want to go for.
Does your personality determine which types of girls you do best with? Which girls go for what, and what can you do to get the type of girls you want?
Almost every personality type can get girls. Some personalities are more naturally inclined to extroversion and socialization, so they tend to do better than more introverted personalities, but there is also strength in subtlety and grace.
The questions you need to ask yourself when considering who to become are these:
How many girls do I want?
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Each personality does well with specific other personalities – usually those that are similar.
As Chase has gone over extensively in One Date and The Dating Artisan (the best dating products on Earth), similarity is one third of what gets a girl into bed (arousal and compliance being the other two).
Note that as I describe these personality traits and women who gravitate towards them, there are always outliers and exceptions. I’ll be speaking in the general sense. In other words, this is how things usually play out, meaning that certain personality types will have “better” chances with particular girl types. I’m not taking the luck factor into account or guys with good enough game to overcome general trends.
For example, if you lean towards introversion, you will be better suited to a certain type of girl. You will do best with shy, less-attractive women. Extroverted guys will also be good with these women if they can lower their guard, but more often than not, these girls tend to gravitate towards introverted guys.
To most guys, of course, they’re not the most desirable of women. If you are an introvert but have great fundamentals, then you can land super-ambitious businesswomen who are fawned over by CEOs and business tycoons. These men are usually extroverts, but there are far more extroverts who are wild party guys than there are extroverted businessmen. The women in question like the extroversion of the party guy but not his comparatively carefree life. He’s not a serious prospect for a girl whose reputation is everything to her and her business.
Of course, there might be an artist who’s amazing with women and will absolutely kill it with ambitious girls, but they will probably gravitate towards a more serious type of guy. These are generalizations for the sake of painting a clear dichotomy, but personality differences reach far beyond the basic dichotomy of extroverted versus introverted.
As I’ve written in my article on girls and their types, you need to be what they want, and sometimes that can be complicated. Despite having a lot of similar features, we are vastly complex beings.
All relationships come with obstacles. Inexperience, jealousy, and societal pressure – just to name a few – can make polyamory particularly challenging.
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Last time, I gave you some examples of my successful attempts at building polyamorous relationships. As anyone who succeeds at anything knows, however, the failures strewn along the path toward success vastly outnumber the cases in which you see favorable outcomes. It's like what they say about pregnancy – everyone congratulates you if you get pregnant, but nobody knows how many times you got screwed. Though I hate how sex-negative that saying is, it still makes for a funny way to demonstrate the point effectively.
I can't possibly document all the failures I've had. Mostly, when things didn't work out, the women involved had explicitly stated that they couldn't imagine being in a polyamorous relationship and expressed significant resistance to the idea of it. Sure, there were times I tried to make things work anyway, but they pretty much never turned into healthy relationships. In such cases, it's best to simply move on or just keep it casual. I'll leave most of those cases out and focus on a select few.
Most of the time, it’s by accident, but some women leave stuff at guys’ places with ulterior motives... and not good ones. Here’s how to tell, and what to do about it.
Hey, welcome back.
Today, I will cover some more overall seduction-related subjects that apply to all of you, whether you meet women online, during the day, or at night.
This may be also relevant for those of you who are into building relationships with women, whether long- or short-term, casual, or significant.
You’ve probably experienced women “forgetting” stuff at your place. It is not uncommon, especially if they like you. But before I go any further, you may be thinking, “Why is this a subject I should pay attention to? Is this a problem that needs solutions?”
Even though some of you might think it’s cute that women forget their earrings back at your place, I believe you should be on guard. There are two things possibly at play here:
Major red flags
The beginning of a stream of manipulation attempts
I will go deeper into why you should be careful with this in a moment. This is an issue, and the experience that I will share here matches those of many other top seducers.
However, I know some others may disagree, especially with the assumption that women who forget stuff are psychos or “damaged goods”. That is a fair objection, as there are exceptions – girls genuinely forgetting something at your place, for instance!
Additionally, this is all derived from my own personal experience, which could easily differ from the observation of other experienced seducers. Anyway, if this happens to be the case, I would love to hear their take on it.
Hindsight is perfect. If you’re a young man yearning for a life full of hot chicks, here are 3 tips we older guys wish we implemented at your age.
So, I celebrated my 20th birthday a few months ago, and right now, I’m just a couple months away from entering my fifth year as a seducer. It’s been quite a journey since that day back in my mid-teens, when a high school friend of mine put me onto Neil Strauss’ book, The Game.
That night, as I stayed up until morning reading, my eyes opened to the wonderful world of seduction. It was like a portal to something new and immersive had been revealed to me. This discovery was the first step, ultimately leading to me becoming a part of the seduction community. I’d easily say that it was one of the pivotal moments in my life.
As you might have guessed from the title of today’s article, this one’s going to be for our young readership here on Girls Chase; the teenagers, high-schoolers, and college freshmen who are just getting into this world of seduction or have already started their journey on this path.
Now, I must say that when I first started learning about seduction, I wasn’t quite sure what to think.
Most of the seducers were skilled guys, posting lay reports on forums for the newcomers who were reading the articles and asking questions hoping to learn some of the skills involved to try and get a girlfriend. The majority of the seduction masters tasked with the challenge of teaching all these newcomers and helping them grow were several years older than me.
You see, capable seducers who had started their journey back in their teenage years were rare, so the already-difficult path of becoming skilled looked even more difficult because there weren’t a lot of reference points for young seducers like myself to draw from. On top of that, it seemed like there just wasn’t a lot of advice out there targeted specifically for young men.
So, in this article, I’m going to talk about certain aspects of learning seduction as a young man and, more importantly, give the advice I wish I could have gotten back when I put my boots on the ground for the first time at the age of 15. Let’s get right into it.
To become a successful day-gamer, you need a good work ethic. Abiding by these three rules will focus your efforts and put you on the path to glory.
In part three of this series, I covered verbal game, experiential learning, conquering fear, the two-minute rule, and exposure therapy. See the pattern here? These are mostly inner game issues, rather than outer game techniques.
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When you fix the inner game, the outer game fixes itself.
Think of a world champion fighter like Mike Tyson. He grew up on the streets of Brooklyn, dealing drugs and breaking into houses. As a young man, he was bullied by thugs. He learned how to use his fists out of fear and necessity long before he mastered any kind of technique. By the time he met his trainer and went on to win the Olympics at 19 years old, he’d already been in dozens, maybe hundreds of fights. And of course, he didn’t win them all.
“I come out. I have supreme confidence, but I’m scared to death,” Tyson said. “I’m afraid. I’m afraid of everything. I’m afraid of losing, I’m afraid of being humiliated. But I’m just totally confident. The closer I get to the ring, the more confident I get. Once I’m in the ring, I’m a god. No-one could beat me.”
Think of these words when you want to approach a girl. It’s not so bad once you’re in the ring.
The 3 second rule says you must approach a girl within three (3) seconds of realizing you want to talk to her. When do you follow this rule – and when not?
For today's Tactics Tuesday, I've dug up an old pickup rule some of you well know, and others may not have heard of.
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The 3 second rule stems from the early online seduction community. It's a "Mystery" tactic (one of the early 2000s seduction pros). And while you don't want to be rigid about it, it for sure can be a handy little thing.
The 3 second rule works like so: from the instant you spot a girl you'd like to approach, you have three (3) seconds to approach her.
The purpose of the rule is to avoid all the downsides that accompany waiting too long to approach: the buildup of nervousness, worrying thoughts that lead to psyching yourself out, and the closing of the approach escalation window.
The rule itself is straightforward. Today we'll talk about a couple reasons it's useful... plus when it's better to ignore this rule.
Being humans, our relationship desires don’t always fit with the culturally-prescribed model. So let’s explore the alternatives, and what to expect with each.
