Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

When you ask a girl out and she asks for your social media, what do you say if you don’t have one? How do you communicate not being on there to girls?

The other day a reader named Luon Di mentioned in a comment communicating to girls you’re not on social media:

Since then, she has been texting me daily. I try to keep our exchanges brief. We have a date planned in the next week. Early on, I thought I had lost her, after she asked for my social media and then she stopped replying after I answered why I don't have any (there are several reasons). This is becoming a recurring problem every time I meet a girl, and a major factor in why I have lost some very early on, despite me justifying it very reasonably to them. The next day she finally answered, empathetically.

In his case, in this particular incident, it worked out. But I would like to talk about those situations where girls give you pushback, go quiet, or act like it’s “weird.”

First off, I’m not going to write an article on the pros and cons of social media for men. I talked about that way back in 2012 regarding Facebook, and the exact same logic applies today to Instagram, TikTok, you name it. The same dynamics that were and are at play on Facebook then are at play on other social media apps today. The apps change but the dynamics don’t. You can get my opinion on it – then make up your own mind – in that earlier article.

This article is squarely aimed at guys who either are not on social media at all, or prefer not to share their social media with people (i.e., girls) they’ve just met. Maybe their follower counts aren’t all that impressive; or on the other hand maybe they share a lot of stuff on there they don’t want strangers to see.

If that’s you, read on, and we’ll talk about how to make this not a detriment for you with girls, but an actual advantage.

When you run into a girl you know socially at a bar, club, or party, you may want to pick her up. But first, you must check whether conditions are RIPE…

This article was inspired by a recent forum thread. In it, our forum member knew a girl through social circle who seemed to like him. She’d give him ‘strong eye contact’ and ‘a little smile’ each time he saw her, but he never spoke to her, and she stopped showing up in his social circle.

Later on, he found her at a bar she bartended at. Here’s what happened:

In a bar we made a little chit-chat and she was really happy when we talked. But it was too loud there for long conversation, too many people and she was really busy. So I decided to ask her out, well because that was maybe my only chance. She blew me off.

We haven’t talked since then, but I occasionally see how she stares at me.

Maybe I overthink things.

The truth was, he’d declined to chat her up in a safe venue (the social circle) and opted for a much riskier one (the bar she bartended at, while she was busy and on the clock). That was the biggest mistake.

But it isn’t always a mistake to pick up on social circle girls at bars and parties. Sometimes it backfires. But sometimes it helps! Sometimes the girl who’s ambivalent toward you in social circle may be forward and uninhibited with you when you encounter her in nightlife. Other times it’s the opposite – girls who really liked you in social circle go ice cold with you in nightlife.

The difference is understanding which are safe ways to pick up girls from your social circle at bars and parties, versus which are risky ways to do so.