Reactions from Women, or Results with Women? | Girls Chase

Reactions from Women, or Results with Women?

I intended for this to be a shorter post, since I’ve put up a few long ones in a row and I didn’t get much sleep last night as I’m still rocking a jet lag (so much for my claims to not be affected by that… it’s good though, I’m waking up early in the morning and cranking on stuff I want to work on, so my jet lag has actually made me more productive). We’ll see if I’m able to write something concise this time, just to shake things up a bit and throw everyone a curve ball. A short article from Chase? Bet you weren’t expecting that!

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

Excellent post. I'd like to add my opinion of why a lot of guys prefer to be entertainers in social situatuions; its because guys don't want to come across as threatening. Society and the media go out of their way to paint real men as dangerous; therefore most men find it safer to be cute and silly rather than masculine.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey man, great point, and one that ought not be overlooked. There's definitely a strong fear of being a threatening, dangerous male in the West that sends men scrambling for the opposite extreme to avoid that label. Good call on that one, and thanks for commenting!

Chase

Anonymous's picture

SOOO TRUE i play it soooo cool for this bullshit media impression that I am viewed as a potential rapist because I have a penis, but you don't get pussy points for playing it cool. I haven't.

Dr. Asian Rake David's picture

Hey Chase,
Excellent article here, as usual.

Some allowances can be made for total beginners, though, as they may have never even gotten "reactions," let alone "results." So it would make sense that they'd get all giddy when she gets giddy over them. But yes, they should be taught early on to aim for results (most easily gauged by compliance/investment).

Always a pleasure reading your writing, my man!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

David! What's up brother? Hope the New Year is treating you well these days!

Way cool to see you on here, man; appreciate the reply. For sure, beginners do often need to go off of reactions -- may be the closest thing to a metric you have to work off of when you're just starting out. Investment is a great additional results metric that I probably should've included in that list of what to look for, now that you mention it.

Great to hear from you, man; hope it's a good year for business in Singapore!

Chase

Anonymous's picture

I'm usually cynical about these kind of websites but I have to admit I am impressed with all the good sense you talk. I'm definitely a beginner at seduction, I'm still at school and despite my social skills, have never got anywhere with a girl. While I'm sure this is partly because I'm not meeting enough women, I often find that I'm not even getting reactions, and can struggle to keep a girl's attention for enough time to move a conversation forward. Do you have any advice?

Anonymous's picture

im taking your advice which is good. i over did the text messages and proclaimed my love with long messages after she didnt text back and she would reply that she was okay and i was just silly that she is in her own head she still calls me love we have been talking for about 1.5 years everything was good till now but she really wont text back and when i offer to hang out she says her phone really wasnt working but yet she says she really cares for me and misses me.. i think the radio silence should help out. i was the energtic guy but i just want to know where do i go from here? how do i fix this and when she does text back how to i go about asking for just a hangout or date like i really like her but ant trying to mess this up anymore than i have already thanks in advance.

Lithium's picture

Hey chase, thnx a million for the blog nd posts, they have really been a guide and a formula to a lot of issues guys tackle. I have this issue i need u to throw some light on nd help me out with. Therez this preety gurl i met at a place nd the conversation was going smoothly though she rarely smiled. Later on, we met her mum and i was getn along with her as well, we all hung around a bit, did a little shopping and i proceeded to head to her mumz place(The gurl doesnt live with her mum). after a bit of talking her mum began to tell me some not very nice things about her daughters life and how she wanted to help her get a better life by sending her outta the country. she did scold the gurl a little in front of me and after a while she nd the gurl had a fight nd i tried to resolvd issues but to no avail, which ended up in the gurl running home out of anger. and since then she har refused to pick my calls. Honestly i dont know where to go from here. yot advice will be most useful.

Sfguru2008's picture

Yo Chase,

Excellent article. I've never looked at it this way. Especially by the sentence: "Don’t deny a woman the opportunity to be with you simply because she doesn’t seem to be reacting the way you think a girl who’s interested should react".

Currently I had a first date with a woman and she gave me mixed signals like described in your other post (holding arms, eating out of 1 plate, teasing back and forth, deep diving). I was looking for indicators of interest hoping I would see the cue to advance faster. At a certain point we were talking about dancing. She rephrased "dancing" twice like implying something. I took that cue as "let's go home". And I think I screwed up there.

I drove her home and parked the car. Chit-chatting for a bit, hoping she would invite me in (I already went inside when I picked her up). In other words, I didn't charge forward but was waiting for a indication. I didn't progress forward and went home. I didn't even kiss her because during the goodbye she literally said (and I have never had this one before) when coming forward "kisses on the cheek".

Hopefully I will get a second chance to progess faster. Any tips on this? I will probably see her this weekend and want to be intimate with her by then. What I will certainly use are your "move faster, 10 minute in kiss, and don't wait for her reaction the way I think she should" advice.

Many thanks for the reply

Note: this is a socially calibrated girl. She's 30 and has game to be honest but she is fina as hell!

Anonymous's picture

Hi, there's this one girl i really like but i feel that she doesnt love as the same way i love her.... Well when im talking to her shes having good reactions and replies, but i always got to start conversation with her and now im starting to have no more topics to speak with her, and i feel like im loosing her right now, and I just want to know how she could get more interrested about me and that she starts talking to me more often...

Anonymous's picture

Great article man. I've seen some women give me reactions, and more recently, others give very little reactions to any flirting or chase-framing that I do.

So when I get reactions, I already know how respond and win. My auto-pilot takes care of this. But when I get non-reactions my mind goes blank and I have no clue to how to proceed. I have lost control, and as such, I cannot yet convert such women into a win yet...

But my issue here isn't a lack of reactions on a pickup, but lack of reactions on a first date. If I'm on a date, and I am enjoying her company and she's enjoying mine (deep-diving, teasing, humor, etc), if I then naturally start flirting and chase-framing, if I don't get any reactions, my subconscious throws up red-flags and says STOP! SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT!

But what you are saying is that some girls will like a guy so much that they don't flirt back? If so, WHY?? It could be shyness, but I've encountered some girls that don't appear to be shy still not reacting! Even though they are smiling and clearly enjoying themselves with me.

I'm trying to understand as much as I can. And so you suggested that it could be the case that a woman may like a guy so much that she doesn't want to flirt and potentially drive him away. Why would this be true?

It could also be that she is very aware of what she's doing (creating tension/playing hard-to-get). All I know is recently, I've met some women like this who aren't very outward in their reactions. Have you ever devised a "test" to see if the reason is it's a woman who's shy/afraid of reacting, or if she's basically just "testing" you to see how strong you are? Reasons can help my on-the-fly adjustment of behavior.

But the problem I have is I currently lack the inspiration to turn up the heat when women I like on a date don't flirt back. When woman elects not to react on a date, it feels like any continuation of chase-framing or flirting/giving compliments would mean I am chasing after her, being too try-hard. I already tried this line of behavior and it's not working! So now I'm clueless!

So my automatic response is to auto-reject and dial down the flirting, the chase-framing. And to set up a friend-zone vibe in my mind. When they don't react, it's just not fun, not exciting, not dangerous! But the thing is I may be walking away from some amazing women just because they aren't as exciting. (I know some girls walk away from men for this reason).

And so I need preparation ahead of time for mrs. non-reactive. This is my greatest challenge right now (since I just walk away from them). Even if I know they have great qualities, it's just that my emotional system isn't invigorated to chase them harder or keep them around when they don't react. I don't have the skills to tip the non-reactive situation into my favor. So I need to attend to this situation like a master. Perhaps you can help!

A solution could be to just tell them matter-of-factly how their lack of reaction makes me feel. I haven't tried this, but I feel like this would kill the mood with women who are already a bit nervous anyway. There is the chance that it could inspire her to change and "keep up with me" but she could also just auto-reject. Who knows? Or if she really is holding back intentionally to "test" me, then telling her this would certainly make me look weak. Like I need her permission (reactions) for me to man up and escalate! But again, assuming such women are socially adept, and they do like time spent with a me, wouldn't it be more fun to simply flirt back and give subtle clues to how they feel? You know to inspire me to escalate, since that's what they really want anyway? Maybe some of these women just like being dominated and will only do things with guys they like WHO also escalates and dominates without any help or clues from her at all. You know since she has abundance and can find another more debonair chap who will escalate regardless.

So maybe the solution really is like what you said, not to call them out but instead move things forward anyway pushing for results, touch them, pull them close, kiss them, invite them home, do what the heck I want (with respect of course), and not worry about rejection. But currently, for me it's soooooo hard to. I just feel out-of-place escalating on a woman that doesn't respond flirtatiously at ALL to my charms. I get an icky feeling, almost like rape if I would escalate on this woman. Maybe I'm too nice! But I feel like I'm missing some piece of information/conditioning on the male-female dynamic. Any suggestions?

But maybe it's like you say, try regardless of reactions and if she says stop, then stop. And don't equate her lack-of-reactions to meaning "stop, and don't ever escalate on me!" It takes a strong, debonair chap to do this. To not care about reactions (which for me currently are like a go-ahead signal). So this can potentially be the ultimate test of masculinity! If this is true, and certain women intentionally don't respond to flirtation just to see what I will do...then these women are good!!!!!! But I strive to be better!!!!!

Anonymous 's picture

Chase,

I've been reading much of your lessons today having stumbled upon your website by accident. I find your advise quite logical and enlightening. Here's my dilemma: I met this gorgeous russian girl through Match.com in early January. She is 34 with a 14 year old daughter. I am 45, never married, no kids. She has been in the US for seven years. We texted frequently and had phone conversations which seemed to go very well. The subject of sex was even broached during this time but I kept it cool. We both admitted to a having a connection right away.

We met for drinks about two weeks after first making contact via Match.com. I was nervous and I believe she was too but after a couple of glasses of wine I loosened up. I am very observant to body language and noticed that she faced me while we talked and she had touched my leg a couple times during the hour long meeting. I forged ahead with this signal and became more relaxed as the conversation progressed. The restaurant was closing so we had to leave. Just before leaving I gave her a small box of truffles which seemed to impress her. When we got to the parking lot I made my move to kiss her. We kissed passionately for a couple of minutes before she pulled away and said she had to go. On her way home she called me and we talked for a few minutes more.

Following this first "date" we continued texting daily. She would text me good morning and goodnight. This made me feel like she really liked me. We talked on the phone on her commute to work. She has a very strong russian accent so the conversations were difficult to understand at times. We arranged for a second date at an upscale, romantic restaurant. We talked, drank lots of wine and seemingly had a great time. When asked, she said the date was at least an 8.5 on a scale from 1-10. She is incredibly beautiful and sexy but she does have a sarcastic and very emotional personality. After dinner we made out in the parking lot with lots of kissing and my caressing her sexy torso. I wanted to have sex with her that night but it didn't happen. I'm not sure if I should have pushed the envelope further? I didn't want to come across too aggressive.

Things still progressed after that night...texting and talking on the phone. I did see some unattractive personality traits begin to appear. One time I asked her on the phone to call me to say goodnight when she got into bed and she replied that she hadn't seen her daughter all day and that I'm not a priority. This made me mad but I kept my cool.

For our third and fourth date I took her to see two live performances. She is very much into live performances. I've invested quite a bit of time and money with this girl so far, but still no intimacy. An interesting note: after the fourth date concert we drove to get something to eat. She mentioned out of nowhere that her best friend was having boyfriend problems and that she would happily buy her a vibrator to help her get over him. She then mentioned that her best friend's boyfriend also wanted to go to a swinger's club. In your opinion, was this a subtle hint that she wanted me to take her to a swingers club or was it just conversation??

After the forth date is when everything turned to crap. Her texts were much more infrequent and cold. I asked her what was wrong and she texted me that she would talk to me after work however, she never did. I played it cool and did not text her for a week. By the way, this was during the week of Valentines Day.

After a week of no communication, I texted her. I was very, very pissed off that she would just ignore me after my spending so much time and money on her and my being a gentleman whenever we were together. However, I kept my emotions at bay and simply asked what was wrong. She said we had fun and that I did everything right but something just didn't click. She couldn't explain beyond that. She said we could be friends for now if that would work for me.

I asked her if she would allow me to take her out again to drink some souvenir wine we had gotten from the last concert I had taken her to. She replied "we can do that."

A month went by without a word from her. I refrained from texting her because I felt very rejected and that she no longer had any interest in me, so why bother texting her? I finally broke down and texted her last week. I asked her if she had any plans for the upcoming Saturday as I wanted to drive to the keys and asked her if she'd like to go. She texted me back within a couple of minutes saying she had to work. She then said "first of all hi, how r u :-)" I was quite surprised to hear back from her so quickly after a month of silence. She said she couldn't leave for a whole day because of her teenage daughter. Not sure if I believe her excuse. I would think she could have someone watch her daughter for a day, but whatever. I told her to bring her daughter along but she does not want to introduce her to men until needed.

Unfortunately, I'm really crazy about this girl and am wondering and hoping if there is anything I can do to turn this around and get her to be interested in me again??? I feel there is hope considering she answered my text last week. She has not texted me and I have not texted her since because I'm not sure of my next move and I don't want to chase someone who has no interests in me. Call it stubborn pride. Also, because she is russian I'm wondering if cultural differences are into play as to what to do next.

Please tell me if there is any hope and if there is hope are my chances good or poor that I can turn this around and what I should do to make it happen???

Thank you!!!

Sjoerd's picture

Hi Chase, Thanks for once again a great analysis. Still one important question to be answered: what to do when you get results but no reactions?

There's this amazing girl in my sports organisation. We went out for drinks in town with a couple of other sports friends, all sitting on one table. She was sitting opposite to me, and soon we started having a lengthy fun conversation at the table with only the two of us, ignoring the rest, while the group were talking all together.

Next time we went to a concert with 6 friends, where soon I got another result as I broke her away from the group, lost them out of sight and we enjoyed the whole concert together with the two of us.

But here's the problem during the drink AND during the concert, she kept all of her walls up. She literally showed ALL of the points you described: crossed arms, sitting away from me, no intense eye contact, disagreeing all the time etc.

Then I asked her out to go to the cinema. She happily accepted my invitation, with exclamation marks and all. So yes, another result. But when we were sitting in the cinema though, she was sitting so far away from me that for strangers it might look like she was having a date with the neighbour sitting to her the other side, instead of with me. She made ZERO eye contacts with me during the movie, although I was often searching for it, let alone physical contact.

After the cinema, I asked her to have another drink at the cinema cafe. She gladly accepted. Another result, one could say. But because of these ice cold walls she put up, there was no way I felt I could cross the bridge to make out with her.

What is going on? Perhaps she's into me or perhaps I'm friendzoned, but it's hard to figure out based on these 'results' that I'm having...

Tomas's picture

Hi CHASE!

This phenomenon "reactions vs. results" is even more visible in online dating. You know, first online date is when you meet someone you have never seen before, but you are somehow expected to click, based on your virtual contact... Such a date is often arranged as a simple coffee date (for the sake of safety etc.). That means you cannot end in bed easily and so you are left to her reactions, not results.

Now, my experience. Of course, there were great first dates that led to sex on some next date (or even on the same date). And there were lot of bad dates with nothing more. But there were also strange dates, just referring to what Chase teaches. Some women seemed uninterested, but agreed to another date and finally we slept together. And some first dates went very good, but there was no second date.

Two extreme examples... I met a woman, she looked closed, I didn't see a single sign of attraction, she didn't even let me kiss me on her lips on parting. Two days later, I wanted to end communication with her. She was surprised, kind of panic, then she wrote she wanted to tell me something and felt ashamed of it. She wrote - I want sex and I want sex with you.

Opposite extreme example... I met a woman for about an hour (time was limited), she was at ease, flirting, staring into my eyes. The conversation was great, playful, sparky. I held her hand for a while, kissed her. Later we kissed passionately, then we had to part our ways, however. I texted her later that I enjoyed the time with her. She replied - "Tom, sorry, it won't work out, I felt no chemistry."

CHASE, could you answer me following? Or someone from the team?

The latter experience brings questions. A woman feeling no chemistry and tongue-kissing me? Or is it that she was attracted enough to kiss, but needed more to go beyond that?
What if I kissed her and we made out? What if we ended having sex? Would that be possible? If so, would she still appologize she felt no chemistry?

Cheers and thank you. Tom

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