What to Do When a Girl Doesn't Text Back | Girls Chase

What to Do When a Girl Doesn't Text Back

Chase Amante

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girl doesn't text backA reader writes in:

I found something strange. Everytime Im having long interactions with girls in pickups on the streets, I bomb. I mean, she dont text back. It reminds me of Murphies law: If everything cant go wrong, IT WILL. I recently approached 10 women of which gave me attraction signals. They touched me, called me cute, called me the most interesting person, smiled, was high energy, stayd 20 minutes with me, and asked me to text them. I had good interactions with them and was smoothe and confident. I bonded wtih them and made plans to see them. They never texted back and I dont nkwo why.

I did another experiment where I cutted my interaction short about 3 minutes and asked for the number. Most of the shorter ones agreed on dates and texted back, and note, most of them gave me negative signs first. Is it because women use guys that they give fake "attraction signals?" Why do they seem so much into me at first but never bother to actually get into contact again? It happens over and over so much that when a girl give me signals thats too good to be true,I can almost predict that I will never hear from her again and Im alwasy right. I know it sounds counter-intuitive but I think the women who give you immediate signals are maybe time waster"? And what is your thoughts, do you find the same?

Brings back memories.

When I stepped up my activity levels in 2006, I noticed an odd trend: the women I spoke to for longer periods of time, and seemed more into me, ended up being less likely to ever return my phone calls or texts.

How bizarre, I thought to myself. This certainly doesn't make much sense.

But the numbers didn't lie. So, I did the only logical thing I could think to do: I worked to shorten the time I'd spend with girls whose phone number I intended to grab, and only spend a longer time with girls I intended to take home that day or night.

Almost overnight, the problem of girls not texting back and girls not calling back all but disappeared. But it still left me scratching my head a bit... why did spending more time with a girl and having her come to like you more lead to her falling off the face of the Earth and not returning text and calls later?

 

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

I came across this posted on reddit, made a lot of sense. It kinda helps understand the whole thing. http://www.dailyfailcenter.com/160498

Marko's picture

I meet a girl in the pub, we have a good laugh and good chatting all night and then unexpected got her phone number. When the pub closed, she asked me to come her friends house for more drinking. I was like ok. So we arrived there and get off the bus, all of friends went into the house quicky but myself and this girl walked slow and then she stop me walk and give me a good kiss. Of course, I was happy because I like her. Then we went into the house we were still chatting for a while. I decided to leave because of I have to get up early in morning. So she asked me to meet her on next day. I dont mind at all because I like her. I text her in morning and said 'it was a lovely meet you'. She never reply. I leave it for few days and then text her again, never got reply from her yet. Did I do anything wrong to her?

Brad garret's picture

So I met this girl at a church thing right. First time I went there. After the first two minuets of talking she asks me for my number. So then we were watching this church band perform thing. She sings on stage and everything. So when she comes down off the stage she kinda motions me to come with to sit by her. So I did. Well we whisper back and forth a little during the time were sitting listening to a lady talk. Well the church bus is leaving and I'm gonna miss it so I hesitantly leave. Well the two days after that night we text on and off. Well the third day the talking is kinda slow. Well the fourth day I say hi a little after noon and I know she read the message because the iMessage says so. But no reply. This has happened a couple times. I really like her. And she seemed to like me. Did I do something wrong or is she just not interested any more. It is 6:00 now and still no reply

Joseph_esclea's picture

Hello Chase,

I hope you answer my doubts, I will try to make it short... Ok so I met a girl the 26 of January this year. My friend introduced her to me. I was supposed to help her with calculus and algebra, I didn´t teach her much that day, because we didn´t have that much time. When we left her at her house we kissed good bye. I told my friend to tell her if I could have her number and sh told him "Of course, give it to him!". We then saw each other after school the 29th, we waited for our mutual friend to come. I held her backpack and while we were walking, there is a step about a foot high. I passed it and then offered my hand to her, which she gave to me. She let me buy her her food and let me hold her hand while I was teaching her how to use chinesse sticks (sushi). The last time we saw eachother was the 2 of February. She asked me questions about me, if i liked this and that. She knows since the 28th that I like her because my friend told her "Hey I think Jose likes you, what do you think of him? so he doesn´t get his hopes up". She told him "I won´t tell you anything, so you can go and tell him if things are going to work then good if not well..". I think to myself: "If she isn´t interested or attracted why didn´t she tell him, you know I really don´t see him that way, it was that simple.". That is in person, in text... she takes like 5 to 6 hours to respond IF she responds, and when she does she texts something totally new. I see she gets online in whatsapp, but doesn´t reply. I already made an appointment with her this 5th of Feb. I am going to give her some supplies I don´t need anymore. I was thinking buying her a hello kitty usb since she doenst have one and loves hello kitty. And tell her right there, that I would like to get to know her better and stuff. What do I do I am really lost, should I do that? why does she act distant through text? PLEASEE HELP ME I know you get a lot of stories and mine is LOOONG, but pleease help me. :(

Jones101703's picture

Hi chase,

I'm 18 years old. I met this girl named Kristina at a party, our interaction went pretty well. I than added her on facebook, shot her a message & then she began chasing me. It started with her investing in me. I didn't try to get into long text conversations with her, I instead told her to call me at night & so she did. I tried to set up dates with her, she lives 45 mins away. She claims to always be busy, & works 3 jobs. Her interest level seems to have gone down dramatically after three weeks of talking. She's cold in our text conversations & not very warm. I'm wondering should I persist or just give up?

Yours,

YoungSweetJones

Jontre Jones

rick 's picture

hey ,
i just met a girl in her college fest , she gave me pretty strong signals eye contact and smile 1st day so i talked a lil bit and on 2nd day again same signals but i played safe avoiding her but on last day i made my move so did she , also by standing besides me and asking to sit with me , so i asked her number gave my cell phone to her to feed her contact so she can feel that she invested something .
i left her message just ( i.e rick here) and she replied got it on 1st day of messaging then on second day i played cool did not message her but on third day started conversation left her a message got an instant reply.But after a while say about 5 mints of 2-3 message's exchanged she replied me half an hour late i played cool again as usual did not wanted to sound desperate then the convo again picked up then i messaged her also late(15mints) just saying goodnight as i wanted to have an upper hand , she also said goodnight .
i am learning the game , as i am a new bee .
My question - is she trying to play safe or just messing around and why do girls break the flow of conversation while texting ?

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,

First of all, fantastic advice.
Okay, so the other day I met this beautiful girl at a bar that I work at and we immediately hit it off. I find out that she cuts hair and she gives me a free haircut coupon and I tell her that I will be there to get my haircut the next day. She even tells me what hours she work so, that I would see her. After this, I got her number and she proceeds to invite me over to her place to smoke.
We get to her place and we're sitting on her couch just relaxing when I make a little move but it's denied but we continue to chill. Before I know it, it's 6:30 in the morning and we have fallen to sleep on the couch together...no sex. I wake up but before I leave, we share a pretty intense hug...I know, we just hug.
Anyway, the next day, I actually go to this chicks barbershop and use the free coupon she offered me. I see her there and she genuinely seemed exited to see me. Nonstop eye contact, the blushing, everything.
So, my thinking is that this girl is definitely into me. So, after my hair cut, I text her to she if she's doing anything during the weekend, her response verbatim, "nothing, what's up?" To which I reply, "Okay well I'm taking you to this (blues club), bring your dancing shoes" It has been a day and she has yet to respond to me. Usually, at least for me, this gets an immediate response. Especially, if I think the girl is interested. If I was too aggressive in the asking out process, please help me fix this. I really like this girl.

Az's picture

great advice. totally agree on the short interaction theory. however i don't agree with the no reply rules. generally i follow the structure below:

if there are no prior texts exchanged:
initial greeting text ignored - (it's fine because she doesn't need to reply)
wait a day min.
2nd text after the greeting ignored - (she's not replying due to one of the reasons you wrote about)
wait 3 days - a week
3rd and final text (if she doesn't reply then move on)

if there's already a conversation going then it's on a case to case basis but if she's cancelling continuously then high chances she's not interested.
either way it's your time so just keep moving forward friends.

chase if you read this, i'd like your thoughts on this structure, i think if she's interested this is a good way of filtering, being direct and not depreciating your value.

Anonymous's picture

my questions is I hooked up with a girl, but before we went all the way she said lets wait i like you. The following fri we went out to dinner had a great time. made out etc. but she said she had to get up early so i took her home around midnight. That following tues, my bday she was so excited to take me out for drinks and dinner before we met up with friends. But again stated she cant stay out late bc she has work early the next day...we end up stayign out until midnight she drives me home more kisses and then makes plans again to see me fri where she will have more time and can stay over since she doesnt have work sat morn. Suggests that i cook her dinner and we finally go see that movie we were talking about.... well fri rolls around she comes over is super affectionate makign out cuddling but says she got screwed at work and has to cover a shift in am....we eat dinner go to the late movie and she is leaning on my should er the whole time and holding my hand... we get home she leaves my house at like 2am after movie and says shes upset she cant stay over. Well since last fri basically no replies to texts ( and i havent really been texting much or asking to hang out since i know shes working, just one liners) got a couple generic responses on sunday way after i texted like going back in tonight worked 12hrs yestr. She has worked non stop since sat so i know shes busy and finally responded 24 hrs later on tues after i asked how her event went on sun "still grinding finally off starting this afternoon" i texted back to her and didnt hear back until this am to the effect "sorry i didnt get back to you, got off work and holed up in my apt.." I waited and responded, "can only imagine how bad you needed that after 6 days of work" still no response...... before that the past 2 weeks we would text back and forth not immediate but would reciprocate within a couple hrs and got more of a feeling that she wanted to talk/tell me about her day. I want to say shes busy and needed time to herself but now i feel like im loosing my mojo in the situation and have lost control over communicating.

Anonymous's picture

So in addition to above....she responded a little later to my comment. basically said yeah she needed that down time and also just finished snowboarding. i said great day for it and then sent a message "how the rest of your week looking? lets get together" and its now over 24hrs and no response. Def gonna give it many days before i try any communication.

Kevin S.'s picture

Greeting sir, how are you? Could you please help answer my questions too? I will highly appreciate and if you can't it's okay. I still appreciate for your time reading it anyway.

>Alright, so I met this girl the other day, she seem like she was interested in me; nice and shy/quiet girl you know. So than I ask her to be my girlfriend and so she say "yes." For the past two days, I'm constantly text messaging her because I wanted to get to know her better. I thought I was just doing the right thing to be a "Caring Boyfriend." Apparently, now she wanted to be friend. She text message me back saying "I think it's just me, but can we be friends because I don't really know you that well." I message her back saying "That's fine, etc." Third day: This morning I text message her if I could come visit her at her school because I was passing by to go get my Transcript. Nope, she did not reply back at all even until now; usually she does, but oh well. I didn't even bother text messaging her back anyway. Thought maybe it would be to overly obsessed. So I just let it be.

Chase, what do you think? You think I should moved on and forget about it. Give me some feedback. For the past years, I had been overly rejected. I'm doing the right thing everyday. I'm not no criminal or what ever. Last week, I asked a girl I liked for several months ago to prom. Apparently she rejected me. Yes, that was pretty depressing. (Again) I told myself that I give up; I'm tired of starting a new "Get to Know You." And there it was, I was set up to a blind date with the "nice and shy/quite girl the other day."

-Kevin S.

Frank Roberts's picture

Came onto me strong, gave me her number. Saw her a day after, she slept over and we had sex. Happened the day after as well. Now when trying to see her, I get reasonable responses but a consistent, "I'll call you later," "I'll text you later," in response to trying to see her. Never get that response. Only excuses. Any thoughts?

Luis's picture

So there's this girl I met and we have talk for like one day fully got along really quick thou she wants to meet me I wanna meet her she's been busy thou so we were talking about that and so we wanna take everything slow cuz she just got out of a relationship and doesn't wanna get I to something quickly also she has been busy with school and work this few weeks also she felt a lot of pressure on herself me so then after that day I texted her the next day I got no response then texted her later night nothing either. The next day I texted her around 11 she texted back only once then after she didn't at all and I know she read my texts cuz it said read and then Tuesday I texted her again and she replied talked for a little but then nothing and I texted her at night but nothing at all...and today I didn't text her the whole day and she never replied idk what to do!? Should I just wait till the weekend or what?? Please help really like this girl and don't wanna ruin things?...

#messedup's picture

I was goin to movies wit a girl I met sam day an she took a raincheck sayin she coundnt fit me In her evenin an then we texted for a hour bout nothin tho as I told her I usually play textin games lik guess th lyrics (lame I kno) an even she said she coundnt understand one text an tht my game sound Interestin an I replyed tht It sound lame now an said she was lyin for sayin that (yea screwed u tht up) I gotta plan to come back while iam kinda still on first impressions but I wud love ur advise ur post an advise r real dead on

JR's picture

Ok liking the advice here and im glad im not alone. So i go to a local bar once and awhile and know the bartender very good(girl) i have a couple drinks and i see another bartender (fine as hell) she comes up to the other bartender i know and i over hear her saying she was trying online dating and had a bad experience she walks away, i have a little liquid courage in me because i am usually very shy and i tell my bartender why is she doing online dating shes gorgeous and she tells me that shes very busy with school/work/charity.Next thing i know both disappear in the back and my bartender comes over to me and says we need to have a serious conversation i told her what you said and she told me to give you her number soo im like hell ya shes 27 im 29. So we end up texting for the next couple of nights next thing i know it stops and i wait 2 day before texting again and she responds so its thursday night and i let her know my buddies and i are going out saturday you should come hang out, no response saturday comes around and my phones dies on me around 10:30 pm and i know she gets off around 10 pm, i get home around 1 am charge my phone and i have a missed text from her around 11 pm saying sorry i just barely just got off work we were busy, so i felt like breaking my phone but not really because i let her know 2 days prior what i was doing and she texted last minute. So she tells me shes off on mondays and so am I, I wait till monday to hit her up and she already has plans a co-workers bday.Then ill get a text like every 3 days i respond back and i get no response so im like wtf been going on for 3 weeks so im ready to just move (very confused)

Mihir's picture

Hey Chase, I love reading your articles and i have tried applying them for staring a convo with girls. It really helped a lot Thanks for that. But some times while talking to girls it really confuses me. I mean while talking they reply to me at first but later on they stop replying. The thing i am gonna tell you is about just a girl, but same happens to me frequently.
Well i just try to find out a real caring girl for me to be in a relationship with. Even if it is a Long distance relationship (LDR) it can go on if the two loves each other.

SORRY IF I HAD TO POST IT SOMEWHERE ELSE. WELL I HAVE POSTED IT ON OTHER ARTICLES TOO.
Your posts really helped me a lot so i wish you could help me in this.

So here is my story.
I try to talk to girls many reply, some don't. But there is a girl we met on a online game which we both play. So we started to talk to each other. She said she likes to talk to me when i asked her about it. (I asked her coz many don't like if someone texts her frequently) So i talk to her when ever i get time in a day. She also replies me when she get time. So it was going good. We thought of having some nick names of each other. Actually it was my idea but she said it will be a cute thing to do. So i had one, when i asked her "What would you like to keep mine?" She replied "I cant decide any name for you". So i didn't insisted her her. But i continued to say her with a name which i kept for her. Then again a few days gone. Then a guy came out of nowhere. I saw her talking with him on the game. (The game has a chat window where every player can talk with each other when ever they want) So when we were playing together i asked her who was he. So she replied "He is my bro. We met on this game but we are bro and sis." So i said OK. (So one of my question is "Did I do wrong by asking her about him. I mean was it kind of personal to her?") Then after 2 days, she introduced me with her "bro" in the game. So we 3 had nice conversation over there. After a day i thought of talking with him when she wont be there. I talked with him too. While talking with him he asked me....
him: hey do you like her?
me: (after some time) Ys. She is really a sweet girl.
him: Yes she is. You know she was proposed by many guys before. She said no to them.
Me: yes i know. She told me bout that. Hey will you help me out with her?
him: I will try. Lets see.
Me: Thanks. And She knows I like her.
Him: And she once proposed me too.
Me: Why? As a bro?
him: She liked me but i had a gf so i said no to her.
Me: ohh ok.

(When i said i love you to her she said, "I want to be free for now but lets see what happens later. Nobody knows it.")

The next day, when i started the game, I saw a other guy other that her bro was talking to her. So her bro asked her "who was he?" she replied he is just me friend. So then he asked some details bout the other guy. She replied why are you asking that. He said Many guys try to flirt with you. She said it is nice. :) So he said it is not for me coz i dont want that. When she asked why, he said i will tell the reason later to you. (Because he didnt wanted me to hear that) (If he is her bro and he also knows about me why would he say that? There were not any other guy who knew english there. So it was not the reason to tell it later to her.). Then later after some time she messaged me on kik (a messaging app) asking, "Hey did you say to him that I said I love you to you???" (He said her that, I said him she proposed me.) Thats when i got that he turned his back on me. So cleared her doubt that i didnt say that. But till that incident in which she was playing with where they would have chatted bout something or me. (Where i was not able to go) Then after that game i asked her why didnt you played with me? (coz before that incident she used to play just with me for 30 min). But after that incident when i asked her that question she said i dont want to play with you... I asked why, she said Coz i want to play with him not you.
Well that hurts when someone says like that. Then i asked her more about some other guys she mentioned about, she used to say he always ask me where i am, how r u and all that. (in short he used to care her). And from before i too used to care her, when ever she didnt replied me. I asked Where were you? are you all right? and all. And I used to care her a lot. (I dont know is it my fault or any good quality bout me?) And after that incident she said dont care for me we are not in a relationship. So i asked "So do you like when that guy cares you or is it just me that you dont like?" She said it is my problem, my personal life...

Then after a half hour i asked her "Leave everything, can we start over again? I will change"
Thats it.

1. So did i do right by asking about start over?
2. Do I do right by caring about her soo much? Or i should stop asking girls questions like that?
3. what should i do so that she or any other girl talk/text to me by her own?
And please tell me some thing so that i can get her.
Or if you think i had done something wrong while ever talking with her please tell me.

And can you tell me one more thing "Ho to break the ice while talking to a girl over text for the first time" and many girls dont even reply after i say "Hi, how are you?" They just reply "i am fine how r u?" so nothing after that. So should i ask them any other questions after some time to keep the conversation going or what else can i do? Or if they dont reply what can i do?

Thanks for giving me your time. And sorry of a lengthy message. I didn't knew how to explain.
I Really Thank you. Waiting for your reply.

Jeff's picture

Hey Chase, great articles! I've been a long time reader. I know there's a lot out there on the internet already about the meaning of what women really mean when they say things, for example when a woman texts/says back "I've been really busy" which obviously she's too busy to fit you in her schedule: not interested, but can you write an article on your take with common things women say and what they really mean?

Anonymous's picture

there's this girl I like, when we meet at school we flow and she smiles a lot when we are together, but she doesn't reply my messages and she hasn't logged on line for the past one month on what'sapp since we started chatting initially. she doesn't also reply my calls. and there's this picnic happening soon and am respecting her to atleast ask me if I would attend , but she hasn't. what should I do?

Johnathan's picture

been talking to a woman for 3 weeks now, at first she seemed very interested in getting to know me, we talked for awhile via a messenger. talked about meeting in person an getting to know each other an she gave me her number to contact her. We texted each other for afew weeks trying to figure out when she was free to meet, seeing as it seemed like she was down to meet up whenever. When it came time when i was free she never responded on what day during the weekend she was able to meet. When she got intouch with me she let me know it wasn't me but that she was busy so i understood an i told her i understood. Sometime later i invited her to meet me at a theme park, keep in mind i have been very open an up front. Telling her that i am interested in seeing her , that of what i've seen an heard so far i happen to like a lot (more than i care to admit for the moment) She has given very possitive remarks about what i have shared. Also keeping in mind that her an i are looking for possible spouses, which i've also made clear of that interest quote "Everyone is speical, from what i have seen you seem very speical to me. I like what i know of you already, don't plan on going half way. In it for the long haul." all of which i've gotten smiles. She liked the idea of meeting and accepted. Told me she was excited about the day we planned on meeting. After which she then wouldn't respond to any text , After i got off work i waited till the evening an gave her a call to see if she was going to be getting a ride , to see what the deal was just so we'd have everything figured out an not improvised. She canceled apologised , which i understood very well. something came up. But I'm very confused about this silence. I have stood back an given her time to reply when avalible to what i would think someone who showed so much interest. need some adivice X.X

Anonymous's picture

Hey, good article! Yesterday I was at a party and I started to talk to this girl for an hour and a half. And I thought, this is going good, why don't ask for her number. So I did, and she said yes to maybe going on a date someday. We kept talking for a bit. Then I had to go to the toilet and we said we've meet inside. When I came back she was talking to her friends, but not indicating that she was done. When she was done she went to dance with her friends, and basically avoiding; I think. At least it felt like that. When the party closed we went outside, and I still felt things were akward. So I was there talking with her and her friends. And when I was leaving she said, text me and I'll text you back. I asked her if she was avoiding me before, and she said no. So then when I got home, my mates persuaded me to text her, and I did. We both have Imessage, and it usually says delivered when it is you know delivered to her. But it never said it, and now the day is almost over and I haven't heard anything from her. Is this salvagable?

Mike's picture

Hey Chase,
I have been reading your articles and i am guessing you would have had the experience of dating strippers too .
So i have been to quite a few clubs and i am usually good in knowing when the stripper is playing you for your money and when she is being actually genuine but i still aint good at reading those signs to those T.
So there is this one girl at the club i have kinda started falling for(Risky i know ,but i dont give a fuck, its an experience),She gave me her number and we talk a lot at the club usually without paying her to to dance for me but she hesitates a lot to go out on a date , when i told i will be leaving the state for a while i sensed a little sadness in her and for the first time in the club she took me aside and we made out .
I dont honestly speaking still understand whether she likes me. What would be your take on the situation , and could your give like some guaranteed signs of a stripper liking you when you are at the club ?

Thanks in Advance!!

Anonymous's picture

Ugh, I hate all of this gameplay. Why can't we humans not just find eachother the natural way? Why must we think smart and tricky? It's not fair. Being desperate is a natural reaction when someone you love isn't responding. I'm doing my best to not appear too desperate, but seriously... Why should I hide my honest feelings for her? Why can't she just see it as a sign that I am interested?

Well... I've read it all. A girl who used to respond faster back then, are now very very very hard to get into contact with. It takes her DAYS to respond. I have been giving her ALL the freedom a human could offer, to make her feel comfortable around me. I've done my best to convince her that she should not worry about being honest with me, and if she didn't feel like seeing me, or whatever reason may be in her way, she could just tell me. I never really got an explanation or an apoligy for being so slow. I mean, EVEN IF SHE'S NOT INTERESTED IN ME AS MORE THAN A FRIEND, why wouldn't she appreciate my effort and loyalty, by giving me the attention I deserve?

God damnit! I miss her so god damn much, and I haven't seen her in more than 4 months, and I would have absolutely no clue to why she should feel uncomfortable about texting me back. Love shouldn't be a game. I'm tired of trying to type in the right codes with letters and spaces and smileys. I just want to naturally see her and talk to her in real life... and that's what I have been trying to make happen the last 4 months or more. The funny thing is simply, that despite the fact that I've told her many many times that I am totally okay with her not wanting to make an appointment with me, she never actually rejected me... still the way she's SOOOO slow at texting back, keeps us from seeing eachother. She makes no sense...7

I wonder when she's going to realise that she kind of owe me an explanation, and a bit of appreciation for my paitence, honesty, kindness, love, and freedom that I have given her. Really... I've been given her ALL excuses in the world to be honest to me, and still it seems as if she's afraid of texting me... I wonder what she wants from me.

Anonymous's picture

I think all men hate the stuff you are going through and it's incredibly hard unless you're a sociopath not to feel the things you mention when you love someone.

After studying dating, seduction whatever you want to call it and getting out there in the field as they say I've come to the conclusion, you just have to work on yourself, be your best self, get out there, move fast, and move on quickly. Be you're own man, be true to yourself and keep moving forward. The women have to be secondary. Whilst sites like Chase's are great they focus on the girl, you have to be the focus, read and learn, but in the end it's about you, it always will be, whether it lasts five minutes or 50 years. If you make a woman the centre of your life you will fail.

Nature is cruel, it doesn't care about our emotions it only cares about results, i.e. she gets to breed with the best guy for her...funnily enough it isn't what the media tell you it is.

Women look for strength, in it's many forms,,,,,

You have to take the red pill & see it as it is...

Steve Strauss's picture

Hi Chase,
Nice article you wrote. I've got similar problem, well, at first our relationship was doing quite well. Actually, it was a long distance one.
Me and my girl were oceans apart. But the communication was doing good, until it came that day. I texted her, no reply, I called, no answer.
I wait (because she has done this to me before and we ended up back together). But I don't think this time is the same.
Now it's been almost a month! You know I was this close to text her, "Answer me, you bitch!" But fortunately, I deleted it. I was glad I didn't lose my head. But it was torturing, endless waiting to get her reply. My friends (also ladies) said, no need to keep on waiting, move on, find another, and so on. But it is not that easy to let go such feeling deep inside my heart. So Chase, if you were me, what's your choice, keep on waiting, or try forgetting her, although it hurts?
Thanks.

goldeneagle's picture

Hi Chase,

Long story short I met this girl at my dorm and asked for her number. We got coffee that weekend and we made out/fingered her. She didn't want to have sex because she was on her period (I really tried to push for it because I know the importance of it but she didnt even want to take off her panties before and she put up a really hard wall for sex).

We came back to my dorm and just made out for hours and had an amazing connection (we think very similarly). I didn't want to let her go so when she went to dinner with her friends at 8 I said we should meet back at 11. When I saw her right before, she said she had a girls night with brownies and stuff.

A few days later, I texted her asking her to come over that night. She sent me a text at 2am sorry! and she had a chem study sesh and her phone was dead and "next time?". I got her text in the morning and we had school off so I said "No worries. Had an awesome night. Wanna explore with me today before we get busy again?". The next day (today) evening I sent here "Hey (her name). Wanna hang before I leave Thursday Night for the weekend?"

I made sure to follow the 24 hour no response text rule but I feel I may have come off as too desperate. I just can't stop thinking about her (I have approached 6 girls today trying to get my mind off of her but the emotions with her are addicting). especially since she said she would have sex once she was off her period.

I'm going to Vegas for an entrepreneurial thing for the weekend so I wont be on campus.

1. What should I do?
2. What can I learn from this? (I have a problem obsessing over girls I hookup with who I feel I have strong connections with and who I really like. I was a virgin till July 4th of this year and I've slept with 6 girls since and lots of sexual stuff with others but like the girls I really like I feel like I obsess over and I drive away. Is this just a growing or is there a way to fix this?)

Anonymous's picture

Look if a girl gives her number to you and dosent text back, you might as we'll delete her number. Also it is better to ring a girl for she is more likely to reply n a text. I am not going to waste my time with a girl who dosent reply and you should to. For she is probably trying to get another guy she likes or fancies, move on to the next one who will bother to reply

Michael H's picture

Hi Chase,
I need some input.
I set up an online dating profile. Honest and straight to the point. Was chatting with a few woman when one contacts me and tells me how she likes my profile and how it was very earnest.
I responded to her and her to me 2-3 times and she dropped off for a few days. I sent her a message saying I was taking a break and closing my account but left my contact details if she changed her mind.
I got a message a week later apologising due to her being so busy with work and how she had to hunt my last message down through I.T with the dating website.
It continued being difficult in liaising with her. I'd text and she'd take days to get back to me. Eventually ended up having dinner. Things seemed to go really well. I sent her a text when I got home thanking her and she responded that evening that had a lovely evening. Before the date ended I asked her out again and she said yes. So I sent her a message 2 days later asking her out and no reply. She's a psychologist and Christmas is extremely busy but surely people look at their phones and get the message. Why no response or is there such a delay. I think we cross all the boxes for each other but I'm a straight forward guy who calls things as I see them but she is always very slow to respond which leaves me doubting everything. What can I do?

Mysteryous Boy's picture

So I've been reading things here for quite a little while and yesterday I decided to contact a girl I never talked with but I added on Facebook since we exchanged some decent eye-contact and she is a friend of an old schoolmate. I tried to be friendly but in the end I sent a weird message (something like "Hey [INSERT GIRL NAME HERE], how you're doing?", weird since I never ever talked to her) and she saw and sent no answer, which made me feel really rejected, even a bit bitter. But then I realised she was rejecting my approach and not really me (sound familiar, uhh?), and decided trying again on a different way, since I had nothing to lose, so I sent another message today saying that I had realised that my first message was kinda strange and that I thought she could be a really interesting girl and wanted to know her. She answered with a "Heey" and we started chatting. I don't really know how things will go but I'm already glad I didn't just gave up on the first try.

I was dating a really sweet girl, but she was all "busy with her stuff" and basically ignored me for 2 weeks. Then she came back saying that she was going throught some crazy stuff and had time for nothing, but really seemed to want a relationship with me. So I started to think and I decided that I didn't really wanted something serious with her. At first I thought it was because of her absence and inconcistent interest in me but after reading some stuff here I realised that I was really afraid of being stuck with her "forever". I'm a really shy guy sometimes and this can absolutelly destroy my chances with women in certain situations. I've been fighting this for years but I feel like I still need some improvement. And my social skills were really bad, like most guys, which again would lower my chances with women, even thought many girls say I'm an attractive and smart guy. In the end she made things really easy for me and made me feel like if I stayed with her I would never really confront this problems, which seemed good atm but bad on the long run, something like I either marry her or "stay forever alone" (gross exaggeration but...). I'm 19 atm and I feel like I want to be challenged by women and improve a lot more, so I just wanted to say thanks for putting this awesome content here, you're surely helping many man to have a better life.

Allan's picture

Hi Chase,

This article is REALLY good, and clearly a lot of people have questions about this issue since it's one of the most popular articles on the whole website.

You mentioned a girl in the article that you texted, called, and left voicemails to. I was wondering (and it actually could be extremely helpful to many other readers I'm sure) if you could elaborate on the exact content of those texts, or what you think are some good lines to use when leaving these messages consistently one after the other. I'm just confused because it seems you are almost pretending as if the ignored texts/calls that you made earlier didn't ever happen. I was curious how you made this happen and showed interest without seeming desperate or clueless

Bill's picture

I have been talking to this girl for a couple months now. She has told me she mult. times that she likes me and wants to see where things go. On the night I was going to go to her place for the first time, she went missing in action. the next day she told me her Grandmother died (they were very close and it was sudden). She was very sad. Over the past week, she has been very distant (blowing off texts or short answers). So i called her out on it and asked whats up? She responded by saying these exact words:
"Sorry I'm really going through a lot with everything and i don't have time to focus my energy on anything else. Right now i just need some space and time."

Then I asked if Im getting the girl I liked back and she responded "Yeah, I just need some time and space."

I kinda expected to be a rock for her during this sad time, not be completely cut out suddenly when everything was going really well and starting to steam up.

Am I actually getting this girl back, or should i just move along?

Mr X's picture

hej chase,i had nice weekend with friends,we went to a bar,and there was that girl,a friend from a friend,she was interested in me,we went couple times outside to have a smoke,and she also kissed me outside,told me compliments that i was handsome and all that shit,and she really seemed to like me,and invited me and my buddy to her apartment after the bar closed,dragged me into her bed after a while that night.(both drunk).then the next day i heard from that other friend that she was asking that somebody gives me her number so i could txt her.i txt her that same day,but no reponse.im already waiting a day for an answer.what to do?

Anonymous's picture

So ive known this girl for 5 years.. we had a one night stand the night we met but it turned out we really liked wach other..anyways she moved away like 2-3 years ago...but invited me the other day on facebook. We started talking she asked for my number and i gave it to her...neva heard from her again.. is this girl toying with me? I mean i never gave her any reason to be freaked out or anything...its just weird that a girl would invite me..ask me my number and everything and once i give it to her shes silent...whats up with that?

Cat's picture

She was probably testing you mate, seeing if you'd do as she asked and you did.

Don't do what women want, do the opposite!!

Cat's picture

I really can't be honest with this kind of bullshit any more, as much as I agree with you Chase and used to persist, I won't unless she's something special.
I prefer and do what Franco, Doc Love and Corey Wayne suggest give em a shot and if they don't reply that's cool just move on!!

Don't waste time on broads that aren't interested, have LSE or other things going on in their life.

You're they prize, remember that!!

steven11111's picture

hey i need a good realistic opinion

so i met this girl online she wanted to chill with someone chill for a night she is very pretty and about my age she told me out of all the responses she chose to meet up with me she sais she had a good feeling about me so we met and ended up going to my place we talk alot about this and that everything went well we got at my place she suggested we watch a movie we sat on my bed leaning on the wall and we mainly talked laugh and completely ignored the movie for over and hour it was nice and although im not sure she was expecting it to happen it did i kissed leaned in for a kiss and we laid together and she kept telling me she felt good and i could tell she missed the companonship of a person on and itimite level she is 21 by the way and so we talked alot and cuddled hugged kissed and teased each other ect and when we were naked i hessitated and asked her if we shoukld do this and then told her i was not comfortable with this and i explained to her im not in love ect she said life is not so complicated when you have an opportunity you should take it and i cold tell she wanted us to have this moment together and of course i wanted too but i dindnt want to hurt her but we talked and we got back to cuddling and kissing and i told her i was excited so we ended up doing it was i good that i dont know i think i was at least average in bed but i did eat her fruit and play with her she liked it bassily yeah so after we had sex she wanted to sleep it was 5am we met at 11:30ish pm so yeah i though nothing of it kinda anyway i asked to cuddle she said she just wanted to sleep i could understand that so arround 12 she got up and i had made her some eggs she ate before leaving we didnt talk much in the morning it made me anxious i guess before leaving she gave me a look i knew she wanted a kiss so i kissed her again on the lips good bye and i asked her if she wanted to meet again she said yes i was convinced at her response then she left i texted her around 6:30 that evening asking her if she got home alright and got a little more sleep no response the next mornin around 7am because i work nights and i told her thats why i was texting her so early so i said i had a good time she was very open with me and i really enjoyed our discussions and such not a huge text but a good texte message and i concluded by saying she has my number she can contact me whenever she wants to talk and didnt get a response then arround 4:30 pm si like 10h later i called her no response and now this morning i texted her a chill message hello its me ___ good morning what are you doing todayare you down to chill? i want to see you again with your pretty smile and get to know you better if you are open to the idea then let meet up later if your free and now i dont know if she will respond but i grew attached and it sucks i miss her haha and i dont need you to tell me to move on or anything it was just a comment but what do you think of this should i expect a response or should i call her in a few days i dindt ask her for her facebook unfortunately i mean everything we did happened fast i ddnt want to push things so i dont know if she is interested or if i made her uncomfortable somehow i wished i had gave her a big hug and kissed her more passionately befor eshe left but i hessitated i didnt want to push it you know but she did say that she wanted to see me again when i asked did she lie or have a sudden change of heart am i to pushy in my texts how do i attempt to fix this? if it helps she is a arabian girl so it may help you paint a picture of her character

Anonymous's picture

I have to disagree with the persistent texting and calling time and time again when you get no response. Once or twice for a non-responder is enough. More then that makes you look weak, like a doormat and desperate. Just move on to the next hottie instead.

CEO's picture

Hello, I recently met a beautiful lady at work training. The training was hosted at her venue. I couldn't help but notice that she couldn't keep her eyes off of me. I promised myself, that Id go back there and ask her out. This was the first time I've done something like this. I went and setup my laptop at her bar, got myself a drink and as she walked past I asked her politely if she could mind my things, while I went to the toilet. On my return, I didn't say anything. Because she was behind the bar serving someone. Although on the back of my receipt I wrote my number and a message with my name "Coffee sometime?" and I walked out and thanked her for minding my things, handed her the note and said "We should grab coffee or a drink sometime?" to which she replied smiling "Yeah, thank you so much" I told her to enjoy the rest of her afternoon and left. I finished work later that night at 2:30am and noticed I had a text from her at 12:05am. She said "Hi (my name), it's April.. the girl you gave your number to, hope work wasn't too bad :)" and I replied at 4:00am with "Hey April, work was so busy tonight. But I loved spending time with everyone. Just catching the nightrider home. You enjoy the rest of your shift?" To which is has now been 24 hours and I have not received a reply :/ Just wondering how I should follow up the next contact, if she doesn't end up replying?

Anonymous92's picture

Hey,
So I've seen this girl at one of my delivery stops. Talked to her one day when I delivered about when she's working and why she didn't know me. So a friend of mine delivers to the same place and he's been helping or putting in a good word for me, you could say.soi then go to the place she works to hangout and have some drinks and we talk on and off and I told her I'd like to take her out sometime and she smiled and didn't hesitate to give me her number and told me to text her. So later that night I got home I sent her message saying hey its (my name). She replied with the same thing and I replied with what's up. Never got a response and left it alone. I txtd her the next day with, hey girls, what's up. Once again no response, so I left it alone and haven't had any communication in two days. I'm not sure if I should text or call her or just wait till I see her again when I deliver at her stop again or just go see her when get off of work when's she's working. My friends say she is playing hard to get and that I need to relax and not text her and just see in person next time I see he whether I be delivering or going for drinks.
What's your opinion on this

daniel 's picture

Hey chase, so I've been single for awhile now and my brothers girlfriends sister gives me her number out of the blue about two weeks ago. I've seen her before at family BBQ'S in the past and thought she was really attractive but noticed she had a daughter and possibly a bf, so I never tried hitting on her or anything. Well we've been talking/ texting these past two weeks and she seemed to be really interested in me so we arranged a date this past (Friday) for dinner at BJ'S restaurant. We ate and talked for about two hours and it was pretty loud in there so I asked if she wanted to go back to my place where it was more quiet and we can hang out and watch a movie or whatever. As we got off the car in front of my house she is immediately allover me, kissing me which is awesome. We go into my house and the kissing continues which leads to some pretty hot sex on the first date. Sex was honestly not my intentions but I wasnt gonna not have sex with her. While taking our clothes off she makes a comment about not being prepared for this. As if i was making her do something she doesnt want to do. We were just organically allover eachother. She sleeps over that night and goes home the next morning...hours later we text throughout the day (saturday). Come (sunday) no message from her all day so I text her later in the night saying hi and what she's up to. She responds "hi. hanging out with a friend" and i reply "oh ok" ...no response from her but I'm not gonna bug her. Monday and Tuesday pass and no text or calls. I haven't called or text either. It is now Wednesday and I'm writing you this. I understand she has a daughter/ job/ school she balances however she does, but that didn't stop her before from making time to say hi here and there. Is sex on the first date a relationship killer? Does she think all I wanted was to just get laid? Or is she possibly just busy right now? We've been texting and talking pretty much everyday these past 2 weeks and had an awesome night after dinner to no replies for 2 days. What are your thoughts?

Hazai's picture

She is my teachet and 10 years elder than me but I love her so much.I said her on message that "I love you".But she replied "It is natural thing,anything can attract heart so there is no thing to be sad?". I said "I'm sad". She replied again "it is natural". She also said me that she didn't mind. I said to her "I'm very serious about you" , she replied "don't be serious" . Then I said "by god I'm v serious about u
etc" then she replied me "It's ok I beleive it"
Then from last 2 days I'm sending her messges like sad poetry,jokes and plz. Reply me. But still she did reply me.yesterday she reply me that she was busy her gusts so she has no time to see sms" but today is sunday and she is free but she is not repling me. I'm v sad because I love her so much. Pl. Help me.that she reply me back.

Trev's picture

I actually disagree with the first example as to why a woman might not text you after. The writer says its because she's nervous and so avoids the situation. Although I don't entirely agree, I think it's about interest levels. On a subconscious level if you spend more time with her she's thinking you're easy where as if you cut the conversation she's wondering "why isn't this guy into me as much as I want?" Unfortunately playing on a woman's insecurity about her atrractiveness will yeild a higher response rate. She feels the need to be validated and will be more likely to respond. My two cents.

Anonymous's picture

Chase you commented" the women I spoke to for longer periods of time, and seemed more into me, ended up being less likely to ever return my phone calls or texts."

I find this true along with any communication (text, phone conversations, emails, etc.) prior to the date/meet-up because essentially she's getting to know you and figure out if she actually wants to waste her time to meet up with you. Also this reduces any build up she may have for you and takes the mystery away from you. Like you said, just use it for the meeting. This way she sees you in person and you have a better chance to bed her even if she doesn't like you enough to be long term. When doing any communication prior to the date, she's thinking about are you worth the time.

Edward P's picture

Hi Chase

I started chatting with this girl on a dating website. She seemed to be everything I wanted in a woman. Absolutely stunning, smart kind thoughtful. We were texting for a few days and had arranged to meet up. I was going away for a week and she was busy that weekend. So we arranged to meet the following Saturday. She was really keen though, sending very long messages, very flirtatious and always apologising for taking too long to reply etc she also stated that she was scared I would end up bailing out on her before we got a chance to meet. Then all of a sudden mid week when I'm away she stops texting. I get the feeling she was talking to someone else. But gutted as I didn't get the chance to go on a day with her. I stupidly asked her outright if I'd done something wrong and if she had met with someone else. She just said that she had been busy and wasn't feeling well so didn't want to commit to the date (Thursday) and have to cancel last minute. I left it a few days and then text her again asking what she'd been up to etc. A few texts were exchanged and that was that. I then text her on the Sunday asking her how work has been and if she wanted to go out for dinner at some point during the week. No reply. I leave it another couple of days send her another one asking about dinner etc. I know where I've possibly gone wrong. I shouldn't have replied with the same length texts as her, I should have kept it shorter etc. And I did get slightly pissed off when she stopped replying to me. But I was wondering if you had any ideas for a last ditched attempt at getting a date with her. I'm convinced that if I can get her out for just one date I'll be sorted.

Cheers.

Leviathan_DW87's picture

Hello Chase,

I find myself in a difficult position and i don't know what to do next.
I had a Tinder match with a very beautiful girl and i got her number pretty quickly.
We moved on from using Tinder to Whatsapp and i managed to arrange a date with her.

Only on the set date for our meeting i suddenly had a cremation.
To be honest i did send messages from thursday to saterday each day 2 messages without any reply from her.
I'm afraid that this spooked her a little.
After this Monday i had used some radio silence so i wouldn't scare her totally off.
Don't know what to do now...still want to meet up with this girl or is the best decision to move on and forget her?
Any advice is welcome.

Thanks.

Joshukend's picture

Hey Chase, great article, though I'm curious about handling things post sex? The girl from my "LR:Titanic LMR Latina" responded to my next day text, but has otherwise stopped responding. Do you change things with a girl after you've been with her? (After reading the article on turning one time lays into regulars, I got a bit saddened, realizing this may just be a case where she is gone forever. We don't fit well for dating, but I loved her tiny flexible body and nearly perfect pussy)

Jeremy 's picture

I'm in a tough spot with a girl who is running me hot and cold. I have no idea to what to think. So I met her when she was passing through where I work. Blah blah blah, I got her number and we did some texting and I asked her out. She has a family emergency on date night, it happens no big deal. Next date night her sister came to town who she hadn't seen. Another cancellation. We keep talking though and texting, maybe the girl just hit a rough patch. I ask her out again and receive nothing but crickets. I assumed she lost interest. Girl calls me up a few days later saying somebody stole her phone...ugh. At this point I was ready to be done with her but I give her one last chance to meet up with me and it happens. The date went ok, not great but the end of the date was good and she said to text her later. She texts me later and it's all so wonderful, it was a great night and she wants to do something again soon. That was last night. I text her today just to check in and crickets again, not a hello, not a hows it going, not a good morning, not a good night. Nothing. I just don't get it. Why be so sweet one night and then ice cold the next? It's very frustrating. I hate dating.

Joe Moral's picture

fuck all this romantic shit...girls don't want that anymore. They want "DICK" and then they fall in love afterwards. Give em the "D" get in and get out and keep it moving. If they like you they come back. Sorry to be so blunt, but woman want what they can't have. Look at all these guys here....what do they have in common? they tried to be a gentlemen and got played.

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