What Causes Girl Fights and Female Competition?

The prospect of a girl fight holds a very special place in the minds of most men. We believe that if you voluptuous vixens start going at it, eventually their angry passion will be converted into sexual energy and they will start to make out, and even invite in a nearby man for a threesome.

But as most men who are in the know are aware of: this is very far from the truth. In fact, even if two women are fighting over a guy, the fight itself isn’t really about him. Rather, it’s about their instincts, and enacting the desire to snuff out competition in every way possible.

girl fight

That’s what every form of female competition comes down to: protecting pride and destroying the competition. And today I’m going to delve deeply into the concept of female competition: where it comes from, how it plays out, and much more importantly…how you fit in.

girl fight

Often when I make more overarching points on social trends or psychology, I find it both easy and effective to use sports analogies. And in this case, sports are a perfect parallel to the world of female competition.

But, before I go on, I want to strongly suggest that you read Drexel’s latest post on The Sexual Marketplace. It’s a great primer on understanding the foundation for a lot of the concepts that I’m about to lay out. And I’m going to take it a step further in arguing that women care less about the resource (i.e. the man himself) and more about being victorious (i.e. preventing other women from having a high value man).

Before we launch into the analogy, the important points to note are:

  • Women care more about the competition (other women) than the prize (a man)

  • Women act to gain the esteem of other women (competitors)

  • Women value the opinion of competitors (other women) more than the opinion of the object of their desire (men)

Women Love the Game

Now, imagine that you were an all-star quarterback on an all-star professional football team. Let’s assume that you truly believed that there were no weak points in your team: you had the best defense, the best special teams, the best kicker – the best everything. So in light of this fact, imagine that one day the commissioner of the league knocked on your door and said:

“You know what, we’ve decided that you are really the best the team in the league. There’s not even a point in having a season this year. I’m just going to give you the championship trophy right now. Congratulations! Here you go.”

How would you feel?

  1. You’d probably be confused. You would likely think that it’s too good to be true and wonder why the league came to make such an absurd decision.

  1. You’d probably be disappointed. You would lament the fact that you actually did want to play for the trophy and that you enjoy the game. And now you won’t be able to step on the field and do what you love.

  1. You’d probably be frustrated. You really wanted the chance to prove to your rivals that you were better than they are.

  1. You’d probably be suspicious. You would wonder how other teams would react to the decision, and if your reputation would take a hit due to other teams resenting you or thinking you’re a cheater for just being given the trophy.

And this is exactly how a woman feels when a high value man, who she believes is not sought after by other women – and makes no indications of preselection – just waltzes into her life. All of the emotions/mind states that I just described run through her head.

“Wait, this just isn’t…right.” She thinks to herself. “A guy this amazing can’t be completely single with no other women in his life…something’s up.”

And then she’ll start looking for warning signs. She’ll start wondering what her friends are going to think, and she’ll probably be bored by the fact that there won’t be any kind of chase or “game.”

And that’s another thing about women that regular guys don’t understand: women love the game. Some love it more than men. Some love it just as much. Some love it less. But, they all most certainly love it.

When an all-star football player thinks about the coming season, of course he dreams about the grand prize at the end of the journey. But, he also thinks about the moments in between: the highlights, the letdowns, the rivalries, the playoffs, and the beating out of all of the competition to attain the ultimate prize.

And women are just the same. They not only want the prize, but they want to go through the journey of earning the prize.

Women Don’t Care About Your Opinion

girl fight

There’s an old saying that goes “Women undress for men, but dress for women.” In other words, a lot of the things women do are actually for the sake of other women and not men.

It is very, very rare that a woman wants something that other women don’t want. There could be a piece of jewelry on the street, and if every woman saw every other woman look at it and scoff, the adornment would never be picked up. In the same way, there could be a piece of trash in the street, and if every girl were obsessed with it, every other girl would enter a frenzy to get the piece of refuse.

That is how the female mind works. And males are often just another way of a woman being able to one up her fellow woman.

Let’s get back to the football analogy.

  • Scenario #1: imagine that you were walking through the street in the middle of the day. Then suddenly, a guy ran up to you and said:

“Excuse me, I happen to be the man who polishes the trophy. I just wanted to say that I really respect you as a quarterback. Your skill is incredible.”

How would you feel? If you were new to the game, you’d probably be fairly happy and chat this guy up a little bit. But if you were truly an elite professional player, you’d be mildly flattered at best. Why? Because you hear praises of people everywhere on a daily basis. And you have no reason to respect his opinion.

  • Scenario #2: now imagine a second scenario in which one of the heads of your organization sent you a letter. This was an individual who definitely knows a thing or two about the game, and whom you respect somewhat, but by no means someone who’s earned your full esteem. Imagine if he said:

“Hey, the organization just wanted to tell you that we’ve really appreciated what you’ve done this season. You’ve always been a great player, and we’re excited to see your talent take you to the next level."

How would you feel now? You would definitely be happy and somewhat humbled that an important figure would acknowledge you in such a way. But you probably wouldn’t spend too much time thinking about it.

  • Scenario #3: and in a final scenario, imagine if another one of the great quarterbacks of your time called you that evening and said:

“Hey, look. I know we’ve had a fierce rivalry over the years, but I just want you to know that I respect the hell out of you. You’re a great competitor and a great player.”

How would you feel in this case? You would be honored. And you would probably be quite elated to get such a high commendation from someone you respect and admire.

Once again, women are just the same. Women (adult women) are professional elite players in the game of seduction. And because of that, they really don’t respect the opinions of men because men will use any excuse to tell them how great they are. In the lives of women:

  1. Most men are the trophy polishers

  1. A few (high-value) men are the heads of the organization

  1. Almost all women are the fellow great players

In the end, the esteem of fellow great players – and the compliments paid by them – is far more valuable than compliments and esteem from organization heads or trophy polishers. The esteem from competitors validates their efforts and proves that the trophies they earn are truly valuable.

This is why women so often engage in lover/boyfriend/husband bragging contests with one another. They simply want to prove that they hold the most valuable, sought-after prize. It’s kind of a bleak way to think about it, but definitely important – especially in light of the more esoteric posts (see Social Order and Culture of Me) that have been put up on Girls Chase recently. For in the mind of a woman: you are really not that special.

girl fight

So if women don’t care about your opinion, what do they want from you? Is all lost for men if women are putting on those sexy clothes just to use your reaction to get a rise out of other women? Absolutely not. Obviously men are still quite important in the realm of women.

But to lay it out clearly and simply, there are only three roles that a man can play in a woman’s life that are any relevance to seduction. And I do mean only three. They are:

  • The Lover. The one who gives her great sex, makes her fall in love, and has her thinking about him and invested in him

  • The Provider. The one who gives her financial security, food, a home, and generally makes sure that her needs are met (e.g. a rich husband or her father)

  • The Supporter. The one who lifts her spirits, goes out shopping with her, listens to her guy problems, plays sports with her, and generally reminds her that she’s a great person (e.g. a friend or orbiter)

Sometimes one man can play more than one of these roles, but if you’re thinking about a girl in any kind of sexual way, then these three roles are the ones that you’ll need to be concerning yourself with.

This is because from an instinctual/biological standpoint, women have three aims vis-à-vis men:

  1. To pass on their genes for generations to come

  1. To care for any children that they may have and survive themselves

  1. To prosper and feel satisfied with their existence

Notice that these three biological goals coincide perfectly with the three roles that a man can play in a woman’s life.

  • Pass on her genes? Only a lover can do that. If she’s not having sex with someone… she ain’t passing down her genes

  • Provide for her children/family? Only a provider can do that. If there isn’t a strong man to protect the home and put food on the table, everyone is in trouble

  • Help her feel especially good about herself in more fleeting way? Supporters do that

But now, let me pose a question to you, dear reader. Which of these roles can only be filled by a man?

  1. Can only a man impregnate woman? Check.

  1. Can only a man protect and provide for an entire family? There are definitely some outliers in these modern times, but from the standpoint of history and biology, that role is designed for a man. So check.

  1. Can only a man make a woman feel good about herself and go shopping with her? Yeah… no. Anyone can do that.

And due to the fact that most “friends” of girls are really just orbiters in disguise who want to get in their pants, most girls know that they can’t trust the compliments and opinions of men because men will say anything to get their clothes off.

So where does genuine esteem or degradation come from? Other women. This fact speaks to the slut shaming that Drexel spoke of in his article about the sexual marketplace. Slut shaming is a phenomenon started and perpetuated by women. You’ll never hear a guy yelling at his friend not to sleep with a hot girl “because she’s a slut.” That would violate the bro code. It’s only women who do that.

And insofar as only women assign value to other women, women only want men for either their ability to impregnate/love them, or their ability to provide for their survival. That is the role of men in the realm of women.

What About Girl Fights?

Unless you live under a rock, you’ve probably seen a girl fight at some point in your life. It was probably about some guy or another. Heck, maybe two girls even fought over you at one point. And if you’ve never seen one in person, I know you’ve seen one on TV or in a movie.

Ever notice how the classic male response is to say “Ladies, ladies… please, there’s enough of me to go around!”

Does this response ever work? Ever? No. Why? Because the fight isn’t about the man. The fight isn’t about the commodity at stake; the fight is about protecting your territory and sending a message to the competition. Even in the female world there are struggles for dominance.

girl fight

Ladies have the eye of the tiger…and they definitely love the thrill of the fight. So realize that it’s not about you.

Wrapping Up

The realm of women is the ultimate contest of keeping up with the Joneses. If you understand that most of the things that women do are in fact to gain or tear down the esteem of other women, it will become a lot easier for you to navigate this murky world. You should know that your importance only comes in being a lover or provider. And if remember that: you’ll be the prize.

And you won’t fret when legions of girls fight for you.

Carpe diem,


Colt WilliamsAbout the Author: Colt Williams

Raised in the American Midwest, Colt Williams made a name for himself in dating with a style based on soulful poetic seductions and playful dance floor antics. His style is all about inspiring girls and drawing them into one’s world. You can book phone coaching with him here, or get a copy of his guide to getting laid on Tinder, the product of months of study and experimentation by him on the medium.


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Sam2's picture

Colt, this is a good and targeted article.

I have a question which troubles me in my game with women. My skill with women by the way, according to the skill test of Girls Chase, is a Technician.

I realised that in practice it is very hard for me to use the lover-provider distinction for my own benefit. Why is that? Because the great majority of women I have interacted with so far seem to want a fusion of the two roles into one. They want a package deal. Lover AND boyfriend.

Very few of them were ok with a strict lover arrangement. All others wanted more than that and whenever I had the nerve to show or say to them that I was not into more than a lover arrangement I simply lost the girl either because she would cut me off or because I would not further pursue her.

Could it be that in real life women expect a fusion of the the two roles? Could it be that women go for only sex under very specific circumstances (e.g. holidays, travel abroad, or during ovulation period)?

jack's picture

I have similar sentiments. I am curious as to what Chase's (or other bloggers) response to this will be. In other words, I find that *retention* of quick lays is harder. Its difficult for me to keep a stable of casual only girls. I think retention of fbs/mltrs would be a good topic for a post even though Ricardus advocates his version of harem keeping, a version that I find near impossible to do.

Anonymous's picture

"The realm of women is the ultimate contest of keeping up with the Joneses. If you understand that most of the things that women do are in fact to gain or tear down the esteem of other women, it will become a lot easier for you to navigate this murky world."

Why? Even if you're a lover, friend, or boyfriend, eventually a woman's real-side comes out. Even if you adroitly try to steer conversation away from the female-to-female drama, some girls become consumed by the inter-female competition. Personally, I find it amusing and sometimes annoying when some people find the need to incessantly compete with one-another, to FEEL good about themselves. To feel as if they can keep up with the Joneses then they should have "higher self-esteem." Problem with this focus is that your self-esteem is volatile. When another woman out-competes you, how ridiculous do you feel about yourself? On some level you feel shame which then turns to anger.

If you've ever had to deal with one of these girls, you get to see the the voracity of some of their frequent mood swings. All you want to do is get away from the drama, especially when you could care less and you seek a zen state of mind.

Nuncle's picture

"You’ll never hear a guy yelling at his friend not to sleep with a hot girl “because she’s a slut.”

Well occassionally, if the guy is envious and doesn't want his friend to get laid if he doesn't. A "friend" of mine once tried to stop me talking to a girl, who had approached me, on the grounds that "she's just using you" (?)

Anonymous's picture

Nice piece.

You're right to say that American women seem to want to prove that they hold the most valuable, sought-after prize. That to them it's kind of like keeping up with the Joneses. This is why I've noticed in America that it's so much easier to pick up girls in certain venues when you have a wingwoman or if you can take advantage of preselection by making a woman swoon at a club. Girls seem to strategically position themselves close to those guys who can make other attractive women swoon. When I first realized this, it was a very interesting phenomenon to me because under ordinary circumstances, I personally wouldn't try to steal some girl away from another dude. Unless she was a RARE RARE girl and I just had to have her for myself. Either I have her or no one does! But even then I'd have to force myself to go compete with some other dude. And the competition wouldn't be about beating the other dude, it'd be about the object of desire. Guess women don't think like I do! Surprise.

But it's indeed kind of pathetic to see the strong influence of the "specialness epidemic" on the wider population and how it kinda makes women feel ENTITLED to having the best man around (when some of them are relatively lame in how they treat men nor are they as 'special' as more confident ambitious sensual women that exist outside America). That being said, alot of girls still are pretty harmless.

One strategy I've been playing around with is to show women in subtle ways that I don't think they're the MOST special human being on the planet, but I still see something in them that I think is sorta cool. Validate them a little, without being floored by their existence. If she's an artist, compare her to Picasso. If she's a model compare her to the best one in the field. If she's a lawyer compare her to Sonya Sotomayor. That kinda puts things in perspective that you appreciate her ambition, but that you have enough know-how about her field (which is impressive in itself) that there are better fish in the sea out there. You like, but you're not overly impressed!

Traveling around the world and experience other cultures help understand other mindsets. Some areas value the community over individualism and they tend to a bit more on the humble side and easier to connect with -- since they're usually not all that worried about you acting like you're superior to them.

But what I've learned with some ambitious girls like the doctor/lawyer/engineer types) is that if you can persist thru a their armor of "specialness" and you can get access to the real woman inside, eventually many of them grow to prefer your personality (charms, charisma, conversational ability, dominance/leadership, and sexiness) over competition with both their senses-of-self and with other women. They begin to FEEL. And the feelings they crave are more special to them than competition with other women.

But you have to get them to feel, you have to get them to really open up and respond to your deep-diving and for you to challenge them and make them exit their autopilot of superiority. Basically treat them in the ways you guys preach about in very delicious detail on this site. Those esoteric articles you linked to are excellent because it's just good to have an understanding behind WHY the things you guys preach are important and to know exactly how our behaviors influence women's behavior in turn. And it's good to know why we need to do the things you guys recommend to interrupt the POWER of social/cultural influence here in America, and still navigate thru the world of women nearly as we see fit. Nearly like Neo in the matrix.

So I send my thanks to you and to the girlschase team!

Tajul 's picture

Well, I m deeply impressed by this article. Previously, I only thought that what d other women want to get, is d most deserved thing & when competition arises among d women, then it becomes so easy to pick up a woman..I had also had a proof regarding this..once I wanted to form a relationship with a girl but she didnt show any interest on me..but when one of her friends showed interest one me, then suddenly the girl whom I wanted, became so much interested on me & we had a relationship...so, women competition or women positive comments on a specific guy, it becomes so much important...I also like the old Saying mentioned in dis article "Women undress for me, dress for women". This is obviously true. Thnx d writer for d presenting this article.

Dale's picture

While the roles are conceptually seperate, there is no reason a man could not fulfill more than one. In particular, if the provider finds out someone else is the lover, the woman risks losing the provisions, so she would like to find a lover who is also willing to be the provider. (If he is also a upporter, that would be good, too.)

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