What’s Different When You Talk to a Hot Girl?


Do you need to do things different when talking to a hot girl?

One of the most ridiculous things I see in the comments section of this website sometimes is this:

This is stupid. It only works on average looking girls... it would NEVER work on a hot girl / a beautiful girl / a real 10.

talk to a hot girl

No qualification is given to the argument, or the experience level of the argument-maker.

There's no evidence to back the statement up.

There's no alternative solution offered.

It's just a random, unqualified wave-of-the-hand dismissal, hanging there in space, pooh-poohing 2,000+ words of case-making with what amounts to the esteemed argument of "Nope - you're wrong, I'm right, no proof necessary, I just know it! Case closed."

I see it on all kinds of articles. Everything from how to flirt with women, to how to hold a conversation with a girl, to how to handle logistics. It's indiscriminate... to believe these commenters is to believe that beautiful women live lives of celibacy, never interacting with those base creatures called "men," immune as they are to the charms of "men."

It's silliness.

But I understand where it comes from.

To the average man, hot and beautiful women really ARE like strange creatures from another world.

Mr. Regular Guy never interacts with them.

He never gets to know them.

To them, he does not exist, and to him, they exist merely as dreams... fantasies.

Is it really no different when you talk to a hot girl?

Or could it be there's something I'm not telling you?


talk to a hot girl

When I was young, I used to play a lot of video games. Sometimes, when I'd encountered a tough spot, I would read up on other people's strategies on how to get past it.

There'd always be some intricate series of maneuvers you needed to execute just right. You had to get it perfect... or else 20 minutes of playing would be flushed down the toilet and you'd have to start all over again from scratch.

But I was never a finesse kind of guy. My preferred way of winning was to just run right up to the opponent and bludgeon him with the largest object available.

So how'd I win these tough fights if I sucked at finesse?

Simple... I'd just go practice somewhere else until my character was so tough that I could just run up to the opponent and bludgeon him with the largest object available until I won.

What I'd discovered was something I think of as the Law of Levels: whatever strategy works for you at lower levels, it'll work for you at higher levels too provided YOU are high level enough.


The Level Law and Sexy Women

Imagine a moderately attractive man walks into a bar, plants himself near the most gorgeous woman there, and simply says, "Hi." No exceptionally sexy body language or fashion; no really sexy voice. Just "hi."

Imagine his reception. Nothing spectacular, right?

Now imagine Brad Pitt walks into a bar, plants himself near the most gorgeous woman there, and simply says, "Hi."

Different reception?

You bet.

But did you know that when Brad Pitt first moved to Los Angeles in 1986, he couldn't get girls? That was back when he was a limousine-driving college dropout with cystic acne scars all over his face.

These days it's different (the celebrity and the money no doubt help, as does all the preselection that comes along with being a romantic lead in movies). He leveled himself up, in this case via movie stardom (but there are plenty of other, albeit perhaps not as over-the-top destiny-altering, avenues to leveling yourself up too), and changed his results.

Change your level, and you change what you can get away with.

Obviously, you're not going to go become a movie star just to meet girls (but if you do become one, you have to invite me to your celeb bashes up in Hollywood). But I wanted to use an extreme example to paint the picture here - level up YOU, and you level up what you can get away with with beautiful, sexy, in-demand women.


Value and Attainability

The less of a baseline of attraction you have - the less time you've spent working so far on upgrading your fundamentals - the more "game" you need to get girls.

And especially the more game you'll need when you talk to a hot girl.

But the more your fundamentals go up - the more you:

... the higher the level you are...

... the less you need or even can use game.

Why's it work differently for low level versus high level men when it comes to "game?"

It works something like this:

Imagine you're playing a sport or a video game or in any kind of competitive endeavor against an inferior opponent. Now let's say this inferior opponent manages to pull out a mélange of tricks and techniques that allow him to overcome you and win. You look at that and say, "Wow - tricky little bugger!" and he now has your respect.

Conversely, imagine you're playing a sport or a video game or any kind of competitive endeavor against a superior opponent. Now let's say this superior opponent also employs a bunch of tricks and techniques to try and defeat you. Your thought process during this is going to be, "Oh, this is ridiculous. Is he making fun of me? Clearly all he's got to do is just pound the ball into the net and he's won. He's toying with me, that's it. He's doing this with me for no reason, and he's just an insensitive dick. Screw this guy."

You go into auto-rejection.

On the other hand, imagine he abandons all the gimmicks and just pounds the ball in the net against you, his overmatched opponent. You won't feel toyed with; you'll just look at him and say, "There's a guy who's just jaw-droppingly good."

With women, it's every bit the same.

When you talk to a hot girl, if you're leagues below her in terms of attractiveness as a mate, yes, sure - you'd better be able to escape from a straight jacket in a tank full of mako sharks and be adept at juggling screaming mountain lion cubs while the mother puma looks on, if you hope to stand a chance at even possibly, conceivably winning this girl's heart.

This website ain't geared at teaching you how to juggle lion cubs though.

It's geared at turning you into Brad Pitt... post-Thelma and Louise.

talk to a hot girl

Without you having to carve your way to the top of the Hollywood scene.


So It IS Different with Hot Girls!

... after all, you need game to get them sometimes.

Well yes, that's TRUE... depending on your level, of course.

The more attractive the woman, the pickier she becomes:

The evolutonary psychologists recruited a rotating team of male and female interviewers who paired up and evaluated more than two hundred married participants in the Midwest. Each subject was judged for physical attractiveness and assessed in three separate sessions for the factors they valued and insisted on in choosing a mate. The prettiest women had the highest standards — they wanted and expected their partners to be masculine, fit, physically attractive, loving, educated, a few years older than themselves, and desirous of home and children, with a high income potential. Surprising to the researchers there was only one quality beautiful women did not insist on more than plainer women did: intelligence.

And, the more attractive the woman, the fewer casual partners she takes.

That means, the higher you go in looks and other forms of female attractiveness, the smaller the pool becomes, and the more reserved and cautious and conservative the girls themselves become.

The competition is also increasingly more numerous, and fiercer, until you reach the absolute top. The most beautiful women tend to have a lot of men too intimidated to talk to them, and then your only competition are the ultra smooth guys who have their fundamentals bolted down tight, the really good-looking guys who also have some basic process down and understand logistics and physical escalation, and the really creepy guys who don't realize they don't stand a chance in hell with this girl but are going to gun hard for her anyway.

But, well, so let's say you're not Brad Pitt yet, and maybe you're even doubting at this point you could ever be Brad Pitt.

How do you talk to a hot girl when you're not at the top of the pile just yet?


talk to a hot girl

When I first started reading pickup artist stuff in 2005, I felt like I was reading all those old guides on how to beat the tough boss from my video game playing heyday:

  • "Perform the opener from a 90 degree angle!"
  • "Throw a neg-hit before the 2-minute mark and calibrate for the HB level!"
  • "Deploy group theory to neutralize the obstacles and avoid a cockblock!"
  • "Isolate the target after a round of DHVs and a compliance test to ensure success!"

There may be people out there for whom this works, but it left my head spinning.

I'd rather just go talk to the girl, have her like me, then take her out of there and sleep with her. Isn't that easier / more fun / less nerdy?

A lot of the early PUA material seems to have been designed for average guys to shortcut their way to beautiful women.

I won't name names, but many of the pioneers of this stuff never did end up getting all that many women who were all that hot.

Why? Because finesse doesn't work all that well.

You can finesse it... sometimes. But the more astute the other party you're trying to finesse, the less likely you are to be able to talk your way up the chain.

Finesse your way onto the local school board, even if you're not all that qualified? Okay, you can probably pull that one off.

Finesse your way into the governorship of your state or province? A lot less likely.

As noted above, the more beautiful a girl becomes, the fewer lovers she will take, and the pickier she is about those lovers.

In other words, the more beautiful she is, the harder she is to finesse.

There are no shortcuts to being a billionaire or a superstar musician or novelist or athlete or politician. And there are no shortcuts to getting the cream of the crop in women, either.

The higher level the kind of girl you want is, the higher the level you must be too.


How "Hot" is "Hot?"

As noted in the "Playing with Looks" section of "How Much Do Looks Matter for Romantic Success?," there is a lot of wiggle room in defining what "hot" is.

Much of the time, "hot" means great hair, clothes, bodies, and facial expressions... all things very much in your control.

Further, what's "hot" for one individual may not be for the next. Your "10" may be my "6," and you "6" may be someone else's "10." There's also the consideration of the relativeness of hotness... take the hottest girl in your classroom or office and compare her to the other women there, and she's gorgeous. Take her out of there and throw her into the midst of a congregation of car show models though, and suddenly you won't even pay any attention to her, caught up as you are with all the other women present.

Because it's so relative, the best way to examine "hotness" is by looking at it's relativeness to the girl's environment.

If she's beautiful but surrounded with other beautiful women regularly, or in an environment where beauty is not much recognized or paid attention to, she'll behave as if she isn't all that hot.

If she's not really all that attractive, but she's the only woman available in a sea full of horny men, she'll behave like an absolute diva (as frequently happens with ugly girls at the end of the night in a nightclub once all the prettier girls have left, or ugly girls in the Navy at the end of a stint at sea, where they've transformed from undesired at the start of the stint to hounded by men left and right by the end of it).

There's one other thing that determines her relative "rating" though, and it's more powerful even that what she's accustomed to, or her environment:

How she stacks up against you.


How to Talk to a "Hot" Girl

talk to a hot girlAlways be upgrading yourself. Always be becoming more attractive. This only makes a modicum of difference in the short term, but over the long term it's the biggest, most powerful thing you can do.

The more attractive you become in all ways, the easier EVERYTHING gets for you with women, and the more the Law of Levels swings in your favor: because most people do not continually level themselves up, you keep getting higher and higher level relative to everybody else... including formerly "hot" girls.

I've never been intimidated by attractive women, but certainly as I've raised my own attractiveness my standards have raised. When on occasion I see pictures of women I used to pursue as girlfriends (and not get) from many years back, I can't help thinking to myself, "What was I thinking?" These desired girls from the past wouldn't meet the cut for me looks-wise for the same role in my life today I used to pursue them for back then.

But let's say you aren't quite there yet and you need to juggle a few lion cubs to get her to like you. What can you do RIGHT NOW to talk to a hot girl and have it go over well?

This:

  1. Act calm and casual. A man who's more attractive and experienced than she is doesn't act like she's a bit deal... you shouldn't either. She's just a girl, remember... and girls are silly and cute (e.g., not scary).

  2. Don't try to impress too hard. Many people when encountering others whom they consider to be above them in the social hierarchy launch into endless gabbing in the hope of saying something impressive enough to show themselves valuable. An effect to the opposite occurs, however; unless your conversation is honed and well-directed and you know exactly where you're taking it, it's obvious to anyone who's regularly having people try to impress her (and a pretty girl has a fair number of men regularly try to impress her) what you're doing... so don't do it.

  3. Talk about her, not you. This goes hand-in-hand with the last. It's a common enough recommendation on this site, but if she perceives you as higher social status than herself, you can get away with talking about yourself more. The more fragile your perceived status, however, the less you can afford this.

  4. Get early investment from her. The more and the sooner, the better. If you're significantly naturally higher status than her, you can sit around and stare at her and demand nothing of her and yet she'll still be ready to move with you and accompany you home the moment you invite her to. If you're NOT though, you must start getting her following your lead from the outset - and quickly raise it as you go. Simple things like having her move over to make room for you, adjusting her position, or having her turn more to face you (at your command) will get her following you early on and change how she sees you.

  5. Get her to impress you. This one's probably the most significant of all five of these points. The more she feels like she's trying to impress you, the more likely she is to try and become attracted to you. Make sure you're rewarding her appropriately as she does, of course - the cognitive dissonance that kicks in if she feels like she's trying to impress someone she'd normally rate as "lower level" than her will send her quickly to auto-rejection as soon as she starts feeling a value imbalance if she's doing a lot of impressing and you're not rewarding and relating properly.

These are all "quick fix" improvements to your game that you can use immediately when you talk to a "hot" girl without having to wait until you can get better fashion or train yourself to walk better and sit better and carry yourself better (although even those don't take that much time to at least get started on).

That said, fundamentals still trump all.


Long Term with "Hot" Girls

Over the long term, if you want the best, most consistent results with increasingly attractive women, you need to improve your fundamentals. "Game" only works so long as you stay in known territory; the instant you stumble into a novel situation where you don't otherwise know what to do or how to behave, you fall back on your baseline.

If you have a solid baseline of having built yourself into an attractive man, that fall won't be far at all, since you'll be using only a small amount of game (or none) anyway. If you haven't worked on those fundamental aspects of what make you yourself attractive though, and have tried to finesse your way to success with game, the fall can be a big one.

The lesson here is leave finessing things to the lazy guys who want short term results at the cost of long term ones. You can finesse things, and get good enough results right now... but developing yourself into an overall attractive man gets you the most phenomenal results, with hotter and hotter girls, as you progress.

There's only so good you can get with finesse. A thousand-man army can have the best technique and most highly advanced weapons in the world, but it's still not going to stand a chance against a million-man one.

Getting your fundamentals down is how you bludgeon your way to victory, no finesse needed. It's also consistent because you don't need to be in peak mental condition to bludgeon something. It's not like performing a complicated series of delicate moves, all of which must be executed to precision.

Instead, it's just swinging a big, heavy object (in this case, your attractive self) and trying to hit something (in this case, her heart and/or loins).

So yes, do study finesse a bit. If you need to talk to a hot girl right now, today, and you have no time to work on upgrading yourself, take the above five points out for a spin... you might be able to pull something off. If you meet a girl you'd normally rate higher level than you and you want to take a stab at getting her even though your fundamentals aren't on par with hers yet, finesse can help.

In the long term?

Work on becoming so undeniably attractive that those women who seem "hot" to you now will see you as "hot" later.

And then you won't need precision. All you'll need to do is step up to the plate and swing.

Chase Amante

Related Articles from GirlsChase.com

Comments

Cipher's picture

While we are on the subject of hot girls....


Excellent read as always, Chase.

I've been applying your techniques on a hot girl, and it seems to be working. Her friend asked me (in her presence, after overcoming some initial resistance from her) whether I fancied her. The hot girl then interjected, saying that she noticed that I tended to laugh whenever she did. As I wanted to keep her guessing, I playfully said that I was the sort who was easily amused, and grinned wryly.

I'll be seeing her in a couple of days, and was wondering how I should ratchet things up? Would you say that the very act of her asking whether I fancied her (first through her friend, and then directly) is a promising sign to escalate things quickly?

Chase Amante's picture

Social Circle Escalations

Author

Cipher-

Well, you always want to escalate quickly, but the main consideration is how quickly can you safely escalate (without incurring posturing to protect her reputation)? Assuming this is a social circle situation, I'd suggest following the guidelines for one of these scenarios if appropriate:

Cute Girls in Class? Stop Flirting and Start DATING

Can You Flirt at Work Under the Radar? Why Yes You Can

If, alternately, she's in a non-school, non-work social circle situation (like, she's a friend of a friend of people you hang out with), then you want to ask her out ASAP and get things rolling, as discussed here:

The Secret to Hooking Up with Friends

Just from the read on this one, I'd say ask her out next time. She either says "yes," in which case you're golden, or she says "maybe / no," in which case either she's just toying with you, or she IS interested, but more interested in playing games (in which case, you turn your attentions to some other girl, and see if this girl starts chasing after you... and take the other girl if she doesn't).

Chase

Knight's picture

Tradition


I've noticed the days when I've actively sought to lead the attraction (sadly very few times, all very much my fault of course) I've gone into a mode where I just deflect negative remarks all together or at least joked about my flaws. During these times It's been very easy to talk completely at level with very beautiful women. I still had a burning desire in my mind but didn't let that control my actions or my thoughts, yet let it guide my process if this all makes sense.

- note; sorry if this is off topic, I plan to read this article tomorrow on the bus to school. Morning and nightly reading help stick important things in my line of thought.

Knight

Chase Amante's picture

Deflection / Self-Deprecation

Author

Knight-

Self-deprecation is a powerful tool for displaying social dominance, although it must be appropriately deployed. Joking about your height, for instance, makes you look like you're trying to cover up an insecurity; joking about how ashamed you are that you took a juggling class and discovered how uncoordinated you are, on the other hand, makes you seem very confident and attractive.

The rule is, joke about things that she probably sucks at too, and men aren't normally expected to be exceptional at, and you'll look good. Joke about being bad at things that men should be good at, and/or that she herself is good at, and you'll end up looking like you're covering up an insecurity.

Stay close to the former and away from the latter though, and you're solid.

Chase

marshall wayne's picture

Law of Levels


haha, your Law of Levels reminds me of the Pokemon games,
where you had to level up your charmander enough to beat Brock's Pokemon . i think almost everybody did this , instead of changing Pokemon they just leveled it up and then battled.
nice idea to use that approach in real life.

DJ's picture

Contrast


Hey Chase,

I laughed at your game analogy SO HARD! (Sorry, I'm still young and I'm a gamer, and in gaming wise, your tactic would be not as efficient I think...) You're like saying to beat the level 80 boss at 60 is possible, but with finesse. But you would train to be level 100 to beat the boss. This, although takes WAY longer, is absolutely failproof! Although a bit ironic when you wrote in your time efficiency entry where you try to find shortcuts to everything :P
But nonetheless, I love that theory when it comes to girls though... Do the hard yakka and you'll level up!

But I'm wondering, this levelling up yourself, this upgrading yourself, upgrading your fundamentals, the fundamentals that trumps all. Is there a real way to really make it quantified, and really be measurable? Just by feeling would be really hard I think...

DJ

Franco's picture

Former Gamer


Hey DJ,

As a former gamer myself, I can relate. But what Chase is pointing out here though is that, once you ARE level 100, you no longer have to do any more "leveling up!" If the highest level boss is level 100, then, since you've already put in the work to hit level 100, you never have to level again! You'll also be able to pound right through the level 80 and the level 90 boss. You'll no longer need to use any "cheap tricks and tactics" to beat any of them.

It may take longer to get where you want to be with hot women, but once you get there the correct way (by raising your fundamentals), you'll never need to use a cheese pick-up line again. ;)

Cheers,

Franco

tayoisrich's picture

Your techniques work irrespective of where you are...


This is why I have been reading your articles and putting your techniques into practice (and bought your ebook) since late 2011. I live in Nigeria (West Africa) and your techniques works here.

A lot of the other articles I read on PUA are not "fundamentalist" in nature they are just for people that live in the west... do this.. do that, say this, jump up this way, open your buttocks like this... blah blah and all those rubbish from guys like David DE****** were just too complicated!

I hear voices in my head...

Chase Amante's picture

Nigeria

Author

Tayo-

I didn't know you were Nigerian! I've had some good friends from there... a brother of Oguchi Onyewu was one, and another was a Yoruba friend from a long time ago... she used to tell me a lot of stories about there, about how complete strangers would meet in the street and just get into a conversation, and how even when it was 90 degrees the wind would blow and people would say, "Oh, it's so cold!" and get out their jackets to stay warm. Also about how when the imported the American soap operas it was a national disaster because all the women stopped cooking and cleaning and washing to go watch the soaps, and the men were all complaining.

Anyway, yes - I've always thought the underlying principles of connecting and attracting are a lot more interesting than the dressing you put on top of them... one changes, but the other stays the same no matter where you go, or when.

Chase

Wes's picture

Hey Chase, I'm about to read


Hey Chase,
I'm about to read this post in a minute but first I wanted to get a question off my mind before I forgot it...so straight to the comments section I went.
I don't know if you see all my posts on the boards but around the beginning of last month I posted about a night me and my friends were out at a monthly art/music festival and one of my friends brought a girl along who showed interest in me. I took it and moved us to having a date that same week. During that time, I thought I had everything all figured out. I assumed that she was down to going straight to sex since she agreed to come straight to my place.
I assumed a lot of things about her. I assumed she was experienced because of the friends she hangs out with. They're all wild party girls who like to get into trouble and do things they aren't old enough to do yet. (drinking, sneaking in clubs)
I assumed that she was the same way. And at the beginning, I just did the whole date to move forward with results and get laid. After all, Im always talking about NOT wanting a girlfriend (at least not yet)
Come to find out, she is actually very inexperienced and awkward and has only had sex with her ex boyfriend. She is pretty much just as inexperienced as me.
She doesn't know that I now know this because our mutual friend informed me about all of this. I think she was leading me to believe that she was experienced to be more desirable or maybe I was just assuming too early and didn't get to know her enough?
Anyway, though we only spent time alone together only twice, Ive begun to like her a little (kinda bad, I know) I'm considering her as a girlfriend and I'm going to try to set up another date this week so that maybe we can get off on the right foot without me assuming things and trying to have sex with her the whole time.
I just want to know, should I move on from her? Is this unfixable? Did I do too much damage in our first date?
And also, how can I be better in judgment next time of the type of girls I'm dealing with? How can I truly tell if a girl is inexperienced or experienced.
The way she came off when we first met was an experienced girl
Got her alone and she was completely different.

I guess the main thing is that I didn't properly dive deep like you teach. I wouldn't be having this problem or these feelings for her. But I'd still like to know how I can prevent myself from being duped next time. And if I can fix it. (believe me, even though I did a lot wrong...she's still somewhat of a keeper)

Sorry for the long post.

Wes

Chase Amante's picture

Question with Girl

Author

Wes-

Think you already saw my reply, but just in case, here it goes again:

Reading Experience Levels

Chase

Mr. Rob's picture

Game?


What exactly is "game"? I understand fundamentals but I figured that is part of Game. Im thinking from a finesse point of view game is more or less talking your way into getting said female by presenting yourself as a bad boy and being naturally good conversationalist.

Just for shits and giggles I went to a hood club last night for the first time (I stay in Pensacola, FL) I've always wanted to hook up with a pretty black woman for exotic purposes (although out of 50 women there I found 3 or 4 to fit my standard to sleep with, no offense pcola your ratchet!). Anyway I preformed a few approaches and found that every girl I approached was fairly standoffish, uninterested, and fleeting despite my white suburb sexiness (i'll be honest im still working on my vibe/fundamentals) but I figured since I was exotic to the area it would work in my favor like when you go to a different country. Quite the contrary I found it harder to maintain a convo and build attraction than in a regular bar/club. Have you (or anybody) ever had any experience in a ghetto pickup situations and how it's differs from regular clubs/bars?

Rob

Chase Amante's picture

Game / the Hood

Author

Rob-

"Game" has a bit of an ephemeral definition. I tend to think about it these days as your learned verbal responses - e.g., things like how you respond to girls asking you to buy drinks or them hitting you with tests are "game," while things like your voice tone and look and the basics of how you hold a conversation are fundamental. One definition might be of fundamentals as "things you are" and game as "things you do."

When you're white meeting black girls, especially black girls enmeshed in urban black culture (i.e., not black girls going to a predominantly white university, or working at a corporate job surrounded by white folks), you'll tend to run into attainability problems where they're viewing you as someone who potentially thinks he's better than they do. You have to go out of your way a bit to show that you're chill, humble, and down with them and not like "all those other white boys" who (they assume) consider girls from the hood to just be hood rats and chicken heads.

You might try just chilling at the bar there a bit and sipping a drink and seeing if any will approach you. Basically, what you're looking for is a chance for them to observe you being relaxed and non-intimidating, without them being watched by you back, so they can start thinking, "Maybe this guy is for real," and start lowering their defenses / raising their curiosity levels.

Chase

Mr. Rob's picture

Cool!


That makes sense, for years people i've run across and friends talk about having "game" but their definitions included fundamentals, probably because they don't know what fundamentals are. As for the advice in the hood, that makes a ton of sense since black people from the local urban black community always see me (or white people in general) as having the upper hand in life and tend to look down or look different on the white community because of this (maybe they think we aren't appreciative of this, their jealous, etc. idk). I don't look at black people as being much different other than having a different skin color and having an interesting culture. So communicating that I really don't view myself as being better or higher up socially (even though I really don't feel that way) should hit the nail on the head unless their bitter (which isn't my problem).

Anyway Chase I (and hope everyone else) appreciates you taking the time out of your day to answer our minute off topic questions all the time. You really do a good job business wise catering to us. Im curious as to your success with girls chase now being subscription based, and hope it's prospering as well as you predicted. Don't forget to drop a line if you ever come to Pensacola mate (Cautionary Note: I will bug you for wisdom on pickup while getting to know you.)

Rob

Pm61591's picture

Hot girls. Names. More.


Hey Chase,

Really enjoyed this article, and will definitely apply the insights and tactics you shared within it. Recently I've just been talking to the hottest/sexiest girls where ever and whenever I go out and about. And I noticed from my experience so far that most of the hottest girls I talk to have a lot more insecurities then let's say "average" girls. Again this could just be due to coincidence but what is your take on that? Also I know in one article you wrote about how girls in your dorm use to think you were intimidating or scary and that you changed your facial expressions. Recently a girl at a college party said I was intimidating and another one said stop trying to intimidate me. Both of these comments were a surprise to me for I was smiling and had my eyes slightly wider then usual. My questions to you are could it still be my smile and facial expressions are still off? Or am I making to much eye contact? I usually hold contact until they break it and I am a bit on the bigger side so I guess I'm naturally intimidating. Or is it a combination of things? Eye contact, clothes, facial hair and expressions? One more thing thats more about socializing in general. I have a very very good memory where i can remember names and stuff about people i met years ago. Unfortunately i get called creepy usually by girls. now i dont act like i know them if its been a year or so usually ill just reintroduce. but if its been a month or so ill call them by their name and the reaction I get is usually your creepy or am I a stalker. Do you think I should just pretend I don't remember them? Any help would be awesome. Thanks!

Flames's picture

Just relax


I don't think there really is any such thing as too long, but there are subtle EC protocols and to be honest I can't really explain how they go (I know that doesn't help). What I did when practicing my EC was just 'stare down' everything dogs, cats, women, men, pretty girls (gasp!).

I would imagine that because your not used to it (and have had bad reactions in the past) that although you've got strong EC, which is good, theres a lot of tension and nerves, so practice a neutral face in the mirror, just relax every muscle, then practice the EC and see what happens. My bet is that
you'll drop into a rhythm where you naturally smile at just that right time.

The problem is that essentially your coming in all smiles then she notices you, and you've nowhere to go better, so at some point youve got to drop 'the act' or stay grinning like a lunatic. If you go from a neutral composure (and it's not all just facial BL) then go to a more enthusiastic mode, then it's like a non verbal compliment; it's saying "I've noticed you and your attractive to me".

Hope that helps.

Regards
Flames

Chase Amante's picture

Eye Contact and Memory

Author

Phil-

I'll second Flames on relaxing eye contact a bit.

If you're getting into mini-staring contests with girls, that could be it, yeah. A good rule to follow with eye contact is whoever's looking first looks away first. So, if you were looking, and she met your gaze, you be the first to look away. If she's looking, and she met your gaze, she looks away. You can also play around with the "shy eyes" part of this post to get a better feel for this: Elite Eye Contact.

On names, yeah, I realized that I had somewhat better retention than most people when I was pretty young, too. The solution seems to be taking a moment and pausing a bit as if thinking when trying to recall things, like, "Oh, how was that, uh, you were taking a test or something, right?" and then they go, "OMG, I can't believe you remembered that!" vs., "Hey, how were the MCATs?" and then they're like, "Holy crap, you've been staring in my windows at night, haven't you?"

Dumb down your recollection with some ums and ahs and hmms and questions, "Weren't you?" "Is that right?" "Am I totally off base?" and people will view your memory as more in the realm of what they'd expect a normal person who isn't obsessed with them to be able to remember. Otherwise, they think you must keep a journal or something where you write about them every night: "Today, Anna said that her little brother Philip set her left pigtail on fire at the age of six. Remind her of this in 3.2 months."

Chase

bunny's picture

This is IT


Chase... I'll put it simply for now, THANK YOU for all your efforts, Talk to you Later.

Anonymous's picture

simile use


"When you talk to a hot girl, if you're leagues below her in terms of attractiveness as a mate, yes, sure - you'd better be able to escape from a straight jacket in a tank full of mako sharks and be adept at juggling screaming mountain lion cubs while the mother puma looks on, if you hope to stand a chance at even possibly, conceivably winning this girl's heart."

The internet was created for the sole purpose of posting this paragraph.

BBJW's picture

High-school


Interesting article, as always chase!

I often read your articles more out of interest/curiosity, because as a highschooler, I feel a plurality of your articles are focused on adults. Anyway, I was wondering if you have some articles that you think would apply more directly, and am curious if you have a highschool focused article planned?

Anyway, my specific question is this... So I fancy this girl and she fancies someone else who doesn't like her back... Do I still have a chance? Should I just ask her out, or do you have any reccomendations for wooing her?

Thanks,
BBJW

Chase Amante's picture

Re: High-school

Author

BBJW-

As plenty of the younger members of the discussion boards will tell you, the vast majority of the content on this site works as well in high school as it does anywhere else! I don't have any high school-specific articles planned (just since it isn't an area I have much experience in - I spent high school as a lone wolf outsider), but there's plenty on here to tide you over in the meantime - everything from having a sexy walk to asking girls out to figuring out unconventional sex logistics (if, say, you're still living at home with mom and dad) applies.

Liking the girl who likes someone else - I'd probably suggest asking her out first, just to make sure you're on her radar, and if she says "no," then focus on building up some preselection and either let her see you with or hear about you being with other girls, or find ways to tell stories within earshot of her or that will get back to her about other girls you're meeting or talking to. If she knows you like her, and other women like YOU, there's a good chance she stops chasing after that guy who's ignoring her completely and starts taking interest in the more attainable option - be smooth and show interest persistently, but don't chase, of course.

Chase

jpaulino's picture

Disagree


CHase i love your articles my dude, but picking hot girls and regular girls is totally different entirely. Its a different game, you can be good looking and make 50k a year but nowadays good looking girls are really smart. Why would she settle for a good looking guy who makes 50k a year when she knows there are guys as good looking if not better looking who make alot more. See, girls play the game too, theyre always looking and waiting for a possible better thing to come along. 80% of your game is social status, i will argue this point till the end of times. Simple fact of life

Elliot's picture

This is a terrific site.


This is a terrific site. Thank you for such honesty and genuine wisdom. My question is in regards to the variability beauty ratings of the "hot" vs. "pretty" vs. "absolutely beautiful" etc etc. Though I do realize each man has his own criteria and tastes, I believe there are some common grounds we all must share. Given that is there any possibility you could post images of such "10s" in all such categories etc? Perhaps this is a ridiculous request, but I suppose this a result of desire to know how similar my definition of the "10"s are in relation to most men. Thank you.

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • HTML tags will be transformed to conform to HTML standards.
  • You may insert videos with [video:URL]

More information about formatting options

Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.