The Ultimate Guide on How to Get a Girl Back | Page 3 | Girls Chase

The Ultimate Guide on How to Get a Girl Back

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

how to get a girl backThe most frequent email I get from readers is of the very gracious, magnanimous variety, with readers reaching out to say thanks for writing your blog, your book, etc., and sharing perhaps some of the successes that have come from, in part, applying what they've learned from my materials.

But hands down the second most frequent email I get is the one that reads something akin to this:

Hi Chase, I've been reading your site and I wish I'd come across it sooner. You see, there's this girl I like, and I guess I didn't move fast enough with her, because now she's cold and distant and I don't know what to do. Is there anything you can recommend I do to turn it around?

I get about 2 or 3 of these emails a week. And as traffic to this site continues rising, I'm confident the number of them coming in will only increase.

And I commiserate. I've been there lots of times; watching a girl you really liked shut down and go cold on you when formerly it seemed like she was yours for the picking is maddening, gut-wrenching, and about as big a sucker punch as you can get. It's awful.

So, I want to lay it down here today, for all those guys out there pulling their hair out like I used to -- a complete guide on how to get a girl back.

Comments

Anonymous's picture

I'm so in love with this girl called jade and she left me because she though I didn't love her and I liked a picture on Facebook of another girl and she ended me while I was working away in London and by tring to get her back I started adding friends and family adding pictures of her on Facebook and one where she told me she loved me the day before she broke up with me and I rang couple people up for help and they got involved!! I sent her a massive bunch of flowers as a sorry and a thank you for everything she was done for me! I'm half way through a letter to opologise and tell her my feelings but I think I'm fighting the impossible she said she has no feeling for me but except as a friend but I don't want that I want her in my arms jade fought for me for months and I got with her we are loads better together then apart and I thinking me starting back to work broke us up because I didn't tell her as much I love her and miss her!!! I love her so much it's killing me I think she seeing another man but I don't want that I want her to be with me

Anonymous's picture

I know exactly how your feeling, maybe not exactly but i have a very close idea, please dont give up, she dosen't see that you love her and if you say you do and thats what your heart feels that is what is right. You may have to watch her go through a breakup with someone else and do things with someone else you just have to be that strong man im sure you are, most of u have a strong soft side as well which i can tell you do, she has had feelings for you and im no professional but im sure that somehow she still has some.

Anonymous's picture

Well the last few weeks i have sensed a breakup, we were going steady for over a year(anniversary on dec25th) and it seemed downhill since then. This girl i was with has been through hell with men that just used her for sex and she just wanted someone that actually wanted her. Shes the soft and sweet type while i am the more rough side. I would say im a decent looking guy and would say even more about her. two days ago she tried to end it very abruptly but i did not give in saying how i would fix things that were wrong with us and that i could make her happy again. being the attractive girl she is i always wondered what would be a lie and if she was seeing someone else. I eventually grew to trust what most people had referred to as the town bike. I saw something in her no one else did and i could not just let her slip away. Weve been through so much including her jailing for hitting my ex in the face. it was very out of charachter for her. Also she quit smoking after i convinced her it wasnt for her own good. She was the light of my life and i dont know if you know how that feels. As you would expect i didnt like the thought of loosing her so i did everything to stop it. Unfortunatley last night we were laying in my bed watching a movie and she somehow seemed uneasy. I wont lie we hadnt hung out for a long time (week and a half or so). I knew i had been doing things wrong such as ignoring her and not texting her back. I had committed a lot of my time to my friends and not enough to her. But there we lay on my bed holding eachother like old times. I missed her so much the feel of her skinny body around mine. I kissed her cheek and then her neck but she did not seem interested. I have to say she has never rejected me like that the entire time we had been together. She later asked me to massage her back so i did but she seemed so distant i felt i had to say something. She then told me she didnt feel like we were meant to be together anymore. No ill tell you i am the guy that likes a long honest relaionship and i feel still like she is the one. But heres what she said, she told me i didnt want to know and that she didnt want me to get mad, i told her i needed to know im prepared to hear it. she said she didnt want me and that she need a man not a boy. That was pretty harsh i thought when i realize shes a little older than me but i have always complained about her not being matuer enough. Unfortunatley ill say i overreacted and did not want to talk to her. She left my house and a few hours later i decided to give her a call and apologize for overreacting, she said it was okay and she expected me to hate her. I told her id never hate her and that i still wanted to work things out. I had had the feeling that there was another guy becasue she had been acting distant to me but around my friends she was very cheery and laughable to them. I kept edging towards the idea that there was another guy and she kept denying, saying that she just wanted to be alone. This I did not believe. After about a hour long conversation she said that there in fact was another guy that was more of a man than me, hes in his twentys and in college while im 18 and a sr in highschool. She said his name was brad and that she didnt want to tell me anymore. Like as if i wanted to kno or if i wanted to kno that hah. She said she liked him and that she still liked me. She said she wanted to be friends but everyone knows that wat people say in a breakup. I want her back even knowing that she has been talking to someone for about a week behind my back doing who knows what. It will be hard to trust her again and will be even harder if at all possible to get her back. whatever you can help with would be very appreciated. -Joey

Anonymous's picture

hey there I met a girl that I had liked for the past 3 years I met her at primary school and tried so hard to find her then one day we met up and found out she was single then we hit it of we had been together for a year and a half then I started working I am a chef so its early mornings and late nights but I didn't talk to her much and she decide it will be best to give her one month to heal from being hurt from that now we were friends and I stll love her to bits her family hates me but I she doesn't talk to me at all but the feelings are there she used comes over once a week to see me but I don't know what to do know she still attached anything I say she doesn't belive me she wants to have time a apart be friends and see if we can get back together in the future should I kept trying now to get her back and to feel that love and passion we once had or is it to late ?

Anonymous111's picture

I just broke up with my girl on Friday, the reason was things just faded away, the 'spark' wasn't there anymore, also she's one of them girls who sticks to her best friends a lot! When I say stick I mean stick!! The simple problem I have now is I want her back:/ got any advice? Is it the right thing to do?

Anonymous's picture

Yes,I have plenty of advice,it's over.You screwed up by letting her go.Women hate being rejected,and now her best friend is going to call the shots.Your girl has been crying on her shoulder,and she's now making alot of sense to her.

Move on and find someone else,because it's over lol.You'll see here soon when you run to her like a small crying child and she rejects you.

Next time,make up your mind before you do something so sudden.When you throw a hamburger in the trash?Do you did in the garbage can,so you can eat it again?

Thats the extent of the situation.Because your woman is a half eaten hamburger thrown in the trash.If you were a bum on the street,it would make sense for you to dig in the trash to find that burger.The fact is their are plenty of fish in the sea.You knew this before you threw that burger away.Well,the fact is,you don't have the confidence to be alone and find those other fish.Embrace the suck my friend,because you're going to start over from scratch again lol.

Colin's picture

Hey Chase!
I really enjoy your articles. Recently, my girlfriend broke up with me minutes after my birthday on march 4th. We always had a great relationship. Sure we had a few fights but things worked out. Shes one year older than me. She's a freshman in high school and Im a senior in high school. We lived kind of far from each other but we were always able to see each other around 2 times a week, more or less depending on our schedules. I believed everything was going great. Until sunday, when she said she started liking another guy her age that worked with her at an event that she was working at. And i actually know that guy from my school because he was in two of my classes last year. That guy flirted with my girlfriend and she told him that her boyfriend was me. However the next day, when that guy put his arm around her, she felt wrong and told him she couldnt do this to me. So she went to see me and she apologized to me. She cried and was very sorry, so i forgave her. The next day was my birthday and we had a wonderful time together. But just minutes after my birthday, she texted me that she doesnt know if she should be dating. Apparently, she said she still had feelings for that guy and did not want to cheat on me. Throughout the week, i was so confused and hurt. I even surprised her after work to try to convince her to come back. But she only got mad and didnt like how i followed her after work. This was our first relationship for both of us and we had gone out for 19 and a half months. Long story short, i was forced to not talk to her until i have moved on because she will block my number and ignore me if i dont. We did have a good closure moment on the phone where we thanked each other for the time we spent together. There is more details to this, but this is the main parts that went on. I'm just confused because we had such a good relationship. She did say she wanted a more assertive man that could take care of her. I admit i did make mistakes throughout the relationship such as not being decisive all the time or relying too much on her. But i do feel like its not my fault that this happened. I was just confused how she could like another guy so fast. Luckily that guy lives really far from her, so I still feel like I have a chance to get her back. At first, she was the needy one in the relationship, but somewhere down the line, we kinda switched roles and i became the needy one. I think it's because I never wanted to hurt her and I wanted to make her happy. Right now I wont be able to talk to her for at least another month until her birthday and she said she would see me at graduation. I just want to know, after I give her space, how can i get her back? Please let me know what I can do. I really believed she was the one. And so did she. I believe that we can be friends and maybe rekindle our relationship and get back together. What should i do? Please respond ASAP. Thank you Chase! If u need more info to clarify things, then you can ask me more questions about what went on.

Anonymous's picture

Good points,but the woman is still in charge of the Circus.If it wasn't easy at first,later down the road she'll just dump you.Even if you're married with rug rats.Women,love to change and start over again if the river becomes too still.Women live rapids and motion.If your river becomes too still,it's obvious she's on her way out for a fresh start.

Skywalker's picture

I met a girl 1 month ago and we had an amazing sex together and we had 4 more dates and i was a litter fast and started yo have feelings on her, she is scared for that and also she is sick, and told me that she need to have time apart .. To feel better on her health.. What Can i do?

Anonymous's picture

Its too simple,just start flirting with her best friend.

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase, I am in quite a pickle.. I started hooking up with a woman 2 months ago and it was supposed to be just fwb-relationship. But I fell for her and hard. She seemed very into me from the start and after our 3rd hookup I asked if she wanted to date exclusively, like a schmuck.

She said she wasnt in love with me and wasnt looking for a relationship in the near future. She said we shoud probably stop seeing eachother but I told her it was fine and would pass. It did, for a couple of weeks..

After that talk we started seeing each other alot, pretty much always me asking to meet. After a month or so we pretty much acted like bf/gf. We stayed over at each others apartments and saw each other a lot. It didnt always end up in sex but normally it did.

Then about a month ago she seemed colder, wanting to meet less and rarely hook up. I asked if it was because we hang out a lot and she said that might be why. So I told her we'd stay in touch and she could hit me up when she wanted sex.

3 weeks went by where I texted her once in a while, but she seemed colder and colder. One day I asked her if she could come by to check out the clothed I was wearing to a party to get a womans view. She seemed happy to do so and she came over.

When she came in I tried going for a kiss like always but she seemed cold so I didnt force anything. I figured all was lost and went to change to the clothes she was checking out. She liked them and we lay on the couch talking.

I kissed her but she didnt kiss me back, I asked why and she said because "she knows how i get"(horny). I told her it was no problem and that I lately had gotten a lot better discipline and self controll. Told her about how I had changed my diet, started working out and stuff.

Talked some more and went for another smooch, this time she kissed back but I didnt force anything. Just a kiss and leaned back, continued talking. After a bit she started caressing me.. Then unbuttoned my shirt, saying I was warm. Then we started making out and ended up in the bedroom.. Afterwards she said that wasnt the plan, sort of joking sort of serious I felt.

That was Thursday. On the saturday i faked that I went out (never been out on the town before and she knew this was my first time) and she texted my cell the same minute she found out I was "going out". Asked how I was doing. I didnt reply and went to bed about at midnight. To hours later she tried calling me but I was sleeping so didnt answer.

The day after I texted her and she was crazy interested in how it went and what I did. First question (out of 5 in the same text) was if I had made out with anyone.

We texted for a bit and I felt she was a bit interested again. Thst was Sunday.

Now on Wednesday I havent contacted her yet, nor she me.

I was too available and easy before.. How to get her more interested/invested? Should I try to hook up with her again soon now that she seems a bit more interested? Or stay away and see if that sparks interest?

What I ultimately want with her is for her to fall in love with me, not just have sex with me.

Regards

Andreas from Norway

Alexk's picture

Ok, I need your help with my relationship.

My girlfriend and I got together in late January, we worked together in a grocery store I am in college and she decided not to go to post-high school education. We were decent friends for a few years beforehand. She eventually got a job as a flight attendant and would move into her own place in town. We had been together up until today and things were going great! I would be over there almost every night or few nights a week and stay the night. We had moved our relationship sexually as well and were enjoying each other more and more each day. I couldn't believe how much chemistry and fun I could have with one person. After about two and a half months we told each other that we loved each other.

However, before she moved out of her old apartment, her roommate and her had gotten on bad terms and never wanted anything to do with each other again. This was during the beginning of our relationship. Well this Monday, she had blood work done and found out she was about 16-18 weeks pregnant, meaning that her old roommate would be the father, which means she was pregnant before our relationship started. When she told me she said she didn't expect me to stay, but I did in fact love her so I told her I would stick it through and we could be together. Well she grew up without her biological father so she knows what its like and decided she didn't want that for her child. Thus she decided that she and her old roommate should be on civil terms for the baby's sake. I understood as she said she didn't want a relationship with him just to not to anger each other every time they see each other. But after Monday, she stopped texting me as much and when she would it would be unenthusiastic, which is very unlike her. She would always put smiley faces and tease around in her texts but this was much different. After a few days of this, today, I was going to take her out when she got back from a flight, but she texted me and told me she wasn't feeling well and didn't think it would be good to go out tonight. Then I finally told her that it felt like she didn't want to talk to me. She told me she doesn't know what she wants and doesn't want me drug in the middle as she didn't think it was fair to me. I told her I want to be with her no matter what but she didn't want to change her mind. She said she doesn't want to have a relationship while trying to be civil with the baby's father and would like to remain friends. She said that sometime down the road maybe we could get back together.

I'm asking you, I want to get her back but I am clueless as to how. I know there are plenty of fish in the sea, but that fish is mine and I don't want to move on. How can I get her back as soon as possible? It seems like her and the supposed father are hanging out more and more each day too. I need your help!

Thanks,

Alex

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase ,
My girlfriend broke up with me last thursday and I broke down and told her not to leave me and that I still love her to death and all that stuff couple of times but she broke up with me cuz she couldn't see me that much cuz her parents didn't want us dating right now cuz of the age and some personal problems.she said she wants to be friends for now and later in time maybe have a relationship again but she likes someone else to but only cuz he was nice to her and he doesn't like her back at least that's what he told me but me and her started on tuesday (she contacted me first) all day and she wanted to me so she asked if I could call so I call her on a video chat site. When we were talking she would stair at me and when I looked at her she looked away and smiled. Oh she posted a pic of me and her on a wedsite with a comment says what a fun night but I want to know if she still likes me and how do I get her back.
Thank you for your time

Anonymous's picture

Buddy I am in a relationship with this girl from past 6 years. We have been like perfect perfect couple, 2 years back I came to the UK from India and this relationship was still fine, I went back after a year, spend like 3 months with her, we had sex after 4 years , first time ( Indian culture!!!), everything was fine, it was heights of love.
She went to a different city for her higher education, there she started her new life, happy , bubbly after 6 years all of sudden her behavior changed, she started ignoring me, always busy, parties, never picking up the phone.. Then more fights, arguments over phone, less trust. I perfectly gave up having food for months , and I went through excruciating pain for months and then I came to know she has fallen for an another guy, she told me she loves him, this guy isnt commited to her, and moved to another city ( although this asshole sometimes talks with her on the phone) , she said,'' I love you baby thats why I am with you still, and I feel guilty over what had happened, I want to make things right , but it will take time as I cant forget this guy'' she never says I love you anymore or anything like that.. there was nothing physical between them, I am the only one whom she ever got physical with, but this emotional cheating of her has broke my life completely
She is very beautiful highly educated women, I am more or less same, except she has amazing enthusiasm for life and friends. and with circumstances in life I have turned out to be a loner and isolated in different land.
She fell in love with me because I was kind of hero figure in my college but life has been very hard for me lately. I have changed and I am displaying all of the negative qualities in mentioned in the article,.. and she though even with me , is not really with me emotionally.

I do not want to lose her
a) Because she hasn't gone completely away
b) She loves me still, but is confused
c) There are still chances.
The best part, I am going to India and there she will spend a whole day-night with me. I am just confused what shall I do now, what shall I say to make things right, how shall take her to bed. after 15 days I will be with her, I don't want to wreck anything now.
I have been too nice guy, too predictable, she knows me in and out ,angry and argumentative, my insecurity and neediness pushed her away but I was highly loving, I did everything a man can do for his love , from writing poetry, giving time, planning dates.. Everything.!!

Guys any suggestion only constructive that makes me get her back is highly appreciated, thanks.

Ryan's picture

I've lived in my current apt complex for almost a year. For the last four months I've had a big crush on a girl in my leasing office; due to their strict rules she isn't allowed to date anyone one of us tenants, even though she is also one. She's always played around and flirted with me, gave me a hard time and in turn I would do it right back. Every time I have seen her she is always at work, until three weeks ago she was beside the pool hanging out with some friends. I was in the gym working out alone, when she came out of her way to come into the gym and walked directly over to me. I knew instantly this was my chance. After five minutes she said she was looking for a new job so I said hey that means I can finally ask you out. She said yeah very enthusiastically and I got her number. I called her the next day on a Thursday, and on Friday she texted me immediately as she left work, that night and over Saturday we exchanged 200+ text messages. We connected better than I have ever with anyone, she even noticed this asking oh my god who are you as the connection grew bigger. I even visited her a couple of times discretely at work just to see her. I was on cloud 9! Everything was beyond great for two weeks, and now I can't even get a hold of her. I've texted her a couple of times and called her once with nothing. During that two weeks I challenged her to a dance video game her daughter has and told her I would kick her butt at it, she replied with oh yeah, well after you can kiss it. She even sent me upwards of nine flirty pictures of her one evening without me even asking! So a week ago on Sunday I was texting her for an hour or so, telling her I'm eating frozen yogurt and I'd bring her a spoonful, she laughed and said I can't her coworker was still with her at work. I told her to tell the girl to leave, I'll help her close up in a flirtatous manner. She laughed and said I was really funny with a smiley face. I said who's being funny with a smiley face and that's the last text I've received from her. I saw her a couple of days later at my leasing office where she works because I'm moving out and I gave my notice. I noticed her looking at me as I walked in the door but as soon as I made eye contact she looked away, and while I was talking to her she seemed very stand off-ish as if she was upset with me, that was the last interaction I've had! I have no idea where I went wrong, I want this girl back badly! I don't know if I came on too strong and seemed needy or if I pissed her off with that who's being funny text treating her as if she was easy or something. Or maybe she is back with her ex who she broke up with three months ago, I really need some advice on how to get her back!!!!

Zoom's picture

Hey chase, thanks for the article. though my thoughts were really not oriented in that direction. I thought the best way to win her back is to be so available and begging all the time. in fact i have been doing this along time now. So i have this girl i love so much, but of recent she has been dating with other guys behind my back. every time i get to know about it, she does all she can to get me back and because i love her, i forgive her. after a short time she goes back. Now we are in a situation i don't really understand. she asked me to give her time to change but she is too cold on me. when i call her or meet her, she doesn't have words for me. i call her and she doesn't pick up some times or even return the calls until i call again.
But i must say we enjoyed a really good time earlier, we romanced really good and we both like it. but she never wanted us to have sex saying we should save it until a later date or even afer our marriage. my worry is that she is not a virgin so why doesn't she like sex. For me i took it so cool and thought to my self that its because she loved me that she wanted it to be so. Also because girls think once you have had sex with her, you can easily dump her. So we lived like this until about two months ago when she started changing.
I have been suspected that she changed because i lost my job coz she started changing shortly after i lost my job. but i don't want to believe it.
When we talk she tells me that the reason she went on dates with other guys is because i didnt trust her enough. i told her that i trust her but am jelous when i see other guys chasing her up. But now i dont actually trust her any more after everything that has happened recently, but still i love her and if i could do anything to win her back am very willing to do that.
Please advise me!
Thanks alot

Levente's picture

Hi Chase,

I write to you because I also have a problem, I met a nice girl fairly 18 months ago. I decided to take a step half a year after, but we only could talk online, I have seen her two times, not more. That time she said she was occupied, and next time, too (two consecutive weekends). Now she hardly answer to my letters, and when she does, she writes 5 minutes after on Facebook. She is 3 years older than me, but I stil want her, what can I do? Thanks for your help.

Anonymous's picture

I like the article a lot man, but how long do you wait before this all works. I broke up with my girlfriend because the relationship was hurting us both and i didn't want her to suffer anymore and I needed less stress in my life. We were both in college and hardly had time for each other, because we had NO time together she became aggrivated and everything turned into an argument, EVERYDAY. I wanted to give her more time, but I couldn't deal with the extra stress, now I broke up with her hoping she would understand, (maybe take a break and get back together) but she doesn't. Now she's really BITTER AND RESENTFUL... I tried explaining the situation to her and hoped we could still be friends but she didn't want to hear any of it. I wrote her a 6 page letter on what happened and why we failed in our relationship and it helped a little but by bridging the gap a little but she's still distant from me... It's only been a month, i don't know how long I should wait before talking to her again, I want to give her space, but I don't want her to move on, EVEN THOUGH I WAS THE ONE TO END IT!!!! smh

Anonymous's picture

Hello, thanks for a great article! In particular, I need some help understanding these two points:

"7-Get compliance. If you can't get a girl to invest in you, you're not going to be able to get her to do anything else. You need, need, need to get her following your lead again -- ask her to come for a short walk with you; tell her, "Hey, don't run away, I want to talk to you for a minute." Start giving her small orders, or asking for small amounts of compliance. Read up on persuading women before you do; particularly if she's running away, you're going to have to be at your most persuasive!

8-Set up a meet, pronto. I don't know where guys get this idea from, but most of the guys you see trying to salvage something with a girl try doing it over phone, text, or email. Are you kidding me? If you want to turn something around, you've got to do it in person.

Get her in person. That should be your mantra for turning stuff around. Get her alone with you, or semi-alone, in person, where the two of you are there just for each other. At that point, you can be cool with her, and not be insulting, and not be too easy to get, and move forward quickly and naturally."

The reason being that I have trouble understanding how to do these things without chasing. If a girl is being cold to you, wouldn't initiating any kind of conversation or suggesting a meet up be chasing in some way?

Also, in some of you articles and comments, you mention that trying to do anything (chasing) with a girl whose in auto-rejection and is thinking that you are the worst person on the planet will only make things worse and that you NEED to wait for this phase to be over. Now, I understand the concept behind this and the why, but how do you come to the conclusion that this is over and it's safe to proceed?

Finally, I'm thinking I might be a bit confused as to what I should be doing as I may not fully comprehend what is and isn't considered chasing. Could you elaborate a bit on this as I would have assumed trying to set up a meet with a girl is chasing.

Thanks!

Liz's picture

Ok. So I have a similar situation. But it's really wierd and complicated. Anyways I really miss my girlfriend and I love her sooooo much. She feels the same way but she doesn't want a relationship right now. But every time I text her I can't help but text her that I want her back. She says she likes being single but I can't wait. What are some ways to at least have her want me back? Thanks Chase and hopefully you will answer me soon. Thanks you

Anonymous's picture

This article really showed me why a recent wave of women have departed me in similar fashion. Unfortunately, even though I have bedded at least 6 super attractive girls in the last 5 weeks, I never cared enough to figure out what was really happening until this last one.

I had the perfect situation. This girl in particular was 24 and had been in a long-term relationship with her ex for the past 5 years....since she was 19 up until just 3 weeks before the night I met her. We went to my home the first night we met and had mind blowing sex. I mean I hadn't experienced anything like this in the past 10 years (please trust that I have a significant amount of women to compare this to). Everything seemed like it was firing with all cylinders and getting a date seemed certain and she promised me continuously we would go....so on...and so on. Problem was that she goes out of town during the week for work and is only back on weekends. I told her I would take her out the following weekend when she returned. She even texted me several hours later on the day I dropped her off at home. I told her I would contact her towards the end of the week when she knew her return date better to set up our date.

I took her home on a Sunday. I texted her the following Wednesday to see when she would be off work and called her Wednesday night. She responded to neither. Clearly I had a "hot iron" and I failed to strike when it was hot. I thought the right thing to do was to only contact her to set up our next meeting (date) and avoid idle chatter in between. I was wrong....dead wrong. I waited too long to contact her.

So I guess my question is......is this salvageable? I haven't gotten even a response to my text or call. Did I blow this so bad that I can expect to not even hear from her again? If I do try to contact her again....what is the right approach or thing to say?

Please advise.

Also, thank you so much for this article and the ones dedicated to knowing striking when the iron is hot. I won't make this mistake so easily again. I just wish as in every case that I had learned this before it came down to a girl that I cared to have more with.

George Barley's picture

So I began dating this girl about 8 months ago. I don't date very often or try to be with girls all the time. I like to choose carefully because I put a lot of emotion and effort into my relationships. Anyways we started talking and immediately clicked. It seemed so unreal that everything worked so perfectly. I had known that she almost never dates and has never gotten attached to anyone. She did get very close to me and I got very close to her as well. Not only did we talk everyday and see eachother almost everyday, we were close in another way. The way we touched and fit together it felt like nothing either of us had ever experienced. I liked her family a lot also everything was just great. Of course I had to ruin things, kind of got possessive and jealous very easily that she would spend time with her friends a lot or things like that. I overreacted with a lot of things she did like the most minuscule things it was so stupid. That along with some fights about stupid things. Also it seemed like I stopped trying to earn the privilege of being with her. Anyways she was asking me to hang out one day and I said maybe because she was with friends and I tended to like being with her alone mostly, selfish I know and realize that now. Anyways I got home and the whole time I decided I was going to be with her I just didn't say that necessarily. She didn't text me for a couple hours because she left her phone at her friends house when they were riding bikes. When she finally texted with me I was kind of bothered and got snappy with her. She picked up on it and it turned into a disagreement. I apologized after I realized the stupid thing that I had done once again and she said okay. I asked her to hang out and she said she didn't know yet. I said "why?" And she said she might just hang out at her friends house, I asked if I was not allowed over there or something. She said she just felt like I would only come over because my friends ditched me but that wasn't true. Anyways I told her we needed to talk and when she got in my car I said " i don't know If I can do us anymore" , I said it to scare her thinking she would say I'm sorry or something but she got pissed. Everything was falling apart and all I could do was apologize and say it wouldn't happen and just say I was retarded but she wouldn't have it and said she couldn't do it anymore and walked away. I was devastated and I texted her sister and she told me to give her time. I was really impatient and asked her friend to talk to her and see if she wanted to talk to me sometime about everything. She agreed and I told her how I realized everything that I had been doing lately and I just wanted it to be back to how it was and she got teared up and so did I and I thought it was going good. She told me she still loved me so much and we just needed to grow on our own a little but still be there for eachother. I pleaded her to think about it but she just said that was her decision. She told her friend that we were friends for now. Implying that maybe she would want to reconsider everything after a while. I also talked to her mom who told me that she was taking everything really hard and wasn't sure how she felt about everything. As in she didn't know if she wanted to be with me or not and I just needed to give her a couple days then text her to check in but not bring up the subject. I really just don't know what to do, but I have this gut feeling that it would be a really big mistake to give up. I want her to want to be with me but I honestly don't know. I would do anything for her. And yes I do believe its love and not infatuation I've read countless articles and journals about the difference I know what the signs are. Please help

Kallin's picture

That is my problem when I try to get girls back.

I've lost a few girls, the reasons - missing "windows" before the sex and start to chasing.... Or any shits happen in the interaction after I bedded her... And I feel I was wrong, she gets angry to me. I'm not apologised guy, but I start to chase her because I feel guilty, not begging her, but chase really hard…

So
I'm very attractive, and girls very easy and fast get attracted to me, and even some fell in love... but if I mix-up everything because of "not moving fast" and "missing the windows" they gone... and I start chasing after..
I notice that even the girls that we have no sex, and the other who I was bedded, but something happen... Initiates contact with me after a while when I stop chasing them. They were contacting me, guide me about how they are free in the next days, or how boredom she is this days, ask about my curent status, and is there some new girl around me etc.

Therefor I suggest a date. Thay accept. We met and in the very moment where I start whit some "Kino" or goinig right "for the kiss" they shift imadiatly in "auto-rejection mode", dosen't matter where we are, at the coffee, in my car, her car, and doesn't matter how fast going for the intimacy - at the start of the date, through or at the and of the date... they shift on "auto-rejection"... And they are gone again... If not make any move on her and pick up her home... She again is gone
And dosen't matter how much time was past between "re-dating" 2 weeks or 2 months, or even half year...

They return to go where I left them - in "auto-rejection"!
So, whatever I do, or don't she is gone... Then I not chase them, and this scenario repeat - thay contact me again (the same girls) ... we met... and she go in "auto-rejction" again... I has e few girls that we met 3-4 times in this scenario...
I've had maybe 5-6 girls like this, and I want to know what to do when I fall in “scenario” like this again...

This is all I want to know! I think They return to me. And expect of me, to make things happen, because I don’t understand why she will waste her time to set up date with me, make up, losing time in night dates only to fly in “auto-rejecting mode”

And I have to be honest! I'm in this shits again whit new girl, but in begining stage, where I mix-up things, chase her a little... and stop chasing... and maybe she will return like others...
And I want to know, what the fuck I have to do, and bedding her FAST? In my past experience I told you nothing works. I want to miss all this 2-3 dates where everything is the same where we stop last time?

So, in additional

I will return to my experience whit the past (old) 5-6 girls, with some of them I notice that if I missed some calls, thay start to fire my phone... 4-5 calls in a row, calls again after 3-4 hour, messages... And when I pick up the phone in the and of the day, or call her... She is very exited, a little angry, nagging, and start suggestion to come to my place!
And this one is a girl that I wasn't bedded!
I'm not try this whit others 5-6... to not pick up the phone, not answer messeges...
I pick up the phone and answer everytime to the girls that fell in this category...

And when she suggested to come to my place I not agree because I think she just testing the waters but was excited too, so I don't know! We met after a while for coffee, and she gone in auto-rejection again etc.

With another of them, I ignore her almost completely, I pick up the phone sometimes but ignore her suggestion, because I was chasing another girl! Then she calls again - I'm ignoring… she calls... Than she go crazy... Want to suicide... Offered me everything - sex - I refuse, comming in to my place to bring me gifts... But I broke her heart... and just don't wanted to be with her anymore...

Is this the key? To not pick up the phone, do not talk shits and suggest dates to them, where they come only to go in to "auto-rejection mode" in every moment I hit on them!

I was reading your article "How to get her back" a few times... But it's not difficult for me to meet them again, even 2-3 times...
It's difficult to get physical wiht them, and take them home, If she comes with me I will do what I have to do?

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,

Started seeing a girl about 7 weeks ago who I met through online dating. Had a great first date in which she invited me back to her house and we slept together twice that night! Anyway things were going well, meeting a lot of each others friends and family, going out on weekends, staying over each others places a few nights a week. Everything was seemingly fine. Then about 2 weeks ago she gets put on a medication that can cause depression and other such side effects and starts becoming almost emotionless which leads her to telling me she has started thinking differently about us. She went on a week long vacation with her family which she had hoped would clear her head and when she got back I tried to make plans to see her in which she replied that she had thought about things and I'm a great person but I'm just not right for her and she's not feeling the same way about me. Anything I can do? I didn't respond when she told me this and I figure I'll just give her more time but I'm not sure exactly how else to proceed. She is by far the best girl I've met in 2 years and I don't want to lose her.

SkillFrank's picture

I met this older woman at a bar that was hanging out with her girlfriend. She started flirting with me from a distance to get my attention, so she walked up to me stood there in front of me for a good 4 seconds, then danced with a guy friend of her's she knew for 17 yrs.
Then she came back in front of me, and somehow we started dancing in the club for the entire night until the club closed. I tried kissing her while we were dancing and i might have touched her lower,oh ok i did touch her lower"but she didn't say no".Only no to the kiss at that time in the club.
That very morning she asked me to breakfast at a diner, i went with her-i said yes, cause she had bought me a beer at the club, while in the diner parking lot i asked her if she was gonna pay for the breakfast. She got really pissed off at me and snapped, cussin me out like we never met bfore. And said to me how u gonna get home cause i aint dropping u back...Then eventually i calmed her down and promised to make it up to her...cause i told her i was starting my new job.
The day after i text her like "how is your girlfriend" did she make it home safely. I got an instant reaction and text from her. like yes she's back was so worried and then she called me to talk and then we text each other for hrs all the time.
Then one day she called to schedule she wanted to see me.i was surprised cause it was a Saturday now i got a date.
2nd date i told her i was a vergin."not one though"
We started kissing and the she told me we would see each other again.
Cause i guess she was curious, 3rd date more kissing no progress or bedroom action. Older woman says that she has a boyfriend at home that is living with her and she is trying to make him jealous. She confessed to me i said ok, we kissed and she text me when she got home.
I noticed i dont see her all the time, but when its convenient to her but i feel like ive been led on to this escapade.
4th date she sounds really upset on the phone, where are , where are you. call her and say i'm here for you come see me. She makes me wait for hrs cause she says she wants to look cute for me, but she shows up.
We kiss some more she talks about her boyfriend while at the diner,i must have bad mouthed him, but she defended him tooth and nail like he could do nothing wrong.It must have been this he must really love me cause when this other tried to kiss me and he walked in and saw he didnt lose his cool at that point but he showed a reaction..and spoke to her about it that they should be exclusive to each other...but said guy only makes moves up when someone else tries to move up with her.
Now he wants her to be Boyfriend and girlfriend and introduces her as his friend when they go out which pisses her off and she flips on him
Next date"i saw her for six months,i dont want to waste my time thats why i need a solution to keep her although i might have messed and cried on the phone that i didnt want to lose her.I started a new job as a Special Officer City job,
she tells me she loves me and we exchange kisses on the phone, i tell her i love her too. And text her early in the morning one day when she flaked on meeting me and I called her out on it and said she stood me up a- she started telling me all that was going on and i didnt know that life was hectic where she lived she would have to take me over there to see for myself.
Other than that i did tell said woman that i went to another place with my friends and there was an issue where another woman put lipstick on my shirt at the back and wrote her number in lipstick at the back of my shirt. And i told her that when i was butt dialing her that morning when she flaked, and my friends were the one doin the texting to make me look bad. She called it out as bs and got real upset said we were done cause i was kissing another woman. i defended myself said no i didnt say that,she was the only one that i would ever kiss and wouldnt have the time to see other women because of my job. We started going back and forth for hrs texting , i might have even said in a sad voice earlier on her answering
in the evening bfore we got into the heated text that i was sorry i didnt want to lose her.
The next day I asked her a question but not a serious one to see if she would pick up,then i said on the text 3rd text but
"Seriously i have a serious question to ask you." I know she is at work and she usually answers my text most of the time but right now it seems like doesnt as much. She just ignored my text didnt answer at all. It's the next day and im not touching my phone,calling or texting. What should i do to get her back...
Telling me to cut her lose isnt an option, i feel like vested my time...How do i get her to have sex with me and see me as strong and manly again..gain her trust again.
I feel like my manhood was messed up cause i havent been in a lot of relationships,taking advantage of and played as the side guy called a lover under pretence and guys should be equiped with the weapons to fight the Girls Gears of war Game.

Anonymous's picture

I've been with a girl for 5 months now. we both loved each other. but last month i wasn't myself for a couple weeks, and when we went out i was insulting her. she told me about this and i tried to stop (and thought i did) but after that every time we went out, she told me i did something to hurt or disrespect her. i think she associates me with bad feelings now. i barely see her anymore, and she has essentially completely pushed me out of her life. how can i get her back? i do want her back. how can i get her to associate me with good feelings again?

Anonymous's picture

I met this girl on an online dating site and we had talked by text, phone and Skype for a month. Everything was going pretty well. I was playing my hand close to the best and letting her initiate contact. She became very flirtatious and started sending nude pics of herself and wanted to hang out. I forgot to mention she lives out of state. She and I are very busy with our schedules and agreed from the start we were just going with the flow. Anyway, we set up a time to hangout and I travel to stay with her. We had a great time the first night after I arrived; I met some her friends and we went to a few bars etc. Her friends tell me how much they've heard about me and such and how much they like me. Anyway, the girl is ALL OVER ME kissing me on the neck, hugging on me, etc. We later go back to her place and I play hard to get and just tease her without kissing her back. She is digging it and falls asleep in my arms all night. Second day, we hangout around her place and don't really do much than hang out. She cooks dinner for me and we get drunk. I escalate her sexually and get to the point of sealing the deal and she pulls away. I re engage and same thing so I chill and act casual. Next day, she is acting distant and aloof. She asks if I'm looking for something in her I'm not seeing and I say not at all. She flirts with a few guys in front of me and I blow it off bc I know what she was doing. After going a few places, she says "why don't we try this when I have everything taken care of that I need to do". Before this I asked if she wanted me to go in case she was busy and she said it was up to me if I wanted to. A little background: This girl was engaged to a guy she knew since age 5. He cheated on her and she broke things off. They got engaged in February of this year and broke up in May. She has had rebound sex etc with other guys since so I don't think that was it but I'm lost on this one. Back to the story; Chemistry was amazing, even before I left she was hugging on me and kissing on me. She told me to call her when I got home and I told her ok. So, before I left I asked when we would hang out again and she deflected the question and laughed; playing coy with me. After leaving, I sent her a text and she sent a short reply then later called to see if I was ok bc an accident shut down the interstate. We talked for a minute then she let me go. I texted her that night when I got home and said "Home". She sent a nice text saying, "It was really nice to meet you and I'm glad you made it home ok. I was about to ask if you made it. :-)" After that, I reciprocated and said maybe we can do this again sometime. She didn't respond and I sent another text about an hour later saying Hello?. She immediately texts back with, "I was in the tub! Jesus! You're always asking me questions etc. We need to not talk for a while" I responded with well you could've mentioned that before I drove all that way to see you. Then she says, "I don't know why you're acting so weird now. You can't just let things go how they're supposed to. We don't know each other that well so lets just let things go"

I didn't respond and sent an unrelated text about something the next day and she never responded. I immediately realized what i did and apologized over text that night It happened and It's been a week and I've maintained radio silence with her but don't know how to handle the situation from here. I really like this girl and she said I really liked you but I don't know why you're being so weird now. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks

dave's picture

hi chase, lets begin. my ex wife and i split up in march of this year due to her infidelities. at the time i hated her guts and still have trust issues toward her. she was having an emotional affair with her trainer through facebook and i know of one guy she had a one night stand with after our split. since then she has moved out and has hit rock bottom. now don't get me wrong she is a great girl and i still love my wife as hard as it may seem. after a short lived dating spree of my own i came to realize i missed her badly and wanted to save our 6 year marriage. i did everything to get her back and are very much on speaking terms. we would go out and party together, she would come over for dinner and a movie, we would hang out with our mutual friends and get along swell. we even had a one time sleep over ;) it occured to me recently that i was always the one contacting her and her not so much to me. i asked her repeatedly if she would come back to me but she would always say no and that we've grown apart. i told her that i cant be friends with her if shes dating other guys and have decided to distance myself from her recently. i know i'm chasing her but do you have any more advice about how to show her that i'm the right person for her?

Anonymous's picture

hi chase,
i am a 17 year old egyptian and after reading this i feel like an idiot , there is this girl who i really like but ik took things too slow too slow that the school year was going to finish and i have did anything official yet , here in egypt if you want to ask a girl to be your girl freind you have to tell her that you love her and basically do something like a proposal , so before the last day i told her that i like someone in her school and i wanted to tell this someone that i like her unfortunatlly she didn't understand that this someone was her so on the last day and my last chance i told her that i love her and then she asked me "and what should i do know ?! " i don't know what happened i think i got confused and i told her " you should walk now " ...."cause i had enough for today " yesterday was the first time i saw her in 4 month and ... we didn't even look to each other although i cought her looking at me once but i don't think that it was i love you look ....... i don't know what to do please help .

SevenorSix's picture

Hi Chase,
I have been following your articles this week after going through a stage of life that I've never experienced...being blocked off completely by a woman.

About a month ago I started this online chatting thing for fun and I found this girl to be quite attractive. So I had been talking to her for a few weeks and of course I know chances slip away if I act too slowly, so I would ask her out every weekend.
Unfortunately I have had no luck getting her out because of her some lame-excuses (she was moving and her aunt was helping her every weekend).

I have gotten her to open up to me and she'd call me on the phone sometimes to tell me about her hard experience at work middle of night. So overall it was not bad and I can sense her guard down on me.

However, not until recently she was moody again and I was joking to her in our language (Chinese), she didn't take it well and totally blocked me off from any sort of communications.

That was a week ago and I don't know what I was thinking, I rushed down to a flower shop and ordered a bouquet to apologize to her (trust me, I have never done this for anyone). I apologized on the letter that went with the flower.
It's been a week now I still got no response, and I would really appreciate if you can tell me how I can turn this around!

Thanks!

-Seven

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,
I was out on a date with a girl but I moved too fast and she wasn't ready. I need to apologize to her (she is part of my social circle) and in the best circumstances get back together with her however I don't know how to word my apology. Any help would be spectacular.

Thanks,
Anon

Mathieu's picture

Here is my story,

I suffered a cerebral accident on September 2nd, hopefully the neurologists saved me. When i was in the hospital, my GF broke up with me, cause when i was there she discovered that I lied to her on important issues. She left me cause she feels betrayed. Saying she could never trust me again.

I've never felt that desperate. Not only do I have to work hard to get my health back on track, but I am going further down the spiral emotionally. I started to consult a psychologist in order to solve my tendency to bullshit. But still don't know what to do to get her back.

I resist the urge ton contact her, cause i understand she is hurt and she needs some time. Then again, how should I proceed. I know that i have to fix my own problems before I try something. Cause if i don't want the same problems to happen, i need to be a better man.

Surviving that cerebral accident is hard enough, but now I am totally lost.

Thanks.

Anonymous's picture

My girlfriend of 4 years dropped me the bomb with the “I need space, Its not you its me” song and dance. Needless to say, I was completely heartbroken and destroyed and didn’t know who to turn to or ask for advice because everyone was saying different things and nobody actually knew our relationship.
Then i found a guy talking about an amazing program that helped him a lot findind the formula to be with her girlfriend again. At that moment I was so depresed and I decided to give a chance to that program and... That's the best thing I could have done!! Now I'm back with my beautyful girlfriend and we're really happy together :)

Take a look at it: http://textyourexback.co.nf

I'm sure that it can help you the way it helped me and the guy who told me about it :)

Jacx 's picture

Hey, I went to a party with my girlfriend and she was having fun with her friends and not with me and I got kind of jealous because some of those friends were guys. I kept trying to pull her aside and dance or try to talk to her but she would find some excuse to get away from me. She was very upset an disappointed with me after cause she felt that I was too controlling and that I smuthered her and I wouldn't let her have fun. Now she won't really talk to me and I've been saying everything I can to get her back and I know that I just have to leave her alone and I haven't talked to her all tonight and I'm not going to until she talks to me first for once but it's tough because while I am not talking to her, there is this other guy who is giving her attention and I feel like he is growing on her the more they talk. I'm just a teenager but I'm very mature. And we did lose our virginity together about a month ago which made me a lot more attached to her. But I feel like she is over reacting because its just one night an it wasn't an important night and if anything I feel like she is the one being controlling and she puts no effort into trying to make things better and I always have to make plans with her to hangout and I'm lost right now. Apart of me wants to get her back but another part of me is asking myself if its all worth it. I just need help I don't know what to do I need some advice. Can you please help?

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase,

I really love all your stuff - the content and depth is really insightful and inspiring. You appear to be a man of your word and a man of many words. I have a question about getting back a girl who clearly freaked out the day after first date sex (as she stated by her text message the following day). I've learned from my mistakes this time around, although am still interested in getting to know her.

To make the story short, I met her at bar, got her number and set up a meeting. She was really into me and asked me to get dinner with her the day before we were to even meet. Things progressed from dinner to several low key venues, first by my choosing and then by hers (all involved some alcohol besides from the first and she ended up treating me towards the end). At the last venue we kissed and she said she didn't like the venue we were at, so I suggested coming to my place to watch a movie and she said that she doesn't want to do that with guys anymore (meaning sex on the first night)...but she couldn't get it out of her head and kept bringing up how much fun it would be and after a little time together, we made our way to my apartment. Almost seems like she picked me up. She seemed satisfied during the night, although the morning wasn't as fulfilling; however she didn't complain. We talked about a possible future together (something she brought up) and unfortunately later in the conversation, some of the things I talked about aside from that were a bit negative and disturbing (something I would talk about with my buddies back in high school when we were first learning about how sick the world can be - don't ask why I felt like sharing). I made her breakfast, left my apartment and she dropped me off as I suggested meeting up in the evening and then later in the week (possibly too much). She didn't seem very responsive to it, but still kissed me passionately at the end (although I wasn't very warm about it, since I was late and had to go) and told me to text her later.

Later in the evening, I texted her with no response and something felt very off. I tried again the next day asking if she wants me to give her her jewelry back, which she left at my apt. and finally she replied, completely ignoring my question, with a very long (highly emotional) message about how I freaked her out with somethings I said and that while she finds me interesting, I am not for her. Is there any way to recover from that and get her back? I read your article about sex regret and have kind of come to understand what may have happened, especially since she went through a very traumatic life experience about 1 year ago, which may have related to some things I said. However, I still sense that there's a way to recover. I really don't like losing people in my life that I connect with like that. Maybe you can help. Thanks!

charles2394's picture

Chase,
You are a genius but that goes without saying. I have a question that many others might be asking but I would appreciate an answer now haha sorry timing is crucial. Okay well im in college and ive been sleeping with this girl an average of once a week for two months. I can tell she was really interested but i took your advise and took things slow, I never took her out and just chilled at night to have sex, and only texted her twice a week. anyways I was ready to be more warm and move things forward to being exclusive cause i figured i really like her and dont want to lose her, but it seemed to happen at the same time as she was being more aloof and flakey, almost as if i took to long to change so she felt unappreciated. she stopped responding to texts, even though a month before she was really warm and i had her. Anyways fearing i was gonna lose her i told her i thought she was special i really like her and want to move things forward it was my fault i wasnt more invested and she said thats not it at all its her fault cause even though she "really likes me" she is still confused about some other guy and wants to take things slow which i think means she wants to stop having sex, we still kissed after our talk and i said its fine if she wants to take things slow and i was cool about it. but i am a hopeless romantic and currently a wreck. how do you give her time off but at the same time get compliance from her and act more warm if I'm supposed to give her a cooling of period with no interaction. btw her friends told me i was really good in bed with her. I just have to get her in bed again and then be more warm i guess but idk how. thank you for your time Chase you are a miracle worker.

Anonymous's picture

Going to keep this short, We went out on a double date with her friends. Me and the other couple got drunk, yet my gf didn't because she was driving. I was wasted and apparently said a lot bad shit. We argued a bit and we broke up. The only hope I have is that the next day she texted me and told me she cooled off and feels bad that things didn't work out. I texted her back trying to look alpha thinking I could get over her, nope can't fucking sleep, can't function.

Anonymous's picture

.....who you're not even sure wants to know you any more?

This has just happened to me today. But a brief history lesson first. Met girl on an online dating site. Messaged girl. Got girl's number. Called girl. Arranged a date. Dated girl (no chance to bed girl as she lives on an island across from where I live in the south of the UK), thought it went well. Few days later, Girl friend-zones me, says there's 'no spark', initially think that that's it, girl's not interested, then transpired that girl wanted to be friends, set up a day to hang out (as friends) over on the island she lives on...... As I'm watching the ferry I'm sat in cast off this morning to head over, she messages me saying she 'couldn't do this' and that she 'was worried things would go wrong between us.'

I'm stumped. Not to mention angry, hurt, confused, out of pocket, humiliated..... I have to admit I did the cardinal sin of texting her then leaving her a voicemail but tried to play it as cooly as possible (through gritted teeth).

Thing is, just like the time she friend-zoned me, I had no warning that she was going to say what she said today to me. It just happened, like I'd hit a brick wall. Even yesterday, she text me asking what time my ferry was. I'm racking my brains trying to figure out what the hell this is all about. She says she has a load of stuff going on in her mind, blah blah blah..... did she panic? Will I ever hear from her again? I've said my bit, I'm doing nothing now. If she contacts me then I'll see what she says, but I'm done chasing.

Chase, is there anything else I could/should do in the meantime to at least provoke some form of reaction from her? Or am I well and truly flogging a dead horse?

Anonymous's picture

I've been with this girl for 2.5 yrs and I made a mistake by getting angry and said I wanted to break up (which I didnt mean) I tried asking for her back before she left for her homeotwn for the holidays. She said she would SEE FIRST and when we apart we texted and called...she said she hasnt made up her mind and during that time one of her closest friend has confessed his love for her. She said she felt abit for the guy and wanted to let other guys in and said I should too. I made the mistake of giving chase and pleading with her. She pointed out all of the mistakes that happened and said that she loves me but not the way it used to be. I realised my mistakes for neglecting her and wan to change.Shes coming back next week and im gonna pick her up. What should I do...I really really love her. The fact she texts me everyday is hard for me to keep a distance.

Anonymous's picture

So I met this girl by chance one day. It turns out she is renting an apartment I own and I had to go by to get some mail. It was the first time we met and the first time I had seen her as the property was being managed by a company, not myself. We seemed to hit it off after she answered the door, invited me in and chatted with me for nearly an hour. Before I left she gave me her card unsolicited and I left telling her I would see her soon. I texted her a couple of days later, set up a date and we met for drinks. The date was smooth, great conversation, good body language. All seemed good. I asked her on a second date and she accepted before we parted ways. She then bailed on the second date texting me a few days before citing work as the reason (she travels frequently). We texted back and forth for a few days and I kept it clear I'd like to see her again. Nothing firm was planned due to her schedule until one night she texted asking me to join her and her friends at a bar for a charity auction the upcoming weekend. She told me to meet her there and to bring friends if I wanted. I did so and we had a good time drinking day and night, talking intermittently until we parted ways at the end of the night and left with our respective friends. She then invited me to another event the following week. I was to meet her out with her friends. The night before she invited me over to pick up mail again. I went by about 10:30pm on a Thursday, brought a couple beers (she enjoys obscure craft beers). We had a couple drinks and talked for three hours. I kissed her and it lasted 10-12 seconds without any resistance. Instantly I felt an awkwardness come over her. She said she was tired (it was 1:30am and she had a meeting at 8:30am the next morning which she had previously mentioned) so I gave her another peck goodnight and headed out. She told me to let her know when I was home safe. I did so and asked her if all was fine, she said she was ok. The next night I showed up and met her and her friends. Within 20 minutes of being at the event (she had been drinking prior) she came right up to me and said, "about last night...I probably should have told you this sooner but I just got out of a 5 year relationship and I'm not ready for all that. I kept kissing you because you're a good kisser." I told her my intuition was good, hung out with her for a bit and left early without seeming bitter. Clearly she knew I liked her at this point. The next day she texted me asking if I got home ok then throughout the day with generic stuff just making conversation. Since then my stomach has been in knots and my mind wrapped around her. I've fallen into the "I text her first" to get a response zone and don't seem to get anything out of the blue from her. We did talk briefly on the phone about "the kiss" and she maintains she's not a hookup girl and wants to get to know me and vice versa. Since then she's bailed on me for dinner twice (work) but has gone out with myself, one of her friends and one of my buddies to a hockey game. After that we met up with her friends and mother at a bar (they were in town for her birthday). They all seemed to be cool. The following night I attended her birthday party at a bar with her family & friends again. I brought a friend and we mingled. I was sure not to cling to her. She was drunk and somewhat aloof. I left for the holidays the next day and other than a "Merry Christmas" text we have not had any contact. The dinner plans are still out there but nothing has been nailed down. She travels a lot as mentioned before so FaceTime with her it tough and patience seems to be key. I really like her (guilty)...what's your assessment of my situation and your advice to me moving it forward and having the best chance of getting into a meaningful relationship with her?

Bob's picture

I think I have a strange mix of #1 and #3 going on. During our first and only date.. which was going really well.. I started to feel sick to my stomach.. really sick not nervous sick. That caused me to rush through the whole goodbye thing to the point I don't really know what happened. I know she rubbed my arm and that I didn't kiss her, barely made eye contact while she was telling me she had a great time. Then I walked around the corner and puked. That's #1. which got me to #3.. because after I wanted to make sure she knew I still liked her. Here's what I did. Next day: texted her saying I had a great time and looked forward to seeing her again after a quick trip. No reply. Five days later it was Christmas. I texted her Merry Christmas. No reply. Two days later I emailed her.. asking her if she wanted to go see a band with me in 8 days. No reply. That was 6 days ago. My next step was going to be to call her tomorrow like nothing ever happened. Can you email me your thoughts on this?

SuperGlue's picture

Long story short, I went on a fantastic first date with a girl, afterwards she gave me the 'I want to see you again'. Somehow I was possessed by demons and gave a joke that inadvertently called her fat. SHE WAS PISSED

Can I turn it around?

Do I let her cool off or do I setup a meeting pronto?

Rodgers 's picture

Hi
Hope all is well... see my problem is that i have dated this girl for almost 4 months now. I didn't get her to bed right away. It was last year on December that she told me she would be ready for it this year. And when it came she says she isn't ready because it will be painful because she's a virgin. I got dissapointed and told her we should be just friends because i hate empty promises and she wouldn't have to feel the pain. And all she said was ok. And we stopped talking. I don't knw what went wrong or where i went wrng. Please advice. Should i call her or just move on.... and if to call what should i say!!

Anonymous's picture

Alright so this one is a little messed up. About 6 months ago I traveled to Europe and met this girl in my home country. Things were great you know ... we were both interested in each other and it really felt like things had fallen into place spontaneously like they should .. naturally. After a month, I had to leave and go back to school. 3 days later, her dad was hit by a car and was killed.

This is where I think I went wrong. I told her I would try to make it to her prom in January although I never promised because I know better. Tickets to Europe aren't cheap and I had no guaranteed income at the time. As it got closer to January, I had pretty much realized I would not be able to afford a ticket. So, we kind of agreed to stop talking and I figured since her dad died, she deserved a male companion to actually be by her side instead of selfishly keeping her for myself. So I told her maybe find somebody to go to prom with and maybe in the future things might work out.

So now, I had decided to actually study in my home country in Europe. Finish school there and what not. I had this plan before but I just hadn't acted on it until now. She took this other guy to prom, so when she told me she's seeing this other guy because "she would rather I knew", I realized what I had lost and started pouring my heart out to her and sending her roses etc etc etc. She tells me it wouldn't be fair for her to not give the other guy a chance. She said maybe if I come back to Europe, we can get close again and see how it goes but for now, she will be seeing this other guy. After more begging and pleading, she finally just told me she's going to be seeing him and that I took too long to make a decision. I told her she broke my heart and I realize I don't have a shot anymore. That was the last thing I said to her.

It's been about 2 weeks since this happened, and since then I had deleted and re-added her on Facebook (immaturely) but haven't said a word to her. She's aware that I am going back to Europe in October to finish school. From what I can tell, things are going very well between them two. So, what are my chances and how should I act in this crazy messed up situation?

Thanks.

Anonymous's picture

I have a question there was this girl who was obviously interested in me but I think at some point I came on too strong and she backed off, now I havent talked to her in two weeks and I noticed she acts like she isnt even bothered in my absence, that being said I was going to talk to her come tomorrow and I was wondering if that was the right thing to do or if I should back off completely and just act like I dont care.... Or if I should talk to her and SAY that I am going to back off and see what happens...I dont know what to do...please help

Anonymous's picture

So I wish I was onto this site about three weeks. I wouldn't have burnt the dinner. I met this girl three weeks ago and immediately hit it off with her. She was really down gave me her number and was pretty insistent on calling. I sent her a text the next day, she got back and it went on like this for a few days. She was texting me and wanting to hang out, some see her at work where shes a dancer, not stripper. Which I did, and she was all over me, next day we go to a movie, by Friday I had her pretty much sealed up met her after work and took her back to mine and slept with her, good sex no problems etc...

At this point I'm starting to go ga ga over her and telling her a whole load of shit I shouldn't be saying while I'm drunk, like your the only one for me I love you type shit. Really terrible, I know better, but this girl just got her hooks like never before. So Saturday, I'm texting its all friendly and I leave it be. Sunday the same but I ask her to hang out because I'm leaving the next day to Hong Kong. This is all happening in Korea and her English is piss poor but my Korean is fairly fluent. So no response and I leave it be. I do pretty good during the week I'm away in Hong Kong texting once every three days but not getting much back more than a friendly response.

One week later I return and let her know I'm touching down, and she's being lovely and down to meet. I see her at her work and its all good she's all over me and I bounce out early because I'm tired. See her the next day for food and she's texting again. So Feb 14th was some holiday and I don't know where she lives so I sent her flowers on Feb13th, which was another idiotic thing to do, it doesn't back fire and shes all happy. Next day she's really on to me and think expecting dinner but I have a work associate in from HK and can't so she was a little down. So I met her the next day, but she was hung over and so was I and it was more lunch and hanging out. In the course of this I got onto her about her job and shit, kinda telling her she was better than that and stuff, which she probably hears from too many guys. On top of it was really feeling rough and took her home in a taxi and she had said she had school work and needed to be up early, anyways I think she was expecting me to take her up and shag her and I really misread the situation. Next day I texted her and she's on about not being sure when she'll have time again, I say for what and she says for me. I kind of laugh it off and responds blowing me a kiss, I then tell her don't worry I'll slow it down, I was coming on pretty strong with the shit I was telling her given I've only known her 17 days. She say okay, I called her later that day and she just sounded a bit off. I really think I blew it not getting her in bed again, not really sure what the next move is.

Shes really on my mind, like too much. Consuming my life type shit, it seems so close but I'm pushing her away. I can gradually pull back on the texts and fortunately see her face to face whenever I want but not really sure how to best go about it. Any advice would be much appreciated this site is a life saver.

Jon F's picture

Great article! Finally something useful. I wish I had found it sooner. I now know how I messed up with the woman I'm in love. My problem is there is another guy involved now, which puts another layer of aweful into my situation.
I've known B. for years as a co-worker who I've always had a friendly relationship with. We occasionally saw each other outside of work and always enjoyed each other's company.
She went on medical after hurting her back in a car accident. And we sort of lost touch. Her fault and mine. When she returned, boy, did I realize how much I missed her. This was in September. We have different schedules, now. She's in nursing school full time, so I see her about once a week. We are both on early shifts, so, I got her to start seeing me for lunch after work. things were going just great. and I fell madly in love. And saw that she was getting into me also.
She talks a lot about the time she has to take studying, so I didn't pressure her enough for her time. I've also have a long history or rejections which makes me a little gun-shy. I've also turned women off for coming on too strong. I hear wedding bells whenever I see B, so, I was determined to get it right with her, I thought I was. I was wrong. I was too slow. She started declining my invitations to socialize after work before I got around to asking her out on a real date, but was still friendly. I thought she was just worried about time and grades. I gave her a nice thoughtful Christmas present. She called me sweet and said we'd go out for lunch again after the holidays.
That never happened. She stated acting with avoidance. I was desperate trying to figure out what happened. God, did I come on too strong again? Is she really THAT busy and I'm annoying her?
I stopped asking her out for a month and had a Valentine's gift ready to give her, a book she would like on a interest we share wrapped in a nice bow, with a card making my feelings clear, maybe with a rose. I was all set. The book was meant to show, of course, that I pay attention and was thinking about what she really likes.
Two weeks before Valentines day she takes me aside and tells me she has a boyfriend. Someone a friend set her up with months ago, and she didn't tell anyone. I smiled. So, she knew that I loved her, and now I knew what the problem was. The knowledge was a relief. So I went ahead and told her that I was in love with her. She told me not to worry, that It's cool. You can imagine how depressing the days between that conversation and Feb 14, what I call "look at all the happy couples who aren't you day" were for me.
I went and gave her that book along with a "I have really deep feelings for you, but, let's be friends" sort of letter. The gift was honestly appreciated
It's not really that cool for me though. I'm usually fine working with her. We get along well, and she is so radiant, it's hard not to make me happy. The other days of the week? well, I have my good days and I have my dark, gloomy days.
I have no idea who this guy is, all I know is that he stepped in between me and my dreams. and I'd love to see him out of my way. I suppose I should also have a grudge against this friend If I knew who she was (I suspect).
I'm not ready to give up. I want to fight for her love. There is plenty of advice out here on the internet, but not too much for me. I'm not JUST trying to get her into bed. The relationship I'm going for is the kind that requires the shared love and respect that won't happen if I turn myself into the mustache-twirling villain of the story. I must avoid that at all costs. But, where do I go from here?

frank's picture

you don't know how much your work I just read did for me it littery save my life ok I thank you from the bottom of my heart ok the girl I love I KNEW the second I sneaked to her she was the one but sadly at that time I was blinded and overcame on how much love I had for her and I even tried other girls but I never felt the love I felt for her I just no she is the one im not kidding SHE IS the only one il ever be with and you saved me from dieing form depresson thank you im going to talk talk to her again after last year thank you for the last time :,D

Shinzo's picture

Hi Chase,

Great article, I really think you are going to help a lot of people out there with your insights about the womens mind and im of course one of them.

My situation is this, I met this beautiful girl and sexy way back in early 2013 we clicked and had an excellent rapport, and I met her in my university FYI. in the beginning things were going great and she we had good thing going, we dint going out till after 3 or 4 months because initially she was being resistant and persistent, but during those 3 4 months we met a lot in uni and there was escalation, we kept intouch through the phone and text.

we weont out for the first time in the summer for a movie and it was good, I felt though that I was the one doing the chasing and working for her and I kept telling myself " shes shy girl and conservative, so I ought to that side and let her come out of her shell. we went out on a brilliant date a few weeks later and we got imitate physically but no sex. the next day, BAAM out of the blue she blows the whole thing off and calling it quits.

I was shocked needless to say, later though I decided lets try friendship, and we went out a few times with friends, I noticed that she was still craving for my attention and was always bothered when im talking to another girl or give attention away from her. she asked one day " how come you know so many girls but you arnt exclusive " I was like to myself, is this girl high, does she not know I was trying with her this whole time.

I decided to cut her off completely because she was being weird sometimes ( I call she doesn't pick up or I text she doesn't text back)

since I cut off, my friends in university keep telling that she keeps asking abt me everytime she runs to them, and this has been going on for few months.

im starting to think about her again and I want her again.

help chase!!

Lyndell's picture

So...there's this girl. My friends sister that I've known for years. I made it obvious from the start that I liked her. Shes super pretty like unbelievably so. I was very clingly or easy. But she liked me back and I had no idea. One night things got "steamy" and I was on top (clothes on) and she had her arms around my neck. Ready to go you know? But I couldn't do it idk why. Ever scince then its been diffrent. Help me?

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