Nonverbal Attraction and Getting Girls Without Words | Girls Chase

Nonverbal Attraction and Getting Girls Without Words

nonverbal attractionIn the post on how to get foreign girls, a reader named swingcat (no relation to the other guy!) asks the following:

There are quite a few Chinese girls I know who ONLY speak Chinese and who told me they always dreamt of meeting a foreigner. Out of experience I know that with nightgame you can pull girls without speaking a single word. What about daygame however? And for nightgame, how can you go beyond SNLs without being able to communicate?

You mention leading. Yes, that is indespensable but how do you establish comfort or comfort? How do you non-verbally qualify? Maye you can post some examples orFRs, since you mention that you have quite a few of these experiences. I think this would be really helpful.

Basically, he asks how do you move things forward with a woman you can't (or prefer not to) communicate with?

Which, I think, is a great question.

You won't just use this with women who don't speak your language. I use a lot of what is to follow in my regular interactions with women who are native or fluent English speakers, too.

But, you ask, why choose to go wordless rather than make use of verbiage-laden, well-worded conversation? Well, that's a part of what we'll talk about here today.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Migz's picture

Question: You mention the “Don’t let her go” issue. Do you "always" grab the girl and pull her back in when she tries to leave? I find that they almost inevitably try to get away and defuse tension after the initial attraction phase.

This is my biggest sticking point right now and it feels like a test. If I follow, I feel like I’m chasing and losing my more powerful stance. Yet I don’t have the unwavering confidence to hold them.

You just pre-empt this by asking them to sit down/go to the bar/go outside?

There are several ladies that I think are in limbo between friendzoning me and ARM because I’m not chasing them. Basically they’re little more than acquaintances who see me easily interact with other girls. Just do the same thing with them I guess, huh?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Migz-

When I first started telling girls to stay, and refusing to chase, I didn't have unwavering confidence in it either. Actually, I didn't think it would work. But I just made myself doing it, and then it worked, and then I realized, "Holy crap! If I just tell girls to stay a few times, maybe 70% of the time they just do what I tell them and stay!"

Kinda makes you feel like the most powerful guy on Earth ;)

The key to breaking out of ARM and the friend zone is pretty much one and the same: get them giving you some small (or large) compliance, and then make them feel really good for having done it.

So, like, she's being cold to you and on the fringes of auto-rejection. You motion her over, she resists; you smile like you would at an impish child, glance away a bit, and continue motioning her over, now without looking at her / while looking to the side. She comes. You immediately become really warm, sexy, and flirtatious with her as a reward for her coming over, then move her right away and start getting into some solid rapport. Now she feels firmly rewarded for having done as you've asked.

If you use that with those gals who've been a little weird around you, you'll see a pretty quick turnaround, but you'll have to either build a really serious friendship with them fast (if you want them as friends), or you'll have to get them in bed fast (if you want them as lovers), or else they'll go back to ARM / friendzoning you and it'll be three times as hard to get them out the next time.

Cheers man,
Chase

Rosanna's picture

Hi Chase, have you taken a Myers Briggs test? You sound like an ENTJ. I am a female ENTJ... the techniques you described work on me but I'm not sure for girls who are "feelers". On the other hand, as an ENTJ, I am drawn to other NT types so it might even be good if it doesn't work on feelers ;) Nice blog. Useful! :)

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hi Rosanna,

I have indeed taken a Myers Briggs, and I am indeed an ENTJ. You sound like a pro ;) In my experience, this stuff does work well on the feelers too -- though reactions are a little different. The thinkers respond with more curiosity and excitement, whereas the feelers tend to get these swirling emotional responses to it, similar to "falling in love." I do tend to date thinkers though, too; feelers and I clash too much on a personality level (I'm guilty of considering them "soft;" perhaps they also think me too "hard").

Actually, I have to be really careful with the feelers, as once they lower their walls and let themselves feel around you, they can get pretty attached pretty quick. Obviously, as you get better with people, you also increasingly assume a degree of responsibility for how you make those around you feel, and as you become someone others are drawn to more, it's important to try and avoid them coming out of an interaction feeling like you judged them unworthy of a further relationship, not "good enough," etc.

Glad you like the blog!

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Rosanna has got some strong words of insight. Get at me though Chase. I haven't spoke to you in a while. I hope all is well. Holla back man. You've got my email, right?

Peace

Uche

Author
Chase Amante's picture

What's going on, brother! Long time, no see man! Yeah, for sure, I'll shoot you an email. All kinds of crazy things going on on this end. Probably will be back States-side in December for a few weeks. Hope life's been treating you awesome.

Talk soon-
Chase

Dave's picture

Hey Chase

Good stuff, its really helped me out a lot. I first came to this site thinking I knew absolutely nothing about women, but I've found out I do a lot of this stuff naturally, like letting her do most of the talking, being non-reactive, etc. I just have one HUGE problem, I almost never show any facial expression. Even when I think I'm smiling for instance, I still have the same stoic look on my face. Your articles on the bored and skeptical expressions helped me out, and i laugh when I think something is funny, but unfortunately that's the extent of my expressions. I know this sounds extremely ridiculous, but I think this is one of my main roadblocks of success that I have. Any thoughts?

Thanks for all of the help,

Dave

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Dave,

Nope, doesn't sound ridiculous... I wasn't too dissimilar myself.

I actually worked on my facial expressions quite a bit -- I used Ryan Reynolds in Van Wilder as a model for that. I also picked things up from very expressive girlfriends and female friends of mine, and used the sexy faces they used on me on women that I'd meet.

One of the best things for my own progress though was taking acting for the camera classes. My teacher pointed out to me consistently how wooden my face was, and I realized after seeing myself repeatedly that what I thought of as "nuanced" facial expressions actually ended up looking like no facial expressions. A year of acting taught me to be much more expressive facially than I'd been before.

So, I'd say:

  • Find a model to follow and learn and practice his expressions (use Van Wilder if you don't have one in mind already)
  • Take an acting for the camera class if there's one in your area, or start filming yourself once or twice a week as you act different emotions, and critique yourself hard and do a couple of do-overs

Those should help soften some of your (currently) wooden features, and get you being more expressive and vibrant with your face.

Coming from being a little wooden isn't necessarily such a bad thing though... sometimes it simply seems mysterious ;)

Chase

R!'s picture

"Because here's what happens. When a guy's sexy, women just naturally tend to be a lot warmer to him, a lot friendlier to him, and a lot more desirous of him most of the time. They give him more leeway; he gets further along with them; and he builds more confidence in the meantime. The guy who isn't sexy keeps beating his head against the wall trying to figure out the right thing to say, whereas the sexy guy gets so many opportunities with women that he gets to know them so well that the right thing to say just becomes obvious over time."

This paragraph speaks so true, my man. I feel like the dude beating his head on the wall because I might accidentally invest too much, or not know when or when not to say things. I'm going to be focusing on just naturally improving my sex appeal. Much easier that way, especially when I am not the best speaker in the world.

BW's picture

Huge aha moment for me on this article. Couldn't figure out why a girl I know from out of town kept going crazy and pushing away hard on me every time we interacted long-distance (yet, for some reason, never gave up on me) and came after me hard every time we were actually in person. Being reduced to verbal (and worse, text) communication made all of my natural game moot.

I was riding on 3%, no wonder she was losing attraction for me. The sucky part was that the long-distance interaction was blowing my confidence when she was around--how could she hate me before she got on a plane, then want me once she got off, I thought--which led me to slow down and become over cautious, which I compensated for with booze, which made me get sloppy....the spiral continues down.

I did do a lot right--I didn't change for her, didn't chase, made it clear I had other options, and built one hell of an emotional connection, so there's still hope. Glad I told her that it was clear we didn't work long-distance and to call me the next time she was local. She's moving back this way in a few months--hopefully that will be enough time for her attraction to reset without being so long that the emotional connection fades completely so she'll be open to reconnecting. Thanks Chase.

BW's picture

Huge aha moment for me on this article. Couldn't figure out why a girl I know from out of town kept going crazy and pushing away hard on me every time we interacted long-distance (yet, for some reason, never gave up on me) and came after me hard every time we were actually in person. Being reduced to verbal (and worse, text) communication made all of my natural game moot.

I was riding on 3%, no wonder she was losing attraction for me. The sucky part was that the long-distance interaction was blowing my confidence when she was around--how could she hate me before she got on a plane, then want me once she got off, I thought--which led me to slow down and become over cautious, which I compensated for with booze, which made me get sloppy....the spiral continues down.

I did do a lot right--I didn't change for her, didn't chase, made it clear I had other options, and built one hell of an emotional connection, so there's still hope. Glad I told her that it was clear we didn't work long-distance and to call me the next time she was local. She's moving back this way in a few months--hopefully that will be enough time for her attraction to reset without being so long that the emotional connection fades completely so she'll be open to reconnecting. Thanks Chase.

Hunter's picture

Watch Vampire Diaries Season 1. Get over the fact it's a girl show.

1. Character: Stefan. Uses strong, long eye contact. Commands a powerful voice. (The actor's eye contact ability is what landed him the part)

2. Character: Damon. Acting is mostly nonverbal. Watch how he dresses, how he handles insults, and how he's a bad boy. Youtube "Damon Salvatore funny scenes" to watch all his face expressions

Get it now

Anonymous's picture

...used his eyes and that facial expression just before he attacked a woman in the movie, "Charly". He raised his eyes almost menacingly and she became frozen in fear. She had just said "no" to his expression of love to her (which he confused with lust) and then his face became devious appearing...

Although he moved slowly to kiss her it quickly became an all out battle, and she ended up trying to fend him off. It is terribly exciting and sexy, albeit the woman was not having a good time.

Cliff used his "male expression" to announce his "pre-pounce" mode...and a rape almost ensues...he gets his bearing finally, but only after she slaps him hard.

IniquitousMuse's picture

I don't know whether it's because I am a female INTJ or my silliness and shyness but the communication style mentioned in this article is exactly how I communicate with men. However, when men respond with the same nonverbal style it is so electrifying!

Do men feel the same electric connection when women talk less and give nonverbal cues? Or do they feel like I am initiating a power struggle because I am so deliberate, calm, steady but intense in my attraction vs. the enthusiastic and exciting female feelers out there?

BTW I know this is an old article...my first time reading it though:)

Scaredofblack's picture

For me, when I see a woman talking less, I start thinking she might not like me or I don't have anything say. Maybe i'm wrong.

anonymous's picture

okay, i've been reading your blog for 24 hours now and i cant stop reading. I consider myself decent looking and have little problems talking to ladies. Verbally. Unfortunatly im in China at the moment and my chinese isnt too wow. So ive really had this verbal communication problem. So i barely get laid anymore because i barely had what to say. I have learned soooooo much from you in the past hours. i realized some embarrassing things too. here are a few:
before a girl meets me they are really really intrigued by me from all i can tell, most even out-rightly tell me they have a crush on me. Good fashion, good height, i workout.. basic shii like that. But after a few conversations i don't even get laid. Crazy right? Even worse, i get friend zoned because i tell them i cant date them. They end up calling me a "nice guy" which pisses me off because i'm actually too nice. I know how to give great dating advice and fix relationships but absolutely no clue on one night stands.
I think i dropped some amount of self confidence because of this and was always beating myself up about what was wrong. if i said something i shouldn't have. Two days ago i met these two foreign super models who showed signs of being into me. After a great day spent together and getting them to laugh as much as possible, the one i was most interested in started got the opinion i wanted to date her or something because i gave her more of the attention and spoke to her more. So she turned from the crazy flirting girl to something homely. And noticed the other one i really didnt care about that much started flirting more physically with me... I don't know maaaan. Im tired of being the "aww hes so good.. nice..or he's so sweet kinda guy."

Bold Seduction's picture

This is by far the best post I have read on Non-Verbal game. Thanks for sharing and keep up the hard and good work.

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