You know that feeling. We all know that feeling. You find yourself caught in the same routine: wake up, go to work, come home, heat up some quick food/order food, watch TV or a movie, go to bed. Then wake up…and do it all over again. Maybe you change up the routine a bit with a visit to the gym, an outing to a bar, a video game, or going out to see a movie in theaters.
You walk around, the sun is shining, the breeze is kissing your face, and yet…you feel like something is missing.
You look around and you see happy guys walking side by side with girls in summer dresses. Maybe they are having a summer fling. Maybe they’re in a relationship. Maybe they’re married. Regardless of what the case may be, you see what they have that you don’t: a woman.
And no matter how much you may have going on in your life – how good you are at your job, how many friends you have, how nice your apartment is – life just isn’t complete without a woman in your life. Every man comes to this realization at one point or another.
Regardless of whether it’s a one-night stand, a repeat hookup, or a bona fide relationship, a man can’t call himself happy – can’t call himself a true man – without the ability to bring women into his life.
So how do you bring women into your life? What do you do when you’re looking for a woman to break you out of your routine?
This question is exactly what I’m going to answer today. So pause that episode of Game of Thrones and pay attention.
Looking for a Woman: Places to Look
You Can’t Stay Inside
I’ve listened to more guys than I care to count complain about the lack of women in their lives. And every time I talk to such men, I always present one solution, and only one solution. Go outside and say hello to one girl. Or, alternatively, if you’re already out and about (for work, going to the gym, etc.), stop for two seconds and say hi to one new girl.
And they always nod their heads and express how much they vehemently agree. And then they do nothing. “I’ll start tomorrow!” they always say. Or “This weekend has been really crazy for me, but on Monday…I’m going to start really gaming.” Or “I just want to wait till I get my job right and start building confidence at the gym. Then it’ll be really easy to start talking to girls.”
And then the weeks go by…and then the months…and even the years. I have the same conversations over and over and over again like a broken record. Meanwhile, I’m bringing new girls into my life (or solidifying current ones) on a regular basis; living a reality that they really just couldn’t fathom if they knew about it in full detail. So I spare trying to give them an explanation because I know they will just think I’m crazy or just making things up.
That’s the difference between someone who does and someone who thinks. All of the guys who live the life of abundant seduction live in a reality that 95% of the people reading this article can’t even fathom. That’s right. You can’t even imagine some of the things they experience on a regular basis. When was the last time…
You had five girls hitting on you at the same time in a club?
Had a threesome or orgy…multiple times?
Hooked up with a new girl every other day for two straight weeks?
Had sex with a girl in under ten minutes?
Had a girl give you head in the hallway of her hotel? And then order room service on her tab?
Brought a girl home with you, gave her the night of her life, and then went back to the club and brought home another one?
Went out with a girl, used her as your wingwoman, had her get mad when you took a different girl home, and then still had sex with her days later?
Fingered a girl when you didn’t know her name?
Had so many numbers and active text conversations in your phone that you started to lose track of which girl was which?
Had so much sex that your member was sore for a week?
Hooked up with so many girls that you actually started to lose interest in girls in general for a while?
Hooked up with so many girls that you realized that all girls are naughty?
Hooked up with so many girls that you realized that when you hook up with enough girls it becomes something you just do, not something you desire or desperately wish for?
I’m going to say that most of you haven’t experienced – even secondhand – most of these bullet points. And that’s perfectly fine. But it’s important to know and realize that this is 100% the stone cold reality for a small percentage of men out there.
It’s also important to know that these men didn’t have instant success. Some of them started off so scared that they couldn’t approach at all, some had years of being trapped by thoughts of a girl they couldn’t stop thinking about, some learned the true nature of women the hard way, some started when they were really, really young. But at some point, every man who is a master of seduction had a point where he didn’t know what he was doing; where he had to inch his way to success.
And so it is the same for you if you are looking for a woman to bring into your life. You’re not going to make the above bullet points your reality in a day. Not even a month. Not even a year. But eventually, all of the bullet points and more can become your reality. It all starts with the first step: leaving your damn house.
You don’t have to have a crazy opener. You don’t have to know about approach invitations or reading body language, you just have to have the ability to walk up to a girl, open your mouth, and say hello. Or if you don’t want to say hello, use an indirect direct.
Don’t be one of those guys who gets caught up in a victim mentality. Don’t be one of those guys who lets his habits control him.
As one of my mentors always tells me, don’t compare yourself to where masters are now; compare yourself to where they were when they first started. And no matter where you are, at some point in time a master was there too.
That is especially true for step one. So in this case, if you are looking for a woman, step one is a literal step. Turn that knob, open that door, and step through that entryway. It’s the only way you’ll succeed in finding the woman you’re looking for. Because goodness knows she won’t just come knocking on your door (and if she does…be very suspicious).
1. Daily Routine Game. One of the best ways to find that lovely female you’re looking for is to incorporate her into what you’re already doing. As a human being you probably need to do things like:
- Go to the grocery store
- Go out to eat
- Go out to blow off some steam
- Get your oil changed
- Go to the doctor
- Walk your dog
- Go for a run
And all the other things that regular people do. And you know who else needs to do those things? All women. So if you are looking for a woman, just start with the women you will inevitably see when you’re out and about in transit and running errands. You don’t need to do anything new besides turning a few feet and opening a girl.
2. Street Game. A great way to concentrate your efforts is to go out to a city center or other high traffic areas of your town and talk to girls there. And now that the summer months are approaching (assuming you live in the northern hemisphere), it’s the perfect time of year to profit from street game.
Girls are out, looking beautiful as can be, in a great mood because of the sunshine, and are looking to meet a great man. Flings can really be very seasonal. And summer is the peak season to find yourself a great catch when you’re out looking for a woman.
And as we’ve discussed in other posts, the street is the best place to find a high-quality, unique woman. Why? Because every woman needs to go out and be on the street at least some of the time. Therefore the street is the place to find foreign women, business professionals, smart/quirky women, models, academics, performers, and pretty much any other type of female you can imagine.
And in terms of day game, outdoor venues provide a lot more upside, because women do feel the social pressure of strangers being around if you approach them at a grocery store or in a restaurant – especially if you’re a less experienced man. Moreover, it’s easier to combine forces and go on an adventure during an outdoor encounter, or even smoothly moves things back to your place if things are going really well.
So if you want the highest upside combined with the least amount of competition, you should definitely approach women on the street. And as a corollary to street game, you should try…
3. Parks and Beaches. I think on a pure level of fun, you can’t beat a park or a beach. Parks and beaches are where people go to barbecue, play sports, tan, cool off, laugh, show off their bodies, and just have a free-flowing, relaxing day. And they are perfect for combining having your own fun with steadily looking for a woman.
And women at parks and beaches are perhaps the most receptive out of any women in nearly any venue. If you have your fashion down and seem like a fun guy, she will definitely entertain your approach and may even invite you to join whatever she’s doing (or even leave whatever she’s doing to go on a park/beach adventure with you).
So definitely take advantage of these great opportunities to find success when looking for a woman. And if you’re worried about approach anxiety or not having your social momentum up, try hitting the beach with a wingman or hitting the park with some friends so that you can stay outwardly focused or engaged.
And if you can’t find anyone to go to the park or beach with you, try starting conversations with strangers to get the ball rolling and get yourself in the right state for making that fantastic first impression on a woman.
Bars and Clubs
Bars and clubs are the classic venues to hit for a man who is looking for a woman. But are they the best places to go? Well it depends on what your goals are for the women in your life. Whatever those may be, it’s important to understand that there are two sides of the coin when looking to seduce girls in bars and clubs:
1. They are great place to meet women. Bars and clubs have everything you need for seduction already built in. Scant clothing, music, dim lighting, and old faithful: liquid excuses. And on top of all this, they have droves of women who are expecting to be social and to be hit on by guys. Some attractive girls I know call going out to the bars “speed dating”. They interact with so many guys that they feel like they are actually at a matchmaking event. Furthermore, bars are everywhere and they are a staple of nightlife.
2. You will inevitably find girls who are open to having sex with a new guy on the same night. This statement is one of the foundations of seduction. If girls weren’t open to sleeping with a new guy on the same night, guys wouldn’t waste their time looking for a woman in a bar and trying to bring her home. They do it because it works.
But on the other side of the coin…
A. They are terrible places to meet high-quality women.
I was having dinner with a good female friend of mine a little while back and she asked me how my love life had been going. We’re very open and honest with each other and she’s supportive of all of my efforts with women (not to mention constantly improving herself as a woman), so I told her that I really hadn’t been day gaming very much just because of my busy schedule at the time.
I added that I had developed an extreme work hard, play hard lifestyle with doing work for 10-12 hours in the day, and then going out and dancing (and meeting girls until about 3am on an average of 5 nights a week).
She then asked me how I felt about the quality of the women that I had been sleeping with.
I told her that almost none of them were girls that I would want to spend quality time with in the day, which was definitely a bit frustrating. Having sex is definitely nice, and it’s a cool feeling to meet a girl and then have her in your bed a few hours later, but it can definitely be a hollow feeling when you know that she’s not the kind of girl you actually want to keep around.
She then said something that took me aback for a second: “That’s what you get, Colt. You can’t expect to meet some random girl in a bar, bring her home, and then have an intellectual conversation with her. Pick better places to meet girls, or stop complaining.”
She came real with the hard truth. And that’s exactly why I keep her around.
This story perfectly captures the downside of gaming at a bar or club. Chase and I have discussed the exact same topic in the past. If you want to meet high quality women that you will want to actually keep around, you have to do so in the daytime. In fact, Chase gave up dating girls who club, party, or drink (not sleeping with them, of course). And I’m on the fast track to adopting the same philosophy.
Girls who spend a lot of times in bars and clubs are less loyal and more promiscuous. They are used to making completely emotional decisions with little regard for men who may be invested in them. In fact, just this past weekend I started dancing and getting sexual with an attractive woman in her late twenties in a bar. Upon spinning her around, I saw a blindingly brilliant diamond on her ring finger.
The following exchange ensued:
Me: Does this ring mean there’s a Mr. in the picture?
Her: Unfortunately it does.
Me: Well, where is he now?
Her: He’s at home; right where he belongs. Now forget about him and put your hands here again.
It’s interactions like this that solidify my opinion of women in bars and clubs. To quote a recent rap song: “These girls ain’t loyal.”
B. Women are guarded.
Women have a natural herd mentality – especially in the bar or club. And they expect guys (read: creepy, drunk, socially unaware guys) to hit on them all night long. Because of that, they develop bitch shields that they would never have in the daytime.
If you’re an experienced guy and you’re used to encountering female tests, then you will be unfazed by these shields. If you’re not, you’ll be frustrated and confused. But either way, it can be annoying to deal with. And the worst is when:
You are vibing with a cute girl and her friend comes to cockblock her/you for no reason.
Or when a girl is not even very attractive but develops an air of superiority because of all of the attention she’s getting at the bar.
C. It’s a Poor Health Decision.
I’ve spent the better part of the last few months going out 4-5 nights a week while working about 10 hours every day (including at least one day of the weekend for work), and I can safely say that it takes a massive toll on your body. I rarely drink when I’m out, but just the sheer frequency of staying up late and getting up early makes you tired, less sharp, and more lethargic. I can only imagine what it does to guys who go out and get faded every time.
Obviously balance is the key to anything. But do keep in mind the health costs of going out for frequent nights of revelry, and ask yourself… “Are these girls worth it?”
Those are the two sides of the coin with bars and clubs. You can certainly be successful if you’re looking for a woman, but you should be aware of exactly what you’re getting into. And if you’re okay with it, then go get it.
Tinder has been spreading like wildfire and is quickly becoming a standard for most girls with a smartphone. Tinder has carved a very interesting niche between the hassle of going out and dating and the superficiality and drawn-out time investment of online dating.
For those who don’t know, Tinder is an app where you can anonymously “like” women in your area. If anyone of those women “like” you back, you can message each other and potentially meet up.
You will find all manner of women on Tinder, and honestly, most guys don’t know how to use it correctly. But if you have a smartphone and want to up your exposure to the women in your area, download Tinder.
It would take a whole book to explain how to become a true master of this new phenomenon. But, just between you and me, there could be something in the works to help you do just that and revolutionize your dating life…
OkCupid and POF
The final way to go about looking for a woman is to go the traditional online dating route. Like Tinder, OkCupid and Plenty of Fish allow you to screen women for exactly the traits you’re looking for. And it exposes you to a much bigger pool of women in terms of education, race, belief system, and even income level.
My biggest qualm with online dating is the time investment most guys put in. I could use the minutes I spend exchanging messages with a girl out sharpening my in person skills. At least in person, a rejection can happen in two minutes and I can move on. It could take days on OkCupid.
My best advice for killing it on OkCupid/POF is to develop a system. One of my friends sleeps with cute online girls at least once a week. And if he meets them in person, he closes every single time. That’s because he’s developed a system. He’s a funny, sociable guy, so he sends them a quirky message that makes them smile, but also makes his intentions very clear.
He sends out the same message (which just takes a few minutes), and even if only one ends up agreeing to come out, he knows that she’s enthusiastic about seeing him and he only has to exchange 1-2 more messages in order to move things toward sex. It’s a solid system. I suggest you develop one of your own.
Meeting women can seem like a daunting task. It can fill you with doubts and excuses and insecurities. But look at where you are now. If you’re alone or want that new special someone in your life, you’ll be happier for the trouble.
You know where to look. You know how to look. Now you just have to go about doing it.