Just Friends: A Man's Worst Nightmare | Page 2 | Girls Chase

Just Friends: A Man's Worst Nightmare

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

My girl was over and we were talking earlier about how difficult a time it is for a woman to find a quality guy she likes a lot. She spooled off a quick list of men she'd been on dates with who hadn't made the cut: there was the older doctor who lied about his age, and the guy she went to the movies with who had touched her arm and creeped her out. But the one who stood out the most to me was the one she described as her "good friend."

This was a guy who took her out to walk on the ice over a lake in town that had frozen over. There, the guy professed to her that he would satisfy all her needs. At the moment when he said that, she briefly asked herself, "Huh. Could I have sex with this guy?" Her answer was no, it'd be weird. He was her friend.

And then she said something that really stood out:

"I like him as a friend. We can talk about anything. I'm like his guy friend. And he's like my girlfriend."

Comments

Anonymous's picture

I met this girl, about a month and half ago at a party. I got her number and we started texting then speaking on the phone (mainly she'd asked to ring me), but she keeps giving me mixed messages, sometimes i think she's interested and other times not. I express my intentions to her, however she's moving to another country at somepoint and she said that she is not looking for a relationship because of this (I'm guessing because she doesn't want to get hurt), but we continue to speak and flirt with each other. I'm not stupid and i know this girl is professional at mind games (which should put me off but she does it in a very clever, nice way without hurting me). I know your advice will be to leave her alone but i can't lose this girl to someone else. Not to sound big headed but i've been through a few girls who i found attractive too (mainly i'm the one whose playing them but i know this time i'm the one getting played), but with her it's different, she was the first girl, i've truely fell in love with. I really fell for her and i've never felt like this before for someone. Is their anything i can do to win this girl's heart without having to moving on and break this stupid friends barrier?

Anonymous's picture

hey I'm not Chase but I think I can give you some blunt advice on this one.

The problem that you describe is that she knows your intentions, you got rejected and she will use this in her advantage, she basically knows you want to have her, and this makes it very difficult.

When you basically started chasing her, you lost you game. Stop contacting her for a while, sometimes this works, she feels she is losing the chase and enjoyed it so she might contact you again. The worse thing you can do is keep on chasing her, because it will not bring any advantage towards you.

Don't wait for it go for other girls, perhaps she'll contact you later. There is at-least not really a magic word you can say that the girl right away reconsiders you.

Bill Bo's picture

Met a girl online. First she wasn't interested then about 3 weeks later she agreed to meet. Second date we slept together. About 2 weeks later she stayed with me for several days. Great character and awesome in many ways. She is very popular with men because of her great character. Many men like her and I know about it. She sometimes tells me about them and she is confused about who to like. I just play cool. BTW, I am much older than she is, she early 20's, me late 30's. I think she likes my maturity, even though I think I am not so mature, but I guess it must be better than the other guys around her. Since I have known her she has called me almost everyday to chat after work. But now it is harder to get together with her, she has too many other options. I am falling into the "friend" category I think and I need advice. I seem to be the "middle of the week let's go out to eat and go shopping guy" now. She will pay her share of the meal 70% of the time even though I politely refuse but she insists. I try not to contact her so I don't look needy but she will start calling me again to chat. I care about her so I don't want to ignore her. How should I handle this?

The past two days however she hasn't contacted me at all, which might seem like nothing but it is unusual since she has kept contact with me almost daily for the past 6 or 7 weeks.

Bill Bo's picture

I am in Beijing and she is Chinese. I am from the US.

Amadeus78's picture

All of these comments talk about the girl you met and haven't really done anything with yet but manage to fuck up so badly she calls you a friend. What about after 3 months of sleeping with each other (very very good sex), having good time together at weekends etc.. What do you do when she pulls the ''lets be friends'' card out of the blue - then despite my shock we go on to have a great evening together and she is talking about cooking me a meal next week etc... ludicrous... What the fuck? I took it in my stride, I didn't freak out, and we carried on and had a really good night listening to live jazz I talking to other girls, walked home arm in arm... totally mental.

I have a huge hunch that this is another test.. that we'll end up sleepng together if i go for this meal.. just crazy.

Suggestions please..

WilyOld's picture

This is an awesome article and captures the deadly friend zone very aptly. It really pains my heart a lot to see that the girl I love so much just keeps telling me that I am too good for her, and that I deserve someone better. Such bullshit! And then she would cry at all the "mistakes" of her life, how she has hooked up with so many guys and was left. Or how she's cold to the guys who she once hooked up with and doesn't want to talk to. And if I try to flirt or tell her that I like her, she would just say "Don't bore me now" or "I have seen so much in my life that I do not believe in love". And then she would keep falling for guys who would just bang and leave her.

I am really fed up with her and I don't seem to have any option other than moving on. I will just stop responding to her now and will never never talk to her again.

Anonymous's picture

First off we've known each other long distance for a long time. We live closer now and immediately hit it off. I actually turned her down for sex because every girl I sleep with on the first date I lose interest in and I didn't want that to happen with her. That may have killed it as I am now in the friend zone, my first time ever and I'm in my mid 30s. I have had successful relationships from delaying sex but I'm sorry if I sleep with you on the first date I am NOT INTERESTED IN A RELATIONSHIP.

What confuses me is I don't do anything for her. I don't pay for things, I don't buy her things, I've never professed my love, I openly talk about other women but she never talks about other guys. We live 3 hours apart and she usually drives down to see me but sometimes I do drive to see her. She calls me all the time, tells me I'm sexy, laughs at my jokes. you'd think the girl was head over heels in love with me.

The next time I see her if I get even a hint of a chance I'm going to make a move. I can't do "friends" with a woman it has to be all or nothing.

Anonymous's picture

One thing that has worked for me in making a girl my girlfriend that tried putting me into the just be friends zone is this. first i told her i already have enough friends i don't need anymore. the second is that i told her the just be friends things won't work out because i'm not going to spend more time getting closer to someone if it's not going anywhere (she suggested just be friends but didn't say it or demand it as a for sure thing) after that i slept with her a week later. i'm not a huge fan of being a gal pal. the only time i would consider just being friends with a girl is with an ex of a decently long relationship (year or more) that either couldn't work out or the two or one of you changed or grew in a way that made the two of you less compatible. when you spend that much time with someone they are not just no one to you so keeping in touch and seeing each other from time to time would not necessarily be a bad thing. but being a gal pal is completely different.

Anonymous's picture

What if an ex you were dating for awhile (say greater then a 3-4 months)...puts you in he friend zone. To me this is the best option for ex's if you want to get back together. I always usually have gotten back together and/or at least slept with them many times after we broke up and when we would hang out after we broke up they would tell me they just wanted to be "friends".

Honestly, this would has happened to me numerous times with numerous women...would you consider this situation different?

Ironically, I stumbled across this forum because I put a girl in a friend zone and she quit talking to me completely. It makes me kind of sad she cut me off..I actually do like her(in he romantic sense ) but i have had a GF for awhile that I really like;and the chick I just wanted to be friends with got sick of waiting around for me to leave her(I think).

Anonymous's picture

I have dated a nice woman for about 4 dates now. She has only lived here for a few years, so she is very traditional and was highly supervised when she was raised as a child/teen/woman.

We have a good time I think. She hasn't dated much in the last 2 years as she has been focused on getting her education and had a bad breakup. She is now done with her eduction. We were introduced by a mutual friend. I had been touching her in previous dated by hand holding and light touches here and there. I have made my intentions known by flirting by text and in person. She had told me she wasn't ready for a serious relationship right now on our second date. She was still interested in spending time together. We have both opened up on very deep subjects with each other, so we have trust with each other to some degree. We do text and sometimes she will initiate if I pull back. She is very sow to respond to the text, but does respond.

I made her dinner, by preparing her country's food on this last date at my place. She was very impressed and surprised. I figured we were having such a good time and it was romantic that I would try to give her a kiss. I went for it slowly and she pulled back after I touched her lips twice. She stating she would have to think about it.

She did invite me out the next day. I'm thinking it's time to give her space to decide what she wants. Any thoughts?

Rodge's picture

Fantastic read! Just had the "want to be friends" done to me. Bloody good advise you've made, definitely made me feel better and will be following it. Dropping that tart and moving on to someone better!

Thank you!

Mike B's picture

Ok let me start off by saying I am married and the girl I'm talking about in this has a boyfriend. I also have been in the friendzone with another girl in the past and stopped talking to her...and have friendzoned a few girls myself.

I met this girl about 6 months ago through my job. She was a customer and I gave her my number so she could get ahold of me if she needed anything else. After she picked up her stuff she said she'd text me in a few days. I didn't think anything of it, but sure enough she did. We started talking a lot of small talk about all sorts of things and found we had a LOT in common. She almost always initiated the convos as I was intentionally not texting her first. A day or 2 would go by (3 at max) and she would text me saying hi and just checking in on me. She used my business for 2 other jobs during this time as well....and she brought me a little gift each time.

After this went on for about 2 months and I started having feelings for her (even though I didn't really want to because I'm married and my wife is awesome), but this girl is amazing. I finally decided I would to ask her if she wanted to go to a happy hour to talk business (lame excuse to hang out, but it worked). She immediately said "deal!". We hung out and had a BLAST. She said we should do it again on at least a monthly basis....so about 3 weeks later we did it again.....and then 2 weeks later again. We live about 45 minutes apart and she even volunteered to make the drive up through traffic to come to my neck of the woods.

Skip to about a week ago. We text just about every single day. The only time she is bad at replying to my texts is after work and weekends and I assume it's because she is with her boyfriend and doesn't want to be texting me in the open. She even flat out told me one time that he's not her type which I found odd for her to say to me.

Now for the bad part on my end.....or was it? We were out at a bar and she had told me she would buy me a shot (petty I know), but she was there with girl friends for a bachelorette party. She kept walking by me with them and brushing against me, but then would vanish with the girls. I decided I'd just leave since my hotel was right next door and I didn't want to play this game. I figured when she was ready to do a shot with me she'd text me and find me......she didn't. The next day I was driving home and texted her to tell her I was a little angry about it and that I didn't appreciate being forgotten so easily (it wasn't the shot, but it was the point behind it). She got all worried and send me an email at 8:00am on the following morning because when I told her she was at dinner with her boyfriend's family and couldn't reply. She apologized profusely and kept going on about how she wished she could change that night and couldn't handle it if I stopped talking to her every day.

I finally couldn't take it anymore and told her that I really liked her and found her gorgeous, funny, etc, etc......and to my shock she didn't act negatively. She said she was glad I let that out and didn't keep it inside, but she never dropped anything like "well we're just friends" or anything similar. I even flat out told her that I probably told her all of that so she would think I was crazy and stop talking to me. She said not only was I not crazy, but that I couldn't get rid of her that easily and she wasn't going anywhere. I told her I wasn't going to change how I felt and she said "good, I don't want you to change and I'm glad you told me and we're still going out more"

The very next day I figured I just wouldn't text her or anything....and by noon she was texting me again already. I've turned up my flirting game a lot now and she hasn't seemed to mind at all.

I know all of this is way wrong since we are both involved, but how does the friend zone play into this scenario. I sometimes think she really likes me considering she seeks out hanging out with me, gives me gifts, texts me first a lot of the time, etc., but she won't admit to any feelings for me (if she has any) and I think it's due to her having a bf. I mean after I poured my heart out to her shouldn't she have said "well all I want is friends" or something besides "I'm glad you told me and you can't get rid of me" if she had no interest at all.

Anyone???

Mike B's picture

Ok since I posted my last story about me telling her how I felt...we've actually started talking even more and I'm getting texts initiated by her every day now. I'm interested to see how this plays out. I even told her I felt awful for telling her all of that since I'm married and my wife is great, but this girl is really the total package. I've never met anyone else like her, but I guess it helps she is in a relationship as well.

Anonymous's picture

First off just wanna say how much I love this site! I can relate to a good chunk of the posts. After reading all of them I'd like to see if I can get some help myself!
I've known this girl since I was young, her and my sister were pretty good friends in elementary. We weren't very close until 15 years later, we work together...where she also works with an ex and baby daddy (weird situation I know). We'd always small talk each other ever since I got closer to her department and eventually became "best friends". I've always found this girl attractive and thought maybe one day I'd have a chance. We started hanging out a bunch, she gave me the whole "I never wanna lose you" speech we've all heard. When bringing up how much I cared about her and how I could see myself getting more feelings she told me she didn't want to risk our friendship because the last best friends she dated didn't work out and she almost lost both of them. It sucks because there was a period of time where we were making out and cuddling quite a bit only to have her push me away when the topic of feelings would come up.

She lives with her other best friend who she also got as close with and is horribly jealous of our relationship. I don't want to lose her and enjoy the good times we have but she has said herself that the chances of us ever being a couple are slim to none but she always wants me in her life no matter what. I feel like if I stick it out maybe one day she'll change infer kind because I live her to death and she knows it. We say we live each other everyday and text and call all the time. There's always drama with her other best friend when we get close and she always complains how she can't make us both happy. Her other best friend (who is a female by the way) treats her like crap yet she always goes back to acting like it never happens! What do I do? I've cried over this girl numerous times after the countless arguments we've been in and love it when things are great with us but when they aren't I feel like my whole day is ruined. She tells me I'm the perfect guy but she just can't go there losing her best friend again! Please help!

mike's picture

when do nothing is good..you need social value to start with or else do nothing means nothing...jack man motivatoional answers are good and i come read them everyday.
i am in the same boat as the guy on here we chat in person and text and i think and sure that she thought from the second she saw me that i was thinking i will string this guy along and have some fun and drop him like a hot potato when i become bord of stringing that guy along.
i read you what said to step i and take a nuetrel look at the texts and what see said in the face to face conversations and its classic and exactly what you said she is many levels above me. and man i need to improve not as person but girls because i am sick of no action or as you say meet a girl and getting dates/sex...it seems everytime i get up the courage to talk to a new its a nightmare. thanks chase

Frank's picture

Hey Chase,

I've been friends with this girl for near 2 years, and I have had a rough time doing it.

Don't think that the entire time it was just friends, for a while it was going really well, but unfortunately she has major trust issues and it so happens about every 2-3 months she completely talks herself out of whatever guy she is with or into and goes and finds a new one.

I got stuck with that, and man I can't tell you the amount of arguing that came from it. When she was into me we didn't have an argument but maybe once a month at her "time of the month". Now it's almost every single day and she has kept bringing up past mistakes to bash me with because she is so upset I have a hard to being "Just Friends".

Well reading your article I feel exactly what you do. "Aww so cute" "Oh you got a girl that's so adorable!". Like you said I feel less of a man, it makes me feel like shit and honestly I do the best I can to be there, but all she does is talk about guys she likes and her problems when it comes to mine I get told "I'm not your councilor, I cant deal with your shit".

Now this girl is incredibly gorgeous, sweet, and all that but only when she was into me was she sweet. Now she really puts no effort in unless there is something I can do for her. All I can see is this cold person who is using up my life, and honestly she isn't even good looking to me anymore, at least not how she used to be.

After reading this I want to thank you as today I mark the day that I truly take this advice. I'm tired of not feeling like a man and not getting the girls I know I deserve. So thank you for writing this up, you have most certainly taken a crappy day (and more over a crappy year) and completely turned it around for me.

Anonymous's picture

So, I was reading all of this advice and tips and it's so exhausting. It sounds like a big game that doesn't really need to be played. Anyway, as a woman who has friendzoned a few otherwise wonderful men, it had nothing to do with speed, "investing" (you make it sound like the stock exchange) too much time or what was the last thing? The emotions part. So, ok, that might be true in some circumstances. Basically, if I like a guy enough to want to be his friend but I don't want a sexual relationship it's because I am not sexually attracted to him. There is usually nothing a man can do to really change that. If I don't think a guy is hot, forget it. I don't claim to speak for all women, but that's pretty much it, in a nutshell. (Call me shallow if you want to, but when I read lines like "In an ideal world we'd only sleep with the highest caliber women", it'd kinda be like calling the kettle black.)
However, I will say the older I get, the more complicated the reasons become for why or why not a guy ends up in the friend zone and it's usually my own personal stuff. I will give some advice: Always smell nice and wear nice clean clothing. If you like her, be confident and make her laugh. Ask her out, even if she has a boyfriend. If she's engaged or married, I don't advise this. Call her if you get her number and call when say you'll call. Making a girl wait is not always nice. Point blank ask her if she's consider being anything more than a friend if that's the vibe you're getting from her. That way, you don't lose any of your precious time investing and she doesn't lose someone she's come to consider a great friend. And if you're already at that point, invested in a "just friends" relationship, don't just drop her, but date other women. Especially if it means making a date on a day when you two normally do something together. If you have any shot with her, she'll get jealous and come after you. Otherwise, yeah, a gradual disinterest of continuing to spend time with her is requisite. If she asks why you're distant, be honest. Life is short, we don't have time to play all these games!! Be direct. Be forward. And just know that rejection is all part of this. It sucks, but it's life. Of course, this is all just advice from one woman, what do I know? I'm no expert.

Jon's picture

I have Know this girl in my college class for a 2 weeks. She sits next to me. I maintain the alpha male role in the class room and she constantly seeks my opinions in class. She found me on Facebook and asked to be friends. Next day i went to her dorm to hang for a small party. She asked if i would be her non-gay best friend and make sure she didnt have sex with any one. Well she got drunk, and I took her back to her room and I am a man of my word so I wasnt going to push for anything. She began masturbating later on in her bed ( i was on the floor). I joined in and helped her out. we spent much of the evening making out and she playing with my penis and I with her vagina. Keeping my promise I didnt push further. I actually like her. Of course she didnt rember anything the next morning. She text me and apologized for her behavior. I told her dont worry about it but I dont regret Kissing her. She said she didnt regret it either. She added though, "is it cool if we are still just friends?" I said "ok". its been 1 1/2 and I wont see her in person in class for 2 more days. I want to have sex with her and date. Am I SOL? What should I do? give her time or text her and see her in person immediately ? she is the kinda girl who is reserve becuase she has been "hurt" and "absued" alot in relationships. she was chasing me before that night but now I dont know what the next step is.

Anonymous's picture

Hi guys so I have a huge problem. I have been friends with this girl for 3 years now. I was always attracted to her cause she is hot but I never made a move because she had a bf the whole time. During this time I actually made out with her sister and her best friend. Now she constantly brings it up. At her bday in May she actually came up to me and said "I would hook up with you but you hooked up with my sister and best friend" in front of her boyfriend!...so i was a bit confused but I was like whatever. Recently her and her boyfriend broke up and me and her have been spending a lot of time together and I started to develop feelings for her. Two weeks ago she would text me like crazy telling me that she missed me even though I saw her like two days before. Then this past weekend I was gunna meet up with her and her friends from Staten Island (I'm from Queens which is far from her) in the city which I did. I caught her staring at me twice and when I asked the waitress how old she was the girl i like came up to me and asked me why I asked her that like she got jealous. Then her friend bruce asked her something which I assume was what is going on between me and her or are we dating, and she responded with "No, he hooked up with my sister and my best friend" and of course I overheard her. So most of her friends left and her ride back to SI was leaving too so I was about to take the subway back home when she asked me to sleep over (I slept over last weekend because I dont drive and I was in SI anway) so I said ok because In my head I was like "it makes no sense for me to go back to SI when Im closer to home from the city" but I went thinking we might hook up. When we got there she said sleep in my bed and she went to sleep in her sisters bed (her sister wasn't there). So I got pissed off because I figured we were gunna hookk up but she left me there. One guy told me was that she was trying to make me chase her to her sister's room but for some reason I don't believe that. But I still think she likes me. Now this past week she has been flakey with responding my texts (completely different that the last 2 weeks), like an hour would go by then she would respond even though she initiated and of course I would make the mistake of responding quickly. And she's been on a couple of dates with some guy from SI, so now I feel like her attraction for me is expiring and I missed my chance. Do you guys think that I should take long to respond to her texts and stop hanging out with her so much so that attraction can come back?

JP's picture

Hey Chase,

First of all great page has helped me out a lot after I got out of a long term relationship!

I asked out a girl in work who I speak to on occasion. We have said we must go for drinks before months ago when I was in a relationship but that had a very friend vibe to it, and we both knew I was seeing someone.

Recently I asked her does she want to get a drink with me and she accepted. Going out next week. The thing is I'm worried she thinks its friend drinks.

Should I just straight out say 'you know I was asking you out on a date', or wait until the night we're going out and say something?

Its hard to get a read on this girl!

Its going to be a positive result regardless I had no place asking this hottie out but thanks to you I said fuck it, so I know I could ask a hottie out again no problem it wasn't hard.

Many thanks
JP

Xavier's picture

Hey Chase,

I've been reading your articles and I have seen they have a higher quality information than many others. The things in this article make absolutely sense.
I'm a caring and warm person; for this reason I'm nice to everyone, especially women and children. However, I've recently seen that I show myself too much and that this makes me be seen as cute and transparent very fastly. This in turn, places me in the friend zone fastly.
I like the way I am, but I want to learn not to show it that fast. I don't want to change the way I'm, but I wan't girls to see me as an intriguing challenge. I rather them know how valuable I'm with time
It seems to me that you are caring person, but I'm certain you find ways to hide it at a certain extent in the beggining. I'd like to ask you for your advice on this.

Thank you,
Xavier

Recardo's picture

Ive been gettin to know this girl over the past few weeks. She used to be wit this other guy last semester and this semester it has been a little different even though she hangs out a lot with her ex/boyfriend. She also hangs out a bit wit me and used to touch me on my arm and back but I didnt know if she was going out so wouldnt return any physical stuff..
When I text her she always replys and once she was busy so i told her to text me when she was done with what she was doing and she texted back evnethough it was wayyy late at night like 2/3 am.

I asked her to go to coffee just a day ago and she started talking about her bf and all her problems and stuff. She also paid for herself, I just asked her to go before me so that I could pay for her if she wanted me to but she ended up paying. While talking to her she looked at my lips once in a while and kept really good eye contact. I feel like I invested a little too much in her for what she told me but I really like this girl and dont know what she's going for.. is she wanting to get somewhere with me or have i been friend zoned? Please reply sooon. I need to know and act fast. What should i do to find out? speak to a friend of hers?

CJB's picture

Hi Chase,

I have been reading your articles and have been finding them extremely helpful. I have really grown to appreciate your suggestions and tactics and they work amazingly.

Now here's my issue. I'm emotional (wear my heart on my sleeve) but move fast and yes I invest a lot.

So I met this girl 3 weeks ago. Dated a few times. Went to her place she cooked for me and last weekend we slept together and pleased her like crazy (I’m from South America so I do want my women to be pleased). Anyway this past Monday she tells me that she wants to think about all that has been happening. So I took it sloe and stopped texting her. She texted me a few times in the morning to say hi and during the day. Now today she tells me she wants to see me Friday at her place or my pace and talk to me of what she has thinking. I tested her back and asked her to cut the BS and either tell me now or call me but she says she can't. She wants to talk to me. She says quote "I'd like to do this in person ... I don't think it's negative ... I’m just really confused".

So reading this article I can just see "friends" in this conversation or maybe she doesn't want to see me anymore. I really confused with how she feels. I really like her I want her to be mine. I'm gonna say it but maybe I shouldn't but I’m in love with her. I never told her that but maybe my gestures and emotions made her feel that. I want her as a long-term relationship.

What should I do?
How do you in vision this going?
What should I do if she comes to my place and says something stupid like "friends" or who know what?

Thanks a lot

CJB

gambetto's picture

This one men tend to get wrong. The reason you're a friend is a) because she didn't like you that way but did like you as a person or b) she did like you that way and you didn't make the move. b) still means you have a chance. Just move fast before she finds someone else. I have had plenty of guy friends I actually liked who made the move too late. It was always messy because I had moved on or convinced myself I wasn't attracted to them. But sometimes the feelings are strong enough that you hold on or switch from your current bf. It's not black and white.

I don't make friends because I never want to be with that guy. I make friends when I am attracted to a man AND when I'm not. I must be strange but I always gravitate towards my guy friends. The level of comfort with them is amazing. I can tell them anything. If I'm even remotely attracted to them, I'll give them a chance. If I was always attracted to them, it's definitely on. If I'm not attracted to them, well, the friends part had nothing to do with it. They were never my type and nothing they could have done would ever have changed that. There are guys like that. I make that decision within seconds of meeting them and it will never change. I've actually thought a lot about that...how some are a no, others are a maybe/not sure, still others are a yes. You could be in any of those categories and be my friend. The only difference is that I give the maybes a shot as well BECAUSE of how close they are as my friend.

I'm assuming this article is dealing with a man who wants a relationship. Speed is critical. Agreed. A woman is single in narrow windows. I always have at least 5 guys just waiting for me to get single so they can try. If you're the sixth and I have no idea you're interested you're already out. Interestingly, if you're not my friend and in touch, well, you never find out that I've broken up...you've also lost your shot.

Law of Least Effort...true to an extent. Only to an extent. Maybe I'm spoilt but if a man isn't making at least some effort, he's out. Remember those 5 guys? I'm not committed yet so I'm comparing. Who is treating me the best? Who genuinely cares? Who is making an effort? Etc, etc. You don't want go overboard...or you'll freak her out. But you still have to stand out. It's a thin line. Sorry, I can't help you identify where the line is drawn. I just know it's there...and LEAST effort will not work on an even slightly popular girl. I'm not even that popular! I don't just compare the present contenders. I compare them with my past ones too. I get a lot of attention. Minimal effort doesn't even register on my radar. I don't know why. It just doesn't. I don't like games. I'm a grown-up. If a man likes me, I expect him to show me. I believe I'm special, I don't care much for men who don't think so, and I don't ever have to because there are always good men who do think so.

The third one's true. I liked a guy to death but I couldn't bring myself to say yes when he started being all emo on me. Fast forward a talk on how not to behave and a couple of months later he was acting completely differently and I was in. I don't think that man is ever going to go emo on a woman again...my talk may have been a tad harsh. But this was a man I really, really liked who was one of my close friends. Anyone else who has gone emo on me, especially men who I barely talked to, I have never even glanced back at. See where the being close to the woman part comes in handy? Maybe I just value friendship. We can't all be broken down to a formula.

tunifish19's picture

Hello!

I've recently been seeing a girl who recently got out of a relationship and I'm unsure of how to proceed. I've been treating her like a girlfriend and she's been acting like one (had sex and everything) yet she still seems flighty, should I just not bother with her anymore since she doesnt want a fwb but not a relationship either or just give her time to sort things out? I'm afraid if i keep acting like her bf she'll just take advantage of it...also since we talk/text all the time i'm thinking maybe I should cut back on that too

Thanks
Sean

Anonymous's picture

I've had a few friend zone situations. They normally last a couple of years and bookend one another as one woman drifts out of my life and the next one drifts in. I seem to have no control over any of this. Why do I maintain these oneitis obsessions? I just have no other options and never have. I was the guy 10 years ago who would have seen myself as so optionless I'd have picked up and moved 400 miles and changed my whole life just to be with someone I met in a Yahoo Chat room who wasn't even attractive.

A common response is, 'well, while you were obsessing over one woman for years who would never sleep with you, think of all the opportunities that you missed out on!' Problem with that is, there haven't been any other opportunities at all. There has been nobody that's come along. The only way I could meet anyone is by either cold approaching someone in the street, which I'm too shy to do, or meet someone online, which just seems like a buffer against experiencing the necessary rejection I'm afraid of anyway.

I feel completely stuck. I don't want to be this way anymore. I only have even maybe two close friends. As I watch my younger brother get married and settle down after 10 + years of getting laid all over the place, I feel like an alien and as a man I walk around hiding my humiliation from everyone.

runningjamaican's picture

Hey Chase,

So here is my situation, not entirely sure if this is the correct place, with girl X. So I noticed girl X noticing me, and decided to talk to her and spend time with her. We had dinner and got to know each other, upon which I learned of her having " faith as a big part of her life". She says we are just friends, which I am totallly cool with, nonetheless, she says she likes to flirt, banter, touch, and teach without getting too physical because she has definite definitions of what to do with friends and relationships. She says she does this with all her guy friends, which is believable.
SO the other day she came over, we flirt, etc, the usual, and I decide to just bring "stuff" up. She tells me that she finds me attractive, nice (hate this), blah blah blah. We talk about how we have both been tempted to kiss each other, but she refuses because of her faith and she is not the type of girl to do that outside of a relationship. So I backed off, though I still threaten her with it. I am not necessarily looking for a relationship, but I want some physical escalation. What are your thoughts? Should I continue the be friends that touch, flirt, lay in bed next each other and tickle, etc, cut ties, or just go for it anyway regardless of all she has said. I am talking to other women, so although I want to know about this one, it really is just an annoyance.

Also, you I got this girls number, but she said she is home for christmas to get some quiet time with her family ( we're in college), should I text her, its been three days now.

Thanks!
Love this blog

Running Jamaican

runningjamaican's picture

Hey Chase, so I feel that you should, perhaps, write an article about religious women and how to handle them, or even whether to deal with them in the first place. I have not seen any posts similar to this topic so figured I would suggest something.

Thanks

Cal's picture

Hey I could do with abit of advice, I went round this girls house the other night to well, you know. So were there downstairs getting it on, thinking that everyones asleep. Then her older sister walks in the door. At which point were both like 'fuck' Now, i already know at this point the mood for that is killed for the night. But I stayed over there for like another hour with her and her sister and it was pretty cool, not what i planned but ohwell. I didnt want to invest too much into it because I could tell it was eating into the thrill of it all. When I was leaving and she was seeing me out, she said she would text me when her sisters not around so we could do it again. Then I text her the next morning to tell her Thanks for inviting me over and all that. She hasnt replied and its been like a day since then. I mean i wasnt expecting one anyway and im not the kind of guy who just goes crazy because she didnt reply. I mean honestly were not in a relationship, we've met like once before. Its just a sex thing at least for now. I guess what im asking is do you think i should text her in a few days just to keep me in her mind or wait for her to arrange something again? or both even? I would just like to say, your knowledge on girls is fascinating. Really opened my eyes. Saving up for your book for sure!

Anonymous's picture

f**K friendzone.. just use NLP and hack her mind os to get this over with..

Dragonboy's picture

That's a lot of quality advice man, thank you!
Ok so I need some help on this issue. There's this girl I've known for 2 years, same class in high school. She's this really cute girl who stole my heart. We've been very good friends. I started to like her. So yeah, we got out often, went to parties, malls, movies, etc. Then I started a band and included her in that. Everything was going on fine until I realized she had a boyfriend. My friend talked to her about this and she replied with- "He's a good friend. :)". This was almost a year ago. She has shifted her place and doesn't meet up with her boyfriend as much. She's been in a relationship for about 2 years. She doesn't talk to me about her boyfriend and she doesn't talk to her boyfriend about me. I don't know much about him but I've heard he's a nice guy. We text a lot, she sends at least like 50 texts on a good day, we start in the morning or after school and go on till midnight. We both have cute nicknames for each other too. I openly flirt with her and she responds positively with a "Haha that's sweet of you! :*" on good texts or mostly with a "Haha! :p". Yeah we have a lot in common, from music to academic interests. I've hugged her a couple of times. She knows that I like her, at least a year back. I am planning on telling her something like "You make me so happy when you're around. You're like the high point of my day! I really wish you weren't going out with that guy. I would've been on my knees by now!" and then wink and be like "Hahah gotcha!" and give her a hug and make a quick escape. Atleast that way she'll still know that I like her. Our school year is almost over and we might be shifting schools or if we're lucky, stay in the same school. I love her very very much.
So, what should I do to make her like me back? Would she still know that I like her?
Thanks in advance! =D

Skyfer's picture

Subject says pretty much. I'm very interested in this taken girl, and we had a thing going on. Few dates & kissing after that the girl was to me that "she's taken and let's just be friends she needs to work out her own relationship", I was back "sure, no problem" while almost ignoring her for a week or so. Then one party and we had sex. Again the same response from her but even stronger. She feels guilt naturally, and also she seems to be terribly bad at making a strong decision when his BF is probably promising the moon to her to make her stay. Even when she clearly isn't satisfied.

Now a few months has passed from that and shes again starting to show quite a lot of interest to me. I work with her so she's asking me to join her to dinner here, meet her at the cafe there, picks up issues where I "could come to her and assist".
Last week I very coolly asked in the middle of a conversation that would she go out with me? To what she briefly responded "I can't..". I just ignored and continued discussing about other topics, so no problem there.

What I'm thinking here.. is that I also asked one other day like "how are you two doing?". She answered like "weell, I'm not sure do I want to talk about that.. especially with you". And she was to me back like "well how are you doing as a bachelor now? Probably getting a lot of girls" ..etc. "you probably don't stay that way for long as you're such a flirting machine" ..which kind of makes me laugh as I rarely get chicks.

Anyway, the fact that I'm asking from her about her relationship, and acting all calm, kind of shows me like a JUST FRIEND to her. God knows I have absolutely no desire to be friends! :P. BUT what I'm thinking, could it work for my benefit and be effective to make her think I'm completely friend-zoning her and over our past things and moving on?

Maybe even going over a bit the comfort zone, like telling her that "I'm meeting someone today and a bit nervous", etc. things.. to spark some extra jealosy :P.

As what I think is going on her mind now is that she's interested in me and wants to keep her present in my life and remind me of her existence..
It's a real push-pull game going on for me which I kind of enjoy, keeping her to think that she doesn't know am I interested in her or not. I'm just trying to figure the push or pull which would actually make the difference here. A shift in her mind which would make her "be able" go out with me again?

sara's picture

Hey I'm a girl myself and thought to get advice from guys would be better than from girls. I'm 24 and I've a guy friend we've mutual friends and we hang out together I always msg him but I never really flirted anyways I'm moving in a week ansd I was at his house with 2 other friends I came with. I did not flirt at all but he made sure he sat next to me all the time and after hours he started stroking my hand and than grabbed my face and kissed me. Believe I did not see this coming I always liked him a bit but I never showed it and didn't want to act on it I was happy just being his friend. Anyways we went to the room and he tried sleeping with me but I said no it would be wrong but he was so confident as if he was so sure I was going to sleep wit him and he goes next time when we sleep together ........but this confused me what makes him so sure? Anyways I don't wana do anytin wit him I do like him now and the place am moving to he's travels to it a lot he s originally from there. Why did he do this and why now? Did he just wana have sex that night or could there be a possibility that he would date me in the future if I don't have sex wit him. Because if am gona sleep wit him he ll jst c me as a friend wit benefits and I don't want that bcoz I know I'll like him more after having slept wit him. So what do u guys thinks?

REG's picture

Recently, I started to hang out with a girl that was within my social circle and everything was going great. I met up with her at a local cafe and we went there almost every day over the course of a week and every night of that week we were on my couch watching movies and cuddled up together. A week went by and I didn't make my move. When the weekend came she friend zoned me and every since I have pretty much kept my distance from here and the social circle. I really want to somehow turn things around and give myself a 2nd chance at this and make my move on her. What do I do?

Anonymous's picture

Hey..I like this girl for the past year. I got the guts to tell her this now. But she told me that not to expect from her to feel the same way for me. That we would prosper as friends. Getting over her is not an option for me. I've already tried that. Please help me...!!

Anonymous's picture

Basically you won't be friends with any woman that is not giving you something in return being sex, power, etc. Well thats not being a friend thats just being a user. Keep enjoying life using each other reciprocally. Being a shoulder to cry on is part of a friends duty. Glad all this women are smarter than you and just stay away. What a sad man. Wonder where all your high caliber friends will go when you have nothing to give.

Anonymous's picture

Met a girl 3 months back , she seemed pretty awesome , spoke to her and found out that our way of thinking is the same !!! Its like she spoke my mind out and even she felt that I spoke her mind out. Things were quite well for 2 months she shared out her secrets with me, she cared for me valued me , kissed me etc but then problems began the girl started comparing me with her ex boyfrnd whenever we used to have arguements for ex. Even u r behaving like him. She was in a serious relationship for about 4 years but then she broke up with him because his ex treated him bad. I got very frustrated with her behavior as she was always comparing and she kept lashing out on me without any reasons. So one day I got very angry bursted up and shouted at her . We resloved the fight after a week but she stated that I cant think of you as the man of my life , my feelings for you have faded , we ll be best friends from now. I said I dont want to be ur best buddy n if u cant think of me like your man then fine we need not talk anymore , she said that I always wanted us to be friends , just as we value love we should also value good friendship dont go support me lifetime but as a friend . I asked her should I let these feelings I have for you go , she doesnt say anything upon askin strictly she says your wish I just dont want any blame games. Moreover she called me some other guys name 4 different times I got angry fought with her , the excuse she gave was that guy is like my brother accidentally I called her a bitch in anger so she made an issue out of it she says u abused me terribly. Because of her mood swings she always lashed on me without any reason so again in frustration I said no wonder your boyfriend behaved like that with you so again she behaved terribly made an issue out of it now u only tell me strange woman aint she ??? I dont knw what to do and what does she think about me ?? A friend or a could be boyfriend or what ???? Upon asking my friends they all said that the girl has something for you thats why ahe doesnt wanna let you go or else she would ve ended contacts . What do u think ?? M terribly confused please help me. Yes I love her I think bout her despite of her being so confusive and unmanageable !

Advice please?'s picture

I met a girl about 4 months ago who I originally wasn't really attracted to and who also had a boyfriend. I really liked her personality it's addicting she's sweet, smart, and I decided to be her friend. Like I said at this point that's really all I wanted so I felt safe making that move.

Well about 2 months into our friendship she started asking me to spend the night, texting me that she wished that she kissed me ect.

Well finally she spent the night, we made out and it was for lack of a better word magical. Never had I felt such intense emotions, we fooled around a little and the next day everything was normal.

Well after about two weeks she broke up with her boyfriend, we fell into an almost half way dating mode. We spent every day together, we held hands, kissed every time we left eachother. I started spending more and more effort and money on her and she told me that she could see her self with me and that we had a "thing".

She didn't want to jump into a relationship she said she had too much baggage from her boyfriend "they had dated for 4 years"

Either way I loved spending time with her she loved spending time with me. We both agreed that our friendship was the #1 thing and we would let the romance just grow on its own.

Then I messed up big time... we moved in together, signed a lease. After about three weeks of pretty much dating she went on a date with another guy. She also was texting another guy who I know at some point she had feelings for. I started to get jealous, I told her that I wanted to be with her and that I didn't care about the baggage, that I wanted her.

She said no, and asked me if I wanted to stop spending as much time together. I know she had feelings for me because she would get jealous when I talked to other girls and we really do have an undeniable connection.

For about three more weeks I was miserable, I wanted her bad we kissed and cuddled, did some oral but never sex "says she doesn't have sex with people she's not dating".

Finally jealousy got the best of me and we had a fight, she said we should back off no more kisses ect. just friends. I tried to even make this work but was once again miserable. Finally I told her maybe we shouldn't live together and she freaks out on me. Says I betrayed her trust ect. I get scared and back down because I don't want to lose her as a friend "and the potential for more" she tells me we'll never be togehter like that again.

Well at that point I decide to start getting over her, I went to church, spent some time apart and started getting over her. After a week we ended up spending time together again every day. another week we were sleeping in the same bed.. then cuddling... then she texts me that she's really been thinking about me as a boyfriend again. She tells me she has feelings for me and more and more every day things that I'm the guy for her.

She's also been spending a lot of time with another guy, but he moved to another state and she spent all of her time with him before he left and still talks to him via text.

I want to be with her, I feel like I'm in love but who knows.

Taking your advice and just disappearing is hard before we live together for another 11 months.

Anonymous's picture

met a girl when i entered the college. i liked her but she already had a boyfriend. so i didn't do much about it but we became very good friends. it was a group of three, that girl , an another guy and me. After 3 years she broke up with her boyfriend but at that time we were doing our internships at different places so i didn't got enough chances to talk to her. After the internship when we got together in the college the chemistry between the two of us was better than before but it did not went forward.
Now it has been almost 2 years since her break up and college it getting over. I really think that i should ask her out but don't know whether is it right thing to do at this time. and if yes then how to do it.
Let me tell you we have become very close friends in last 4-5 years since i have known her.
i really need to know that how to break the friend zone and ask her out

Marco's picture

Very nice article. That helped me a lot, because I've been through exactly the same situation. Thank you.

Mr_Steven's picture

I'm a first time film director (I used direct music videos and do visual effects). I recently directed a concept trailer for something that could be big. As you can guess I have fallen for one of my actresses.

The moment I laid eyes on her I thought she was one of the most beautiful looking women I've ever met. She's 36, and I'm 38. She has a boyfriend who she lives with, he's a loser, alcoholic and is going nowhere in life.

We met up for a drink after the shoot, and showed all the signs, playing with her hair, asking me about my ex who is in America (we are in the UK) etc.. she told me she wants a fresh start, a new life.

We went out again, only for a short time, but her hand was resting gently on mine.

The third time we went out, she was showing more signs, she sat very close to me, next to me but of crouched with her legs towards me. She would show me videos on her phone of pets, and her face was literally 5 cm away from mine, a fair bit of touching etc..

I haven't seen her in three months, I'm in London, she is further down south, (I had to go to Liverpool for a month), but since our last meeting we have been on Skype almost everyday, if not on Skype we have been texting each other.

She left this guy of hers (she met him when she was 20) he is 11 years older and divorced three times I think. She isn't happy with him, I asked her and she didn't answer, she took a drink from her glass of wine and the look was written all over her face.

She told me after our first meeting she felt very relaxed with me and that she had a great time, and let's meet up for drinks every week. During this first meeting, her boyfriend turned up, he offered to buy me a drink but she wanted to leave, she didn't look happy.

She left this guy once before for an actor, and dated him for a few years, but went back to him.

Today she emailed me and invited me down to her place as her guy is away, so we could do some filming (other projects), I said great idea. Then she responded by saying, maybe wait till next week, and you can stay over (this is while her boyfriend would be actually there). This was a bit weird.

We where meant to chat tonight, but she texted me on Facebook, she had been out, and was probably drunk... but said she is having a hard time with emotional issues, and that she appreciates me for being there for her with emotional support etc.. she said she is so glad to have found a solid friend.

Have I blown it ? Am I in the friend zone ?

I'm crazy about this girl, I've never felt this way about anyone in my life. She is absolutely beautiful, inside and out. She has low self esteem issues, people putting her down all the time, she is very shy. She lost her brother a couple of years ago. If she wasn't with this guy I would have made a move by now, so it's been very difficult to know what to do.

I'm not a girlfriend stealer, but she is too good for him, she is wasting her life with him. I could easily see myself spending the rest of my life with this girl, and I know I could make her so much happier. She is so perfect for me it is unbelievable. I can't give up on her.

I just hope I haven't blown it. When she invited me to stay with her while her guy is away, I was going to use this opportunity, but now she is backing out, she said she has relatives coming to stay now instead.

R's picture

Hey Chase,

So, I'm in the friendzone with a girl who I'm just totally head over heels for. Is all hope lost, or do I just need to move on? Can I use jealousy or any other tactics used on this site, or am I just finished?

Cheers,
R

Kurt's picture

Hey Chase,

I've been reading every bit of advice on this page and so far its the best relationship advice i could ever find. Here's my problem, there's this girl who i've met when i was on vacation (old family friends), we hit it off right away, anyways, I don't want a relationship with her (due to some personal reason), but i can't seem to get her off my mind too at the same time, we text daily, but i'm trying to follow the advice of breaking it off completely, here's the problem, she just wants to be friends ( I think), I also want to be friends (But i can't), If i cut her off completely, that would be rude, i can't get rid of her like that without stating my feelings for her.

Any help would be appreciated
Kurt

what the hell's picture

I had been dating someone for a couple months and things were great for a time. I did invest a bit much but it seemed as though she was too. She all of a sudden stopped talking to me for about the next month. I said to hell wit her and proceeded to start my education on this website. Well today she texts me apologizing for hurting me, that she is scared to death because of an unexpected health issue, professing the genuineness of her feelings for me, of how attracted to me she is, how she can't live without me in her life but that she just wants to be friends for now and see how t goes. I was very up front that friends would ultimately not do and that my feelings have always gone further than that and would. She wants to take it slow. Should I run for the hills, or give her an honest window of a date or two and give her an ultimatum?

Anonymous's picture

Guys,

Great site and thanks to all posters for sharing their experiences. Me: Late 30's been a serial dater, player, boyfriend etc and never gone long without a girl (ie a few weeks). Tall, confident and the type other guys want to be like or just moan about as having things too easy. But...

Thinking back I've never got the girl I've been totally nuts about, why? because by that time doubt has crept in, over-thinking and caring too much about the result. I have been keen on girls I've been with of course but that has come later when things are established. Worrying about the result has nearly always killed the seduction stone dead ie friend zone, or just caused paralysis and seen other guys swoop in. Rarely happened, but iipn every case it's the one I had on a mental pedestal.

I do have some anecdotes though I'd like to share and it might just drag you out of the friend zone - make or break time chaps:

I chased a girl long (ish) distance once, was over-keen and she knew it, sent loads of texts, got little response other than a pat on the head or friendly reply.
After a year of this I realised I needed to take control and get the power back or move on. I finally texted her that I had chased her enough, was signing off AND deleting her number so I couldnt get in touch. Result : instant response, a heads-up from her she was recently single (news to me!) and I closed the deal fast - resulting in moving in with her 5 months later!

My friend's story : Absolutley welded in the friend zone, for easily 12 months, cold rainy dog walks with her and long chats but so far from the action he needed binoculars. One day he woke up and spun the wheel, let her know he was done chasing and asked for her friends phone number as she was 'cute'. Result : instant jealous response, dated, now married , kids , the works.

Verdict - if the chase has been going on too long you're probably sunk, but there is still a chance - let them know you're done chasing and if you're lucky you might get a u-turn. Otherwise move-on, close the next girl faster and do whatever it takes to believe you will get a positive result when you go for it!

Good luck!

jj123's picture

When a woman -- let's say one who had a bad breakup and now expects Prince Charming to date her in order to make up for her past disappointments -- tries to friend zone a guy who's clearly pursuing her, why not write her something like the following:

"I have very much enjoyed recently meeting and chatting with you. I’m sure we’ll reconnect at some point, and feel free to keep me updated on your personal progress. At this point, however, I think it’s pretty clear that we’re each looking for different types of relationships, in meeting members of the opposite sex and getting to know them “better.” I believe that it’s best, for the time being, to keep these individual pursuits separate. I am very heartened for you by the extensive support and deep friendship you receive from your existing circle of friends, and know that your many admirable qualities will see you through to better times ahead."

these individual pursuits meaning: her putting guys who are clearly interested in the friend zone; while you're searching for something more romantic and intimate. All told, you'll have nothing to do with her at this point. Is this possibly more effective than just dropping her and disappearing out of her life?

jay marciano's picture

Hi there was wondering if you could help me. Ive known this girl for quite a long time and she knows I really like her. She has 2 young kids who really like me and we usually chill in her house watching tv or dvds with a take away etc. We chill on the sofa and she always asks for a foot massage or back tickles. She sometimes cuddles up to me so that my cheek is on her head and stroke her hair etc. We've never kissed properly yet but always get a kiss on the lips when it's time for me to go. I have suggested going to London to see some museums or other great stuff that she and her kids would love and she said she'd love it. We sometimes say "love you" at the end of text messages and she knows im a top bloke compared to the horrible boyfriends she's had in the past. She said we're onto a good thing when I told her I really like her. I was wondering whether I should ask her if she'll be my girlfriend or get into a relationship or does this thing come naturally without having to ask. I mean should I actually ask?? I don't wanna blow my chances. Id rather play it cool naturally and go with the flow. Please any advice or help would be really appreciated. I would really like to be in a relationship with her but don't know if I should ask. She's also split up with her boyfriend about 6 months ago who was apparently a right bastard. Is it too soon? Please help. .....Jay

Anonymous's picture

A hot girl got hired at my job around the same time I did. We dated from the beginningfor like two weeks because she thought I was really hot and a cool guy. We hooked up, but never had sex and along the way I fucked up and ended in the friend zone. I've since gotten over her and essentially became her girlfriend. She has told me things that she has told no one else some really intense stuff about how she fell for this way older married man with two kids. Attraction isn't a choice, after all. She's 24 (I'm 25) and because I'm so pathetic I told her exactly how to score him. I've kept her secrets and he has fallen for her too and although there's no set date he is going over to her place. This girl has had sex two times in her life. Both times the guys were terrible and she lacks so much experience. Weird because she's really hot, but she is shy. I on the other hand am quite experienced with sex and she does find me to be very sexually attractive, but not in a romantic sort of way. She also is very comfortable around me and trusts me immensely, And so she has asked me to come over to help her "practice" sex so she doesn't embarrass herself with this other guy. So I was like fuck yeah I'll show you how it's done. So now I've given her the best sex of her life, multiple times on three different nights, in multiple positions including adapted missionary, and she still wants me to come over and practice. She was so tight at first we had to use lube and desensitize her vagina. Her body language and moaning said it all. The way she told me to go thrust harder, the way she ran her hands through my hair as I thrusted into her g spot, the way she told me how good it felt when I grinded my pelvis against her clitoris as I did a figure eight inside of her, the way her body moved in unison with mine, the way she moaned as I gave her oral multiple times using the alphabet method, the way she clutched onto my body as I thrusted faster. She even told me at one point she was close to come but the damn numbing agent was so strong, and yet I still made her feel things she's never experienced. I would pull out my penis and rub it on her clit and it drove her insane. Her face had pleasure all over it when I was in her as she continued to moan. I whispered in her ear that I know you're turned on and she smiled and didn't deny it. I grabbed her butt so much and she loved it. She told me how amazing I made her feel and how she had no idea how good I was. I know how to make girls orgasm vaginally, and the next time I come over (planned for next week) to practice she's agreed to not use a numbing agent so that I can give her her first ever vaginal orgasm from clitoral stimulation and penile penetration. She's still def into this other guy, and she remains doubtful that I'll be able to give her one because she only sees me as a friend. I don't believe it though. She's even openly told me no guy has ever turned her on so much. What the heck is this?! If I'm successful, how will this change our relationship? Does this give me potential to be in the lover category, because I feel like I already am, or at least just FWB. This other guy has so much pressure because he will lose his job amd family if anyone was to find out so he may never come over.

Larentay Walker's picture

It's funny I posted on this several years ago . Which today, I had to revisit it to stop this girl from banishing me to the friend zone. I avoided a "nightmare".

I met her at a bad time because she's going to NYC for a week. I should've went for sex on the first date we had instead of a kiss fest and feeling on each other. I tried setting up date 2 days later, but she said she was going to visit friends. I told to hit me up when she was free...never did. So I made one last attempt, she basically wasn't interested in meeting up a day before leaving for NYC.

I realized my attraction with her was expiring to an end, so to save myself. I told her "Listen, it was great meeting you, your a cute/intelligent girl but we just me at a bad time and things aren't going to click.

I hoping to get a response of her wanting to meet up today, or after she comes back from NYC....nope.

Her response "unfortunately I have to agree, but I'm really glad we were at least able to get to know each other. I know you're not really big on texting but if you're ever in town or in the mood to hear something witty, do let me know : )" Her attempt to friendzone

My response: "Let me know when ur free/not busy when you get back from NY. Go grab a bite somewhere"

Her...no response because I know were not going to be seeing each other again and I refuse to be friends with her. So a warning to any men, push for sex on the first date like Chase very strongly advocates. Don't be satisfied with kissing and feelin on each other. Because there might not be a 2nd chance. I've learned a painful lesson from this experience.

Anyway thanks for the valuable timeless information, Chase.

Anonymous's picture

Great article chase, but I have a question. I've read another article by ricardus "How to escape the friend zone" and from my conclusion is that you still have hope of getting her back. Then I've come across yours and I see that I should forget and just drop the girl. So what should I do? So there was this girl whom I had a crush on and we were friends but not that close. Then somehow I screwed up and she said that we should be friends and things are complicated for a while nowBut I really want her back and to not see me as "just friends", also she is a very special girl to me, might sound cheesy but yeah. thanks in advance.

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