Interview with Chase Amante on ITHP


Hey folks, just a quick announcement to let you know about my latest interview, live on the International Human Press (ITHP) at this address:

How to be Successful with Women - Interview with Expert Chase Amante

Much of it covers familiar ground if you're already a reader of the site, but there are a few new things in there I haven't gone over much before, including a bit on the learning curve of shy guys vs. outgoing guys, how your personal philosophy impacts your interactions with women, and dealing with failure (that last is a topic I plan to write more on tomorrow).

So, if you're interested, head on over - I think you'll enjoy the read.

Chase

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Comments

Long Time reader's picture

Doing better


Hey chase,
After your response to my last comment I seem to be doing a little better in school I have started to work on my study habits more. And my grade have started to improve a little. Baby steps right. Anyways have you ever thought about making video blogs. Something like what Tyler does from rsd? Not that I want to compare you two. I do think you guys are both great role models and have great advice. Anyways I'll catch you next time

Long time

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Doing better

Author

Long Time-

Very glad to hear it. And yeah, one small brick at a time... that's how every building on Earth gets made. And there're quite a few really big buildings at this point.

I have friends who do a lot of video for their sites... I think it's really more a personal preference. I'm on travel a lot, and it's just easier to type stuff up when you're in an airport or on an airplane or in a hotel room than it is to tote recording equipment around, and I don't really have the setup for quality recording with me most of the time either. So, I wouldn't rule it out, but at least for now, I don't see myself doing any video stuff in the near-term future.

That said, as business goes along and we're able to up revenues and increase budgets, I wouldn't be opposed to bringing someone on the team who specializes in video stuff! It's honestly a channel I'm not all that familiar with, and one that's probably worth some exploration.

Chase

ABC POWER 123's picture

mental models


Chase,

Im a young guy just starting to try and improve his skills with women and a new reader on your site. I was so impressed with your material because its so logically sound and applicable to REAL life vs other material I've read. Everything in your articles just makes so much sense to the point where I vocally/physically react while reading sometimes like a goof. I wasn't blessed with a genius I.Q. But I like to think im a pretty intelligent thinker. When im focused on getting better at something im constantly trying to learn from experience and use logic to form effective mental models. The only thing is my mental models never hold up quite as well as id like them to, and they are no where near the level of authenticity and effectiveness as the material in your articles. How do you go about creating such awesome and effective mental models? How can I start using better more effective logic and start breaking things down better in general. Any tips would be much appreciated.

EDIT- I think i just got most of my answer in the ending portion of this interview

Chase Amante's picture

Re: mental models

Author

ABC-

Well, good that you already have most of the answer...! I'll throw in a few more tips off the top of my head:

One key to how I think about things is that whatever a thing is, and however I may feel about it emotionally, there's always a very good reason why it exists and why it occurs that way. If it's a behavior, it's always some combination of evolution and the environment... getting angry at people for doing things doesn't change anything (you might alter that one person's behavior, temporarily, then and there, but a million other people are still going to do the exact same thing in the same situation); the one who must change is you (or, at least, how you think about / deal with / work with things).

Another part is the idea that there is always a way to achieve what you want to achieve. There may not always be a FAST way, and there often is not an EASY way, but there is always SOME way. If you don't know it, or can't think of it, start researching the problem more, and gathering up as many relevant facts about it as you can find, and let your mind look for the connections... it will find them eventually.

On things with people, a good grounding in evolutionary psych is important. The Red Queen and The Selfish Gene are two books that I found enlightening; I was just explaining the example of how it's possible for, say, 90% of men in a population to support their children while 10% of men are deadbeat dads, and why it isn't 100% good dads or 100% deadbeat dads or 50% of one and 50% of the other, and the girl I was explaining it to was amazed, but it was something I would've struggled to figure out on my own had it not been in that book (think it was from Red Queen). Whenever there's anything you can't fully understand, read up on it - from physics to economics to human behavior. There are a lot more synergies between the core aspects of far flung fields like this than you might expect, too - the more familiar you are with different core concepts, the more easily your mind makes connections in other areas.

Chase

robertnyc's picture

Question on Making Original Contributions


Hey Chase -

I liked the part of the interview where you said you really only like making original contributions to a field. Do you have any tips on how to develop an ability come up with original contributions? I can see a person coming up with an original idea or two but you have come up with dozens of unique insights on game and seduction and you lay them out in this web site. It seems like you are always developing these unique and interesting concepts which is a very rare ability.

Chase Amante's picture

Original Contributions

Author

Robert-

I think that comes from a mix of not allowing yourself to contribute much beyond offering some guidance here and there before you have original material to throw in the ring, and having your identity tied to being original / creative / unique / different... that's always been a big one for me - I've bristled at being boxed, labeled, or categorized since I was quite young. It's an identity thing leading to drive, which leads to a focus on it - hearing something like, "Nothing about him is original or different; it's just more of the same," is the kind of thing that makes me turn purple, so I end up working very hard to avoid that and get the "he's so original and unique" label that a big part of identity for me seems to be tied to (in all fairness, there's really very little that's all that unique about any of us, and everyone is "standing on the shoulders of giants", as Newton put it in his dig at Hooke's short stature - unless you're coming up with fire or the wheel, you're mostly just making evolutionary changes on what's already in existence, rather than revolutionary ones).

I'd suspect that if you don't have your ego tied to being viewed as original, it's harder to reach down and find the motivation for this... although, it might also be a "public" thing: I've been making my work (of various sorts) public on the Internet since 2002, and I've had more than my fair share of nasty comments and emails saying your stuff sucks, you're just another XYZ, you'll never be [good / successful / important... take your pick]... that kind of thing either breaks you, or lights a fire inside of you to prove your detractors wrong. So it might just come down to being very public about whatever you're interested in, and taking criticism to heart and acting on it to eliminate the criticism by simply being better.

Various things I've learned and gotten good at in various fields that I didn't have much interest in until someone came along and said, "Hey, you suck at [blank]... you'll never be any good at that," and I find myself saying, "Well, I wasn't even paying attention to that, but just to show this critic he doesn't know what he's talking about, I'm going to go and get as good as I possibly can." It's some kind of pride / ego-defense / defiance reaction. Any time I feel motivation start to slag, I call up a picture of that person telling me I'll never succeed, and get back to making things as perfect and new and fresh and original as I can again. Not sure how useful or applicable this is to anyone else, and it isn't really something I've taught - I don't know how you'd teach motivation - but when I look at the parts on me, those are all the things that stand out.

Chase

Hessam's picture

another question


another question:
these days I have a beautiful girlfriend that I prefer to be with her more. I could bring her home for the first date and she extremely enjoy having a hard sex with me. after that night I noticed that she looked at me as a potential boyfriend or husband! and she tried to emphesize that the first night was an accident and should not be repeated! ( I have read your articles about these subjects but unfortunately it happened!! ) after that we had 2 appointments but in her car in front of my house and she didn't come home. ( although that I know she is extremely thirsty about having sex with me.) after I smoothly tried to convince her to go upstairs and she refused it many times, I angrily leave her in her car and go home. today is the 5th day after that event without any call or text from both sides and it's weird because I know she really likes me.
my question is:
what's the best thing that I can do? waiting more or doing sth - such as texting?
thanks dear Chase.

Chase Amante's picture

Second Date

Author

Hessam-

The path you normally want to follow after sex on the first date is the strategy laid out under "How to Get a Second Date After Sex on the First" in "3 Second Date Strategies to Make Her Flirt and Swoon."

Some girls will get weird after sex with you if things weren't handled quite correctly, and then they want to gain more investment from you before sex occurs again. If you are genuinely calm, relaxed, and attractive with them, you shouldn't have much trouble with this. I wouldn't recommend more than one (1) non-sex date after sleeping with her the first time... if she's being really weird, have one quick meet up where you hang out and talk and chill, but if she won't meet up with you one-on-one after that, just deny her requests until she changes her mind - there's some risk of losing her here, but it's better than the alternative (where you chase and chase and chase forever, and maybe get this girl you've already slept with again, now having invested much more, or maybe she decides she doesn't like guys who chase her this much when they already have her, and she moves on).

If you stormed out on her, you've more or less boxed yourself into a position where most of your options are "Wait for her to respond." One alternative may be sending her a message along the lines of:

Hey, sorry I stormed out on you the other day - but ever since we went to bed together, you've been really weird. I like you, and I think you're really cool and amazing and pretty and we might have something special here, but it seems like the flame is dying out. I don't know. If you'd like to come over some night and we'll cook dinner and talk, I think that would be cool. If there's going to be some kind of weird game where things get stretched out for X unknown reason, I might have to throw the white flag in...

Basically, you let her know that there was magic in the air after the two of you slept together, and you thought it seemed like it might lead to something substantial (a relationship), but now it seems like that's drifting away.

In other words, you tell her, "Hey, we had sex, and were on the road to a relationship [what she wants], but now we're not having sex and it seems like a relationship's becoming less and less likely to happen [the opposite of what she wants]," only in more subtle language so that she sees it, realizes she's destroying everything she wanted, and takes action to salvage things with you.

Chase

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