This post has a very long time coming. I can’t count how many readers and forum members have asked about a piece on black guys having sex with and dating white girls. Well, finally… the wait is over.
Have you ever seen an interracial couple with a strong black man and an absolutely gorgeous white girl and wondered how that situation came about?
If you’re a black man, have you ever wondered how you can be that guy? Have you wondered how you can get white girls just as easily as any other girls? And if you’re not black, have you ever been curious?
Well, luckily for you, I’ve been that guy in the past. And these days, I’m that guy all of the time. So let me break it down for you, and show you the way to getting yourself some wonderful light-skinned beauties.
If you want to be successful with white girls, you must be able to develop the right mindsets. That means:
- Breaking through your own limiting beliefs
- Learning how to present yourself
- Understanding the different kinds of white girls you’ll meet
- Committing to actually taking them to bed
The Origins of Colt
Have you ever been thrown into a social situation that where you felt you didn’t belong? Or one that was way past your comfort zone? Well, that’s what life was often like for me since day 1.
I am first generation African-American. Long ago, before I was ever born, my parents came to the U.S. as refugees from Central Africa. Since they were already adults when they came here, they were never really exposed to the social pre-conditioning that a lot of black people who’ve been in the U.S. for generations have experienced.
As I was growing up, my dad always told me that if I wanted to be successful in life I had to learn how to be socially fearless. I had to learn to interact with black people, white people, Asians, Middle Eastern people – everyone. And my folks would always talk about how I shouldn’t limit myself with women either: that if I fell in love with a girl – regardless of her skin color – that’s the girl that I should be with.
I grew up in a poor, ghetto neighborhood comprised mostly of black people with a spattering of Russians. The first school that I went to was pretty much the same demographically, except there was a small population of rich, suburban white students. When I first started, everyone was required to take placement tests to see what educational “tier” he or she would start on (there were five tiers total).
My parents were told that most black students were in the bottom two tiers, and sometimes made it up to the third. My dad asked the administrator if there were any black students in the top tier. No, she replied.
“Well, you better prepare for one,” is all he said.
A few weeks later, I was in the top tier learning program, after having earned the highest score in the school. I hated it. I hated not belonging among all of these privileged white students. I hated being alienated for “abandoning” my minority.
And yet, decades later… here I am: having had a handful of white girlfriends, having slept with dozens more, and still having as much success with women of all other races.
How is this possible?
If you ever pay close attention to when people talk about their very high aspirations, they always speak about them as if they are distant fantasies – fantasies that will be:
- Phenomenally amazing
- And every other over the top positive description you can give them
But that’s not how real life is.
Do you ever see millionaires saying: “I love the fact that I have all of this money! This is amazing! Now I can buy a Mercedes, and a big house, and live every day better than the last!”
No, you don’t. And if you do, they don’t stay millionaires very long. That’s not to say that rich people they don’t like their money, but money is just something they have, something they’re used to – good and bad.
They also have to worry about maintaining their wealth, paying their employees, filing their taxes, repairing their houses/cars, paying for their children’s fancy schools, and everything else that comes with being rich.
It’s the exact same thing when black guys talk about white girls. “Damn, that girl is so bomb! I know she’d be good in bed, and a step up for a relationship,” etc.
But white girls are just like any other girl. They whine, they can be bad in bed (and usually are, in my experience), and have all of the same flaws as any other girl.
The Source of These Limits
I will be honest: there are some real and definite social stigmas against black men.
These come from:
- News media
- Music culture
- Old social rules
Some white people don’t know better and just blindly believe what they are spoon fed by society. Everyone is guilty of this. There is no one reading this who hasn’t gone into an interaction with someone, somewhere with a mind full of preconceptions.
But these stigmas are easily overcome. As long as you show people that you don’t fit their negative preconceptions, you’ll be fine. Chase wrote about this very issue in his article about Asian guys and white girls.
But, I’ll cut you a little more slack.
I’ll say that the responsibility for your lack of hooking up with white girls is 10% society and 90% you.
Destroy Your Limits
It was the realization that I had complete control over my social success that led me to change my own life.
These are the things that I had to do to change my own limiting beliefs:
Learn how to connect with everyone. When you share a race with someone, you know that you intrinsically have connections with that person. Maybe it’s your heritage, maybe it’s dealing with the type of hair you have, maybe it’s the kind of food you eat – but there is always something.
But when people of different races encounter each other, there isn’t that instant subconscious “click” that you get, where you say ,“Yes, this person is just like me.” But oftentimes people of different races will be better friends/couples than people of the same races because their connections go much deeper than their racial similarities.
So you must learn how to connect with everyone. You should read my post on how to connect with anyone here: “Connecting with People: It’s Easy (If You Do These 3 Things).” A lot of black guys with limiting beliefs don’t think about taking the time to actually invest in a white girl and learn about what she cares about.
With women, yes, you can have a sexy vibe, yes you can be a dominant man, but nothing will get into a girls heart (and pants) better than connecting with her. She has to feel like it’s her you want, and not just “some white girl” or “some girl to sleep with.”
Figure out what you want in a white girl. Just like with Latinas, or Asian women, white girls come in many varieties. So you wanna hook up with a white girl? Fantastic. What else is important you? Her hair color? Her body shape? Do you want her to like sports? Do you want her to like reading fiction?
Saying, “I want to have sex with a white girl,” is like walking into a restaurant and saying, “I want to eat something with vegetables.” It’s not specific enough, and is only going to leave you hungry or disappointed.
You’re still going to have to do a lot of screening until you find the type of girl you’re looking for. When I dabble with the fairer skinned women, I have a very specific type I’m looking for, and I know what personality traits I care about, so I try to find a white girl with either the physical traits or the personality traits I want (and I’m really lucky, both) before I try to take her to bed.
Though, I will add: don’t be too picky if you’re a beginner. Don’t sabotage yourself by telling yourself a certain girl isn’t what you’re looking for. Lower your standards if they’re preventing you from getting results, and if she’s attractive enough, just focus on taking her home.
Make talking to white girls no big deal. If you want to have sex with white girls, you should talk to white girls every day. That doesn’t mean that you should always be trying to have sex with them, but you should talk to them wherever you can. Is one of your acquaintances a white girl? How about someone you know from work? Someone you know from school? It doesn’t matter. Just make sure you do it.
That’s the only way you’ll get used to it and just start to see it as an everyday occurrence. You’ll see it as something you just do, just as casually as you brush your teeth. Then try to actively flirt with a white girl at least once a day. Then up your numbers to 10 times a week, and then a little more often, and keep slowly building on that momentum.
Understand that white girls will give you as much of a chance as any other guy. I’ll hammer this point home when I talk about how to present yourself to white girls. But if you get used to approaching them, they won’t look at it as strange or out of the ordinary. And more importantly: neither will you.
The first white girl I ever got sexual with was an absolute firecracker of a girl. By far one of the smartest girls I will ever meet in my entire life; incredibly charismatic, and had a surprisingly strong hold over her sexuality for how young we were at the time.
She was a very close friend at the time, and we found ourselves having a four hour conversation in a dark steam shower (long story, hah) about life. And before I realized what was happening, I was making out with her. Unfortunately, this very event led to a falling out with this girl (I had feelings for someone else); but years later, when I definitely knew a lot more of what I was doing, we became secret lovers. And damn, it was one of the most enjoyable periods of my entire life.
And if you are a dark prince charming looking for his snow white, you will find about four different kinds of girls who fit the bill:
- The Ghetto Girl
- The Wannabe Ghetto Girl
- The “Loves Black Guys” Girl
- The Regular White Girl
Let’s take some time to look at each one…
The Ghetto Girl
This is the girl who may as well as be a black girl from the ghetto. You will find her talking with a thick accent, wearing baggie pants, and constantly eating flaming hot Cheetos.
This type of girl is usually very down for partying, drugs, and quick hook ups.
She is probably the lowest quality white girl you will encounter as a black man; and usually the kind of girl that most black guys – especially those who aren’t exposed to many different social contexts – will go for because they think that they have the best shot with her.
They can interact with her the same as most of the black girls they find, but still satisfy their desire for a white girl.
This girl’s usually exposed to almost exclusively black men, and won’t think twice about having sex with them.
The Wannabe Ghetto Girl
This is the girl who comes from a very healthy or ordinary white girl background. Regular family, middle class, maybe divorced parents, etc. BUT, she loves everything about black culture. You’ll often find her singing along to some Lil Wayne song in her car, booty popping like she just walked into a street party, and talking to you about how she’s about to take a hit of a LEAN cup (which she would never actually do).
I was chilling with one of these girls recently. I think these girls are hilarious. They are usually very energetic, very outgoing, and almost want to impress you with their knowledge of your culture. But despite their “ghetto” tendencies, they are pretty average white girls. They’ll go to class if they’re in college, they’ll work normal, respectable jobs in the real world, and they’ll probably have almost all white friends.
But if “Get Low” comes on… watch out.
The “Loves Black Guys” Girl
This is more or less the regular white girl that I’ll discuss below. But for some reason or another, she has some fascination with black men. She won’t necessarily like hip-hop, or watch BET, or anything like that, but she’s always up for a little taste of chocolate.
I’ve also found that these girls are very forward with their desire for black men. Last year I had a white girl come up to me and tell me I was the most handsome black man she had ever seen (not true, I’m above average at best). And I’ve had many other girls give up their desire for black guys within less than a minute of talking to them.
So if you encounter this girl, you’ll know it. Move fast and use it to your advantage.
The Regular White Girl
This is your run-of-the-mill white girl. Nothing more, nothing less. In terms of black guys, she probably hasn’t actively thought about hooking up with a black guy. But she’s not necessarily against hooking up with a black guy either.
I and many of friends have encountered many of these girls in the past. Sometimes we’re the first black guy they’ve ever been with or dated. But these girls really don’t think much of it. They just see you as a guy they are attracted to and care about, and they sleep with you and maybe become your girlfriend.
How to Present Yourself to White Girls
Based on the descriptions I gave above, you may think that you have present yourself in a different way based on each type of girl. You’d be wrong.
The most effective method I’ve found for getting any white girls is: dressing well, being playful and talking like a normal person.
Dress Well. White girls are conditioned to think that black men don’t dress well. That all we wear are baggy jeans and jerseys unless we’re millionaires (and sometimes even then!). But if you get your black man style on lock, you will instantly set yourself apart. I once had a girl in college tell me, “I hope this isn’t rude, but I’ve never seen a black guy in a suit before.” A little sad, but she was from a small town. It was all made better when I later became the first black guy she’d ever slept with.
Speak Normally. That’s not to say you can’t throw in some good hood lingo, but if a girl literally can’t understand you, why would she waste time trying to flirt with you?
Be Playful. When a girl isn’t exposed to very many black girls, she may be a little standoffish. And I also know that a lot of black guys like to be very serious or “hard.” And a lot of those guys walk out venues alone. Being playful and light-hearted (combined with your style and speech) will completely disarm her, get her on your side, and have her thinking about getting sexual with you.
These methods have allowed me to hook up with every variety of white girl (except for the ghetto girl, which I don’t really go for). So, know that these approaches will work in pretty much every situation.
After you present yourself, follow your normal process. The only thing you have to do as a black guy is dispel her initial apprehension. Once you do that, just follow your process as you normally would in any other situation (or work on aspects of it if you’re still learning).
And finally… connect with her. I cannot stress this enough.
Black Guys and White Girls Wrap Up
White girls aren’t some great mystery. They are just girls, like any other girl. You can get them if you’re Latino, Asian, Black or Green. Just don’t overthink it.
- Destroy your limiting beliefs
- Make approaching them an everyday occurrence
- Know what types you’ll find
- Present yourself well
- Have a great time
And as always…