Selfishness has never been a glorified trait among humanity. Caring chiefly about one’s own needs is frequently named as one of the greatest threats to society and causes of degeneration and degradation within it.
After all, a selfish man is supposed to be a guy who offers nothing to society. He’s nothing but some leech that cares about himself, and he’ll go to great lengths just to put down others so he can stay on top.
Au contraire. Used in the wrong capacity, sure, selfishness could certainly hurt others. However, being selfish, in of itself, is not bad. Thinking about it as a negative trait, however, may certainly be introducing a daily dose of cognitive dissonance to your life.
Such dissonance comes to the fore as you finally realize the inevitable fact that everyone has selfish tendencies.
We all aim to promote ourselves first, followed by others. Throw a big steak in front of you while you’re starving, and have the option to leave it there for someone else or die, and you’re eating that steak.
Survival is coded into our biology.
However, society promotes the idea that leaving the steak would be more admirable. Promoting ourselves over others is bad, and we should instead seek to help others over ourselves.
The conflict between society’s vaunted ideal of selflessness versus your biological desire to tend to your own needs mounts and builds, and eventually people are left attempting to help each other become better, but never helping themselves become better, even though they are the only ones who can do so.
And that, my friends, leads us in a perfect circle of solving nothing.
The Issue with Selflessness
Why do you think that the selfish asshole is so universally adored by women?
It’s not simply because it adds a hint of Byronic imperfection (though that certainly helps), but because he teaches others to focus on themselves in order to make things better, rather than relying on others to allay their problems for them amidst them trying to do the same for others.
The selfish asshole is strong, independent, and high value. And that’s all because he’s primarily concerned with himself, rather than others.
Now, if you will, imagine the other side of the coin: the selflessness conundrum.
This is unfortunately where most people are stuck, and it can feel extremely limiting.
You see, when someone is selfless and starts caring about other people, a lot of negative mindsets can erupt.
For example, this past week I found myself talking to an old friend of mine who got back into contact with me after moving overseas. She was feeling sexual frustration as her boyfriend is a docile nice guy who can’t satisfy her deepest desires to be absolutely dominated in bed with kinky, rough sex.
I prompted her to talk about it, and she started going on about her problems. As I listened to her story I began to invest in trying to fix her problems.
Luckily I caught myself after I started recommending things, as I soon realized that she wasn’t interested in trying those ideas. I may have caught myself this time, but the same thing has happened to me countless times in the past, where I simply cared too much about trying to help others, which left me unable to take care of my own life.
I was involved in their problems, and not mine. Being “selfless” and caring about others was my method of running away from the problems I faced, and it’s something that I fear many other people do too.
Once you turn into a man who fixes his own problems, you largely begin to understand that this is the only way that people will fix theirs.
The most you can do to help is to put what you know out there, but getting involved in trying to improve others isn’t going to lead to a positive end. Be a little more selfish in your life, and let others be a little more selfish in theirs.
The Selfish Man Becomes a Better Man
Selfish men tend to be better men who offer more value to others. It’s funny how things work out like that.
That’s because once you finally take the time to stop caring about solving the problems of other people, you can begin to work on your own. For example:
- Need to work out to feel better? You can do that.
- Need to get laid? You can do that.
- Want to master a certain skill? You can do that.
- Want to do something you enjoy? I think you get the picture.
And, all of those things lead you to being a happy, satisfied man, rather than a slave to someone else’s emotions. And such a man is extremely high value, because it’s so completely rare in the world these days.
Speaking as a man born and raised in America, I can tell you that there are very few people out there that hold this view. Many suffer from victim mentality and believe that others should care about them; after all, they attempt to do so much for others.
But then you introduce a genuine man into their life and they utterly adore him. He doesn’t run around trying to fix their problems, but instead encourages them to be at their best behavior around him, because he doesn’t want to have a negative influence in his life.
And when such a thing is expected of these women, they capitulate to his desires and cheer up. The combination of emotional contagion from staying around an emotionally positive man, with the emotional control effect from trying to make herself a happier person, provides a potent punch to the nervous system that raises the spirits of any women within your domain – all with less effort on your part.
Sound like something that you’d enjoy? Then you better read about the nuances involved with being selfish, because it’s not all about being an asshole.
How to Be a Selfish Man
How does a selfless man become selfish?
Selfishness is just as much of a state of mind as it is a physical way of being.
Luckily, the passive state of mind is an easy one to hold: simply start focusing on solving your own problems rather than the problems of others.
However, the primary dilemma appears when you’re out in the field and you have a woman who complains about something to you, and you end up taking it upon yourself to fix the issue.
This is the active state of mind – when you’re choosing between either being selfish or selfless within moments of being introduced to the option. This, gentlemen, is your default setting, and it takes some work to change it.
Here’s how the common man will react to being told about someone else’s issues taking them upon himself:
Girl: “I wish I could get a job…”
Guy: “Why can’t you?”
Girl: “I don’t know!”
Guy: “Hey, well you can! Just go out there and apply to every place!”
Girl: “I can’t do that! I’m too scared.”
Guy: “Sure you can! I’ll help!”
Girl: “No no no I’ll be fine! I’m sure I’ll figure out something.”
Guy: “Well… okay then.”
The guy then proceeds to constantly prompt her to follow through with her goals, and constantly tries to help her succeed in them by offering his own personal services:
Guy: “Hey! I have some free time, want to go job hunting!”
Girl: “Nooo, I don’t have a ride.”
Guy: “I can drive you!”
Girl: “I’ll take care of it!”
Guy: (Goes into hard sell, trying to convince her to follow through, but fails)
It should be quite obvious at this point that the selfless man is chasing. Selflessness in of itself isn’t negative, but it quite often facilitates chasing, as you are trying to improve someone else’s life, and when such a thing isn’t wanted by someone else it becomes a chase.
Now, here’s how the selfish man deals with such a scenario:
Girl: “I wish I could get a job…”
Guy: “It’s up to you to try.”
Girl: “Yeah, I guess that’s true.”
Guy: (changes to a positive topic)
He’s quite obviously low effort and has the capacity to inspire her. And it’s all because he didn’t get absorbed in trying to solve her problems himself.
Train yourself to become a man who doesn’t become overburdened with trying to help others, and you end up actually being able to help them. You’re removed from the situation, and act as a passive encourager of others, which ultimately makes you more effective at providing aid in most situations... not less.
Being Selfish #Being a Jerk
Being selfish is often a quality of a jerk, and it certainly can give off the impression that you are a jerk if you use it in the wrong situations.
However, what many jerks end up doing is acting selfish in order to promote an air of deference, inviting women to invest more in them. But make them invest too much too often, and they go into auto-rejection.
This, however, is not what I suggest you do, as it can work against your goals.
A man who is concerned with promoting his own welfare wouldn’t lack too much consideration for others, as others tend to have an effect on him. This is the genuine man – he’s focused on himself, but still has enough consideration for others because he knows that emotional contagion can negatively impact his well-being.
Selfish: talk about a contradictory word.
And that’s why you must always keep in mind that other people do matter in the grand scheme of things. You can’t go around pissing people off without consequences, but that option still remains available to you if it’s the best option.
After all... if people don’t like what you say or do, you can always deal with the consequences. It’s up to you to decide how you’re going to use such a power.
Many people out there use it to gain an unlimited capacity for power, such as people seeking large amounts of wealth and influence. Obviously, this angers many people, and they lash out in accusing these people of being selfish. And it’s true – they were being selfish, which enabled them to gather more than they could use, improving their welfare and, sometimes, stepping on the welfare of others.
I simply use this power to get where I want to be in life, and help others to realize their capacity for succeeding in their goals.
Do As I Say, Not As I Do
After some time mulling over this article, you may come to the conclusion that being selfish is something all of us would be better off doing.
And I tend to agree on this one. However, many others vehemently oppose such an idea.
Suggest that someone introduce a little selfishness into their life without a little subtext, and you come off as a jerk. That’s why I simply suggest that if you ever try to get someone to back off worrying about their own life, explain what to do, rather than issuing out advice through a negative label.
In the long run, changes aren’t made through someone else taking an active stance; they are made through the influences in our lives, which encourage us to actively change and improve.