How to Arouse a Girl with Sexy Nonverbals
On a particularly long day, after an 8 hour drive home from Northern Wisconsin on vacation, I was feeling tired, and the day’s events had hit me.
When I got home I decided it would be best to take a walk around the neighborhood to clear my mind. I found myself walking without a direction or second thought as to what I was doing or where I was going, until… I passed by the local coffee shop, and sitting outside under a shading umbrella, at a table, was a cute girl sipping on a mocha frappe.
This girl caught my eye against my empty thoughts and, though I wasn’t very much up to talking, I wasn’t going to let the opportunity pass.
I sat at a table across from her, and looked up to the sunset, breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly as she looked my way and smiled. I brought my head down, looked across my shoulder at her, and smiled as I tilted my head back up to tints of oranges, purples, and pinks.
After a generic agreement on how beautiful the sky was, I sat next to her, didn’t say a word to her yet, but again saw her look at me, and this time I locked eyes with her, tilted my head to the side raised my eyebrow, then pulled back a tad.
She exclaimed, “What?!” and was thrown off by the gesture. After telling her that I thought she was cute, with a prolonged sexy stare, I ran my fingertips against the backside of her hand, and saw her pupils dilate and her breathing got a little heavier.
An hour later she was lying on top of me at the pavilion of a nearby deserted park.
That’s nonverbal attraction: the ability to communicate messages to and even arouse a girl without saying much - and it’s powerful!
Nonverbal attraction and communication lies at the center of most great seductions; it is the bread and butter of easy and natural pick ups; it is something we all know subconsciously; and it’s something you can use to skyrocket your success ratio… and today I’m going to show you how to use it.
Let’s talk psychology for a moment, so you can really understand the power of nonverbal attraction.
The limbic system is a set of brain structures that houses structures responsible for anger, the fight or flight response, memory, learning, and the all important: sexuality.
When you feel attracted to someone, or somebody feels attracted to you, neurochemicals are the gates of the limbic system, flooding through it… which causes feelings of love, attraction, and sexual drive.
An orgasm is actually the physiological response to the amount of neurochemicals that flood the system during sex (the chemicals/hormones involved themselves are called oxytocin and vasopressin; look them up if you want to learn more).
Funnily enough, the limbic system does not respond to logic, thought, or rational thinking like another brain structure does: the neo-cortex. The neo-cortex is located behind the forehead, and is responsible for planning and logic, while the limbic system is directly responsible for instinct and impulse.
- Can I have your number?
- Are we having sex?
- Do you like me?
Questions like that arouse the neo-cortex, and allow for conscious thought, which can precipitate a rejection.
But, with minimal language and speaking, a girl’s neo-cortex is inactive, and her instinctive side takes over, which is why you can seduce a girl who has a boyfriend when you have tight fundamentals… and it’s also why fundamentals are stressed so strongly on this site: because they skip a girl’s logical mind, and go straight for the part of her brain that controls her mating response itself.
The Limbic System
So we agree that the limbic system is the emotional center of the brain, and is responsible for emotion, instinct, impulse, and sex drive.
In case you don’t believe it, here are a few examples:
- Why do stores have colorful items or foods near the check-out?
- Why are brake lights red?
- Why does music elicit emotion?
- Why do most people smile back at you when you smile first?
All of these things arouse the limbic system responsible for impulses or reactions, and let’s be honest… who hasn’t bought a bright red pack of gum at the check-out because it popped out at you?
But, that’s what the limbic system does: it takes you through emotions or causes reactions - and notice that all of these keys to activation don’t require words.
From this point forward, I’ll be interchangeably using the term limbic system with nonverbal communication because I’ll be explaining how communication without words will help you to pick up women.
If the limbic system isn’t activated by words, what does get it doing its job?
Here’s a list of nonverbal communicators, also technically known as kinesics:
- Tone of Voice (Paralanguage)
- Distance (Proxemics)
- Eye Contact (Oculesics)
- Touching (Haptics)
- Facial Gestures/Expressions
- Time (Chronemics)
With the intent to not overwhelm you, I’ll try to keep things simple… because honestly, this could be a really, really, really long article if I go all out listing all the ways you can arouse girls nonverbally.
The disarming smile. Oh, the disarming smile… how I love thee!
Smiling obviously elicits emotions like happiness and warmth, but also communicates safety and ease.
We’ve talked on this site before about physiology and the interaction between the body and mind.
So, think back to a time when you’ve seen someone smile at you… how did you feel?
Warm and happy, right? You suddenly find yourself in a positive mood, and suddenly smiling yourself, right? Depending on who that person is, you might go talk to them, and at the very least you’re curious about them.
The actual emotion of happiness releases neurochemicals that activate the zygomatic major muscle - the muscle underneath your eyes - a muscle that only activates upon the feeling of happiness or ease.
Likewise, your brain senses the flexing of the zygomatic and immediately interprets it as happiness, which is why you actually feel happier when you smile.
Coincidentally, a smile from you also elicits those same emotions in other people: the mere act of seeing a smile releases neurochemicals for happiness, leading to an impulsive reactionary smile.
That’s also why a smile is disarming. It immediately changes the chemical balance of another person and lower’s their guard, and we all know that people who make us feel good also become more attractive to us.
And with a sexy smile, you can not only
disarm a girl… you can actually turn
her on and sexually
excite her, too.
Tone of Voice
Another fundamental that this site really emphasizes, with good reason at that.
It’s truly about how you say something, rather than what you say.
Side note: I’m really trying to not go crazy with psychological or scientific explanations…
Anyway, let’s cook up a few examples:
A kid on Christmas gets an oddly colored sweater, and sighs deeply as he says “Thanks”
An employee coming out of his boss’s office Yeehaw-ing with an animated voice
An dog barking at you in a low-tone vs. a dog barking at you regularly
What do you suppose are the messages each being is transmitting?
The kid is unenthusiastic and disappointed
The employee probably just got promoted
The low-toned dog is aggressive and hostile
Tone of voice communicates a number of things from arousal, to emotion, to mood (thanks to the good ole limbic system).
Please watch that 18 second video, before continuing to read…
Done now? Great!
Think about how those tones of voice communicate different messages: from indifference to horniness.
The beautiful thing is: you can use tone of voice the exact same way.
Throw on a sexy voice to arouse a girl and you will; you’ll communicate sexuality to her, and she’ll start to get more turned on. Pair a sexy voice with a sexual frame, and a gal is more likely to respond positively to that frame, and subsequently feel a little more sexual attraction to you.
Another advantage is included in the “communication accommodation theory” which explains how people unconsciously mirror the tone of voice of another person, also a component of emotional contagion.
Think back to a time when you were talking to someone, and her voice changed.
Could be when your girlfriend started to get raunchy and was speaking sexually herself, when you were talking to a friend about the latest music album and got excited, or a mountain of other examples.
Did you find yourself mirroring her tone and eventually her emotion? It’s natural if you did.
And this, too, can be used to your advantage with women because: women will themselves mimic and experience the emotions that you show through your voice.
If you’re excited about something, then so is she. If you’re feeling turned on and it shows in your voice, she’ll get turned on too.
The last point I’d like to make on voice will be quick, and it’s on dominance.
Studies have shown that in conversation, the person whose voice has the lowest frequency is felt by both people to be dominant and as higher value as well. So basically, if you’re talking and your vocal tone isn’t changing, and your tonal characteristics aren’t changing, you’re perceived as the dominant one.
Think about this one for a second because you’re probably asking how distance communicates a message.
- Someone talking to you from 12-25 ft. away (a stranger)
- Someone talking to you from 4-12 ft. away (a friend)
- Someone talking to you from 1-4 ft. away (someone intimate)
Every animal and human has a natural response to distances: it’s why birds take off in flight when you approach beyond a certain point. It’s why you suddenly feel defensive when someone invades your personal space.
In the 1950s, a Swiss zoologist named Heini Hedieger explained, or, rather, categorized distances into four subsets, with only two of those being applicable to humans: personal space(1-4ft) and territory (5-25ft).
A little harder to get a grasp of, and even harder to put to practical use, but the key here is to lessen the gap between you and a girl as a means to communicate intimacy or sexual attraction.
Typically, you’ll want to move closer and closer to a girl as the conversation goes on, because getting too close too fast will actually cause psychological disruptions, and feelings of unease (also known as coming off too strong).
I remember I was at a party my friend threw for the fourth of July while he was home on vacation from college. A decent ladies man in his own right, so naturally, women were at the party.
Music was blasting; booties were shaking; I was leaning against a corner talking to my returned friend while breathing in the scene at hand. I caught this little Latina girl shaking her ass, asked who she was, and my friend slapped my back due to my taste in women.
Later that night, while I was making my way around, I bumped into her by accident, and after a few smiles and laughs, she told me she had seen me talking to my friend, and was slowly showing her signs of interest. We broke apart for a few minutes.
Even later that party, by this time it was morning, I was on the “floor” dancing myself, and saw that same girl dancing with some guy buzzing in her ear. We ended up flirting with eye contact. I’d take a step to the center of the “floor,” and she’d do the same.
Eventually, our backs were to each other, and I put my hand behind my back to caress the small of her back, and she did the same, all the while, the buzzing guy didn’t even know what was happening.
Sometime later still in the morning, at around 4 o’clock or so, that girl and I ended up in the bathroom together really expressing some close proximity!
Obviously, distance wasn’t the only communicator, but it did play a crucial factor in how I aroused her. I’ll be covering the other factors next.
Ah, the legendary “windows to the soul” are up next.
The eyes are one of the first things, if not the first thing, I look at when gauging attraction, or communicating interest.
Girls Chase already has a number of articles on eye contact:
- Elite Eye Contact
- Eyes That
- Eye Contact Flirting
- Sexy Body
Language for Men (Learned from Hot Girls)
But I’m here to talk about something a bit more nuanced with eye contact, and that is pupil size.
The dilation of the eyes communicates more than you know, and is actually an underlying influence behind clichéd dates like the candlelit dinner. Let me explain.
Wide-eyed pupils, or enhanced pupils, are perceived as beautiful, intimate, and romantic. Your pupils grow in dark light or dimly lighted areas (candlelight), and also expand in response to adrenaline or tension (like sexual tension).
Stemming from evolution, your eyes widen automatically as part of the fight or flight survival response so you take in more information with greater detail, which is why your eyes widen before a potential car crash or before a rabid mongoose bites you.
Upon feeling attraction though, your body releases norepinephrine, which causes pupil dilation.
Again, when you see another person with dilated eyes, in seduction known as “bedroom eyes,” you also feel those neurophysiological effects of romantic-ness, sexual attraction, and physical attraction.
So, if you can (and everyone can) control the dilation of your pupils, you can effectively communicate interest to a girl, or at the very least get her feeling more for you. When she sees your eyes dilated, her body releases those same chemicals and she then feels a bit more attracted to you.
If you want to know how to arouse a girl nonverbally, it really is
in the eyes.
That’s what I wanted to cover with eye contact though, because the articles that are linked have even more uses and explanations than just the pupil dilation that I talked about - but this alone should give you some add punch to the way you use your eyes with sexy women.
Kino, or kinesthetics in PUA lingo, and haptics in psychology or scientific terms. All the same thing though, this portion is on touching a woman.
Again, the writers of Girls Chase have a treasure chest of articles on touching a woman:
- 7 Ways to Touch a Girl + 3 Ways to Have HER Touch YOU
- Sexual Tension: 7 Ways to Make Women Excited and Randy
- Book Excerpts: Mastering Sexual Touch
- Book Excerpts: 4 Ways for Touching Women
- Take Women to Bed: Successful Physical Escalation
- Tactics Tuesdays: How to Touch Women (the Scientific Way)
Touching communicates a number of messages, ranging from safety to sexuality as well, and it’s the reason we stress building touch during an interaction or a date with a woman because it eases her into being open to more sexual action.
Most beginners actually make the mistake early on of not using enough touching, then going in for a kiss at the end of a date, which is then awkward - and I’ll explain why.
Touch itself was studied heavily in the 20th century, and was eventually broken into six categories:
- Playful touching
- Unintentional touching
- Controlled touching
- Ritualistic touching
- Positive touching
- Task-related touching
… with five levels of touch:
We’ll be focusing exclusively on sexual touch, which is broken (scientifically) into 5 phases:
You start with basic and general touching like the elbow, or the shoulder
Then move to an embracing touch like a hug, or an arm around the shoulder
Then you move onward to an intentional touch like grabbing a girls hand across the table and stroking her hand with your fingers
The next step is more intimate and involves things like kissing, or sexual massaging, grabbing the butt or boobs
The final step is obviously sexual intercourse
So, when you immediately skip phases of touch and go into more hardcore phases, it’s confusing and off-putting to women, which leads to auto-rejection or second thoughts about dates.
However, when you successfully learn to touch a woman, touch’s effects are tremendous because touch allows you to control emotion (which all of these do, but this one is probably the most subtle, and one of the most effective). So, you can use different types of touching to enhance sexual attraction, or defuse tension.
Bottom line is touching is one of the best ways to build attraction with a woman and get her thinking about sex with you without you having to be explicit, because we know that talking about sex doesn’t lead to sexual attraction.
Chase said it best: “Words are meaningless and so are their results.”
Scientists actually use facial expressions as a proof of evolution because all humans universally recognize facial expressions.
Tribes in the Amazon who never had contact with the outside world until recently were able to recognize the emotions behind smiles, frowns, raised and lowered eyebrows, and other facial gestures.
Facial expressions, unless practiced, also reveal the emotions that we may be actively trying to hide.
You ever see a person walking around who has lowered mouth corners, and raised eyebrows along the inner brow who claims to be “Okay,” but you see on his face that he’s actually sad?
Your mood and emotions show up in your facial expressions, and they’re both reaction-based as well as consciously based.
That being said, you can control the facial expressions your body gives off by becoming conscious of your emotional state and tweaking it.
If you want to express happiness, you can think about a moment of your life where you were happy.
If you want to express sexiness and excite that girl you’re getting to know, you can think about a sexy girl eying you down across the room, or you can think about that sexy girl on top of you.
By consciously thinking about an emotion, your body is interpreting it as that particular emotion, then changing or activating certain muscles in your facial area, thus producing that emotion for display.
Time, or chronemics, acts more as a threshold between platonic and attractive nonverbal means of communication.
Time, for our intents and purposes, is obviously how much time passes between the start and stop of a nonverbal cue.
Think about the difference here:
- A woman holding eye contact with you for a single second
- A woman holding eye contact with you for 3 to 5 seconds
With seems more intimate, and which is communicating interest in you? Obviously the 3 to 5 seconds of contact. That’s what chronemics is though, the slight differences in time that affect the meaning of the nonverbal cue.
The same is true with a hug:
Friends usually hold a hug for about 1 to 2 seconds
An intimate partner, or someone who is attracted to you will hold a hug for much longer
You should be able to think up a few examples that exemplify this principle; I know I can.
Aside from acting as a threshold, chronemics also serves as an excellent tool of building tension or attraction.
Think about tension or pressure in these situations:
- The ten-second countdown to the New Year
- The three-second countdown before the start of a race
- The pauses a man takes while telling a story to a woman
- A baseball pitcher holding his stance for a few seconds before throwing a pitch
All of these examples provide a sense of tension, whether it’s positive or negative tension. Basically, the time you take in-between two actions communicates messages of tension, which can be used to build tension (including sexual tension) positively.
It’s good practice to utilize pauses while speaking, or prolonged pauses while building sexual tension: like putting a condom on, spreading a girls legs, then looking intensely into her eyes for a few seconds instead of sliding in right away.
Play around with pauses, and different times or speeds of doing something: generally, physical movements should be performed slower (speaking, walking, etc.).
So, that’s how you go about arousing a woman’s limbic system, allowing her to feel anything from attraction to impulsive behavior to sexual arousal.
In all honesty, nonverbal cues have a wide-range of prominent advantages that are pretty obvious in each subsection, but one of the hidden advantages is this: mastering these allows you to broaden your bases of pick up.
If you can communicate effectively without words, you can turn a girl on from across a crowded room, or get a girl to approach you from across the room.
It cuts down the amount of words you have to use, which enhances the importance of your words when you speak, and it cuts down the amount of effort you would regularly use when picking up a woman.
When you can use these cues interchangeably, or when you are able to use more than one at a time, you’ll see your successes - and your pick ups - grow exponentially.
So try it out when you’ve got some time on your hands, and play around with these different means of attraction and see what happens.
You just might be surprised at what you see.
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