Facial Hair and Badassedness

After a long break from facial hair, I decided last fall to begin sporting some again. I hadn’t had any since I’d shaved off my moustache and goatee back in 2004. This time though, at the end of 2009, I grew a chinstrap and a soul patch. And I noticed an immediate changed in the level of attraction I got from women.

Asian girls from Asia, I noticed, apparently had preferred me clean-shaven, and their attraction for me went down a bit once I began sporting facial hair. But white girls, on the other hand – whoa. Dramatic increase in attraction there. My approach toward them hadn’t changed. My style hadn’t changed. My voice hadn’t changed. But the level of attraction I got from them after growing a little facial hair – that changed over night.

Since I was living in Southern California and most of the women I was meeting were white, I kept my facial hair on. It served me well there; I felt like I’d found the missing piece to generating the kind of initial attraction from women I’d always desired. Women weren’t just warm toward me; they were outright aggressive at times. Later on in interactions, things seemed to go more smoothly and women challenged me less and went along with what I wanted them to do more. It made everything just a lot easier then it had been.

Until, that is, I began traveling in Asia. I got over here, and didn’t seem to be getting the kind of receptions I thought I should. Women were a bit more reserved around me and a bit aloof, and they’d challenge me continually to a degree throughout my interactions. I recalled noting how Asian girls had cooled off in their attitudes toward me in the States after I’d grown facial hair, and I shaved off my chinstrap and soul patch and went clean-shaven again. I went out a few nights later in Seoul, where women had been chilly toward me, and the third girl I talked to was pushing her body up against me and ready to go home with me minutes into meeting me. Her friends intervened, perhaps figuring it was too early in the night for her to be acting that way, but the next girl I met was almost as aggressive.

I shaved my facial hair off, and overnight, the women I was meeting in Asia acted as warmly and aggressively toward me as the women I’d met in the States while I had my facial hair on.

That got me thinking about things a little bit. Why would facial hair be a boon with American girls, but a bane with Asians? And was it a universal thing – or was it particular to me?

I began looking at friends I know and their success at getting girls. And I noticed some really interesting trends:

• Skinny and overweight men in America seem to do best with women when they have “cool” facial hair
• Very fit, muscular men in America seem to do best with women when they’re clean-shaven
• White men in Asia seem to do best with women when they’re clean-shaven
• Asian men in Asia seem to do best with women when they have “cool” facial hair
• A full beard (“uncool” facial hair) seems to be a recipe for disaster in America, but not necessarily in Asia
• Stubble is rather sexy in America, and very sexy in Asia

I stopped to think about this. Why are these things the way they are? And the conclusion I’ve kept coming back to is that facial hair has a huge impact on your level of badassedness.

What do I mean? Think of a big, muscular guy in America. You look at him, and you know he’s a badass. Now think of a big, muscular guy in America, and throw some facial hair on him. Now he’s just scary and imposing. Too scary and imposing, in fact – he’ll do better with women if he goes clean-shaven and lets his muscles do the talking about how badass he is, while his face appears more clean and boyish.

Now think of a thin guy in America. You look at him, and he’s just a thin, average, normal guy. Nothing overtly sexy about him in appearance; maybe he has a cool haircut, or is good at sexy facial expressions. But throw some cool facial hair on him, and suddenly he’s a badass. Now women are drawn to him far more powerfully, far more instantaneously.

This is why every white man I’ve met in the United States who was on the higher end of the spectrum of skill with women sports facial hair. Long hair has a similar effect, too – it’s also quite common among the most successful lovers and seducers.

But, now, come to Asia, and things get a bit more complicated. It doesn’t take you long to hear about what badasses foreign men are perceived to be in Asia. If you look foreign, you’re automatically mentally slotted into badboy territory here.

Now, take a foreign guy, regardless his body size, and put some facial hair on him, and suddenly he’s not just a badass – he’s a very intimidating badass. Take that facial hair off though, and his boyish, disarming face offsets some of that badassedness.

The flipside of that, though, is if the guy looks local. If he’s an Asian in Asia. Then, the situation’s reversed. Now he’s an average, normal guy – just like a thin or an overweight man in America. What happens, do you think, if he grows some cool facial hair?

That’s right – the level of attraction he gets goes up. Cool facial hair makes a foreign guy look outright intimidating in Asia – he’ll do far better without it; but it makes a local-looking guy edgy and sexy and dangerous.

Take heed of these differences, and trim accordingly. If you have a square, more masculine jaw-line, sport a chinstrap to highlight that jaw-line and a soulpatch to balance it. If you have a softer, more feminine jaw-line, grow a moustache and goatee to add weight and length to your features.

However you trim your facial hair, be mindful of cultural considerations, and be mindful of how you’re coming off. I like to think of myself as a badboy with a heart of gold (or maybe silver… I’m not perfect), and I’m quite consistent in how I come off, but switching between facial hair or no facial hair made dramatic differences for me from the initial meets all the way through the interactions I had with just about every girl – and I’m certain it will affect your interactions similarly.

Take a look at yourself, and take a look at the kind of women you’re going for. Plan accordingly.

Best,
Chase Amante