Date a Model: What You Need to Know to Succeed
Wednesday, 27 April 2011
A friend of mine shot me an email the other day, and in one part of the email he asked me this:
"How do you respond to girls when they tell you they are models? I've been getting that a few times in my gaming career and still have no clue how to reply... should I go: "Hmmm, modelling? Why did you chose to work as a model when you could have chosen...?" or should I downplay it?"
That's just about every guy out there's fantasy: dating a model. They're everywhere we look, all around us: newspaper and magazine ads, television commercials, even in the movies. Models are, in many ways, the very picture of feminine beauty personified in nearly every culture around the world.
But how exactly do you get a date with a model?
The fact is, most guys, when they run into a girl they find out models, tend to panic a bit and freeze up. "Oh no," they think, "what do I do? What do I say?" Something tumbles out of their mouths, but isn't quite as smooth as what they'd hoped it would be, and they end up tripping over their own two feet talking to this beautiful girl with her prestigious career.
If this sounds at all familiar, well, don't worry, because it used to happen to me too. It doesn't anymore, and when I meet models these days they even tend to get rather excited about me. And helping you learn how to date models, too, is what I aim to do here today.
Mistakes Men Make Trying to Date Models
When I was 23 years old and fresh out of college, I moved down to Washington, DC and continued the push I'd made during my last year of school to get out a lot and master the skills I'd need to do well with women. I hit bars, nightclubs, bookstores, and the street 3 to 4 days a week, almost to the point of exhaustion while trying to balance a full-time job and hitting the gym pretty religiously.
One night not long after I'd moved to DC, I met a beautiful girl who very soon after meeting me told me she danced in a video for Beyoncé, the famous pop singer who was all over the airwaves then. I panicked internally a little bit; "Okay, stay cool," I thought to myself, "you don't want to mess this up by acting too impressed or anything. Just be cool."
The thing was, she seemed like she kind of liked me. But I didn't really know what else to do; I was stuck. She introduced me to another pretty girl, whom she said was her manager. That girl didn't seem as impressed with me as she was, so I quickly switched back to the dancer.
"So, how many videos have you been in?" I asked her.
"Just one so far, but I'm trying out for others," she told me. I didn't know what else to say, and her friend/manager soon dragged her off to another part of the bar.
I'd inadvertently made some of the mistakes men commonly meet upon first meeting models, dancers, flight attendants – or any woman (or person) in a position of prestige in general.
And those goofs, no matter how small they might seem at first, will hang you out to dry if you're not careful.
If you want to date a model, you're going to want to curtail the following mistakes:
- Acting impressed. This one's pretty much instant death for attraction if you do it: acting impressed or wowed or amazed by a girl's status as a model (or pretty much anything she says or does). A man coming across as impressed tells a girl that he's outside her circle; he isn't in the know; he's the complete opposite of an insider. And instantly, she feels this gulf between the two of them that's going to be next to impossible to bridge. Acting impressed is the biggest no-no there is when meeting models.
- Asking the wrong questions. This is another sign of an outsider. You're usually going to know a question's wrong if you're paying attention; if it feels clunky or unwieldy or not particularly savvy at all, it probably isn't a good question. So a question like, "Oh. How do you like being a model?" while seeming quite innocent can quite quickly communicate that, just like the guy's who's impressed, you don't actually know the first thing about models. Avoid clunky questions.
- Returning to the topic. This is one of the mistakes I made with that girl who danced for Beyoncé mentioned above. When you return to a topic, a woman knows it's on your mind and she knows you're impressed. Even if you acted nonplussed initially, if you bring it up again later she knows it's a big deal to you. Once the subject of her being a model has been moved off of, it's important that you don't bring it up again – and don't get too excited about the topic if she does.
- Treating her like a celebrity. Really, celebrities don't like getting treated like celebrities (some of them like the attention, true, but they don't want to be treated that way by someone they're going to bed with). And the fact is... most models are not celebrities! This simple truth helped me a great deal back in the day – just because she's been in a modeling show or landed a spread in a magazine doesn't mean she's a superstar. She probably still has a day job to pay the bills and this is merely how she brings some sense of adventure or status or prestige to her life. It's how she chooses to identify herself, rather than what she actually is all the time, so people see her as more than just an average pretty girl.
In other words, it's cool that she models... but she isn't really a celebrity. And if you treat her as such, she'll know you fell for her ruse – and she'll know you don't really get it. You can't treat women like celebrities (even if they are), or you're instantly an outsider. You must treat a girl, no matter what her background or profession, like she's still just a girl.
You might notice the common thread linking all of those points together is that you want to avoid "acting like an outsider" at all costs. The man who knows how to date a model knows that models, just like every other human being on the planet, want to be with people who understand them; not with people who are amazed by them and treat them like princesses or porcelain dolls.
To succeed with models, as with all women, you must learn to relate to them as people. But not just as any old people; rather, as people that you "get;" people that you already comprehend. That's how you win people over fast, and that's how you show that girl who's a model that you're the kind of guy she could end up with.
How to Date a Model
Mistakes out of the way, how do you actually pull it off? How do you date a model?
Well, remember the core ideas behind avoiding those mistakes we just talked about – you want to stay cool, not be impressed, and act like an insider. Those are going to be key to how we go about getting to know a girl who models, and showing her that we're different from all those other guys who lose their hats when they meet her and she lets slip what she does.
First, there are a few important realizations I ought to cover, before I launch into specific steps:
- She isn't a superstar. Unless you live in Hollywood, and actually even if you do, most of the "models," "dancers," and "actresses" you meet are going to be girls with limited experience who are trying it out. She might have attended one photoshoot for the first time last week and now she's identifying herself as a model. So don't make it a huge deal in your mind; chances are, she's just a regular girl who's had a few pictures taken and is trying / striving / hoping to someday maybe catch a break.
- She doesn't really want any "fans." No drooling fanboys need apply. She wants to meet a REAL man, who understands her for who she is, and doesn't carry any overblown ideas about what she's doing with her life. She needs you to communicate with her on her level, and not worship her – or dismiss her.
- She's trying to impress you. Ever stop and think about why she bothered to tell you she's a model? Think there's any chance that it just slipped out there on its own, totally unintentionally? Of course not! When a girl tells you she's a model, or a dancer, or an actress, ESPECIALLY if it isn't her full time career and ESPECIALLY if she isn't bringing in big bucks doing it, she's trying to impress you. There really is no other explanation for it than that; she wants you to be impressed. And if she wants you to be impressed, she cares what you think. And if she cares what you – you, some stranger she's just met – think, chances are she probably likes you.
When you think about it, it's amazing more men don't realize these things – they seem quite obvious, right? But they never, ever occur to most guys.
So much of talking about this stuff is pointing out the obvious that's been hiding in plain sight. If I can make you slap your head a few times and go, "Ah, of course! Why didn't I see that??" that's how I know I'm doing my job right.
Let's get onto some of the specific tactics and techniques, then, that you'll employ with a girl when she drops those vaunted words: "I'm a model."
- Be interested in your words, uninterested in your tone. This is actually one of those huge, giant things I keep meaning to write up a proper post on, but I never end up getting around to. If you sound bored in your voice tone, but fascinated in your words, what you'll find is that you strike exactly the right chord and end up getting the models you meet opening up to you very fast. You sound like you're just making casual conversation, but aren't terribly engaged – which is far different from what girls who tell people they're models are accustomed to encountering.
- Ask her if she does print or runway. I got this line from my friend David sometime back; he has a great, detailed post on screening models, dancers, musicians, and flight attendants here: challenge screening. David likes to really dive into profession here and show off his knowledge of the industry; I'm more of the mind to show a little familiarity and then move quickly off the topic as I don't see it as all that helpful toward advancing the seduction. Six in one hand, a half dozen in the other; the results are the same. You show her, quite clearly, that unlike all the other men you meet, you most definitely are NOT an outsider.
- Ask her what else she does. I love this one. Make sure you show her the proper level of "just enough" interest in her modeling first; treat it as though she's just told you she's a hairdresser. Then ask her what else she does. This communicates to her very fast that modeling to you is not a big deal – which is usually going to surprise her. She's so used to people she meets fixating on that and getting stuck on the topic or freezing up and trying to run from it, that you addressing it, then moving on, as if it's some other, more ordinary thing she's mentioned, is going to jar her out of autopilot... and make her a lot more curious about you.
- Ask her if she makes a living doing anything else, or if modeling pays the bills. This is another one that will shake her out of autopilot and get her intrigued by you and enjoying talking to you in a hurry. She's living this glamorous life of telling people she's a model, and having them fawn over her, and then YOU come along... and see right through her... and not only realize modeling might just be her hobby, and not her profession, but you outright ASK her.
You'd be surprised how many formerly aloof-acting women will turn into little girls around you when you ask them this. Their cover's been blown, and they've found a man who really, honestly, sees them for who they are. Note: be very careful to build her back up and make her feel good after she tells you she isn't a full-time model, because you've basically "called her out" on this one, and if you don't build her back up you strongly risk her going into auto-rejection.
- Continue on with the conversation and interaction as if she's anybody else. This one's supremely important. You can't treat her like she's a special case just because someone takes pictures of her. You need to move fast with her, follow your process, and treat her the same as every other girl. That's how you get results with models; that's how you get them in bed. That's how you date a model.
Here's how a typical conversation might go:
You: How do you spend your time?
Her: I'm a model.
You: No way. Print or runway?
Her: Um, a little of both. I was just in a spread in Maxim.
You: Way cool. Congrats. You pay the bills doing that, or you're still working up to it?
Her: Oh, uh, actually I'm a paralegal.
You: Smart and talented! You're a killer combination then.
Her: What do you do?
You: I'm, uh... well... a bit of an adventurer. Are you from here originally? I don't meet a whole lot of model/paralegal combos around these parts...
Her: Actually I'm from the South. What do you mean, an adventurer?
And there it is. The mistakes men make that you know now how to avoid. The mentalities you want to make sure you have going in. And the steps to follow to break her out of autopilot and get her seeing you as quite different from all the other, less insightful men she meets.
Not as scary as it might've seemed before, eh?
Stick with this plan and you'll be dating models, dancers, and all other manner of sought-after women with a lot more ease – and a lot less freezing up and tripping over your own words – than the majority of men out there.
You'll stand out. And women who are used to men drooling over them, well – they'll be thrilled to meet a man like you. Go and see for yourself!
And if you haven't already checked out the post on deep diving, make sure you do, because that's what you'll be doing next once that model you meet is comfortable with you and enjoying your conversation. You can check it out here:
See you next time,
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