Change Your Mind About Dating
Note from Chase: This is a guest post by Mark Manson, founder of Postmasculine.com. Mark writes on a range of topics, including confidence, self-improvement, dating, and relationships, and has been one of the friends of GirlsChase.com since the site's beginnings.
Take a moment to consider…
…That instead of worrying whether she’ll like you before you approach her, you could instead worry whether after you approach, if you’ll like her?
…That instead of feeling the need to impress her with your job or accomplishments, you could need to be impressed by what she’s done and accomplished for herself?
…That instead of sitting there silent, wondering what to say next to get her to like you, you could sit there silent wondering what she will say to make you like her?
…That instead of waiting around for her to return your call, you could find something to do so she waits for your call?
…That instead of worrying if you’re tall or good-looking enough for her, you could decide whether she’s too superficial to recognize your great qualities?
…That instead of trying to come up with the perfect date, you could decide that a woman who really likes you doesn’t need a perfect date?
…That instead of looking for a conversation she’ll enjoy, you could talk about something you enjoy?
…That instead wondering when she wants to be kissed, you could decide when you want to kiss her?
…That instead of feeling insecure about how good in bed you are, you could wonder on how good in bed she is?
…That instead of looking for her approval, you could decide whether to give your approval to her?
…That instead of getting upset about why she doesn’t want to be with you, you could decide that it means you probably wouldn’t want to be with her?
This may all sound a bit selfish. But, in fact, it’s called having self-esteem. Only making time for people who make time for you. Only being interested in people who are interested in you. Worrying about what will make you happy instead of what will make her happy. Looking for a woman who meets your needs instead of trying to always meet hers. Changing yourself to become the man you want to be, not the man you think she wants you to be.
You may be saying, “But I don’t have enough experience to think like this,” or “I’m not cool enough to decide if she’s good enough for me or not.”
It’s that sort of thinking that got you here. It’s time to change your mind about dating.
You’re the only one who gets to live your life. Take it seriously. Have standards.
Women want someone they can look up to and respect, someone who they can trust. If their man is constantly looking to her for how to behave, what to say and how to feel, how can she ever respect or trust him?
The questions above are designed to change your mind, to change your mind about how you are going about dating and going about meeting women.
Chances are now you are on this website looking for what tactic or strategy will make her like you, will make her want to be with you, will make her want to have sex with you.
This mindset leads to unattractive behavior. This mindset creates your anxiety, your insecurity, your need to impress her, to try too hard, to say or do things that don’t feel like the real you.
Change your mind about dating. And change your results with women.
The new mindset leads to attractive behavior. It helps you freely express yourself. It removes fear of rejection and being insufficient.
I don’t care how hot she is. Is she good enough for you? Yeah, she’s got a great body and a pretty face, but do you enjoy being around her? Are you ready to leave on a dime if she offends you or breaks your trust?
If not, that’s probably why you’re not with her.
Change your mind about dating. Put yourself first. Don’t be an asshole about it. Don’t lie or hurt people. But put yourself first. Because if you don’t care about yourself, no one else will.