Carnival of Dating Advice, 8th Edition
I'm excited to be bringing you this week's carnival, the 8th edition of the Carnival of Dating Advice! More great content across the web on display here, including a lot of insight this time into the female mind and female subcommunication.
In today's articles, we run the gamut from what to do and not to in
couples' fights, how you can tell from women's reactions whether you're
perceived as "high value" in a given environment (or whether you aren't
yet there), and how to know if you're ready for marriage - and how some
women feel as they grow older and begin to realize they might not ever
meet a man who both meets their requirements and whose requirements
they also meet.
There's a lot of stuff here that's a somewhat different perspective
than what you're reading on the site most of the time here, but I'd
urge you to withhold judgment and try to see things here as
empathetically as possible. Really try to get into women's shoes as you
read these things, and understand why the things that are a struggle
here are. It will make you both better with women, and a better person
all around.
On with the carnival...
Pick Up
From Pickup Podcast, KP sends us "How Women Reveal Your Value," on the phenomenon of how women (and people in general) react to high value people. The secret? They become nice.
Relationships
Chris of Ladies Should Know shares with us an on-point post about "How to Know if You're Ready for Marriage." Having tried to talk a number of friends out of getting married for all the wrong reasons and none of the right ones, I can attest that he has some sound thinking on here, that's every bit as applicable for men as it is for the women it's targeted at.
Lena Ameri of Liveit! Magazine
submits "The
Dos and Don'ts of Arguments," including some pretty solid points
like Don't cross boundaries
(saying hurtful things you don't mean) and Show you're listening. One note on
humor, should you use this advice in a fight: it's important that any
humor injected is natural
humor, not "trying to be funny" humor, which will achieve the opposite
of what you want to achieve (I'm sure the author realizes this too).
Overall, eminently practical and useable advice here.
A Woman's Perspective
Elle of Just Ask Elle
gives us another great inside look at the challenges women face when it
comes to picking a partner to settle down with in "Cougar-for-Life Bound."
In this article, a reader named Amy shares her tale of realizing as she
ages that the men she's most interested in aren't interested in a
serious relationship with her, and that the men who'd want a serious
relationship with her aren't all that interesting to her. The post
illustrates one of the fundamental romantic struggles women face, and
also why the top echelon of men have it so easy, and why the rest of
men have it so hard by comparison.
Wrapping Up
... and that wraps us up for the eighth edition of the Carnival of Dating Advice. If you're reading this and want to submit for next time, check out the guidelines here.
Hope you found these articles fun and useful. Tune in next week for more great posts from around the Internet.
Yours,
Chase Amante
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Comments
Hey Chase, Just read through
Hey Chase,
Just read through the article about Do's and Don'ts for Arguments and I noted an interesting point. She seems to be quite possessed by the idea of a man and a woman 'talking it out' and so on. What I wonder is whether that is a good stratergy overall? Probably more clearly:
How much should a guy be leading a girl in an argument situation?
Example:
Guy and girl talks and on certain key points guy tells girl what he wants to do from then forward (perhaps on things that break his boundaries).
Also, how do you go about bringing up and handling 'make or break' items in a traditional relationship (say a year or two in)?
Example:
Guy wants to move to California and wants girl to come too.
Maybe these questions would make for a great Dear Chase blog post and an addition to the Relationships catagory. ;)
Thanks for the Carnival!
Franky.
On Arguments
Howdy Franky,
Some good questions here. I have a couple of different responses to the first one, depending on how serious the issue is.
We have a few posts up here already on fighting in relationships - you can find these pretty easily by skimming through the "Relationships" category. Essentially though, you should be talking it out to the extent you don't understand what the argument is about, e.g., she seems emotional but you're not sure why. You need to get her talking to you about what's actually running through her head - women will often blow up over "triggers" but there's an actual underlying thing that's been causing emotional build up. This is what you need to dig to find out.
Re: make or break things, if it's the result of an event on your end you ideally want to tell the girl immediately following an event. e.g., you get a job offer in California, you decide right away whether her coming with you is a good idea or not, and you tell her about the offer right away and see how she reacts. If you put this off - whether the telling her about the offer, or the deciding whether you want her to come or not and telling her as much - you come across as weaker (and, in a way, ARE weaker... guys in control of their lives just decide what they want and say it).
If it's an issue on her end, you need to wait for her to start agitating over it. e.g., you were late repeatedly and this bothers her. You can't start apologizing (except immediately after the event, say when you first arrive after being late) until she starts creating some drama over it. Once she does, you can bring it to a head - "Are you being this way because I was late???" - but if you do that before she shows any signs then 1) you risk coming across as reactive and insecure, but also 2) you risk making something an issue that actually WASN'T an issue.
So, on one, it's talk it out to the extent you don't actually know what the real issue is.
On two, it's bring it up immediately if it's on your end, but don't broach it at all until she either brings it up or starts agitating on her end.
Hope that helps.
Chase
advice
I know this is off topic here, but you didnt answer my question in attraction expiration date so i will put it here hoping you will answer.
Hi Chase. I have one for me important question and need your advice. In some earlier comments you sad "Thing is, who those girls are changes as you do. A girl might firmly make one guy wait three or four months to become lovers, because she either sees him as her ideal boyfriend material and doesn't want to risk losing him, or he doesn't push her particular buttons very hard and she can take it or leave it. That same girl might hop into the sack with another guy the day they meet because he's her ideal lover type (or knows how to position himself as much)"
How do you produce that ideal lover type in her mind? Push particular buttons very hard, what exactly do you mean by that?What is that buttons, and what is very hard by your standards? I am asking this because i had more than one situations, where i met a girl, we see each other more then few times ( not dates, for example waitress in bar i am hanging out), i think she is type of girl who had hers fair share of guys, likes casual sex, but than again somehow even though i think she likes me ( we flirt and tease each other a lot) when i called her out, she refused, with excuse that we are not similar so relationship wouldnt work. Then when i suggest that we could be in something less serious, her response was that she is not "that type" of a girl.Because i think that is not true, and worst of all, that she has been with all sorts of guys ( so i can say that she doesnt have some high criterion for guys, just like sex), how the hell do you produce that " i am right lover for you" effect ?And one more question related to first one. By my opinion it is idiotic, pathetic and needy, but what do you think about situations where guys brag themselves in front of a girl? I am talking about situation where he tells her " come to my place, i am going to give you great time in bed, i am going to show you what a real man is, if you didnt show up you will miss out great sex bla, bla, bla" In my country there is saying dog who barks doesnt know how to bite.I always though that girls also think that if you are strong on your words you are lame in actions, but what frustrate me is that i think there are girls with whom i blew up,and nothing happened, and those kind of guys ( "bragers") actually get some results?
Guys Who Brag
Hi Anon,
Your first question - how do I become the stereotypical "lover" type - is a very broad one, and it's one that this entire site is devoted to answering. Check out the articles on here - the "Best Of" section to the right and the "How To" section there will get you started - or if you want a more direct and step-by-step approaching to transforming yourself, check out our program catalog to learn more about the different programs we have designed specifically to turn you into the lover that women go nuts for.
As to your second question, women are attracted to confident, and even arrogant, men, so bragging can sometimes be attractive to women if it's backed up by solid fundamentals. For instance, if some nerdy guy starts bragging about his cool car, it's usually going to fall flat; but if some muscular jock starts bragging about his sports victories or all the skinny guys he's beat up, there's a certain kind of woman that kind of thing is very appealing to.
To understand it better, look at the guys who are bragging, and see what they're bragging about; then have a look at the kind of women they're getting. You might be surprised at some of the trends you see. It doesn't work on all women; there are certain types who go for guys who are good at bragging more so than others (typically, more emotionally dependent and uncertain women who are more likely to be swayed by men's words).
Chase
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