Are You Sure?

I was just going through a bunch of old text messages, when I found one from a girl I'd met online when I was in a different city on travel for a week and I'd posted a personals ad on Craig's List. She was one of the women who'd responded. She was borderline cute -- not a girl you'd date, but a girl you could have a quick fling with, and I got the impression that was what she wanted too. Well, okay -- I'm out of town, no plans to be back any time soon, so, yeah. I was hands down higher on the looks scale than she was, though.

We talked on the phone, and I set up a date and place for us to meet up. Just before we ended the conversation though, she asked me, "You've seen my pictures, right?" I reassured her I had, and we ended the conversation.

That got to me, though. I started turning it over in my mind. "Wait, is she less cute than I thought? Maybe those pictures of her are her BEST pictures, and she actually looks a lot worse than that." I went back and reviewed her pictures. "I guess maybe she isn't really that great," I said to myself. Eventually I decided a borderline girl who might be worse than borderline wasn't worth the effort of driving five minutes to meet, so I texted her the next day that something came up and I'd have to miss our date. She texted me a few times after over the next few days, but I never replied.

Why am I telling you this? Because guys out there do the same thing to girls, ALL THE TIME.

Girls say they want to go somewhere with a guy, and the guy says, "Are you sure?"

Girls express interest in going out with a guy, and instead of telling her, "Cool, got a cell?" or, "Let's trade," as he pulls out his cell phone, he asks her, "Can I get your number?"

Girls agree to a date, and guys follow it with, "Only if you want to," or, "You don't have to if you don't want to."

What's wrong with all of these? Each of them is forcing the girl to have to think and decide -- oftentimes, asking her to reconsider a decision she's already made.

She's already said she wants to go with the guy -- why would he ask if she's sure? When a woman hears that question, she's autmatically going to say to herself, "Well, he must be saying that for a reason -- maybe I don't want to go with this guy."

He's not just giving her a way out. He's giving it to her and ENCOURAGING her to TAKE it.

It's your job as the man to lead the interaction. Women will follow your cues. It's true, leading is hard. It requires decisiveness and a clear idea about what you want and where you're going. Most people find it easier to follow a leader than to lead themselves -- including most women. It's not politically correct to say that -- it's just correct. Really, try and find a woman who'll tell you she wants a weak man. Most of them are looking to their man to lead. And when a man fails to lead -- or causes women to second-guess his leadership -- they'll leave, and go find a man who will lead.

In fact, a lot of the disharmony in modern relationships comes from women frustrated by the weak men they end up with failing to lead, and it's the source of a lot of frustration among single women as well. But that's for a different post, at a different time.

So always be aware of what you're saying, and how that's affecting the women you're saying it to. The last thing you want to do is imply to women that they shouldn't want you! Mind your Ps and Qs and just accept it when they tell you they like you or they want to come with you. They do; it's why they said it. And there's never a need to ask them to clarify, because they already told you what they wanted to tell you. Take it, run with it, and have fun!

Chase