The 11 Rules of Bro Code
The bro code; man code; man law. These tenets go by many names, but the fact is: every man should have a code.
A code that not only applies to the way in which he conducts himself, but also in which he interacts with his fellow men. Since there could be dozens of possible rules in the entire bro code, I've narrowed it down to 11 key tenets that apply to seduction.
This set of rules is not written in stone (yet), but I think it's a good set of guidelines to ensure maximum cohesion among men, and maximum satisfaction within the individual.
So here they are…
1. Never Let Your Bro (or Yourself) Sacrifice Dignity for a Girl
I've seen men do sad, sad things for the sake of winning over a girl (hell, I've been there myself). I once had a friend who was called up at 5 am by a girl that he liked (who was constantly flaking on him and had him firmly slotted into the friend zone) to help her carry her drunk friend home.
My boy was exhausted, and knew that in no reality could this have been a good decision. But he was simply too much of a nice guy, and he let himself get enamored by this girl. He got up, and drove 30 minutes to the girl's house. Upon his arrival, she pointed out the drunk culprit, and he hoisted her on his back and started walking out of the house to take her home (which was about 5 blocks away).
As he got out to the porch, he turned back to see if his girl was getting her shoes on to accompany him. Instead, what he saw was a guy walk up behind her, put his arms around her waist and say something to the effect of:
"Thanks a lot, bro. That chick was way too drunk. Casey and I really appreciate you taking her home."
And after giving him a guilty-yet-appreciative smile, "his" girl thanked him, and shut the door.
After he told me what had happened, I told him he was never allowed to see that girl again. It's absolutely insane what some girls think they can get away with in terms of taking advantage of guys who are orbiters or otherwise think that they have a chance with them.
I think most guys have been in that chasing position to some extent or another at some point. But it's never worth it, and really only ever hurts your chances.
In short, always be a strong, dominant man. Girls are a dime a dozen. Actually, more like a dime for a hundred. They are everywhere. So if a girl that you've never kissed -- let alone slept with -- expects you to be at her beck and call, simply refuse. It will show her that you are a strong man who lives his life on his own terms. And if she can't handle it, find a new one. Never lose your dignity. And never let your bro do so either.
2. If Your Bro Needs a Wingman, Always Step Up to the Plate
Most guys will be pretty intimidated by trying to pull a girl who is with a friend or two. So if your bro needs your backup, you always back him up.
It's always your job to be a good wingman. If you're not leading the charge, then you should always support the man who is.
I don't care if she's not your type
I don't care if you feel like you're "lowering your standards" (which you should do anyway)
I definitely don't care if "you're tired"
If your efforts would legitimately boost your bro's chances of taking a girl to bed, then it's your responsibility to do a good job and give your full energy to boost him up.
That also means letting your bro take advantage of your logistics when applicable. I live in a very prime location in my city, and I always tell my boys that if they want to bring a girl over and use my space to seal the deal, I’ll always oblige. A few hookups that would not have otherwise gone down have already transpired as a result.
3. Never Hit On a Bro’s Girlfriend
Hitting on your friend’s lady is just bad form. Your boy is trusting you when he introduces his girlfriend to his friends. Be nice, be playful, include her in the group, but don’t flirt with her or get overtly sexual. Be a good friend.
However, this rule doesn't necessarily apply to girls that your bro has "dibs" on, whom he hasn’t actually taken to bed. I know some guys like to "reserve" girls for their own flirting pleasure, when some other guys are more suited or able to bed them. It's really up to the kind of relationship you have with your friends.
Sometimes my friends and I set a time limit on how long one of us has to talk to a girl and get her interested before the others are allowed to move in. Other times, if a guy really, really likes a prospective girl, we just let it be.
4. Never Hook Up with or Date a Bro’s Ex-Girlfriend (Without Permission)
This is definitely a touchy subject among men. It’s full of plenty of gray area. Two different scenarios could call for two very different reactions.
Scenario 1: Your friend dated a girl for two months, and you really hit it off with her three years later? That’s probably fair game.
Scenario 2: Your friend dated a girl for four years, and you try to hook up her four weeks later? That’s breaking the bro code.
I usually try to avoid these situations altogether, because there are so many girls out there and it’s usually just not worth the trouble. But if did find myself enamored with a friend’s ex, the metric I would use would be to simply ask myself if taking her to bed would make me feel guilty. If it would at all, then I don’t do it.
If it wouldn’t, I would still ask beforehand. In general, much trouble can be avoided by simply asking.
It’s good etiquette, and it’s a sign of respect. So just ask.
5. Never Let White Knights Hold You Back
Sometimes you’ll be out on the town, and you’ll spot a girl that you find attractive. And sometimes you’ll approach said attractive girl in an effort to bed her, or at least grab her number for a future date. And sometimes there will be white knights who will try to get in your way. This resistance at the castle walls will come in two varieties:
A. The Girl’s Friend. The white knight in this case is often an orbiter of the girl you’ve approached. “Is that the line you use on all girls?” “Do you ever get tired of being a player?” “Ramona isn’t into shallow guys.” These are a few examples of the stock lines of protest that you’ll get from the white knight. And there are two generally effective ways to condense the nonsense and shut down the white knight:
The best way to deflect these silly sabotage attempts is to play along. I love doing this to white knights or girls who try to cockblock. It’s the last thing they expect. The idea is to overwhelm both the white knight and your girl with your sexy vibe.
If an orbiter asks you if you use that line on all girls, you look your girl deep in eyes and with a sly smile, say, “That’s right. And then I’m going tell her she has the most remarkable eyes I’ve seen in a long time. Then I’ll grab her hand and ask her an intimate question [grab her hand]. Is it working?”
In all likelihood your girl will blush and say nothing. At that point, the white knight may chime in again, or he may be immobilized by your smooth maneuver. You then hand the girl your phone and say, “I always appreciate when people can actually get to know each other. You seem like a cool girl, put your digits in my phone and maybe we can actually learn about each other. You never what you’ll find. But…if I never see you again, it was nice meeting you.” My line is a little long to memorize verbatim, but I’ve used it so many times that it’s essentially instinct. But use your own version and communicate the same message.
At this point she’ll probably give you her number. Whether or not it leads to something is more reliant on how effective your fundaments were and if you can properly text a girl.
And if she doesn’t give you her digits, you shrug, tell her it’s too bad/it was nice meeting her, and you walk away, still feeling like a boss.
You just freeze out the white knight. This can also be an effective (and more concise) way of shutting down a white knight. No matter what he says, you redirect all of the questions to the girl with a sly, playfully innocent smile.
Him: We don’t know who you are, but Ramona isn’t into shallow guys like you.
You: [to her] Is that right. Is that what you think I am Ramona? [sly smile]
Her: No, not at all! I’m sorry. Jack is just being a little rude right now. What’s your name?
The only potential flaw with this method is that if the girl is on the shy side, she may just feel too awkward and walk away. Or she may just say nothing. Which in this case is a sign she’s on your side, and you can follow the same process as method one.
B. Your Own Friend. The second – and much more unfortunate/frustrating – version of the white knight is when he is your own friend.
I was having dinner with one of my less close friends a couple of weeks ago and we heard some Robin Thicke coming from the house across the street. When he heard it, this is verbatim what he said to me:
“I just feel so bad for the girls who’ve been affected by that Blurred Lines song. It unfairly characterizes the sexuality of women. This dinner has been tainted with misogyny.”
We can debate the intricacies of that song some other time, but the underlying idea is that he expressed his subconscious view that women are asexual creatures who don’t have strong urges and desires. Needless to say, this could not be further from the truth. Every girl has a wildly sexual side.
And it’s surprising when someone you know and respect thinks otherwise. And unfortunately, this will probably be the opinion of most people you know.
You’ll find yourself asking about girls the white knight knows, and he’ll often tell you that “you have to take it slow” or “she only wants a relationship” or “she doesn’t hook up with guys before X amount of dates” or whatever false beliefs he’s been led to adopt. He may even say this to you when you attempt to approach strangers.
Your only option is to forge through. If someone you know is a true white knight, you have to proceed with your correct process and understanding of women, and disregard whatever he might tell you.
Regardless of the variety, never let yourself be held back by white knights. Even if that knight happens to be your own bro or pseudo-bro.
6. Always Tell Your Bro If His Girl Cheats on Him
It’s a conversation that no guy wants to have with his friend. But if you’re a good friend, and you’re following the bro code:
It’s your responsibility to tell your bro if ever you find out that his girl is cheating on him. Sometimes a guy can do everything in power to prevent cheating in his relationship; but despite his efforts, things don’t work out, or the underlying problems are too deep, and his girl ends up stepping out.
So, if you find yourself in possession of such delicate information, handle the situation carefully. But do be sure to handle it. Similarly, if your friend is deciding to get serious with a girl:
It’s your responsibility to give your honest opinion about her. That’s not to say that you need to trash her if you don’t approve, but do tell him if you don’t think they are a good fit for X reasons. But if you think she’s a keeper, tell him that as well!
The bro code is all about honesty and loyalty among men.
7. Never Shame Your Bro for Hooking Up With a Girl You Don’t Find Attractive
Your bro is not there to adhere to your tastes. Your type and his type of girl could be complete and utter opposites. Unless a girl is especially ugly, whom your bro chooses to hook up with is his business. You should support him regardless of whom he decides to take to bed, and not think that you’re “above” a certain girl.
If guys are complaining about how their bro “could do better,” chances are they are jealous that they aren’t getting any for the night.
So be happy for your bro that he was able to follow his process and successfully take a girl to bed. And expect the same when that person is you.
8. Never Shame Your Bro for Getting Rejected
If you’re playing the seduction game and doing things right, you will inevitably get rejected. And if you’re truly determined to have sex or get a girlfriend, you’re going to get rejected several times. And if you’re new to the game, that rejection can definitely get discouraging.
The last thing you need is for your bros to say things like: “Ohhh, she got you! Better luck next time, son!” which is what a lot of guys will do when they see a friend make a legitimate effort to talk to a girl. I find that a lot of the time only insecure guys do things like this. They see a guy with the confidence (or at least courage) to walk up to a girl and try to strike up a conversation, and it only reminds them of their fear and inability to approach girls.
So when they see that guy get rejected, it reinforces their belief that they shouldn’t even try, because girls are cold and unapproachable with strangers, and they would get rejected anyway. And their hating strengthens the thought patterns of the terrible excuses they use to avoid actually conquering their fear and talking to girls – even if they have to hate on their own friend in the process.
Don’t be that guy. You should be your bro’s biggest fan. You should say things like: “It happens man. She’s just a girl, and there a million of them like her. Shrug it off and find another one. Look, there are some cute girls sitting on those couches.”
Always build your bro up. Which leads me to the next rule…
9. Always Help Your Bro Get Better with Girls
Unless your bro is George Clooney, it is your responsibility to do what you can to make sure that he is constantly improving his game -- especially if he's a beginner. Does he have approach anxiety? It's your job to remind him that it's a numbers game. And that they are just girls. Silly, silly girls.
Sometimes I’ll be out at a bar or restaurant with friends, and they’ll spot an attractive girl. They’ll say something like “That girl is really cute! I should find out who she is…” And then after uttering these words, they will either:
- Let out a deep sigh and resign themselves to the impossibility of approaching her
- Talk about her and check her out nonstop, but never actually do anything about getting her (even if she’s checking them out too!)
I remember what it was like to be this guy. To speak these words and hope that one of my friends would throw out a lifeline of encouragement and give me a reason to be a man and approach a girl. But then no one would say anything… even though we were all thinking the same thing… and I would leave the venue wondering what if? This is the worst possible regret you can have as a man.
So save your bro the pain and give him the nudge. Just tell him to go up to her and talk to her. No matter what the outcome is, he’ll be happy that he won’t have to regret it later or wonder if it could have led to something.
On similar improvement notes:
Could his muscles use a tune up? Then encourage him to hit the gym. Bring him along with you if you're into that.
Does his style game need an upgrade? Then tell him he's got good fundamentals, but could use some sharper style to take his game to the next level.
No matter how good someone is, they could always get better. So, if you see room from improvement, be a good bro and speak up. And if your bro is a certified nice guy...then it's up to you to show him the light.
And if all else fails (and even when it doesn't)... Bring him here. Chase and the GC team will be here to make sure he's covered from A to Z.
It’s always our job to remind our fellow males to…
10. Be a Man
To be a man:
- You must be swift as a coursing river
- With all the force of a great typhoon
- With all the strength of a raging fire
- Mysterious as the dark side of the moon
And, finally… needless to say...
11. Bros Over Hoes
Follow the Bro Code. Respect the Bro Code. It’s a jungle out there. And while you’re upholding the code…
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