Rehearsing Your Approaches Before You Talk to Girls | Girls Chase

Rehearsing Your Approaches Before You Talk to Girls

Chase Amante

Hey! Chase Amante here.

You've read all the free articles I can offer you for this month.

If you'd like to read more, I've got to ask for your help keeping the lights on at Girls Chase.

Click a plan below to sign up now and get right back to reading. It's only 99¢ the first month.

Already a GirlsChase.com subscriber? Log in here.

Chase Amante's picture

rehearse an approach
Do you ignore signs of interest from girls or get too nervous to approach? You may want to spend 5 minutes to rehearse approaches and scenarios in your mind.

If you’ve ever gone out to chat up new women and had approach anxiety hit, you know how much it sucked. You wanted to talk to girls, hoped to talk to girls, tried to talk to girls... then couldn’t.

You walked up next to a girl with the long black hair and the tight jeans on the street corner as she waited for the light to change. You said nothing.

You took a seat in a café next to a girl with medium-length blonde hair and big googly glasses. She glanced at you a few times, and you tried to summon your nerve. Yet your nerve went unsummoned, and you and her never spoke.

That night you went out with your buddies to the lounge, and this one girl in a sequined dance danced over right near you. You could tell she wanted to meet you. You tried to get yourself to say hi, but you didn’t say anything.

It might be you just weren’t socially warmed up. You lack social momentum, and needed to do some warm-ups – but you hadn’t done them yet.

You wish you could just spring into action the moment you saw a girl.

Is there a way you could?

Perhaps there is. Next time you go out, try to rehearse your approaches first.

Comments

Slay's picture

Off topic questions but ever since you made the article on describing older sex symbols I have taken a keen interest in them and took a liking to Connery and Cooper most. I have rigorously modeled myself on these guys although overtime I started leaning towards Cooper because he fits my personality much more. I've also always had attainability issues so I need to show more warmth.

While these 2 men hold a lot of similarities I've found they also are different. Connery is much colder and sly while Cooper is warmer and more sincere. You often mention that you need to be a warm man and Connery doesn't really do this, would you say that is his flaw?

If you were to compare how these 2 men would do with women today who would you say would do better with girls? On the chance you say they just appeal to different women, who would you say appeals to higher value women?

Slay

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Slay-

When you have two guys who are good, it is very, very difficult to objectively try to say "Guy A is better than Guy B" unless you have seen them in action, head-to-head, many times, and in many situations. Otherwise it's pure speculation (usually picking whoever you yourself like more).

Different men/personalities attract different types of women. The kind of women most attracted to a Cooper will be different from the kind of women most attracted to a Connery. A Connery will attract women who enjoy battles of wills, cockiness, and less attainability from their men. Meanwhile, a Cooper will attract women who enjoy the strong/silent type, a bit more seriousness/sincerity (though not totally serious), and more attainability from their men.

Connery has some warmth to him. He's just chillier than a Cooper. Much warmer than, say, a Johnny Depp, on the other hand (who is another variety of sex symbol).

Observing and modeling yourself after role models comes down ultimately to which men's styles most naturally fit your own, but also which women you're angling to get - you'll get different types of girls the more you adapt toward one or another style.

Chase

Robinhood's picture

Hello Chase. I'm the connery type and get the girls you listed for connery type. However, girls requiring more attainability.. the shy sweet inexperienced ones, the marriage material, who chase hard and in such obvious ways because of their inexperience.. they get attracted to me but i end up hurting them in the very initial stages because they're already dreaming about me but I'm too aloof/serious/silent/moody type and that comes across as unattainable. Anothet issue is I'm not a great talker and neither are these types of girls. I'm too cold for them. Any idea how to go around this stuff? How to be more warm and attainable? Also how to become more talkative for strong/silent types? I have always resonated with clint Eastwood's persona.

I have read ur articles on all this stuff. I will re.read them too. Thank you. Keep up the great work!!

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,

Terrific article as always.
You often say you do not use your phone when commuting, and laugh at all the people you see around you who do.
Do you have any ideas of what one can use his commute time for?
These rehearsals are a great idea, of course reading books would be an obvious one as well.
Any more suggestions?
I realize it's somewhat of a weird question, but still.

-Anonymous

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

I'll will tack on "not laugh in a condescending way", for anyone tuning in. There's no "look at all these losers on their cellular phones. Ha!" going on in my head. Just "how weird and funny is it to look through a train and see everyone staring at a tiny little glowing screen?"

A few good things to do during commutes:

  • Talk to girls
  • People watch
  • Read books
  • Meditate
  • Contemplate

I'm very busy, so tend to treasure my time on trains to read, think about things I'd like to think about, and get other stuff done it's harder for me to get done elsewhere. Most of my reading, for instance, is done on trains, airplanes, and during meals (I have some paperbacks, but find electronic readers super handy too. So, some of the time, I'm also one of those people looking at a screen... staring at my Kindle. That said, way easier to look up from a book and start a conversation with someone nearby than it is to pull yourself out of a show or a movie or a web article or browsing social media, I find... books just put you in a much more thoughtful state. The other stuff turns you a lot more passive).

Commutes are also great times to get a lot of deep thinking done, on stuff you're dealing with or stuff that's interesting to you. Many people don't allow themselves any dedicated 'contemplation time' throughout the week... some of your commute can go to this quite easily.

Chase

SZ's picture

Hey Chase,

Did I say something wrong in my comment on group herd mentality? Usually if you don't want to answer my questions you just ignore it, but I didn't see the question at all. Maybe it didn't go through ? If I said something wrong please let me know.

1. Right now I'm feeling worthless, I feel like I'm a mistake. I haven't done much to be proud of myself and not being able to progress through life normally with work, women, etc. Makes me feel like a fuck up. Any advice for feeling like this ?

2. I'm having a hard time even thinking would women want me. I don't have anything, so why would they? You have any advice for this? How Should I just push on despite this thought ?

3. It seems I probably would have to try to do online businesses, seems the easiest I can do. I actually want to make YouTube videos, but I feel I'm too old and worry about bad comments, and all things with social media.

I never had social media before, so doing youtube is a huge step, but I've seen it change many people's lives, especially minorities.

Anyway, I wonder how do people even get the courage to do it? I've seen many people who hopped on and they talk about rely personal stuff, like their mental illnesses, and not getting girls.

How the hell do they do that? Why is it so hard for me to do it?

I mostly worry about a video I had that I sparred in that wasn't too good being found, and I worry about all the negative comments, I worry about putting myself out there for the whole world to see anything about my life, I worry about people from my past talking about bad things about me from my past and trying to tell people these bad things.

I always get sad about the past and want to get over it.

And people from my past expect me to be tough because I'm from the hood, so I can't show any fear at all, but it'll be hard because haters will try to say I'm not this confident guy, and try to say im fake, etc.

But people respect over confidence and I need to show it.

I worry about people I don't know who know who I am from online and trying to talk behind my back; I would be period anytime I think anyone is laughing or smiling, I already think like this.

I also don't want people to know my financial situation either .

I worry about all that stuff with anything online, but if I want an online business it seems I have to do it.

What would you recommend for me to have the courage and thick skin to start putting myself online? How do I handle mean comments? How do I handle haters from my past trying to tell bad stories about me?

I want to be hard as a rock.

4. What are ways I could change myself when I visit my how town ? I was very quiet and didn't get too many girls. I want to come back a new man and erase bad precedent. I want to transform from soft into hard. I want to be hard and overconfident, I don't want to seem try hard, I want to be taken seriously.

Thank you

SZ's picture

So I've been sitting thinking what my reasons for me buggin out with everything. I care too much about what people think, way too much, and that comes with everything, from girls, money, career, etc. I don't feel I'm ever good or perfect enough, and that leads to excuses.

I never want people to have negative opinions of me, so that makes me even more worried about the public eye. I want to be known and seen as great, but I don't know if I can handle the public talking shit, I don't like looking bad.

Even stemming back to school, I avoided so many girls that wanted me because I didn't want to be with a girl and people make fun of her for whatever reason. I don't like social media because I don't like many people in general, but I don't want negative comments. Right now I'm thinking I should be rich and famous, but worry about people I grew up with trying to tell everyone embarrassing things I went through and the world knowing. I don't like that. Even with approaching, I don't want to be labeled anything bad and have it go around.

I know u said that everyone cares about what people think, but I care about it x100. I don't want to be looked at in a bad light, I also don't believe in myself at all. It actually is so bad that I want to curl up into a ball and hide.

These are actually 2 main negative traits of mine:

1. Caring so much about what people think of me that I'm afraid to try anything or put myself out there because I don't want negative comments or thoughts about me.

2. Not believing in myself. Many peers of mine said I'm better than I think, they look at me like, "fool you better believe in yourself".

I don't know if you have tips for me to stop caring so much of what everyone thinks, or believing in myself, but I will take all the advice you can give because you give real practical advice.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

Was that the one where the comment was the first one on the article, but it was completely about off-topic stuff and really raw sex questions on what was geared as a psychology article?

We screen comments most carefully if they're the first few comments on articles. Typically speaking, the longer the comment is, the more it needs to be very on-topic if it'll appear as one of the first few comments. Long comments about unrelated things, like "Hey Chase, let me tell you this 15 paragraph story about this girl, totally unrelated to this article; can you tell me how to get her?", for instance (I don't think that was your comment... just an example) we'll tend to simply not approve if it's one of the first on a piece. We always have the forum for off topic questions.

On your other questions...

  1. Read these two articles: "How to Overcome Depression" and "How to Take Your Self-Esteem to the Stratosphere"

  2. This is also a self-esteem issue. Fix the self-esteem issue, and you will go a long way toward fixing this one. You may also want to try visualization. I may do an article on the subject soon though; it's a good one, a common one, and not one with a lot of good insight into it out there, from what I've seen

  3. Different people have different personalities. Worry about what you can do (or get yourself to do), less than what other people do / how they do it. Some people love to talk about ways in which their lives suck, either because it's cathartic, or because they think it makes other people sympathize with them more. Some use it as a call for help. If you're more worried about people thinking ill of you for discussing your shortcomings, this is not as good a strategy for you. Also, the "I'm just going to talk about my life and be a vlogger" strategy is not a business. Unless you live an extraordinarily fascinating life, it will not get you enough viewers to make a living out of it. You can talk about yourself, but it must be combined with some other reason to come to your channel that attracts views

  4. Change yourself. Then take those changes with you when you go back. This whole website is devoted to the change/improve yourself line of work. Maybe start with fundamentals.

Everybody cares what people think. Resilience is how you stay tough despite social disapproval. More resilient people can handle more criticism more easily; less resilient people fold a lot faster, and fall into self-doubt faster.

Up your resilience, and you'll lessen the opinions of others on your own self-regard.

Chase

SZ's picture

1. So if online dating is saturated and not as good, and the clubs pretty much suck. Is day game the only thing left? Would that be my only option? Thing is that with day game you're not going to be meeting many women unless you want to approach a lot in the same spot or drive all over town.

I also realize that going to the clubs are expensive as fuck when you go alone. Makes it hard to keep going multiple times a week with failed efforts.

2. I'm also at the point now where I think girls are too much work, it's too much overload for my brain. It's been this long and I haven't improved, now I gotta go through these flakes and games again, daunting as fuck.

I pretty much have no choice, but God does this deter me. It's too much work and I haven't gotten much better on years. I'm already burnt out from the past flakes, thinking about dealing with this some more annoys me, it feels fruitless, it's like do I want to spend all this time and money at the club to get rejected then go home and beat my dick? Or should I save my money stay home and beat my dick?

It's like, a pattern that has gone on for years, approach girls, get numbers, get flaked on, Go home With tons of rejections and jack off, get the occasional yearly lay. Story of my life the past few years, it's getting mundane to me and I have no belief on myself anymore. (Maybe I feel this way cuz I jacked off some more)

I'm just getting tired of it, I'm tired of the flakes, girls I think are interested in me, but it goes nowhere, I feel like my whole youth is wasted and Is continuing to be wasted with these flaky fuckin women. I'm tired of going home empty handed then having to beat my dick. I feel like a failure and a zombie.

It's like a catch 22. Quit the game, but regret it, or just keep trying and going home empty handed or maybe you'll get lucky once a year. Don't like either options at all. I feel I should have gotten some luck at least within one year of learning this stuff. There's no way it should be this hard to get a piece of pussy, it has to be powers beyond me not letting this happen. This is not normal.

I feel very lazy now, and hopeless, I feel like this will be all in vain, so many years past and I never catch a break. I feel like a shell of a man. I'm literally not getting nothing out if the game. All I get are teases and flakes, that's on good nights. I don't get any lucky breaks at all to keep me going.

I guess what I'm asking is how do I stop this cycle? And the laziness I have now because of all of these failed attempts? I want to keep doing this, but it feels like I'm running in a maze with no way out. It's just the same thing over and over again and it's breaking me down mentally, I just need to see some change and fight this lazy discourageness.

Thanks

Anonymous's picture

Alternatively, stop going to clubs, since as you say it’s often a waste of money, and most of the numbers you get there will be flakes.

Start doing daygame instead. You are trying to find excuses not to do it because you are a lazy pussy. Well you’ve either got to start doing that or you’ll stay single your whole fucking life until you die.

Explore spots. There are many places with PLENTY of women. That will allow you to practice and get better.

The reason you are not getting better is because you are not practicing deliberately. Your practice has to be actively targeted at your WEAKNESSES, that way you can get rid of them and start getting success.

And that’s the only way.

Or you can just kill yoursef. What’s better?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Online dating is still fine. It's always been a place where men date down for crazier women.

Nightclubs are still fine too. Maybe not as good as they were 10 years ago, in all ways, but they're still just fine. In many ways they're better. The guys claiming dating apps have made it so that women don't have to hook up at nightclubs anymore are, from everything I can tell, primarily looking for rationalizations for why they don't get laid at clubs. Most of these guys were not ace playboys getting laid 10 years ago, who now find it way harder to get laid. They're mostly young guys who aren't getting laid, and trying to come up with a reason to explain it, or older guys who've lost a step and are, again, fishing fora reason.

where I think girls are too much work, it's too much overload for my brain

But you don't even do any approaches. Right?

We talked about this before, several times. You barely approach. That's what you said before. How many flakes have you had the past month? If you texted 15 girls out onto dates, and they all flaked, okay, I don't blame you for feeling tired. But if you texted 15 girls out onto dates, and 13 flaked, but 2 showed up, and you slept with 1 of them, I guarantee you would not be tired.

How many did you actually have flake though? I'm betting it's not 15. Or even 10. Or even 5. Did you ask out at least 5 girls in the past month? And not just "Lemme just send this girl in my phone a text and see if she wants to hang" but like you actually talked to her, built a decent connection, proposed a date ("Let's grab a bite or a drink sometime"), she said yes, you took her contact info, then when you tried to set the date up, she flaked?

It's like the guy who sits there and thinks about sculpting all the time. And thinks about it, and thinks about it. What it'd be like to be a master sculptor. How cool it'd be for everyone in the whole world to know his name, as a master sculptor. How great it would be to live in a mansion, paid for by his success as a sculptor. Then, every now and again, he makes some rudimentary carving in a piece of clay, decides it isn't working, and gives up again. Most of the time though he just thinks about it. Maybe reads a few websites on sculpting. And eventually decides it's just way too hard.

The less action you take, the harder something seems.

Once you're doing it, it's hard, but it's just the slog. You just keep marching forward.

When it's sporadic though, and you're mostly just sitting and thinking and reading and thinking, of course - everything is impossibly hard. No matter how much hypothetical work you put into something, it doesn't get you tangible results.

This is yet another problem with thinking too much, and doing too little.

You tire yourself out before you ever even really get going.

Chase

Anonymous 's picture

What should u do if you've been in a dry spell for years?

I've been in a dry spell for sometime and can't seem to get lucky. It's been years, the longest I've ever been in a dry spell. What could I do to get out of it instead of getting a prostitute? Getting girls for me is so hard, it's like climbing a mountain, I don't know how the hell you guys sleep with all these women, I can barely get one.

I was also hoping you could explain this interaction to me, I try to be a warm person, but people don't become warm, they're cold. I was at the gym, This girl I saw was nice to me and asked me how I was, I told her and asked her the same, I looked at her a few times while we worked out nothing too much, just to check her out, then when I was leaving I said bye to her and she had headphones in, but I felt she heard me, I waited there for a response, then she gave me this attitude way of saying bye, like she was too cool for me. It was like a look of "oh please, I'm too cool for you attitude". It threw me off because I didn't make it obvious I looked at her a few times, I didn't try to ask her out, I made sure she didn't see me look at her here and there. I was cool, so I don't understand the coyness. I was just being a man and looking at a girl, I don't know if she saw me check her out, so I don't know if that was the reason she acted like that.

I don't get it, that's why I don't approach because women always try to trick you and try to out status you. She can say hi to me and I can say hi back, but when I say bye she tries to out status me, by not saying anything then making me wait for her to just give me some quick bye like she's so cool. I can't approach women if they're going to bait me into trying to talk to them then try to act high status. I don't know what that was about at all. Do you think she caught a glimpse I took at her? Or do you think she couldn't hear me because of the headphones? She had to of heard me because I didn't say anything and waited for a response, then she gave me that attitude.
Women do this all of the time. How can I stop this and have interactions be normal ?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

See these two articles:

On the girl, women know when you look at them. Every time you stare without saying something, think of it as -10 points.

She could've reacted that way because she decided you were a low value scaredy cat. Or maybe she auto-rejected because she thought well, he likes me, maybe he'll approach me, then you didn't. I wasn't there, didn't see her reaction, can't tell for sure.

Also, very often, people are just in their heads. Plenty of times in similar situations in the past, I've had some girl respond with a cold goodbye, concluded she doesn't like me, and the next time I see her she's super warm. Were her emotions on a roller coaster and she changed her mind about me? Maybe. Or maybe she was just in her head when I said bye to her. Or she was a little disappointed I didn't ask her out then and there. Or she was slightly annoyed by me for whatever reason. Impossible to know. You reach a point you don't read anything into it unless a person gives you the same reactions across time.

Overall, seems like you are significantly too focused on reactions instead of results.

It doesn't really matter if she is friendly toward you or cold toward you. What matters is did you get the date with her, did you get her home, did you bed her, did you keep her coming back for more... did you do any of that stuff, or not?

That's what matters.

The other stuff is chasing rabbits.

Chase

Leave a Comment

One Date girl next to the number one

Get The Girl In Just One Date

It only takes one date to get the girl you want. Best of all, the date's easy to get… and girls love it.

Inside One Date, You'll Learn

  • How to build instant chemistry
  • Ways to easily create arousal
  • How to get girls to do what you want
  • The secret to a devoted girlfriend

…and more great Girls Chase Tech