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How do you handle conversation in a group… especially when
there’s a girl you like and want to talk to there? With 3-second eye
contact, quality face time, and more.
Ideally, you’d like to be able to meet a girl one-on-one, hit it off with her, and run through the courtship free of distractions or interruptions. You know, that’s like meet her on the street... or in the café... or in the bar... or waiting for the train... and she’s allll by herself. All yours, from the moment you walk up.
In reality, you’ll get this some of the time. But if you’re waiting for only girls you can meet in isolation, you’ll pass up a lot of pretty girls who might otherwise have available to you. Girls you did not approach because they were with other people, and you didn’t want to have to deal with a group conversation.
It is a little dicier handling group conversations. However, there are upsides too. The biggest of which is, like the old ‘group theory’ of yesteryear PUA, once she sees you win over her group of friends, suddenly it becomes a lot easier for her to show attraction to you and agree to move forward with you (assuming she does like you). Effectively managing a conversation with multiple people involved, while also showing interest in and proceeding things forward with one specific girl in the group, shows a lot of good, attractive qualities about you. Leadership, confidence, social savvy, influence, ability to build a private world with her even as you charm everyone else... all these are on display as you work your way deftly through a group conversation situation, if you’re doing it right.
In this article, I’m going to give you some tips on doing it right, to better put you in that ‘successful group conversationalist’ bin.
Comments
Tips
Hey Chase,
1. I remember you saying I would have to be in the world of professional women to date them, but I feel that would limit my game.
I do feel very insecure where I'm currently at with my job and finances, and I know a degree and skills don't come over night. So I won't wait for that and would like to sleep with all types of women.
Most girls around my age are doing professional jobs, and I think girls younger than me even without professional jobs would expect me to have a good one.
I'm trying to figure out a strategy to overcome this, but my insecurity is really getting in the way of me approaching most women.
Do you think there's anything I can do to sleep with these kinds of women while I work on my skills and degree while working at a job that doesn't pay well?
What value can I show them to make them want to date me? Or would I have to lie about my career?
If you think I should stay away until I get my skills and finances up, what girls should I focus on then? I also know younger girls would expect more from me as well, so I'm in a tight spot.
2. How do you transition out of small talk into interest talk. I talk to girls, and it just feels platonic to me, I don't feel sexy, they don't seem like their being sexy. I'm thinking how could I spice things up? I literally want to say you're cute let's get a drink or some food, but that's during our small talk. It seems very unsmooth and giving up my power.
You got any advice on this? I hate this platonic energy, but I don't want to just blurt out "you're cute let's go out!"
Feels like I'm not really getting anywhere with these convos, they're good to start out, but not much else.
Thanks.
Professional Women; Transitioning from Small Talk to Interest
SZ-
As you age, more of the single women your age will have professional jobs, that's true. Women who pursue professional careers forego early marriage and stay single for the sake of their jobs. Meanwhile, the women who are not career-focused marry early and leave the mating market. So you meet increasingly professional women the older you get.
If I was you, I would focus on leveling myself up first, then worrying about getting women who hold men to higher standards first. Don't worry about how you are going to win a baseball game when you don't know how to throw a baseball yet. Focus on how to throw the baseball first.
Also, see my article on grouping - professional women serve as something of a herd, and if you want to do well with them you usually must be able to pass as part of their herd:
Grouping and Group Herd Effects in Dating and Seduction
On your second question: teasing, flirtation, banter, and chase frames. And don't forget to use touch.
Chase
accomplishments
Would you happen to know worthwhile, attainable, impressive accomplishments?
Just realized I didn't have any and wanted to get some under my belt.
Impressive Accomplishments
SZ-
Just a few off the top of my head:
Performed X on stage (music, speech, acting). The bigger the crowd, the more you've done it, and/or the more notable the venue (e.g., a TEDx talk > reading your poetry in front of 10 people in a coffee shop), the more impressive
Published/exhibited X (book, scientific paper, work of art). The more notable the work, the more impressive. The more works you've published, the more impressive
Visited X (foreign locale. The more exotic, the more interesting your experience, and the longer you were there for, the more impressive)
Built X (muscles, business, a log cabin in the woods, a better mousetrap). The bigger, harder, or more ingenious, the more impressive
Talked your way into X (party, social group, some other place you are not supposed to be)
Survived through X (prison, military bootcamp, near-death accident)
Completed X (marathon, triathalon, mountain climb, scuba dive)
Learned to X (surf, shoot consistent 3-pointers in basketball, play piano blindfolded)
The most important thing is not necessarily the thing itself, though that is important. The most important thing is your ability to tell engaging stories about the thing. A guy who had a tremendous struggle to get his one sculpture accepted into a museum has a more impressive story than a guy who just says he's been advertising in art galleries for a decade.
That's the secret of impressive stories - you just need decent-enough raw material to spin an impressive-sounding story off of.
Chase
Club
1. I've tried to approach women at the club with different openers, and they don't bite at all. They either walk away or give me a quick reply. I don't know what else I can do. I was really fly and I had a fresh cut. I tried hello, how's your night going, how are you doing?, what's up. These girls don't give me at all. I am honestly stumped on what else I can do to hook these women in. I even tried to pull them into me, nada.
It's been like this for years, but these women don't bite. What more can I do? I'm really determined to fuck some girls from this specific club, I never even got a date from a girl from this club, but I'm determined to fuck a handful of girls from there.
2. How often would you recommend to go to the same club in a week? And do you think we should not go to the same club every single week? I don't want to look like a club freak, but I know I got to go out like you 4 times a week to get good, but there's only 2 spots I like.
3. How can I stop rejecting myself with women from different races and really pretty women? I feel they won'tl ike me because I'm black or because I'm not rich yet. How can I push through these negative thoughts ?
4. How can I stop the feeling of wasting my time at the club? It's hard to not feel bad that you're chasing women at clubs when you can be working on different things, but hey, I need to go out as much as I can to get better. You know what I mean, like you think to yourself you could be working on something, instead of chasing low class tail.
Intimidated by Hot Girls; Wasting Time in the Club
SZ-
There's no way to tell through text with sparse details when you don't know yourself either.
I suggest you write field reports on our discussion boards - it will both help you better remember what you are doing and start to recognize probable mistakes, and give other guys a chance to review and comment.
Also, check this article out again:
What to Do When Your Approach Just Isn't Working
If you're going to go to the same spot twice in a week, I'd suggest one off day (like a Wednesday night, if it's open and gets a little traffic) and one peak night (Friday/Saturday night). Use the off night to chat up the staff and get to know everyone there. And chat up whatever random people happen to be there. Try to find nights when it is somewhat dead, but not completely. Sometimes you can find girls out by themselves on these nights who wanted to get laid but didn't want to go to some crowded place alone. So they went to a club they knew, on an off night, hoping to find a likeminded man.
I'd suggest visiting other places you don't like as much on other nights too, and just forcing yourself to talk to people there. See if you can get yourself comfortable in them enough that you change your mind about some of them / some magic happens in some of them.
Suck it up, go talk to them, and see.
You will always get rejections. No way around that. But sooner or later you will find women who receive you well, and your confidence will build. You won't find these women until you start to approach them; until then, your confidence will stay in limbo.
You can always build momentum on less intimidating women first. Then go meet the intimidating ones after.
Haha. Well, that is a very good question.
Easiest way is to work hard during the day, so that going out to chase low class tail is a reward. "I did excellent today. So I can excuse myself going out to holla at some club rats for a little bit."
Another is to find better venues with higher level women. You will have to find out which venues in your area this is. Lounges and wine bars often fit the bill, however. Then it becomes less of a problem - "These girls aren't top top level, or they probably wouldn't be in the club, but they're a lot better than the girls in Trash Club."
As you start to get better at picking up, this alleviates too. When every time you go out, you're mostly nursing your drink and staring at chicks, or going around crashing and burning, it's easy for your mind to flip into second-guess mode. "Is this really worth my time? I dunno..." But when you go out, chat up a few people, and within an hour or two you've pulled some cutie out of there and are back home shagging her, it stops being as much of a problem. You still have off nights where nothing works and you are there a long time, but you also have good nights where you pick up quick and get laid. (then the question becomes "Are these really the women I want to focus on sleeping with?" --> a different question/mountain to climb. But they help you build the skill)
Chase
Thank you!
Does this apply to when there's only two girls?
I seem to run into issues when there's two girls either in night game or in day game.
I don't think isolation is an option when two girls walk down the street. They seem to be loyal to each other.
Going direct in front of her friend makes her pressured..
Lawliet
Managing a One-to-Two Conversation: Solo Approach on Two Girls
Lawliet-
Normally this applies the same when it's you alone with two girls, with a couple differences:
You must be more subtle with the interest you show your girl
You can get away with more hidden touch with your girl (only have one person to avoid letting see you)
It is not so easy to isolate
There's another route you can go, which is to escalate on both girls at the same time. This is a bit riskier, but more fun. If you escalate on both equally, what will often happen is the beta female will drop herself out of the competition and let the alpha female have you. However, sometimes this does not happen until some real competition.
If both are receptive, you can switch over to sex talk and eventually transition to talking about threesomes - and then the idea in their mind stops being "Which one of us can get him" and starts to be more "Maybe we can all enjoy each other together, wouldn't that be fun?"
If you don't want to try the threesome route (riskier/more advanced), you can just flirt with both, but be a lot touchier with one than the other. That way even if she is the beta female, she will not drop out of the competition. And the alpha female will recognize it after a while and (if she likes you and is cool) back off.
Chase
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