Tactics Tuesdays: How to be Mindful (and Learn 10x Faster) | Girls Chase

Tactics Tuesdays: How to be Mindful (and Learn 10x Faster)

Chase Amante

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how to be mindful
When you set out to form new habits and self-improve, a big part of this is how to remember to make these adjustments in the first place.

Reader Kalyan writes in with a question about learning fundamentals:

hey, i just noticed that your website lacks a very important article (or maybe i dont know of it. if thats the case please send me link(s)). i know fundamentals are important. and everyone knows eye contact is important for example.. but i find it very hard to consistently remember to consciously focus on eye contact... i feel because of that, mastering individual fundamentals like that is much slower. so, an article about how to learn or focus on fundamentals would be helpful. i know its a good idea to work on one aspect at a time, but how could you actually remember to work on even one thing when youre out and talking to women?

It’s an interesting question, and in fact is one more concerned with mindfulness – the act of attunement to what is occurring both around you and within your head in the present moment – than the pure raw process of learning fundamentals.

The process of learning fundamentals themselves is straightforward:

  1. Pick a fundamental to work on, be that eye contact, posture, vocal intonation, or another

  2. Decide what to alter or improve in this fundamental

  3. Make that alteration/improvement over and over across the next 30-90 days

  4. Every time you notice yourself not doing it the way you want to do it, correct yourself

  5. After 1-3 months (and many hundreds of internal reminders) have passed, it’s now automatic

This process can transform you into a man with impeccable, powerful body language, mannerisms, and behavior in a relatively short time (six months to a year for really complete change; though you’ll start to see the effects of this exercise as soon as you begin work on it).

Yet you must remember to remind yourself to adopt these better fundamentals to change them.

What if you can simply never remember to do it?

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

GET CHASE’S MASTERY PACKAGE

Comments

Alexander Abraham's picture

I got more excited than I should have when you started talking about the elephant memory trick. It's called the 'memory palace' for anyone reading this. And it's awesome and I'm a total nerd that got really excited by it.

Also, this is really great advice.

Something that I do that helps me is I will actually sit down when listening to music or even in the shower. Then I'll kind of retreat into my own head to hold a conversation with someone about whatever it is that I want to think about or talk about. It helps give me clarity about things in the same way that Chase talks about in his meditation technique
--{QUICK EDIT} I want to add that this is something that I do when I'm having a recurring problem and have figured out what it is. It's not an actual replacement technique but rather an additional technique to use afterwards and won't help to clear out your short term memory storage {END QUICK EDIT}

Also because it feels more natural to me than the one he gave you. So if anyone finds it difficult to do the one he talked about like I do, give this one a try.

I'd also like to expand on the reason why you should only work on a few things at once. Short term memory is very limited. And that's essentially what you're using when you do these 'health checks' or force yourself to check your fundamentals. The reason that the commentator is having trouble is because his short term memory is already overloaded with life's stresses to focus on his eye contact. That's why Chase recommended doing the meditation thing and it truly does help.

Also, if you find these 'health checks' hard to do another thing you can do is look up something called 'lucid dreaming'. One of the first steps to successfully lucid dreaming (which is controlling your dreams when you're in them) is to constantly ask yourself throughout the day if you're in a dream. How do you know if you're in a dream right now? All kinds of ways but the related point is, is if you find it difficult to remind yourself to work on stuff then you can do the meditation stuff to clear out your short term memory for new stuff: and you can look up some lucid dreaming tips about reminding yourself if you're in a dream but instead of asking about the dream ask about whatever it is that you need to focus on instead.

Chase's idea about the notes is also solid gold and is something that I've always done. It's hella helpful of reminding yourself that you're on a mission to work on something. When I fixed my walk I went out specifically for that one purpose and only that purpose. I set an alarm on my phone to remind myself to read the article before walking in. I also set some alarms to tell myself "how's your walk?"

Kind of annoying, but it helps. Use technology, it's what it's for is to help you and shortcut straight to your goals. Just don't accidentally stand in the corner looking up funny cat videos after shutting off your alarm :P

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Alexander-

Ah, how neat! Was unfamiliar with the 'memory palace' term before. Just looked it up. There's an entire Wikipedia entry on the phenomenon here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Method_of_loci

I'd also like to expand on the reason why you should only work on a few things at once. Short term memory is very limited. And that's essentially what you're using when you do these 'health checks' or force yourself to check your fundamentals. The reason that the commentator is having trouble is because his short term memory is already overloaded with life's stresses to focus on his eye contact. That's why Chase recommended doing the meditation thing and it truly does help.

Golden comment. This is all gold. Great stuff, Alexander.

I thought about mentioning lucid dreaming in this post. Actually intended to initially, and sort of built up to it... then branched off down a different tangent. Nice to see you talk about it here! All sorts of things you can do with the mind... it really is a wonderful thing.

Chase

Jameson's picture

Hi Chase,

Another fantastic article! This will really be useful for me in trying to work on automating my fundamentals as they continue to grow.

Quick question about meditation: you mentioned that your practice involved capturing a thought on the inhale and releasing it on the exhale. Is this how mindfulness meditation should actually be practiced?

When I've meditated in the past, I've always tried just to focus on my breathing, so when a thought pops into my head and grabs my attention, I revert my attention back to my breath. Would it be more effective to meditate how you mentioned here, where I'm actively taking part in the capturing and releasing of thoughts, rather than just switching the locus of my attention?

Thanks again for the awesome article!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Jameson-

There are many ways to meditate on mindfulness! Different mental states require different kinds of meditation to dispel them.

Often focusing just on your breath is all you need. Sometimes it's faster to recognize thoughts, then let them go, clearing them away one after another (and then switch to focusing on breath). You can also meditate on impermanence, etc.

Buddha (where mindfulness meditation originates from) used focus on breath a lot. He called it "Tathāgata's house" (Tathāgata - "one who has thus gone" or "one who has thus come" - is how Buddha referred to himself), it was that important a meditation to him and he spent that much time in it. But he also recommends lots of different sorts of meditations. e.g., to meditate on the impermanence of the body, that one day your body will be a rotting corpse like all other rotting corpses, lying by the side of the road picked over by worms and vultures. Not to be depressing, but to remind yourself that all things begin and all things end, and this life is just one in a endless chain of living things being born and dying.

For me, I like to switch back and forth between breath-focus and capturing/clearing thoughts, depending on how active my mind is. If it's very active (e.g., if I've had a lot going on that day and/or am emotionally worked up), it can be impossible to focus on only breath; the thoughts are too insistent. When you observe those thoughts individually, you are then able to say "This is just a thought" and let it go. And then it is gone. And you can run through all your insistent thoughts this way, until your mind is free enough you can then focus on breathing with much greater concentration.

Chase

Mischief's picture

You don’t need perfection to learn new habits – you just need enough corrections over time [until] making corrections becomes an automatic, unconscious habit.

And this is what you’re going for – not perfect fundamentals, but AUTOMATED ones.

Bingo! This is exactly how I practice daily in preparation for any concert performance or audition (at least, the ones I have won). It is also a great way to stay positive, keeping away the feeling of getting overwhelmed by all the possible things that could go wrong and not obsessing over all the things one may miss.

Now, to take this into the field of pick-up…!! :D

-M

Edit: One way I like to look at it is this: at any given moment, there is always a weakest issue. Decide what it is (without overthinking) and put the mind on that spot. Do not worry about the rest until that weak link becomes strong. Then, back off, reflect, rinse and repeat.

She enters your world… not the other way around.
Manners. Maketh. Man.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Mischief-

Indeed! It's how you level way up in anything.

There is something of a debate in the personal development world over whether to focus on strengths or weaknesses. To me it sort of misses the point. You should spend some time patching up your weaknesses, and other time amplifying your strengths. The guy who never patches up his weaknesses and only amplifies strengths becomes super powered in some ways, but with critical failure points in others (just as the guy who only patches weaknesses and never amplifies strengths becomes very solid, but unremarkable).

You can use this process with either though. Bring your weaknesses up that their lowest level is automatically higher. And bring your strengths up such that the floor for them is higher too - which makes it much easier to hit the high heights.

Chase

Nipernaadi's picture

There is an interesting analysis in the Gervais Principle (linked in "The Fuzzy World of Social Status") that touches on the topic whether to work with your weaknesses or strengths. The gist of the argument is that our development is limited most notably by our addiction positive feedback from our strengths.

Nipernaadi's picture

Serendipity!

I'm at a time in my journey right now where I've decided to take a break from trying to go out and meet girls and setting my focus back to basics. Why? Because success I've seen over the year and half after discovering the rabbit-hole of Girls Chase and diving deep in has been profound but far less than what I could have achieved with my potential.

The superficial reasons being not approaching enough, not building lasting habits of self-cultivation, scattered focus, haphazard process and goal-setting etc. The underlying reason? Not having my house in order - I have a problem with fluctuating between a moderate funk to mild mania. The success in coping and reducing it over the years has been moderate but not complete (as you describe in the article on conquering depression)

So my thinking has changed into: choose only the most important thing(s) to work on and focus on it/them fully. Especially when you don't have much energy or focus to spare. Long-term gains over small wins that wont last. Simple, right? Easy to overlook, though, in my opinion.

I'm doing exactly what you are suggesting in your article, I will focus 100% on mindfulness and building a strong, stable and focused mind.

Thanks for another great article, Chase. I love the focus on fundamentals on this website and the honesty on pointing out that it takes hard work to get the results. With some of your articles, you have stepped one step further - the fascinating articles on tangential but important topics such Time Efficiency, Empathy, Goal setting, Conquering Depression, Process etc. I see that the foundation to build success with women. How would you rank these meta topics in order of importance?

Keep well,
Nipernaadi

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Nipernaadi-

Excellent to hear it! Trimming down is often the first step to getting where you want to go.

Plenty of folks when they start out have many huge, grand visions of what they want to achieve. Which leads to them spreading their efforts out across a broad plain, and accomplishing little. You do far more by isolating one or two specific things you'd like to improve at, and improving at them. Then isolating a few more things, and improving at them. And so on.

Often when you have that epiphany where you say "I'm doing too much. I need to trim down to just the basics of what I need to work on to make some basic progress" that becomes a major turning point in whatever it is you're working on.

Key is to have a focus that is not too narrow, but just narrow enough. Too narrow with girls is "I'm just going to focus on openers" with no plans beyond that. Too broad is "I'm going to sleep with 60 girls this year" when you've only been with 2 and you don't have a process, skill set, or fundamentals down yet to get anywhere close to your target. Goldilocks zone is "I want to improve overall with women. Eventually I want to be able to bed women regularly when I go out. To start, I am going to focus on openers today and for the next few days until I'm comfortable with these. Of course, if I this opens up any opportunities I'll do my best to see how far I can take things with those too; but the main focus for the next few days is openers."

Same approach works with focusing on the mind. Same approach with anything. Clear idea about the overall end objective. Specific focus you will work on, with an awareness that this is a temporary task - just for a few days, just until you've got this bit down - without closing yourself off to opportunities that may arise, but not focusing on them (90% focused on the task, 10% open to opportunities).

With some of your articles, you have stepped one step further - the fascinating articles on tangential but important topics such Time Efficiency, Empathy, Goal setting, Conquering Depression, Process etc. I see that the foundation to build success with women. How would you rank these meta topics in order of importance?

Well. The first step is for any man to get out of negative, low, and/or obsessive thinking. These articles are thus the first step on the path:

The next step is to realize how inherently biased the mind is, and how much it tends to view the world through at least somewhat warped lenses:

Next is to realize how much time and energy others around you devote to attempts to influence your thoughts, emotions, and opinions:

Once you have these foundations down - once you know that:

  1. Depressive, negative, victimized, and/or obsessive thoughts are a self-prison

  2. The mind views the world through its own limited perspective; you must strive to see beyond your own views

  3. Various people and groups seek to control your thoughts, opinions, and emotions through all sorts of ways: guilt, sadness, pity, fear, threats, etc. The people who do this do it because they are trapped in their own depressive, negative, victimized, or obsessive thoughts, and are still overly convinced of their own inherent rightness of thought, not because they are inherently 'bad' people

... once you know these things, you are able to shake free of your own imprisoning thoughts, to realize the limitations of any individual untrained mind, and to recognize the imprisoning thoughts of others when aimed at either themselves or you.

Then you can really start to do all kinds of neat things with your own mental development:

... and all this stuff starts to click much better and work far more effectively. Primarily because your mind is no longer cluttered with:

  1. Darkness/depression/fatalism/obsession/doubt,
  2. Pride/hubris/entitlement, or
  3. The manipulation or leeching off of by others still heavy with darkness/depression/fatalism/obsession/doubt/pride/hubris/entitlement

You can certainly try goal setting, time efficiency, etc., all that before fixing the earlier three parts. But it is much easier to achieve when the mind is free from those chains.

Chase

SZ's picture

1. How can I be the best man regardless of anything? I want to be the most attractive man.

I told you I go out with lightskin dudes and bow everyone worships lighter people, I want to be better than them. I want to be better than Black men, Asian men, Latin men, white men, etc.

I want to above all of it. From what you know how do black guys you know do this? What do they wear? How do they act? And what articles should I study to achieve this? I don't want to blame not having success on these things, I want to overcome them and be so good that that's not a factor.

There's so many women who worship light or white, I need to be better than them.

There's Many black chicks who hate themselves so much and they hate black men because of their insecurities. Makes me not want to date black women, but how do I overcome this as well.

I want to be so attractive that I can be better than guys with better than whatever than me. Wether that be money, height, skin color etc. I want to overcome them all.

I'm trying to be the sexist man alive!

2. I want to get more girls, but I dont see any when I'm out, only the club. I don't know why. A problem I have is being around many females and having the opportunity, if there's no girls around, how can I practice on them and even have them come To me? The only time I'm around a lot of girls is at the club and that sucks. I just need more women around where I go. I've tried malls, stores, etc. All I see is either young girls, older women, married women, and if she's attractive, she got a boyfriend stuck to her like glue or he's coming out of nowhere around the corner. I have no idea where I can meet many single women.

3. What do you do when unattractive women don't give you play ? It's hurts my ego. I went out the other night and approached some meh girls. They didn't give me no play and they were black too.

I looked so fly and they looked bummy. They should be happy that I talked to them at all. I don't understand it and kind of lost. How can they not give me play? What am I supposed to do about that ? My ego took a major blow. I don't know what to do about this situation because it's bad if I can't even pull these type of chicks.
or get att from any, hope you see why I'm mad.
What to do about unatt gs not giving you pl? (They were bw). Hits ego and self worth. Questions on how I can do better, I was dressed so nice, no luck, they should be happy, don't know what to do about that situation.

Thanks

Sz's picture

In the post above at the club, one girl was dance floor and the other was at bar. I got rejected at the bar a lot too.

What other locations you recommend other than bar? Because that's all I can remember.

What would I do different ?I try to grab on them and have them dance on me.

I can try talking I guess, but It feels weird af with all the loud music, the club is very tight on each floor, so technically the dance floor is the entire floor, there's just a bar there.

But this is a reply in improving weekly and elite fundamentals.

1. That's what I need; I need to be achieving things weekly, when I look at things, I look at how can I even get where I need to get quickly? I feel like so many things take so much time. If I make progress in things week by week, I can know that I'm doing something to be proud of.

What are things you think that can be improved week by week and get better and better? What can I accomplish in a week?

2. I can't grow facial hair, only patchy hair, so I shave it all off, my hair grows uneven and in all different places, no connection at all . I used to rock uneven chin hair, but It didn't really help much so I cut it off after 2 yrs and I'm rocking the baby face, yes my chin hair has been uneven and has not grown in 2 yrs. One side is longer than the other and looks stupid. If you think I should rock it let me know.

On elite fundamentals, I wish I knew what I could improve on more. I can only think of getting muscles because when I was slimmer, i still didn't have luck with chicks, so I'm guessing bigger muscles then.

I guess I can buy more expensive clothes, but my clothes are expensive now tho. I actually bought guess and diesel after reading your clothing article from way back :) so I don't think my fashion is bad at all. If I start buying gucci and stuff, no one will know anyway unless it says it, and I feel it's a waste of money.

I have a deep voice, I move slow, I touch. I'm always aware of how I walk. I stick my big chest out.

Those are the only two things I can think of that I can improve.

What are Elite fundamentals? Maybe if you made a list I can follow it and work more and more on them.

3. I keep focusing on online busessines because I really don't think I can do brick and motor. That's why I keep thinking about doing it, and I think it's easier to start out in, plus I follow people with blogs, youtube, freelance, etc. So I kind of thought I would do that. Plus I want to be able to make money so I can travel the world and work from my laptop.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

T's reply to you below is fantastic. Listen to him!

There are many, many, many articles on this site on improving yourself as a man. The entire website is devoted to it. Do the stuff on this site - actually do it - and you will be among the elite men.

As for insecure black women - look for the secure ones. Screening is your best friend. But beyond that, you must fix your own stuff first. You struggle with anger, bitterness, entitlement, victim mentality, and obsessiveness at various times. Until you solve these, you will continue to attract women who share these same qualities, and repel women who are free from them.

The "there are no single women where I am" blindness is common in situations where you have not approached much. I talked about it in this article. If you've been going the same places for a long time, and don't approach much, you'll stop seeing girls you could approach there - they become 'invisible' to you. Solution: take time off from those places. Go to other places instead. And make sure you meet women in those places.

As for unattractive women rejecting you:

That's what I need; I need to be achieving things weekly, when I look at things, I look at how can I even get where I need to get quickly? I feel like so many things take so much time.

The irony is, you are so worried about things taking so long to do, and instead wanting a magic pill insta-solution, that you never approach the material with much seriousness. Instead, you ask for magic pills, which I do not have, and ignore all the 'slower' stuff I tell you to do.

And so, years later, other readers of Girls Chase, in the comments and on the forums, who contented themselves to take the 'slow' path that was too slow for you, are killing it with women, while you are still right where you were years before.

But you don't learn the primary lesson. The primary lesson is "Start now, and keep at it." Instead, the lesson you learn is that you are even farther behind, and therefore need to go EVEN FASTER, and therefore it is EVEN MORE POINTLESS for you to start all this slow stuff all these other, more pedestrian guys are worrying themselves with.

And so, in a few more years, a new crop of GC readers and forum members, who today may be worse with women than you are, will eventually become significantly better with women than you will be. And you will still be in the same place you are today.

You can fix this. You can take control of your future.

All you have to do is give up this Quixotic quest for a magic pill that instantly transforms you overnight into Denzel Snipes (love child of Denzel Washington and Wesley Snipes) and instead start on the same slow path everyone who eventually succeeds embarks on.

Ever read Aesop's fables? If it's been a while, I suggest this one:

The Hare and the Tortoise

  A HARE one day ridiculed the short feet and slow pace of the
Tortoise, who replied, laughing:  "Though you be swift as the
wind, I will beat you in a race."  The Hare, believing her
assertion to be simply impossible, assented to the proposal; and
they agreed that the Fox should choose the course and fix the
goal.  On the day appointed for the race the two started
together.  The Tortoise never for a moment stopped, but went on
with a slow but steady pace straight to the end of the course.
The Hare, lying down by the wayside, fell fast asleep.  At last
waking up, and moving as fast as he could, he saw the Tortoise
had reached the goal, and was comfortably dozing after her
fatigue.

    Slow but steady wins the race.

You seem to think I have some magic pill I can give you that will turn you into this super sexy guy with magic seductive powers, and I'm just not giving it to you because maybe I'm hoarding the secrets all to myself or I just didn't think to share this one thing that can rocket any guy to instant mega-success.

I'm not. Girls Chase is the magic pill. It's all here man. There's nothing else I can tell you I haven't.

You know those baking instructions that say "Just add water"?

This is it. Take GC and just add elbow grease. That's all.

But you've gotta do it. Not look for a shortcut to not do it.

I think the GC path to success is generally pretty short. I'm teaching the quickest way to success I know how. Don't you think if there was a quicker way, I'd teach that? If there was a legitimately quicker, easier way than what we teach here, and I didn't teach it, some other guy could just come along and teach it and put GC out of business. Who'd want to hang out here if there was some other method that got you the same results, but in half the time?

It's all here man. There's no magic pill. Just time, effort, and implementation.

Chase

Sz's picture

So I went to the club again. This time I wasn't on the dance floor much :). I stayed at the bars and close to the stairs, still sucked. There's just not enough women where I'm at, and other places I've been are the same.

Anyway, id like a quick tip to do in this situation:

Girls walk a lot, and they pass by me. Ive tried grabbing them to dance, they walk past, I've said things to them a few times (because I hate to talk and feel like I'm wasting my breath) still they keep walking.

1. What should I do to get these girls to stay with me man? I don't know what to do, the girls are just walking around and around and they are in groups so cock blocks are very present, but that's the most females will pass by me. What should I say to them and get them to give me play?

2. How do I get more girls to pay attention to me? I dress the best, but they don't open me, I can't be the one to always open, I want to have them open me and stick around.

3. What I meant about faking confidence in the other post was about affirmations mostly. Like telling myself I'm the best, assuming attraction, etc. Let me know if you still think it's try hard.

4. How does one become more confident against high confident people and win I anything ? How do you become more self assured than anyone? For exmaple; 2 dudes can have the same skills in something and worked the same amount of time, but how does that one person win ? How does he out frame and win over the same skilled person?

T's picture

In Germany we have a proverb for your situation: "Lehrjahre sind keine Herrenjahre". Literally translated it refers to learning a trade and means: years of apprenticeship are not years of foreman. In English you would say: Life's not easy at the bottom. What I like on our German version is the time factor. It needs time to get good at something. And as an apprentice you should relay on the advice of the foreman. When I read your comments it comes down to one thing: your mindset. Not your clothes, not your muscles, not your hairstyle, not your job, its your mindset.
You wrote:
"What do you do when unattractive women don't give you play ? It's hurts my ego. I went out the other night and approached some meh girls. They didn't give me no play and they were black too"

This alone shows where you come from: exaggerated opinion of yourself, arrogance, entitlement (Chase called it mildly stubborness). And by the way, thats darkest nice guy behaviour as well.

I know what I have written here is very harsh and believe me I dont want to hurt you. I write it because.......... yes I was in the same shoes. I had the luck to have a good friend who helped me with a very clear, open und sometimes harsh opinion. My approach to fix that all was to get good at job, leaving the women aside for a while. Not to build a nest or to impress women but to find myself. It was a rocky road full of self doubts but step by step I lost my arrogance, my hubris and startet from bottom up because live tempered me. Know what, the more I was on my way the better I got with women, because confidence came from what I had achieved (but never rub it in a womans face).

So stop asking the same questions again and again. They are all answered on this site and pick up pace

All the very best
T.

Odin's picture

Dear Hector,
Just started working on my fundamentals.
Based on these hidden gems,
- http://www.girlschase.com/content/if-you-want-do-well-girls-fundamentals...
- http://www.girlschase.com/content/tactics-tuesdays-how-be-mindful-and-le...
And expecially on the replies to the comments in the last one, i just trusted it and started to work on my fundamentals, one each week.
Now i’m practicing lustful eye contact in front of a mirror, at least 10 minutes a day (enough? Mould be more time useful?) After some day, i started to feel a little more confident with the hint of sexyness of my eye contact. About fundamental trainings, i have some doubt and questions:
- when training in front of a mirror, how can i be sure do to it correctly, having no one and nobody who can correct me?
- How can i be sure, about fundamental trainings, that i’m using the correct informations which explains me that (for example videos about male walk, eye contact, body movements, smile, voice, etc)? and that i’m doing these correctly, or at least recognizing eventual errors?
- Do u have some way to track the effective improvements in all these areas of fundamentals?
- Do u have other ways to exercise on fundamentals, over the use of a mirror? What kind of videos, film scenes, theatre, etc... or other tools could be useful.

Maybe these questions might look foolish, but recently I started to talk to a girl that was in line back to me and my friend: after pre-opening, she looked... curious and smiling. But while we were small talking, after few she looked... cooled off. As she auto-rejected. I didn’t continue the conversation.

I noticed this “cooling off”, and after asking to my friend if he noticed something not well handled in my conversation, he immediately said initially she looked amused with my opening, but I was too a bit sarcastic with my face’s expression and voice, and i didn’t realize it. I was convinced to have a sexy and warm way of acting... but no. And I suspect it’s not the first time! This growing sensation that maybe u did something of wrong, and u don’t realize precisely where and when, I think happened to everybody of us.

A reply to such quest would be very, very appreciated! It could give a clearer view and steadier process, I suppose!

Thank you for all your articles, I had a lot of satisfactions since these!

Cheers,
Odin

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Odin-

Looks like you meant to ask Hector, but I'll take a crack.

Mirrors I've never used much myself... maybe once or twice for a new look to make sure I'm not too subtle (it's common to do something lighter because you don't want to come off too strong... only to end up being too subtle about it). Once I have that down though, it's out into the world with it, use it on a bunch of people, and see what they do. Most people won't react to expressions/eye contact, so you have to use it a lot before you get reactions. You should also experiment with variations of a behavior (e.g., like walk, mannerisms, etc.) and see if you can pick up on differences in reception from people.

Do u have some way to track the effective improvements in all these areas of fundamentals?

I suppose you could take photographs of yourself, or track changes in a spreadsheet. Never bothered with this myself though.

Do u have other ways to exercise on fundamentals, over the use of a mirror? What kind of videos, film scenes, theatre, etc... or other tools could be useful.

Check out these articles:

Also, these forum posts:

he immediately said initially she looked amused with my opening, but I was too a bit sarcastic with my face’s expression and voice, and i didn’t realize it. I was convinced to have a sexy and warm way of acting... but no. And I suspect it’s not the first time! This growing sensation that maybe u did something of wrong, and u don’t realize precisely where and when, I think happened to everybody of us.

Yes. These discoveries are great to have when you're first improving - you'll think you're doing things right, then find out no.

You never get perfect. Even once you reach a place where you are generally pretty good, you'll discover 95% of women consider you a real charmer while 5% of them think something is weird or creepy about you. Eventually you reach the point where trying to please one chunk of women more means another chunk of women is pleased less, and at that point you're picking and choosing between whom you'd prefer to tailor your fundamentals to.

But until you reach that point, there's a lot of low-hanging fruit you can grab that improves your fundametnals in big ways that have near-universal appeal (better eye contact, movement speed, posture, walk, facial expressions, mannerisms, voice, etc.).

Keep working on it. You'll get there ;)

Chase

Odin's picture

Thank you very much, Chase!!! :)

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