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Girls play the role of cocktease or attention whore (or worse)
because these roles can be fun. But what’s the psychology behind this kind
of “fun”?
There are short term and long term impacts on the fruits of our actions in the mating game. In the short term, we can create a really fun seduction, great sex with a beautiful woman, and the potential beginning of an ongoing relationship. Some choose to stay at Point 2, while others go on to Point 3. In the long term, we have the power and ability to grow powerfully with another human, with or without children, as we also have the power to experience many different women. Unfortunately, we can also create an opportunity to ruin our lives through some unforeseen consequence of an action – perhaps the wrong action at the wrong time – or just merely dealing with the wrong person.
Contents
In our modern era, women hold immense power to dictate social ramifications of sexual encounters and relationships gone awry. In this more cautionary article, I wish to make you aware of some less-glamorous aspects of the mating game – situations that if not handled correctly can create extreme unhappiness, commitment problems, legal problems, and financial problems. Better to be aware of these as they are happening than to find yourself on the losing side of a challenge.
I recently picked up a book while visiting Boston, called Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis by Eric Berne. This book was first published in 1964 and is meant to be a handbook for psychiatry, yet I felt compelled to write this article when I realized a strong connection between patterns outlined in the book and many firsthand experiences of myself and friends. The book is quite academic and covers far more than just sexual scenarios, so to save you from reading it (it was quite boring admittedly), I’ll cover some dynamic patterns I’ve seen repeatedly that may be confusing to participants in the game.
I hope this summary and analysis of Games People Play helps you identify how to handle complex social-sexual situations, which when mishandled, have resulted in life-altering lawsuits, loss of credentials, loss of work, and worse.
Comments
Rapo 2
Varoon,
Awesome article man. I was wondering if you could elaborate a bit on the statement in Rapo 2, "unconsciously the man enjoys rejection, which is why he keeps finding himself in these situations." Through meditation and rigorous introspection I've identified "Sulk" characteristics lodged inside that I still haven't totally healed, and I have found a part of myself getting some weird satisfaction (definitely wouldn't call it enjoyment) from rejection and I keep getting into some really heartbreaking, albeit self-manufactured (perhaps subconsciously from the Law of Attraction) situations with the girls I really like. These girls aren't malicious either, but its like Don Miguel Ruiz says in the Four Agreements, "If you seek abuse, people will abuse you," and maybe something about me brings the worst out of them. I don't want to make any excuses and I won't let my messed up childhood hold me back from doing something great for the world, but if any of your psychological insights are applicable to this issue maybe it would help me expedite the process of fixing myself. Really interesting stuff man thanks a ton
Rapo 2
Hey Pistol,
I'm a bit slow to reply to your comment, but I'm glad you enjoyed the article!
Have you ever heard that song "Sweet Dreams" by Eurythmics? There's a line that goes "some of them want to use you, some of them want to get used by you. Some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused." Well, Rapo 2 is a bit like the latter of either sentence. For every abuser there is someone who is a target for abuse - and within those targets are folk who are "tricked" into abuse, and those that accept it subconsciously. I sometimes hear of stories of women who date a series of "abusive boyfriends" whom they complain about but continue to date anyway - what is the common denominator there? Even though the men are different, the girl still attracts the same kind of men and they keep winding up in her life. Is it an accident, or is it on purpose?
The key is to understand that a lot of our choices in these situations are not conscious - they are in fact sub conscious and usually occupy the "child" ego state - which is why a lot of these situations are also tied to something that happened in a person's childhood.
Anyway, the best way to get out of Rapo 2 situations is to really look deep within yourself and your belief systems, and remove all things and thoughts that create victim mentalities. Ultimately I have found that people who invite abuse also consider themselves a victim in some form. I'm not sure what it is for you, but already in your statement the "messed up childhood" and the fact that you feel you've gotta fix yourself could be your subconscious victim mentality speaking out. You are who you are in this moment, and the past has already happened - all you can do is live in the moment and move forward.
You've done a good bit already by becoming aware of your own sulk characteristics and that you know you get some weird satisfaction from rejection, as well as getting into heartbreaking situations. The next task is to take responsibility for your decisions and accept why you keep getting into them, and understand what thoughts are creating you to choose that path. I speculate that your life and dating mental model needs work, so third step would be to work on those.
Keep us posted while you're at it! :)
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