As You Get Older, Should You Date Women Who Want to Reconnect? | Girls Chase

As You Get Older, Should You Date Women Who Want to Reconnect?

Chase Amante

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girls who want to reconnect
It’s been years… and now she wants to reconnect. Should you meet her? And beyond that, should you date her?

I received an email recently from a girl I hadn’t heard from in six or seven years.

I’d known her from social circle (back when I still maintained a social circle). She was skinny, fun, and cute, with an endearing California Valley girl accent (and all the expressiveness that entails). She also had that somewhat uptight air about her that can be a little off-putting but is really fun when you break through it and reach the real her.

Anyway, this was not a girl I’d hooked up with. Didn’t really have a good opportunity, and in any event I slept with other girls from that circle who were younger and didn’t have the same walls up she did. I met up with her various times in our shared social circle. Toward the end of my time in that circle, I scheduled a one-on-one meet with her but had to flake on it... and when she wanted to meet again I wasn’t able to make myself available for it. And after that we were in different cities and she fell off my radar. She was 29 years old back then.

So I got an email from her after more than half a decade, just saying she saw an event and wondered if I intended to go to it and asking if I was in town.

And the only thing I could think was, “Wow, 36 years old and still single, huh?”

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

Chase, would it be different to sleep with a girl from your past who never rejected you, that you never asked out, but, she had a crush on you? Or should we just move on from them girls too?

Basically, many girls have liked me, I never made moves so I never got rejected, but I guess they went into auto rejection, funny thing is, all of them have kids now, yes with a "s". I don't care really, but i always wondered how it would be to have sex with them.

What would you tell girls that ask what you been up to? I know you wouldn't tell them the truth, so how would you show value without it looking too high, and not looking like a bum?

Do women feel the same way about men like in your article? Or do men just keep living the good life?

I love the way you just push these chicks from the past to the side like their nothing and get better looking girls, shit is boss. No girls under 30 either unless you're sexy, that is some boss shit right there, I want to call the shots like that too.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

If you never pursued her then it wouldn't count as a 'soft rejection'. You never asked her to make a decision about you, so she never made a decision or pushed off a decision (which is a decision in and of itself - a decision not to decide).

When a girl asks what I've been up to, it's always, "Oh, you know. Living life. What's good with you?" There's nothing you can say that doesn't make you look either a.) boring, b.) like an awesome boyfriend candidate, or c.) like you've left her far in your dust in the intervening years. Best just to be chill and if she likes you (and if she's messaging you, it's assumed she likes you), and you want to meet up, then meet up. You can fill her in on some of the details when you meet her in person (and make them less boring, less boyfriend-y, or less out-of-her-league).

Women leave men behind too, but for different reasons. For a woman, it may be, for instance, that she's progressed in life (better career, better social circle, better prospects) while this guy's stayed static. Or he hasn't stayed static, but he hasn't progressed at the same rate she has, and she has better prospects with men now than anything he can offer her. Or she may have stayed the same but the guy's fallen on hard times. When her value outpaces his, she won't be interested in retaining him in her life (unless she's the sort who likes to save broken men).

Chase

Joseph P.'s picture

Second place is first loser. Find a girl you can come in first with unless you like being a beta.

I typically won't go talk to a girl who tries to reconnect. Often times, they come back and try to get connections, attention, ego boosts, validation, etc. Everybody knows it's sex first, relationship second. If she saw you wouldn't be an orbiter before, what use are you now?

I never laud a woman as attractive until we've dated. Doing so beforehand is a quick way to be in the fan-zone. P.S. I never compliment women.

If they call back, I explain stuff in terse terms. Push come to shove, she better show up at my door with a pepperoni pizza and be sucking my dick when I let her in.

Terse terms: I set the plans, you come to me or piss off.

Alef Juodinys 's picture

Hi Chase, I'm 22 years old brazillian guy who recently decide to improve my life in the social and seduction's area. One of my greatest questions about seduction is "should I have, side by side, while improving my seduction's skills, search for friendship with girls?"
I don't have many relationships as a friend with girls and I wonder if I'm blowing up my chances to improve... When I'm searching for a girl, I'm always looking for the sexual part of it.
A friendship will bring good results in understanding the female universe or can prevent the girl from being more sexual and consequently consume my time?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Alef-

Welcome aboard the journey!

Yes, definitely get female friends. They'll help you understand women in general better, make you a lot more comfortable with women, and make women more relatable to you. If you befriend girls who are the sorts of girls you'd like to date (and you should befriend girls who are the sorts you'd like to date!), you will also get an up close and personal view at what sorts of men those girls date, how they get together with those guys, and what those guys do that excite them.

In particular, you should look between the lines - if she says "I'm so mad at John!" John's probably actually doing something right. If she says "I'm really bored with John. I don't know why I'm with him" John isn't pushing her buttons.

You can/should also work on flirtation with your female friends as well. A good male/female friendship can contain plenty of flirtation, even if sex isn't involved (or at least not initially/usually involved).

Some articles and related topics on this:

Chase

Kevin Bogard's picture

Hello Chase,

Nice article you’ve got here!
I have a question though: what about girls with whom you had great relationships in the past, but had to end things with for reasons outside of your control, mainly logistical ones like distance?
Can’t wait for One Date to finally come out, I hope the wait won’t last much longer!

-Kev

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Kev-

There are always exceptions! If you had to end things for reasons out of your control / logistical reasons, that can give it a sort of "fateful ending" - in which case it isn't a soft rejection.

If she's looking at it as "Maybe it wasn't meant to be?" or views it as life has simply intervened to part you two, that leaves it open for fate/life/the universe to intervene again at some point in the future to bring you back together.

One Date's on the way! Just finishing up a little last tech, and then you'll start getting the early videos and other tidbits about it!

Chase

Tyler Durden's picture

Hi Chase!
Your follower from India again. Just wanted to give my .02 here. As far as I've seen, these women ALWAYS have an agenda (she doesn't really need to reconnect with old buddies for a hook-up... she can just stroll down to the local club). In my experience, they're simply post-wall and looking for their beta bucks now that it's not feasible for them to ride the CC any longer.
Even I met up with one girl (she's actually a gem of a person - beautiful, intelligent, virgin BUT 31... because she's a pampered kid who lives in Disney land waiting for her prince charming). Even though she's fawning over me now, I know she wouldn't have given me the time of day back in her prime (I was your typical, clueless AFC - always got attention because I'm handsome, but didn't know how to convert). I know what's happening with her now, and even though I would have given my left leg to be with her back then, that ain't happening now even though she's still top notch (now I'm higher, and her age is a problem).
Older women are nice for a reason, they can't AFFORD an attitude. I'd rather avoid the drama and get me some young, fresh punani for the vetting ;)
Hope I'm making sense here.
Yours truly,
Tyler

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Tyler-

For sure! I am in large agreement.

Although I would say older women still keep the attitude... they just shift how they display it. A younger girl's attitude is a cocky, "Ha! Get me if you can!" Whereas many an older gal's attitude is a more cautious, "It's nice to talk to you. But I have to be careful you aren't a player."

For my money, I, like you, much prefer the cocksure-but-fresh younger gal attitude to the initially-nicer-but-ultimatley-awkward-and-paranoid older gal attitude.

Chase

Tyler Durden's picture

Hi Chase,
Glad to hear that you agree with this! That older girl met up with me again, and sensing the impending problem, I made it pretty clear through actions and social proof that I'm pretty much the player she should steer clear of... haha. Now the ball's in her court, either she will stop chasing (good for me) or I get an easy no-strings attached lay with a beautiful but not-relationship-worthy girl (good for me!). Will write again soon.

Citius. Altius. Fortius ;)

-Tyler

Anonymous 's picture

Just want to say thank you Chase!

1) I will look into those apps and will learn math, the thing is, it's too late for me to learn it all and take classes because I'm almost done with my English degree.

Do you have any idea of what I can do with it? Don't say starbucks or retail haha. I also will have a concentration in technical writing, maybe I can do something in tech?

I have many years of customer service and sales experience and technical support experience.

I do not want to teach either.

I'm thinking I could work at some office somewhere until i find out my next move.

I need to be able to pay bills and make good money while I work on my skills and purse more education if needed.

2) in your opinion, what would you recommend me do after i get my degree in English? I will be learning the skills I told you, but I want more.

Go get a master's? Learn a trade? Try to get a stem degree?

What would you recommend me to do to have a better chance at getting a job that pays very well after I get my degree in English.

I will be older, so I don't know if that messes up my chances with trades.

3) Do you have any idea of versatile degrees that can lead to many jobs? Hopefully without any math, because if you do, I might be able to transfer my credits over. Maybe management, business, etc. I'll have to look into it to see if there's math at all.

4) So about being successful, are you saying that I can be successful if I work hard everyday despite my math disability and English degree? I hope so, I will just keep working hard, I don't know what I should start with first. Let me know!

Thank you so much Chase!!!!!!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

If 'barista' and 'teacher' are out, I'm not really sure what to recommend for an English degree. Get a job at a publishing company perhaps? Really not sure. It's one of the two traditional degrees with the least success in the working world (obviously, some quasi-degree in something like 'postmondernist transegalitarian gender studies' would be worse).

All my recommendations on finding work and picking a career are here:

I don't know anything more than this, nor am I equipped or qualified to advise you on what to do with your life. If these threads are not enough for you, and you are not able to make a decision yourself, I suggest you find a career forum or a make money online forum, or seeking out a career counselor. All of those places will be better able to advise you than I can.

So about being successful, are you saying that I can be successful if I work hard everyday despite my math disability and English degree? I hope so, I will just keep working hard, I don't know what I should start with first. Let me know!

Work smart and work hard.

You can work hard every day breaking rocks, but it won't make you rich.

Pick a good field. Develop in-demand skill sets. Find where the jobs are. Network. Get hired. Improve your position. And you will be successful.

Again, everything I know about those in those two posts above. Plus I suppose this one:

Chase

happiness.bestfriends's picture

Hi,

Thank you for this article. Just a question, do you have an article in which how can a man reconnect to woman? We are college mates (not an official bf/gf but more of mutual understanding I guess) but somewhat the relationship died on its own due to distance and focussed on career. For 4 years we have no communication but we are friends on facebook. Can you please tell me how can I reconnect and somehow establish an official intimate relationship this time?

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