The Single Guy's Guide to Starting Fresh in a New City | Girls Chase

The Single Guy's Guide to Starting Fresh in a New City

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

how to get started in a new city
You’ve changed towns, but you don’t know anyone. How can you get started in a new city? This guide shows you how.

You’re about to move to a completely new city... or you’ve already moved there. It’s exciting, it’s fresh, and it’s a little scary. Here is this novel metropolis where you don’t know anyone.

It could be filled with opportunity: awesome new friends, beautiful new girlfriends, delicious new food. Wondrous new places to see, riveting new activities to partake in.

Or it could be lonesome, boring, and fill you with homesickness for your old abode.

How will you know? You won’t know until you’ve been there a while. But there’s a secret most social veterans who’ve moved around a bit know: what makes a place is not so much the place itself, but the people you know there, and the things you do there.

A well-connected guy with lots of cool friends, pretty girlfriends, and fun things to do in an otherwise small and boring town will live a better, fuller, more exciting life than a lonely guy who doesn’t go out and doesn’t know anyone, even if that guy lives in the biggest, most interesting city on Earth.

So our focus is to turn you into the well-connected guy who knows lots of outstanding people and does lots of outstanding things... no matter how big or small or busy or not his new town might be.

You’re going to learn how to get started in a new city. And in particular, you’re going to learn how to do that in a way that maximizes your exposure to excellent friends, women, locations, and activities.

This articles divides into sections each of those four items (friends, women, locations, activities). You can jump around with the table of contents if you prefer to skim and don’t want to read the whole piece in a single sitting. But for the maximum new city experience, I suggest you go through the full article.

We’ll begin this article with a look at location: where in town you should go for fun, and where in town you should live.

Comments

Alexander Abraham's picture

One more thing I would add to this list is to start working a few hours a day doing something like Lyft or Uber. Or anything else that is social but you can do part time that allows you to talk to people.

I got all kinds of recommendations to places to eat that I wouldn't have gotten otherwise thanks to Lyft! This one amazing biscuit place in particular..... wow....

90210's picture

Hello Chase,
I've got a few questions:
1. Did you ever game in Mumbai? I'm going there for two weeks. If yes, any specific things that I should keep in mind?
2. How important is it to relax your face when practicing facial expressions? I recently realized I put much pressure on my lips when trying to purse them.
3. My teeth are crooked. Do girls notice that or care about it?
4. Which specific set of fundamentals would you say Marlon Brando had that made him so insanely sexy?
5. Are there any actors that do attractive hand gestures which you would recommend mimicking?
6. I read your article on facial expressions but I'm having trouble putting them in practice. I always end up forgetting to do them. Would you advise start with one facial expression (e.g. cute and sexy) and do it until I nail it down? Practicing in the mirror helps but once I'm out, I get self conscious and need a reflection to check my face etc. How would you advise to master facial expressions?
7. How to show interest while maintaining a sense of mystery and make her wonder whether or not you like her?
8. will you cover approach invitations and how to recognize them in your new course?
Thanks!
90210

Author
Chase Amante's picture

90210-

I have not done Mumbai. One of our forum members shared some details on meeting women there, however (check his post out).

Good body language and facial expressions are clear but comfortable. So generally yes, you want relaxed. Get too relaxed, of course, and you won't have an expression anymore. So keep it balanced.

Teeth... some girls do, some don't. I had a girlfriend who cared a lot about teeth. Didn't stop her from getting together with me, despite my crooked bottom teeth.

I haven't studied Marlon Brando deeply enough to give a good analysis of him. His smiles, eye contact, and voice are three that stand out to me immediately, though.

Johnny Depp gestures emphatically in the Pirates movies, of course. There are other actors who use gestures well, but I cannot think of them off the top of my head. Heath Ledger's Joker I guess is quite expressive with his hands. Either of these you can play with a bit, but you don't want to turn into these guys completely. Just mimic them a little to spice up your gestures somewhat. Or find an actor who uses more conventional attractive hand gestures.

On learning facial expressions... sure, start with one. Do it a lot. Do it in private. Do it when you imagine talking to people. Use it with people you talk with, even if it's not 100% the right expression for the situation. Just get accustomed to using it. Then start to fit it in with suitable situations for it.

Good question on how much interest to show. Let me answer that in an article... maybe today's T/T post.

And yes, approach invitations are in the new course - first lesson of Module three (so two months after you sign up) is completely devoted to them. Details on all the ones in my article, plus a few additional invitations, and demos for the most common ones in case you aren't clear how to recognize these. Plus how to approach each type of invitation. Lots of detail.

Chase

UPDATE: here's the post on how much interest to show a girl.

Kolateral's picture

Chase,
I know you're very busy but this is just to let you know that I've made amazing progress with my life since I began reading your blog. How to Master Anything is the greatest article ever. I applied everything in it and now I can proudly say I'm approaching mastery. Perhaps I've already reached it, I really don't know. One thing for sure is that mediocrity is clearly out of the way. I'm a man of excellence and I owe it to you.
You are the best teacher. Simply the best.
Thank you for being that light leading me out of the dark tunnel.

Kolateral

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Kolateral-

Cheers for taking a moment to let me know; your comment put a smile on my face. I'm very glad to hear any time someone climbs up out of a darker place and reaches excellence. Means we're doing something right here.

Chase

stefxxxyyy's picture

in 2005 this article would had saved my life

Wilson's picture

Chase,

I read your article on not wanting to be liked too much but it hurts me when I realize some people hate me.
This occupies my mind... Don't know whether its depression or not. Every time I think f how they hate me and made me lose face socially in the past makes me sick to my stomach. How can I deal with that?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Wilson-

Humans are social creatures who base their senses of self on what others think of them. No getting around that. Only psychopaths do not care how others perceive them.

I suggest you focus on your fundamentals. The better these get, the better people will react and respond to you. As a higher proportion of the people you meet respond well to you, you'll get more secure in your sense of self, and the handful of people who dislike you grow less and less important.

It's impossible to become liked by everyone. No matter who you are, some people will always dislike you. A few will despise you. Find ways to cut those people out of your life, upgrade your fundamentals and social savvy to make yourself a generally more attractive, likeable person, and surround yourself with positive people you get on with well who appreciate you as a person.

Chase

Bailando's picture

Chase,

There was a post on the boards about a brown guy having difficulties and you commented, citing how an Asian interviewer made Robert Downey Junior uncomfortable, making him leave the interview etc. You went on to explain what made really nerdy guys un calibrated.
I cant find the post. I used to read it whenever I felt like I began missing on social cues. I've tried to search many combinations but aint finding it.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Bailando-

Here's the post you're looking for. Hope it's as helpful as you remember.

Chase

Gaj's picture

Chase,
How can I come across as a more sincere guy through my non verbals ?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Gaj-

Focus on warmth and the Law of Least Effort. The better you get at these two things, the more sincere you will come across as. Another big piece: good, strong, piercing eye contact.

Chase

Felix's picture

What are the best cities in the United States to move to as a single guy who's 25? I'm open to any suggestions. It's time for a change of scenery.

Thanks!

- Felix

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Felix-

Somewhat subjective. Different guys mesh well with different environments.

And on girls, different cities also have different types of women in greater or lesser abundance.

My top picks in the U.S., based on where I've traveled:

  1. New York City
  2. Washington, D.C.
  3. San Diego
  4. Milwaukee
  5. Denver

That's considering girls, lifestyle, business/career opportunities (that latter of which is best in NYC and DC... just okay in the others). San Diego's male/female ratio in the under-30 demographic is pretty skewed (lots of guys), so men there have much more game and the dating scene is a lot more competitive. There's also less career/business opportunity. But the weather is great, you're near the beach, the lifestyle is laid back, and the women are some of the hottest in the U.S.

DC/NYC both have a huge diversity of women, lots of international women (typically easier to bed... plus, they're sexy and exotic), plenty of intelligent/ambitious people (not many of those in San Diego), and ample career opportunities. Good public transport in both towns, too, so you don't need a car. Which is quite nice (can meet girls via transit too!).

Denver and Milwaukee are both relaxed, hipster-y kind of towns with friendly people and cute girls. I've only spent a little time in each town, but had good times filled with good vibes both places.

I've heard great things about Miami. But have not visited. It's the #1 destination in the U.S. for European tourists. And has a developed downtown / financial district, so should be okay work-wise.

San Francisco, St. Louis, and Atlanta are all pretty terrible. Los Angeles is mediocre, and the traffic is the worst in the country. And there is no viable public transit you can take to get around the traffic, like you can in NYC.

Chicago I have often heard would be the best city in America, if not for the winters. But the winters make it terrible to live in. And of course now there is a huge amount of violence there (Chicago is more dangerous than some cities in Iraq), so probably not a good choice.

I'd suggest you take short trips to any city you're interested in. Get an AirBNB in the young, singles part of town, and see how you like staying there. Ideally, try out a few town - you may find you're excited about the first place, then head to the second place and find it's even better. Or maybe the first town is the one you stick with. But if you have several you're interested in, check 'em out first, and move once you've got one you definitely want to do.

Chase

Felix's picture

Thanks Chase! Your in-depth response is really appreciated. I think it's time I visit SAN Diego and Denver!!

SZ's picture

From your last response to me:

"Excited to talk to you?
Relieed to talk to you?
Acting like it's a breath of fresh air to talk to you?
Laughing and flirtatious while they talk to you?
Turned on while they talk to you?"

This is exactly what I need help with and want.

If I could get girls feeling like this with me more consistently, it would make things feel so much easier. I have read almost every single article from you, so I don't know if I missed one, but I'm guessing an article won't help because I'm guessing the only article you'll have to help me with this is, the lowering your value, deep diving, and being warmer article.

I have tried to switch it up a few times. I talked to girls on the phone for hours, I switched pics with them, I been a text buddy with them, even got them some food. I even did some things they asked me to do, like tell them my real name, just to see if it would make it easier to hit.

Safe to say, the shit ain't work and I think they thought I was weaker for what I done.

I am the total opposite of everything I said, I don't talk on the phone, I just try to set up dates, I don't buy food, I don't send pics or tell them my name, but that hasn't worked for me either.

What are some quick tips I can do to make girls feel like this?:

"Excited to talk to me
Relieed to talk to me
Acting like it's a breath of fresh air to talk to me
Laughing and flirtatious while they talk to me
Turned on while they talk to me

What do I have to do to get them like this? My going the opposite didn't work, so I'm missing something.

Also, most of these are club girls, but some are day game and social circle too, let's just say I have lots of flakes with all of them haha. It has even happened with past lovers too! I've had lost many girls and I don't know why, but I'm thinking it has to be from not giving them better emotions than I could have, even though I know they liked me.

So this is happening with all women you can think of.

What can I do, what can I say to make this work without me supplicating or kissing ass to make them feel good emotions to want to see me and talk to me excitedly?

Could you give me a quick outline on what I can do ?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

Start with this:

Then check out this:

Also realize that beyond these articles, much of this site is devoted to turning you into someone who has this effect on women. Having this effect should be your aim. But start with those two articles to concentrate your efforts a bit. Then expand out and add more pieces as you go.

Chase

SZ's picture

Think you could give me a quick list run down on what should I do at the club?

I go in there and I approach, but it feels like I'm winging it. I see cute girls, I might grab on a few or try to dance on a few, but I can feel that is not working.

I dance with them, then they leave, I grab them by their arms, they keep walking.

It's like this a lot, and I'm literally lost on what I can do, my mind goes blank.

Like, what do I say to a chick to get her to pay attention to me? A compliment ? I'm trying to move out of this stage of grabbing and dancing, but I haven't gotten the talk game down.

I'm trying to get girls more engaged, pay attention to me, and want to stick with me in the club.

SZ's picture

Ohhhh Chase, I almost forgot. Do you think you could see if Hector could make an article about college game if you're an older student that currently goes there?

From how to fit in, get girls, and have a good time.

I asked on the forums, ( asked Hector too) but I guess that it's an area many aren't familiar with.

I think it would be a good fresh article to write.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

I'll ask. But I don't think he has too much direct experience with older guy college pickup, since he was a younger guy in college doing his pickups. Generally we ask guys to be wary about writing "extrapolation" articles too much (e.g., you didn't actually do this, but based on what you've seen, here's how you think it will work).

Chase

Aks's picture

Loved it. Plz more articles like this & upping social skills in other seduction related areas
-Aks

Anonymous's picture

I really want to be ambitious in life and make big self improvement gains.

I thought it was because I got older that I stopped caring, but I realized I have always been this way, so the good thing is is that age really isn't a factor with how I feel, so I have the power to change it.

I'm just a lazy person, who loves to do what he wants, and wants to sleep.

That has gotten me absolutely no where.

I'm scared of failure and rejection. I also compare myself to others.

Was hoping you could help me with this too:

I see so many people making so much money on the internet, even little kids, and I'm here with a low paying job.

I think to myself, why work if you won't make as much money as them? Why work for a little and work so many hours when I can't even make what these people make in way less hours. So I just give up and say fuck working and lay in my bed.

Then comes the part where I feel I'm too dumb and unlucky to even find a way to make money like this, I'll just fail anyway, I say to myself, it will be a waste.

I can't live like this and the worst feeling is not improving in life after a while, I'm no better in anything than I was 10 years ago, and it hurts.

All because I choose comfort or discomfort, I worry about what other will think, I think low of myself, I don't have any faith in myself, so I don't even try, when i do try and fail, I tell myself "see you are a failure!".

Writing this is more emotional than I thought, its feels like, if I have been like this my whole life, is there any way to change? Can I be this person I want to be?

I know there aren't any magic bullets, but I have some really bad self doubts, and low faith in my abilities, I think very low of myself, I think I'm too dumb to be successful, I worry too, if I become successful people will try to take me down or tire of me, then they'll look at me as a failure.

I give up fast after failing, I don't stick with it.

I can tell you what tho, not improving is the worst feeling I could have.

I was hoping for help with a mindset change or any kind of strategy you might have for me to change because I have been like this my whole life, no ambitions, just trying to make it, I actually thought my life would be fine and I would work for a company and have my good money. How said is that my future thoughts were about me working in a cubicle making good money. What kind of dreams are those?!

Then I woke up, and I realized I would have to do that for 40 years working under someone, no thanks.

Of course I have my little imaginations of me being famous and rich.

I know you know good ways to change because I have read articles from you about how you used to be and you changed.

I don't want to be a bum.

I want to do the same, I don't want to dream about it, I want to be it.

But breakin old habits so hard to do.

I just need a mindshift change to believe I can do it, so I can do it.

I Will appreciate everything you say!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Pick one thing you think it might be nice to be good at.

Then do it every day, trying to get a little bit better at it every day, for as long as you can.

What will happen after 3 months is you will start to be okay at it. After 6 months you will be somewhat good. After a year you will have a very decent level of high beginner or intermediate skill. And at that point or earlier, you will start to feel excited. You will realize you have a skill that a lot of people do not. And you can use this skill in many ways.

The more skilled you get, the easier it starts to feel to get the things you want. And ambition becomes easier to summon and hold onto.

But it starts with a skill set. If you can't do anything, it's very hard to get yourself to take any ambitions that pop into your head seriously.

So, pick a skill. Chip away at it every day. Don't worry about being lazy, just worry about getting this one thing done.

The ambition will come in time. First, get the skill.

Though also - a certain amount of ambition is innate. Not everyone is an ambitious person. Still build skills anyway. And you will probably get an ambition boost regardless. But you also need to be mindful that you must work within the confines nature has set up for you.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,

I was just randomly thinking of stuff and I had some questions I wanted to ask.

1. How do I get girls to like me and have crushes on me again? It seems now I have to put in all of the work to get a girl to like me somewhat. It's like most girls are lukewarm to me and I have to work for their affection. Makes me feel that girls don't like me for me at all, I just want some leeway sometimes, I want some girls to like me while I'm improving, not give me a hard time all of the time.

I hope you know what I mean, there's girls that always liked you and wanted to sleep with you no matter what, you didn't have to be this perfect guy with perfect game, she just likes you. You literraly have no hoops to jump, nothing, she likes you no matter what.

I miss that, and wanted to know how can replicate that.

2. Would you say we have a big one up on average dudes even if we're not as experienced? What I mean is that there are guys who might be better than some of us, but they don't have the knowledge of any of the techniques we learn here. Once we get a handful of reference points, will we be miles ahead of the average guy? I always worried about not having enough experience, but I realized a lot of men are no where near the levels of what I read here, so I might be able to just past them quickly.

3. When going on a date with a younger girl, do you have to act different with her? Say if she's still in college and you're out or she's 5-10 years younger. Should you treat them different than someone around your age? I feel younger girls would expect you to act a lot more experienced, confident, etc.

I have no dating experience, so I don't know what to do if I go out with someone younger than me, don't know if its weird either; I'll be older than her with no experience with dates.

4. All of my dates from social circle have either been at my house or their house, and I barely knew them, and we had sex. I just got their number, they came over and we have sex. Does that mean anything really? Am I a sexy guy for this? Or is this normal for social circle game and I shouldn't try this with cold approach girls?

5. If a girl is all over you and is kissing you in the club, but couldn't get her alone that same night. Would it be moving backwards if you went on a date with her a few dates later outside? Or Should you just go over her house to seal the deal?

6. I'm really curious about this one: could you give me a brief description of your first 5 years of taking this stuff seriously?

Like a description of each year of what you improved on, how many times you went out a week, the number of girls you approached, consistency of successful cold approaches, dates, number of lays you went up by each year, etc.

Thanks Chase

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

When you start to take more action, girls taking action and crushing on you goes away for a while. They can sense you are more proactive, so they become reactive. When you weren't as proactive, girls were more likely to take initiative themselves.

Eventually you will reach a point where you are more relaxed around women and only take action when you want to take action, and don't care as much about putting in work to get girls. And at that point you will start to have women crush on you and flirt with you more. You don't seem to be pursuing them, so they decide they'll have to do the work themselves.

Or if you burn out and take time off from the game, you may find girls start to crush on and flirt with you proactively again this way, too.

Would you say we have a big one up on average dudes even if we're not as experienced?

Once you've started to get regular results, yes.

Before that point... maybe. Depends how much you've internalized, how perfected your fundamentals are, and what the average dudes you're comparing yourself to are like. You figure the average single guy in America probably sleeps with one new girl a year or so. If you can beat that you're already light years ahead of the average guy. Or if you can consistently get higher quality girlfriends, you're ahead of that guy (who settles for what he can get, or only sometimes is able to land the qualify of girlfriend he wants).

When going on a date with a younger girl, do you have to act different with her? Say if she's still in college and you're out or she's 5-10 years younger. Should you treat them different than someone around your age? I feel younger girls would expect you to act a lot more experienced, confident, etc.

Yes. See this article:

In general, if she's 5-10 years younger than you, you'll need to tease her and bust on her more than you would women your age. And downplay some of your more impressive life achievements usually.

All of my dates from social circle have either been at my house or their house, and I barely knew them, and we had sex. I just got their number, they came over and we have sex. Does that mean anything really? Am I a sexy guy for this? Or is this normal for social circle game and I shouldn't try this with cold approach girls?

I don't know what the context is here. How you met these girls, how long you knew them before this transpired, how many of them there were, if they're all the same type of girl, etc. So can't make a good call on whether that means anything or not.

However, if you have a bunch of hookups like this, you could be a sexier guy, sure. It's not easy to tell from the info here, however.

If a girl is all over you and is kissing you in the club, but couldn't get her alone that same night. Would it be moving backwards if you went on a date with her a few dates later outside? Or Should you just go over her house to seal the deal?

Dates in this situation can seem a little off.

The one exception is if you take her on a bar date. Those can work sometimes.

Ideally, pick an off night (like a Wednesday night), and take her to a dimly lit bar. Then get drinks. So long as the environment is fairly close to the environment you met her in (but don't go back to the same place... that's just weird), it will feel like you just 'paused' the courtship, then resumed, rather than went backwards with it like it would if you went to a traditional date.

(however, that said, I have in the past had girls I made out with in nightclubs but did not sleep with, then took on informational dates later. And this has also worked fine. Make the first date a quick, informal date like this, low pressure, and you remove the weirdness of "We made out, so is he going to expect me to just bang him immediately?" Then the next date can be a hangout date if she's down for it)

I'm really curious about this one: could you give me a brief description of your first 5 years of taking this stuff seriously?

Like a description of each year of what you improved on, how many times you went out a week, the number of girls you approached, consistency of successful cold approaches, dates, number of lays you went up by each year, etc.

That's an autobiogaphy, not a brief description...

I started to write this out. Got about 10 minutes in, realized I was only about 15% of the way into it, and scratched that. Added it to the topics queue instead - will devote an article on it at some point. Though I think it'd be more interesting as an "I am curious about Chase" piece than a "does this actually help anyone do better with women" piece, so I won't make it a huge priority. Will just be a "Chase feels like reliving his journey today and wants to write about himself" piece for when that mood strikes.

Chase

Boss's picture

I know you were never asked this, but how do you tell that a girl stinks or not?

I know there are obvious signs to see if a girls dirty; if you can smell her a mile away, if she looks dirty, but how do you tell if girls smell in not so obvious ways.

There's nothing worse then when you're about to fuck a hot chick and she smells like shit, horrible experience and a turn off.

I can't tell you how many times a girls pussy smelled like fish, or was musty and hot, or when you're hitting it from the back her ass smells like straight shit, or her other body parts stinks, like her underarms, feet, etc. It is very bad and ruins the total experience for me.

You would think women would take pride in smelling good and washing up.

Anyway, if you have any kind of tips, I'd greatly appreciate it, I can't keep telling girls to wash up forever.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Boss-

If you get the girl with pungent ass smell in doggystyle, I just get out of that position and put her on her back and switch to adapted missionary. You don't smell it when your face is up where her face is.

If you're going to eat her out just have her shower with you first and get it all nice and scrubbed down there. Can serve as foreplay too. Just don't shag in the shower if you intend to use a condom (messy, and easy to 'forget' the condom in the shower).

Foot odor is gross, I agree. If I have a girl I'm seeing regularly who has this, I will just complain to her about it until she changes it. I had one girl who would come over to my place, take her shoes off, and the whole apartment would stink. I would open the window and make her go wash her feet to get the stink away. Eventually it stopped happening... I don't even know what she changed to fix that. I think she threw the shoes away. And maybe started changing her socks more often... no idea. But I guess me making her wash her feet made her realize it was a problem and got her to decide to solve it.

If it's a girl you're sleeping with the first time, usually just grin, bear it, and get the nut.

Then after sex tell her she needs to freshen up because that is pungent as all get-out.

Chase

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