The Feminine Conundrum: Why Do Women Contradict Themselves So Much? | Girls Chase

The Feminine Conundrum: Why Do Women Contradict Themselves So Much?

Chase Amante

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women contradict themselves
Women contradict themselves a lot. But they don’t always do so for the same reasons... They have 5 different ones, in fact.

She tells you she’s past her hookup phase and doesn’t just hook up with guys anymore. An hour later she’s fumbling with your belt buckle to pull down your pants and give you a blow job.

She tells you she’s done dating bad boys. But after your best bad boy performance, she’s already texting you a few days later to see when you want to do it again.

She tells you at the ordering window she doesn’t want anything to drink. Five minutes later she’s gulped down most of your cola and left you with an almost-empty cup.

She texts you she doesn’t want to be around a guy with friends like yours. Then she shows up at your door that night anyway, a big grin on her face... even after you told her you’re not dropping your friends for her.

She tells you she doesn’t want anything serious with you. A few months later she picks a big blow-up fight because she feels like it isn’t going anywhere.

She tells you she hates people who contradict themselves all the time. Then she contradicts herself again.

Spend any time around women and you’ve no doubt seen this. Most of these contradictions you get used to once you’ve seen them enough. But even if you’re a grizzled romantic veteran, women will still pull out contradictions that make your mental gears grind to a halt. And the only thing you can do is stare, jaw agape, and ask yourself, “What on Earth...? How can both of these sentiments come from the same person?”

Today we’re going to explore this feminine conundrum. We’re going to resolve all the contradictions around the female tendency to contradict.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Alessandro's picture

Hey Chase,
Alessandro from Italy here.

Something particular has happened to me. Via Tinder, I met an actress. She didn't reply very much. One day, I added her on Facebook (she has two profiles) and, noticing that my friendship request was going nowhere, I removed the request from her first profile and added her second profile. She wrote me a message on Tinder asking: ''Why did you remove your request?''

At the end, we started chatting on Facebook. Since she is surrended by actors, male models and so on, I decided to enter the intimacy of emotions.

She invested hugely: giant compliance, super long messages and so on. She is into me. Big emotional connection... and I rewarded her investment.

The problem is: she is on tv, she goes to parties with famous people, she is a perfect 9-10, amazing body... she travels a lot.

I am an handsome doctor, but, since I am just entering the world of medicine, I can't afford travels, mundanity... and my car is old and almost broken.

There's something I can do?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Alessandro-

She's just a girl. She gets more attention than ordinary, and might be around more wealthy/high status men. But that doesn't rule you out.

Some actresses totally buy into the scene. They drink the Kool-Aid. And they only want to date other actors (or directors), and then only ones with bigger names and statuses than their own.

But there are other actresses who treat acting as an art, a passion, and a career, but not a social club. These actresses often date outside the acting world. Doctors, lawyers, upper management / executives in companies. Etc.

If she isn't acting hoity toity with you she's likely in this latter group, so I wouldn't worry about what your competition looks like in her world. You may be a breath of fresh air for her.

Remember too that women don't only judge men on what they've achieved now, but on what they expect those men to achieve in the future, too. A guy who's fresh out of medical school typically has a promising career ahead of him.

Chase

Deans's picture

Hey Chase,
What do you think of James Dean?
I saw you mentioned his raw emotionalism is your article on Old Sex Symbols.
Would you say his body language is a right one to emulate? I personally think that there is something compelling about the way he moves and especially his eye movements but I have not seen any actor come up with something like that.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Deans-

He's a compelling figure. His kind of energy is hard to get down right. And past a certain age it looks too immature. But to be the rebellious, emotional guy when young, IF you can get it down right, is extremely powerful.

His greatest power is in his authenticity/congruence. He is a free man, who does what he wants and acts what he feels, in a way a lot of modern men don't.

I expect had he lived longer, he would've evolved into a personality profile along the lines of a Steve McQueen. Or perhaps a Marlon Brando.

I talked about James Dean more in this article:

Old Fashioned Sex Symbols vs. Modern Male Stars: What’s the Difference?

Chase

SZ's picture

For some reason clubs aren't what they used to be for some reason. Too many dudes, couples, girls that are stuck up, idk if it's where I'm going, but a lot of clubs and bars are like this. The clubs before weren't like this, it was more females, more people in general, better looking girls, a whole lot has changed and idk why. It's every single spot I go to, about 7 all suck bad.

You got any idea on what could have happened, it all happened at the same time?

So I guess I'll have to do day game.

I want level up fast with day game, so I'm willing to do whatever it takes.

Unfortunately where I'm at doenst have a city, so I can't approach much.

I've been to malls, coffee shops, grocery stores, etc. And I bullshit you not, there is no traffic there. I might see one girl or two, I want to be able to find a place where I can just keep approaching and working on day game, I just need a place with the traffic of a club, but not the club, and to also not look like a guy who just goes around there picking up chicks.

I feel the club can't be matched with the number of women you can holla at, butvi know people don't even like the club and clean up with day game. I want to do that.

I want to practice hard with this and not just depend on the club. If you have any suggestions on where else I could look for day game traffic , id appreciate it.

Taking action feels so good.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

Good to see you in action.

Yes, that happens with clubs.

At some point in a club's lifecycle, it turns into a sausage party. Almost without fail. Once-awesome venues become 70% or 80% male. Even most good places will still be 60%+ male. Difficult to find good spots with favorable ratios. And quite often, the places that are 50/50 male/female are the popular clubs, dance clubs, etc., where it's difficult to make a connection or pull.

Best thing you can do is keep looking for new places. But don't necessarily write a place off due to a poor ratio. Most men don't approach much, or don't much know what they're doing when they do. Most men have to be somewhat drunk (and sloppy) before they talk to new girls. So even when the ratio is not in your favor, most men aren't really much competition. Also, the moderately high ratio places sometimes attract women who are specifically searching for men to hook up with. If the ratio gets too bad, this stops (girls don't feel safe going to places that are 80% men; and anyway, the kinds of men who will frequent these venues usually aren't the créme de la créme). But at maybe 65% men you can still find plenty of girls there who want to hook up in some venues.

For daytime, best if you have higher traffic nearby towns you can visit. If not, I'd suggest you talk to various attractive women and ask them where they do their shopping and what days they go on. Check those places out at the times they recommend and see what the foot traffic is like. Also check university campuses and other places young people congregate.

If there's not much in the way of options for daytime in your area, I'd still suggest you hit up nightlife and hone your craft as much as possible there. That way when you do get the chance to make daytime approaches, you won't be flying completely blind and will have some sharper skills to bring to bear.

Chase

Anonymous 's picture

Hey Chase,

Just read your reply (comfy relationship) it seems from the two options you gave me that I'm going to be running around fucking girls either way, and I can say that one of them will happen, expect for the marriage part.

I've been in this relationship so long because it honestly just flew by, then I woke up one day realizing that I needed to start getting more girls and lays. I actually used the lines from the break up article you have on here countless times to no avail, she would get so sad every time, not fake tears, but really sad tears and make me feel bad, she depends on me for happiness, I'm like one if the only things that make her happy, I just feel bad, being with her isn't terrible, we have fun, but she's more than just some pussy, she's someone that I care for a lot, so I just said forget about it and was with her for some years, while also bringing it up to her what I want to do. I didn't have any friends to hang out with or seen any attractive girls anywhere, so we just kept going. I tried it out and realize that I can't do this for a long time or I'll regret it.

I hope you don't think marriage is on my mind at all. It's more or less I don't want to deal with her being so sad, that's why I said id fuck girls behind her back, but thats not enough, I need to get these girls with a free mind and conscience.

When I talk to her it's like she can't understand that I want to fuck other girls and live my life, it's like I have to keep blurtting it out, she just doesn't understand, and since we're older, saying you just want to fuck girls sounds kind of childish so I tried to word it different.

Shit, just a few days ago I tried again, had the same guilty feeling and felt bad, I just feel bad doing this, her crying so bad makes me feel very bad, so I felt it would be better to just fuck around with other chicks on the low, but that's not freedom to me.

I hope you don't think I'm completely hopeless to make your advice work, kind of makes me already feel defeated.

I have to do this tho, it has been on my mind every single second, the past few months, I can't stop thinking about sleeping with other women. I am depressed because I regret not sleeping with all of the girls I found unattractive when younger, it's biting me in my ass, and I'm just depressed and regretful. That's all I think about. She can tell also that I'm stressing about something, but she can't act like it's normal that I want to be a guy and just fuck different women, it always has to be a big deal and not understandable on her part.

I can't let time pass by anymore, the adventure doesn't stop here.

I want to do this, i don't want to marry, have kids, until I get this done. It will haunt me forever and I will do it eventually like you said, and I don't want a mid life crisis.

It's making me so depressed, I feel weak. I hope it's not that hard for me to get good, I don't feel that hopeless, all of this is just so foreign to me because my mind isn't straight right now. I feel o can do ok, hope it won't be as bad as you think it would be.

Anyway, this is something that has to be done because I will grow crazier than I am now the longer this keeps going.

Either way I'm not happy with myself now, so I have to do something, I just hope that you don't think I'm hopeless, like in your reply, I think I can do good.

Anonymous 's picture

So I happen to read this article, found it by accident. It was saying that men with high testosterone don't commit, even when they do, they are still sleeping with girls. They said that men sleeping with other girls while in a relationship have the same testosterone levels as single men, but men who don't sleep around in a relationship will have lower T, and sleeping with just one girl makes your T even lower.

They were saying are men faithful because they have low T? And don't have the chance to sleep with women, unlike the high T guy? The high T guy basically just sleeps with women because he has so much choice .

I don't believe im low T at all because all I do is think about sleeping with other girls, I just haven't because I don't like to do that, I have had a few girls throw themselves at me, but like I said my friends and I haven't been going out, and I haven't really seen cute girls like that, so I just said forget it, but I realized that I can't do this, I'm still young, and I agree with the article in a sense because I should be sleeping with other girls as a high value man, I'm not where I want to be exactly yet, but I am working on it. I do feel kind of "low T" I guess because I'm not sleeping around, so it does make me feel a little less than myself.

Like I said I'd rather not do it behind her back, too much drama, but at the same time, when I say it, all I get is tears and no understanding that I want to so what guys do, that this is causing me to miss out, the worse part of this all chase is that, I never wanted to be committed, it just happened and now she got what she wanted. So I feel bad because I want what I want, but I still care for this girl as someone close to me. I still feel I need to sleep around tho.

I'm extremely depressed because I have been so picky with girls that I didn't sleep with much and now I'm like, I can't do this anymore, I can't be that guy that doesn't get girls, I can't be that guy that struggles anymore. My past haunts me of all the girls I didn't sleep wjth, people making fun of me for not sleeping around, making fun of me because even tho I had a girl ( different girl, forced relationship), I didn't still sleep around, even a fool because I said I would tell her. I'm tired of this shit. I need to change it.

You telling me to break up with her is the right thing because you have morals, so don't feel bad.

But I can't any longer, it eats at me every second and I mean it, she notices it in my attitude, that's why we always talk about it. If I don't get this done it'll get worse, and like you said I believe that it will happen eventually because it will drive me so mad. It has to be done. I would love to have her stay, so she can be happy and I can do me. I'll be happy talking to her too, but as a man I feel i need to do what I want, I feel less than a man not doing it. I feel i need to keep her to make her happy and I have to sleep around too, idk man.

Tell me what you think about the article.

And to answer your question, Yes, I do want to be the man that a lot of girls like.

Let me know what to do, how many times to go out, where to go, etc.

I thank you so much

Anonymous 's picture

Chase, you're the real fuckin deal man! I just read your article, but I already told her what's up a few days ago. Your whole article is exactly what I'm going through to a T. Wow.

"But in a suboptimal relationship, you have no real outlet for these urges.

You might: Not much want sex with your suboptimal partner

THIS!

Find yourself denied sex sometimes or often by her

THIS!

Get horny all the time thinking of some other, hotter girl

THIS!

Have a constant itch to seek out new women

THIS! "

All of this is True! How the hell are you so good at this?!

Go to bars with friends and feel left behind as you watch them flirt

THIS!

I know I wrote a lot on this article, but I solved most of the problems, hope you'll still look through them tho.

I just told her I wasn't ready for all of this, I seen that you wrote to tell her you need more experience, and I know you're the master of this stuff, but I feel if a girl hears that, it makes you look weaker in her eyes, like you're not who she thought you were if you tell her this. Idk that's just my opinion.

I had a few questions on the article though.

1. "You can’t always have your cake and eat it too. But sometimes you can."

If this does happen in relationships, where you can go free and she stays loyal, how do you know she won't try to have her cake as well? I want her to be loyal while I'm free.

2. " Or he gets old and his sex drive declines or his health declines to the point he no longer seeks out new women"

I never, ever want this to happen to me ever, how do I avoid this?

3. "For one am pretty hard core about ‘never settle’. But I realize a lot of guys are not as hard core on this as that."

Do you recommend this for life at any age? Even marriage and old age? If so, please explain because I want to know.

4. I think there should be a part two of the article about breaking up, of what we should do after this happens if were inexperienced.

Maybe you can link me some articles, but I won't lie, I have no type of idea on how to succeed and I want to avoid all of these frustrating girl problems as much as possible because I have delt with them plenty of times when i was single.

I'm pretty much clueless, but ready to learn whatever I have to, and I am alone in this, I have to do all of this on my own with no type of friends.

I know you have articles on what to do already, but idk if there's more one should learn in this type of situation of not having freedom in so long with not a lot of experience. It's like, I know what to do, but I don't, if that makes sense.

It's hard to have the confidence when you haven't had a lot of attention from other girls for a while.

If you have anything to take from what I wrote, take this, I am doing something I have never ever done before with this new lifestyle I'm about to have, so it's gonna be hard to change myself; I don't cold approach or go to places by myself, I never done this before, if you have any advice let me know!

Anyway I'm ready to learn and succeed!

I want to thank you so much Chase!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Well, with the experience thing. I know there's a desire as a man to always present yourself as having your shit together. You're this strong, powerful dude who has no inner turmoil and is not lacking in any way. But if you actually are that dude, you won't give her the experience explanation. You'll just use the, "Hey babe, you're great, you're perfect, you're everything I want, but I've gotta bang more girls. So what do we do?" one.

Saying you need more experience is not saying you're inexperienced, either. You could've been with 80 women, and still be able to say baby, you're so wonderful, but I haven't finished my journey yet. There is this need, deep inside me, to experience more women yet. I have not reached the point where I'm ready to just pick one and be with her forever. It does not make you look weak.

Girls crying / you feeling sad... yeah, that sucks. It's something you have to overcome though. Staying in a relationship because you feel bad about breaking up with her is kind but misguided. If you tell her this yourself ("I almost feel like we should break up, except I just feel like I'd be hurting you so much and it makes me sad to think of you sad"), she'll probably disabuse you of it herself. Most women do not want to be with a man who is primarily with them because he feels bad for them. Those relationships are never all that good.

I never, ever want this to happen to me ever, how do I avoid this?

Haha. Age happens to all men. A 75-year-old man doesn't care about going out to sleep with random women anymore, but for a very small minority of 75-year-old men. This is not something to fight for or correct against. Any more than a child who looks ahead at puberty and says, "Yuck! I don't EVER want to have to kiss girls! How do I make sure I never want to do that?" will be able to stop himself from growing up.

The only thing I'd advise you avoid is premature sex drive loss (i.e., you don't want to be 50 and impotent). For that, just eat healthy (lots of meat & vegetables), get enough sleep, lift weights, and keep yourself around beautiful, sexy, flirtatious women.

Do you recommend this for life at any age? Even marriage and old age? If so, please explain because I want to know.

Not sure I follow. Do you mean do I recommend men never settle at any age?

I try not to make recommendations around settling or not settling, typically. You will not convince a man not to settle. This is a deep, emotional, personal decision... one largely the result of his personality + his circumstances. Some outside guy like me telling him, "No dude, don't settle!" has zero sway.

When I say "don't settle", by the way, I don't mean "You should always be a full-on bachelor forever." All I mean is do you seek out and secure your innermost desires? Are the women you date close to ideal for you? Or are you making choices that are okay, but less than your ideal and it always kind of nags at you?

As for what to do after you break up when you're inexperienced - well, it's the same thing as every other guy just finding Girls Chase for the first time. Take the quiz, do the Newbie Assignment. Get yourself in action, and go from simple and easy to increasingly more daunting. Level up your fundamentals, level up your game, and get yourself out there.

Chase

Anonymouz's picture

Hey Chase,

I'm not assuming you know everything, I just want your opinion on it and what you know.

So you didn't like my majors huh ? Lol all I can say is I'm not working at any type of Starbucks or anything like that lol. I thought you gave me a list that I could get good jobs without worrying about a stem degree?

The bad thing is Chase, is that I'm almost done with school, I fell for the you need to go to college crap, and I'm a few semesters away from completing, so I have to finish this, plus I have debt so I gotta go back because I'm not ready to pay it now.

Didn't know anything about majors like that until recently, and I'm almost done, so I gotta be done.

I have my associates , and I can't get in a lot of courses because some are limited by classes you had to take before. I Can't take a lot of classes because I don't have the credits for a lot of majors.

I have a limited choice because I was just taking classes, not aware at all what I was supposed to go to school for.

Here are more majors I looked up, tell me what you think, these are the only majors i have left.

Applied science concentration in information technology,

economics (maybe if math is not too bad),  

general studies information technology or some else,

interdisciplinary social science in economics or information studies,

journalism

Have any idea at all on a major for someone bad at math at all? Im looking at everything.

I looked at trades to and if I do one, it'll be after I'm done with school, thing is I Have to also take a math test for trades, so don't know if I can do that either. Idk how much math is involved with trades, but if you have an idea please tell me. Also don't trades discriminate against older people? Don't they want super young guys ?

My plan is this Chase, I am almost done with school, so I'll pick the best major I can, while in school, i will try to work on a business, and get a pretty decent paying job, then after I'm done I'll look for some better paying jobs, or I'll go to trade school, but I will be working on a business while in school and will try to have it up and running before I graduate.

I just want to work for myself because I'm tired of depending on jobs to live my life.

I want to have my own way to make money and to travel the world with no constraints.

I have come to realize that having a job might not be for me, I can't depend on someone else for a job, I hate having to apply everywhere, having to have a boss, I don't like that Idea, I want to make my own job and have my own way to make money my way.

I'm just wondering what businesses can I start or make money when I want while in school.
Can a person horrible in math even make a successful business?
That way when I'm done with school, I'll have something already lined up.

Just want your opinion, let me know all of your thoughts, thanks!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anonymouz-

Economics you need to be good at math for, generally. Although you won't be doing trigonometry or anything like that. Could be a good choice if you'd like to work at a bank (and if you want to make money, what better choice than to deal with it directly).

Journalism is a dying trade. Journalists have poor pay and insane hours, and most of them are miserable. I wouldn't recommend that path if a good, stable job is your objective. The other majors I don't know about.

There is nothing else I can say on majors and career paths than what I've already shared:

What Career, Trade, or Skill Should I Pursue?

If you're not partial to any of my solutions, I'd suggest you ask others for their advice. You might find someone else with different suggestions from mine that more appeal to you.

Chase

Anonymouz's picture

1. Does this apply to girls who say they have a boyfriend? "Do you freak out? Get defeated and give up? Or do you shrug your shoulders, let it roll right off your back, and proceed with confidence and aplomb?" Should we should just keep pushing if we hear that?

2. "Any time there’s no benefit to bringing it back up, and especially if this is your first time with a girl and/or you’re not going to see her again, it’s usually best to ignore the contradiction"

How do you never see a girl again? I have a hard time with this unless it's on their terms, I want to have it on mine.

3. I'm sitting here realizing that I need to be successful financially, despite having a sucky degree, or a sucky job, I need to find a way to push pass those negatives and find a way to make money dispite them. I don't feel confident because of my math problem and I can't accept living a mediocre life making shit money, even though I worked my ass off to learn math, but still couldn't do it, even though I wasted so much time, I tried my ass off. I refuse to make low money, I just don't know what to look up or what to do to make a good living despite my disadvantages.

If you have any tips, I 'll be very happy.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anonymouz-

Yes, just shrug and proceed anyway. If the boyfriend is real and/or she isn't interested, she'll let you know, and you can bow out. But there's no point freaking out or ejecting, unless it's clear to you she simply is not interested.

As for how to never see girls again... very easy. After you've slept with them, either that night or the next morning, you tel them you had a great time, give them a kiss goodbye, and send them on their ways. Then send a nice warm "had a great time" text. And don't text again after that.

Chase

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