Too Girl Crazy? When Meeting Girls is Your #1 Hobby | Girls Chase

Too Girl Crazy? When Meeting Girls is Your #1 Hobby

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

girl crazy
Everybody says you need more in your life than just approaching girls. But when ‘girls’ becomes your obsession, how do you balance it out?

If you’re at beginner or intermediate status with women, you might be in this position. You shouldn’t have girls as your primary (or only!) hobby. You know that. You’ve heard it from countless skilled guys. Women are most attracted to men who have their lives together, have other things going on, and are, well, interesting. It makes perfect sense to you, and you agree, of course.

Yet nevertheless, meeting girls is still your #1 hobby. It might even be your only hobby. You’re girl crazy. ‘Girls’ is the pastime that occupies your head space and free time almost exclusively.

This is a pretty natural thing to have happen when you’re deep into learning a skill. People who focus on skill acquisition in a hardcore way usually restructure their lives around the skill they’re learning. If you aim to become a bodybuilder, you restructure your entire life around putting on muscle and the gym. If you aim to become a novelist, you restructure your life around writing and editing. Everything else takes a back seat.

But here’s the challenge: what you talk to women about is going to reflect how you spend your time. And if all you do is go out to meet girls, what the heck can you talk about with them then?

Comments

Alchemist's picture

"It’s not going to be that way forever. You probably won’t reach 68 years old and still be focused on going out every night and reading Girls Chase every day and messaging your other senior citizen buddies to talk about what happened last night with this raunchy chick you had over."

Challenge accepted Chase :)

---

On a more serious note though. I can definitely relate to this. I read, write, talk about and live pickup. I'm about to graduate from CS and I've come to realize I do not want to live a life full of 9 to 5 in SCRUM meetings.

To be completely honest, I love the fact that I've found something that I'm so passionate about, and not just passionate but also dedicated. I've hustled through its ups and downs. I never want to lose this drive. Jordan B. Peterson talks about dominance hierarchies, if you want to be at the top of your domain you have to put in more dedicated hours than anyone else, from an earlier age. The law of diminishing returns kicks in of course, so most people (and especially most women) prefer to have 80% success over multiple domains rather than going all in on a single domain, like some crazy subset of men :P

I am aware that at some point you're going to be calling it quits for GC. From various previous posts you've also mentioned that this isn't a highly profitable niche. And the way you tackled it business-wise was not optimal in terms of ROI but highly educational for business development.

There has got to be new frontiers, perhaps with virtual reality and artificial intelligence. In the very long term I think many people will simply enjoy virtual sex, which will be impossible to distinguish from real life. But for now, perhaps men can be coached with VR headsets. It's crazy to think about the exponential growth of technology and how different the (sexual) landscape will be even in the next 10 to 20 years.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Challenge accepted, eh? :)

Yeah, 9-to-5 can be a drag. I sometimes romanticize my 9-to-5 years when I look back (I do this with my tire selling days, too)... but then I remember day after day, struggling to stay awake at work, not fall asleep in meetings, not be bored out of my mind with nothing to do, and all my efforts to take initiative hitting red tape walls I couldn't push them past. Check out Vinkatesh Rao's article series on The Gervais Principle if you haven't yet for a solid grasp of the different stuff that goes on in an office:

Still worth doing if you have no better options after school. Can give you some time to think and get you paid in the meantime. And you may build worthwhile contacts or figure out certain things you want to do / don't want to do. There is value there. But if you're a man with a plan you probably won't want to hang around long, unless you can find a way to fast track yourself up the corporate ladder.

Dating's a pretty tough niche, yeah. But good learning in hard niches. I've enjoyed doing articles and information products, but I won't run another business like this. Too labor intensive with limited scalability.

VR training will for sure be a big thing. That'll have a huge, disruptive effect on the dating market, as soon as someone gets it right. We'd almost certainly look into it once VR starts to take off; they're already doing porn VR and it's apparently super immersive. Which means VR training for something like this will be done in the near future. (I mean, could probably be done now, but I don't think the tech is quite all there yet)

VR sex will be a missed blessing. A big chunk of men will just check out of real world dating, which I think is very sad. But the guys who stay in it will have it a lot easier with women due to the reduced competition from men opting out of the dating pool. They'll have men addicted to VR girlfriends long before they can build something like this for women. Men just want to get laid and have a calm, relaxing relationship. Women want a man who takes care of them, lets them feel his strength, and can deal with their tests in deft, strong ways. I doubt we'll be programming blockbuster VR boyfriends for women anytime soon, which will make a quite uneven sexual marketplace.

Chase

Max's picture

Hey Chase,
An off topic question, regarding relationships. I've been with a girl for nearly 2 years and it's a serious relationship. Lately I've noticed she keeps insulting/disrespecting and ignoring me or my opinions. Including shouting at me if I have a friends night out. I know I am the weak one here. She legit gave me an ultimatum between her and my life dream ( Join Navy). Please suggest how to be the one in control, after slipping down so much!
Thanks a lot!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Max-

Check out these articles:

If you're staying in this relationship, you'll need to completely overhaul yourself and it. That's going to take time. How much time depends on how bad it's gotten, whether this girl is always like this and this is just her natural personality you're seeing or whether this is purely a result of the state of the relationship (and you), and how far off you are from being a guy she can respect again.

If you don't join the Navy after she gave you an ultimatum telling you to choose her or it, you look even weaker and lose even more power. Especially if she knows it's important to you. I'd suggest you pick dream over girl; you can always replace the girl. Often can't replace the dream. It might suck when you're on a boat for 7 months with no girl back home and just a handful of ugly chicks on the boat with you and every other sailor is after them too, but you'll meet more girls, and hopefully some that are better suited for being with a seaman and won't freak out about him being an officer or an enlisted.

Chase

SZ's picture

Im crazy about everything, I'm stressing over here!

1. I have so many things to work on and improve on with everything, I am literally going mad.

I'm thinking about improvement with everything in life, and it's maddening.

I'm so stressed out about achieving all of these goals in a short time.

You have any tips for me to complete all of my many goals and not be so stressed about it. I think about it every waking moment and can't sleep because I'm always thinking about how imma do this and that.

2. What would you say is the fastest way to get laid, besides getting many approaches under your belt; I'm trying to make the approaches easier.

What's the cheat code that I can use to speed this up?

I'm trying to make this as easy and fast for me.

As a black man, what can I do right now? Should I just put on packs of muscle? Uhh..... What else can I do? I want to find out what I can do now to clean up. I want to make this a 2 year plan to sleep with 100 girls, I'm not saying that it will, but that's the thought, I want to get it over and done with for my sanity. After this, I can have a piece of mind.

I'm thinking muscles, vibe, and directness. Idk what else would work

100 girls in two years is like 1 a week.

I feel my fundamentals are pretty decent because I can get numbers, I can get girls attracted.

I just need to get more dates and lays. I guess it's the closing part. Those are my two biggest problems I have been facing for years. I need to fix this. I can get many numbers, but I always get flaked on. If I can fix this then I will be able to finally move on.

I need to get to the dates and the lays. Those are my sticking points.

3. As you get older and say if you want to settle down for a while, but then you want to jump back into the game, what would you recommend?

I actually want to fuck different girls forever, but I don't want to lose girls I really like and repeating the cycle. If you have any tips I'd appreciate it.

Thanks.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

Man, these are all the same questions you've been asking me for years. The ouroboros loop goes like this:

  • SZ: Chase, I've got too many things to work on. What do I do?
  • Chase: SZ, pick one and focus on it.
  • SZ: Chase, which one do I pick?
  • Chase: I can't make that decision for you, man. It's on you.
  • SZ: I know, but Chase, which one do I pick?
  • Chase: All right man. Pick business. Here are the reasons.
  • SZ: Thanks Chase. I'm going to start working on business.
  • ...
  • SZ: Chase, I've got too many things to work on. What do I do?
  • Chase: SZ, pick one and focus on it.
  • ... and the snake eats its tail

The 100 girls in 2 years plan is another chestnut you've been talking about for a while. I think you first pitched that 2-year plan 3 years ago. Have you even started on this project? It sounds a whole lot like Jamie Foxx's business idea from Collateral that he tells everyone about but has taken no action on in the 12 years he's been talking about it to folks for:

The cheat codes and shortcuts I've answered multiple times over the years too. Although come to think of it, "notch count cheat codes" might make for a really fun article, so maybe I'll put all those together again in a proper article (which I can then link the next time you ask this, instead of repeating myself again, or telling you to look up my past responses to this question).

3. As you get older and say if you want to settle down for a while, but then you want to jump back into the game, what would you recommend?

Well, just make sure you get a pre-nup. And don't ever give her the whole "I'll love you forever and never leave you and will always take care of you no matter what, babe" spiel. Women don't get enraged because you left; they get enraged because you told them you'd never leave, then you left.

Either that or open relationship / polyamory / swingers / The Lifestyle, a la Colt's new series on this. Tha'ts another option.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

I swear, every time I come on this site there is an article that directly relates to something I'm experiencing in my personal life.

Lately I've gotten completely burned-out from talking to women. I've been at it now for almost eight years and I really don't feel like I've made nearly as much progress as I should have. Sometimes I still feel like a beginner. After a recent string of rather brutal rejections and unexpected flakes I'm starting to feel like this "hobby" of mine isn't bringing me much value anymore. I'll be the first to admit that this lifestyle has shaped my character and taught me many lessons I would not otherwise have learned, but I'm certainly approaching diminishing returns at this point. Women just don't seem like they are worth the effort to me anymore. The value just isn't there. Even the prospect of getting laid just isn't motivating me to jump over the hurdles like it used to.

I have come to the rather unsettling realization that girls have been my number one hobby to the exclusion of everything else and this has likely been hurting me. It has taken me all this time to understand that I could be growing in so many other directions that I'm neglecting. It's rather difficult to find people who can relate to my experience in all this as most people I talk to about pickup seem to think that it is "predatory" or "creep" behavior, so it's also been a rather lonely path. I need to get out. I need to branch out. I'll never stop approaching women but I definitely need to start taking more care of other aspects of my life.

Thanks, Chase, for reminding me that I'm not alone in all of this. You just confirmed what I've slowing been learning for a while now. I think I'm going to start hitting the gym now and maybe pick up an instrument.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Yeah, eight years and not making great progress is rough. Usually it's a sign something crucial is missing - could be something in how you present, something in how you are learning, etc. Past a certain point you won't figure it out by continuing to bash your head on the wall. Sometimes time away can do the trick though... you take time off, level up in other fields, and when you come back everything has just changed, in a very good way. And you won't even fully understand why. You'll have theories, but won't really know.

Hope your new foci bear fruit. You may find that after 4 months or 6 months or 8 months of going hard on something else, if you then circle back to women, suddenly (after a week or two shaking off rust) you're doing much better than you did before.

Chase

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