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Over time, a once-great relationship may get, well… boring. If
you’re in a stale relationship, does that mean it’s over?
Being in a long-term relationship is a pretty big accomplishment.
It’s something most guys strive to eventually find, and there are a lot of benefits that come along with it.
Contents
However, if you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship, or you’re currently in one, then you know it requires a lot of work.
Because there are two people involved, there are a lot of moving parts. And as Chase already wrote, most long-term relationships tend to move through 4 different phases:
Beginning (blissful) ? Taming (fraught) ? Boredom (grinding) ? End (painful)
Today I want to write about the “boredom” phase – also known as the “stale” phase – and what you can do about it if you’re in the thick of it.
Comments
Not a proper GirlsChase article
The article starts with some good points but as it goes on, things start to feel off and the climax comes when Monika suggests the way to break up is to sneakily ask your partner out an straight-out shoot him, without her expecting it, with break-up "bullets".
This is NOT a genuine man's way to break up, it's womanly, sneaky practices. The genuine man, in my humble opinion, finds a heated moment (or CREATES as he is the leader of the relationship, like for example a guys night, even though his girlfriend gets mad with that) and THEN, he turns to his partner and says something like :
"Listen babe, I want to say something to you...I really love you and the relationship between us is one of the best things I've felt...but the truth is that I don't FEEL I am able to give you the things you want from a partner anymore and I'll probably hurt you if we continue."
The thing is, if you pay attention, every woman has commitment-related-things that demands from her partner(like kids or moving in together)..and if he won't give her that and she knows that...she'll auto-reject ultimately. These are not my thoughts...I've read a lot of GirlsChase articles (and try to practise a lot of them too ;) ) and so I've read the article about how to break up with a girl. I believe that if you're a genuine man or strive to be, you don't want to hurt women, you want to release them to find a partner that will give her more commitment that you...although, if you follow GirlsChase's advice you'll probably be one of her best experiences... ;)
Chase, a direct message to you, as you are the creator and leader of all this treasure of knowledge (although your whole team is awesome, but that's another story)..
Man...this a men's site..even the most experienced woman, or the most logical one, can't give "GirlsChasy" advice...GirlChase is like a secret society for men that look behind the curtain and self-improve..I hope this isn't a business move or something to make your site more mainstream...the content in this site is PURE GOLD...keep it that way and keep it real...and keep it manly...This is not about any anti-feminist personal views...it's just that I don't believe women can't give efficient and robust dating advice (and you said that too in an article of yours).
No hard feelings to Monika, I'm sure if we've met we'll be good pals (not lovers, I'm currently in a long-term relationship)
Waiting for your replies and I hope more of the readers will discuss this concern of me, a.. fanatical(not in a creepy way) reader of GirlsChase.
Cheers,
John Greco.
I feel like you. Normally I
I feel like you. Normally I am all for judging a theory by itself regardless of the author. But dating advice is a different story. The topic includes an extreme amount of concepts. Many of them are highly dependent on circumstances. A core concept of this site is to only write about stuff the author has experienced himself. As a woman she can`t experience breaking up as a male.
She is a fish giving fishing advice. Lesbian experiences don`t cut it. And btw. a degree in Neuroscience proves rational intelligence and book-smarts. Not exactly the type of people you turn to for social advice either.
So there we go. Chase you rock. She likely is a great person and impressed you, but having her write here is a strong contradiction to previous and proven content. Only exception is if you layed her. ;-) We can let that slip then.^^
About this article: I can`t find much I have to strongly disagree with, but that´s actually the trap. A lot of detrimental dating ideas sound right and are spread by people who neither have the experience nor bear the consequences. For this reason I tend to stick to a few male authors who have proven themselves by providing established, personally tested content mixed with new ideas over a longer period of time.
Article Revised; Comments on Male vs. Female Explanatory Style
Thanks for the comments on this, John and Someguy. I've snipped the most offending portion of the article.
I'd agree with Monika's breakup advice for short-term relationships where the girl is kind of batty and has unrealistic expectations. However, if it's a longer-term relationship, then agreed... this approach makes the relationship feel a little too trivilialized.
The rest of the article I feel is pretty good. However, it's written in a "female style". Which is... a little too nice? Too considerate sounding? Maybe not explanatory enough.
Which is weird. Because I'll tell guys to be nice and considerate. But I guess I do it in ways that are not female nice/considerate ways to tell guys that? Let me explore this. Hmm.
So, like, I'd say, "Make sure you grab her at a time you can actually have a dramatic conversation and not have it blow up both your schedules. Don't grab her when she's walking out the door to go to work, and now she's going to have to sit there all day with this unfinished discussion about how you want to break up with her, and her boss is asking her to finish this report and she's just crying or yelling at the fat girl in the cubicle next to her or whatever."
Maybe the difference is I am going more into depth about what the woman's psychology is, and using humor to break up the tension of telling you to do something considerate toward the woman, so the man can be like, "Oh, yes. I get it. That WOULD be a bad time to do that. Makes sense," without feeling like he is being instructed to kowtow to the woman's needs.
Whereas Monika is more assuming the reader will see this advice and immediately go, "Yes, of course." More of a cognitive load on the reader to figure out what she means. And leaves more open to imagination / misinterpretation, particularly considering the author's sex and the current divisive sexual environment. e.g., is she saying don't stop her before work for some kind of feminist reason? A woman's job is important and you must wait for when she is unoccupied? You know she probably doesn't mean that, but because it isn't spelled out you still have to take time to think about it. Which reduces clarity and enjoyment in the article.
I suspect that's the main issue. Lots of good points, but not delved into with 100% clarity. That plus the lack of familiarity with the author + the fact that the author is a woman herself makes her meanings less clear and the article more open to (potentially unfavorable) interpretation.
Monika's a sharp cookie and knows her stuff, from the other articles I've seen by her on the Gotham Club site. We'll see if we can figure out what the right balance is with her / what topics are safe / etc., if she'll write more for GC in the future.
Chase
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