The Perfect Date is Romantically Fun | Girls Chase

The Perfect Date is Romantically Fun

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

perfect date
The perfect date is the right kind of enjoyable. Not platonic, friendly fun – but romantic, sexual fun, instead.

Six and a half years ago, I wrote about Why “Fun” is a Seduction Killer, designed to wrest you out of the ‘need to please’ mindset on dates so many guys carry about. That is, lots of guys will try their darnedest to make dates an absolute blast for girls... And end up constructing dates that are too contrived, too entertaining, or that violate our five Cs of dating.

I’d like to add a corollary to the “don’t make dates super fun” rule now. That corollary is this:

The ideal date is one both daters enjoy themselves in a sexual and romantic way.

If both daters enjoy themselves in a sexual/romantic way, there’s a high likelihood the date will end well. Either with a kiss and with the desire in both partners to see each other again (at which point you may use date compression), or with both partners falling happily into bed (at which point first-date sex is achieved; now you just need to convert her, assuming you’d like to see her again).

What’s the difference between a too-fun date that is fun in a platonic way, versus a mutually-enjoyable date that is fun in a sexy/romance-y way? That’s the distinction this post is about.

Comments

Purple's picture

Hey Chase,
thank you for another well-written article making life a little clearer when it comes to dating.

I've been having an issue registering, where after clicking submit, the page simply refreshes and adds the words 'One of your responses below was not correct.'.
I've tried re-entering information a few times without success, and would appreciate it if I could get some help.
Thanks again-Purple

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Purple-

Ah, sorry about that.

We just switched the boards over to reCAPTCHA. Should be easier to sign up on now. Want to give it another go?

If you're still having trouble, shoot us a note via the contact form from the email address you'd like to use for your account, and we'll register an account for you.

Chase

Chase

Anonymous 's picture

How did you level up so quickly Chase in 6 months after that date with that girl?

I want to get good with girls like that in a short amount of time. How often, and where should I go to level up like that? Sounds like you got really good fast.

I really don't like the idea of date compression, I kind of hate the idea; I feel like it makes things take too long. I want it on the first date, but if I like her, I don't mind too much to get it on the second.

Do you think I can just stick with my dates for one day mostly? I don't really want to do many dates.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Well, during those six months I was going out 3 to 4 days per week, talking to usually ~8 to 10 girls per outing. Taking lots of phone numbers, setting up lots of dates, and pulling girls home for one-night stands. Mixed in a little online game as well, but 95% cold approach. Also had various girlfriends or FWBs at the same time. And while I did all this, I was posting like crazy on a few pickup forums to keep myself motivated, tuned in, and focused on this stuff. I was fortunate to be on a private forum for alumni of the bootcamp I took, with a bunch of very talented playboys I could compare notes with, too.

I know guys who've progressed a lot faster than I did, as well. Usually they either have strong natural game already, starting out, or they have a great mentor they work with in-person very regularly. A few do it all on their own, maybe with some material they're studying, and are just guys with no fear about approaching, yet excellent abilities to practice deliberately and tear through new skill sets.

As for doing it in one date... Well, wait until my new course comes out. Should be out... soon? We've got about 65% of the tech in place; the product is pretty much done, Sahin is compressing our video and uploading it to the server. The first 5 hours of content or so are completely devoted to this topic.

Chase

Anonymous 's picture

I wanted to know how you slept with one woman a week so consistently? Did you have to work hard for it? Like approach 100 girls a week or go out 4 days a week and approach 20 girls?

I want to start sleeping with one girl a week starting now, then I'll sleep with more during the week.

I also wanted to know more about dive bars; how do they really look? When I imagined it at first, it looked like a chill spot , but when I look it up it looks like some small ass rock n roll whole in the wall, like a biker bar.

Is that how they really look? It looks like a saloon or something. I'm dark so I don't know if I wouldn't even fit in to that kind of joint.

Please tell me its a smooth spot with couches and some chill music.

Actually, could you show me some pics of the dive bar you speak of in your article?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Yes and no, to "did you have to work hard."

At the time I was doing a girl a week, I devoted maybe 10-15% of my waking time to women: approaching, meeting, setting up dates, holding dates, LMR, sex. Which was really not a lot of time. You get a compounding effect where once you are sleeping with new girls regularly, you become very attuned to the interest levels of various women around you, and very quick to approach the ones you know will receive you well. There is a feedback loop where success breeds more success. So that would be the "no, I did not have to work hard" answer.

On the other hand, this was not until I'd been cold approaching for over five years, and had scads of approaches, dates, and lays under my belt already. All this was necessary for me to reach that point. That would be the "yes, I had to work hard" answer. At that point, I was barely approaching, actually. I might go out and approach one or two girls a night, and the second girl I would sleep with either that night or a few days later. I was running social circle game, as well as opportunistic day and night game (out with friends during the day, see a cute girl, open her, trade numbers, sleep with her the next day. Etc.). So that hard work was not simultaneous with the results. The hard work preceded the results... often by years. Delayed gratification, if you will.

You don't usually see dark-skinned guys in dive bars, no. The few you do, however, tend to be plugged into the scene; they dress like the other folks there, act like the other folks there, and usually do quite well, since most other dark-skinned guys either won't go there or won't go fit in there / be comfortable there. The few who do fit in end up being rather unique.

Smooth spot with couches and chill music - you're thinking of lounges. Which are also quite good. And much more dark-skin-friendly.

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Great article on dating. It clarifies many points for how a perfect date looks like.
Also, now I'll remember to be playful in a way that involves her as opposed to just being a fool.

Re: Progression and girl who you had cold feet
How did you make such improvement in 5 months only?
That's very impressive!

Although I'm getting a lot more dates easily now, and having girls text me back saying they had a good time more often (except the ones who are "we're just friends"), I'm still far away from that plateau you reached in 5 months!

And also, just curious, when the girl in your example didn't reply you through text, how did you turn the situation around?
Was it through fractionation with text and call?
And finally, she took the bait with the call, and you built it up from there?
Tell me more :)

Re: STD
Ok, so I've had this question for awhile.
When we finger girls as foreplay, then we continue to put on a condom, won't that mean her juices from our finger will be in contact with our penis? If so, then STD will transfer over.

Unless we stop fingering, wash our hands and then come back to put on the condom.
But that's a little...off.

That's it.
What are your thoughts, Chase?

Thanks,
Lawliet

p.s. hopefully no cold feet for me in the next couple dates ;)

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

See my remarks two comments up for what my routine was like progressing at that time.

I don't recall how I got back in touch with her months later. This was 10+ years ago. It was probably something similar to this, however:

Assuming I sent that, and she responded in the positive to it, I would've just set a date and time from there with her over text. No call/text splitting necessary.

When we finger girls as foreplay, then we continue to put on a condom, won't that mean her juices from our finger will be in contact with our penis? If so, then STD will transfer over.

If you touch the inside of the condom with a finger you fingered her with, yes. Or if you touch your penis with a finger you fingered her with, while you put the condom on, yes. Otherwise, just use one or two fingers, and don't touch the condom or your penis with them, or at least don't touch the inside of the condom (or your penis - outside and inside) with them.

Hope no cold feet for you too!

Chase

SZ's picture

I read threw some old articles again and had some questions. I wanted to know what would be best to avoid crazy girls and bringing them back to your house. I'm kind of lost because to avoid false claims you said we should avoid giving our addresses to women, but you also recommend that we date somewhere close by where we live, so they would come to our house easier. I'm confused on if I should just go to girls houses or should I have dates close to my house and go to my house after?

1. Which would you decide is better for getting some and not to have false claims? My house or her house?

2. How would I plan a date close to her place and have success? I remember in an article you said to have them come to you, but if we don't give them our address, then what???

3. With false claims, it makes me scared to talk to other race girls, especially white, should I even worry about it? I'm black so that has me super scared and not even want to approach them date them because that stuff is scary shit. I want all women, but do you think I should avoid them or you think I'll be ok?

4.. I'm assuming you mean don't tell every chick where u live, but the ones you trust I guess.

I read the how to tell if a chicks crazy article, but it looks like if you kind of know her already, so if it's a same night lay or a fast lay, no way to tell.

How can you tell a chick will be a problem from the first interaction, so you know she's crazy right off the bat? How do you tell upfront ?

How do you know if you can trust that girl with knowing your address?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

I'll do an article on recognizing signs a girl is a psycho at bars / parties / dates / etc..

Yeah, the more psycho signs you see, the more careful you should be about how much she knows about you if you decide to move forward. The crazier she is, the more anonymous you want to be. Or just don't get involved in the first place.

As for your root cause, there are two ways to motivate yourself:

1.

Either you emotionally, viscerally WANT to do a thing, so you do it, or
2.

You don't really want to do it, but you have discipline and you MAKE yourself do it

My first year of hardcore cold approaching sucked. Most nights when I went out, I did not want to. Most nights I was scared to. I expected heaps of failure and embarrassment. Sometimes I had a wing; usually I was alone. I still went out 3+ nights a week, no matter what, and put the approaches in. I did at least 1,000 approaches in 2006... probably more. Maybe something closer to 1,500. I barely got laid that year, but it was a very important year for me, because I broke through all the biggest issues holding me back, I got comfortable in bars and clubs, and I reached a point halfway through that year where I could go out by myself and not feel like a weirdo loser anymore.

That was discipline, not desire. But of course, you must have some desire underpinning the discipline. For me, it was that there was no other way out. Social circle didn't work for me. And I had publicly committed myself to succeeding at it, by shelling out a thousand bucks for a bootcamp, and then posting updates very publicly on multiple pickup forums. I had to succeed, because if I didn't, I would be just another failure in a long line of 'em.

For you, you have this intellectual desire to be good with girls. But it seems to stop at that point. There is not this grand desire to go talk to beautiful women no matter what. You're not a guy whose friend cancels on him, and he says, "Screw it, I'm going out anyway. Not gonna meet any women at home!"

And at the same time, you lack the discipline to push yourself into it against pain and fear... or at least you lack a reason to apply that sort of discipline to yourself.

So I dunno. I don't think you really want it. For some reason you've got it in your head you do. But years go by and you never commit yourself to it publicly, go all-in on discipline, on going out rain or shine, wingman or not, 3 or 4 nights a week, 8-10 approaches every time.

Which is fine. It's kind of a weird hobby/skill set to have. Most guys don't want that.

I guess the weird thing is you keep saying you want this, but lack the visceral drive for it, and don't discipline yourself to get it either.

I think personally the thing I would examine the most is, "Why do I THINK I want this so much, when I obviously don't EMOTIONALLY want it, and also obviously don't have the drive to DISCIPLINE myself to get it?" That might be the more interesting question to ask yourself. Because it's clear you don't really want it at either a visceral or a discipline level. So the fact you are hung up on this outcome you take no steps to get is worth its own attention.

Maybe it's some kind of obsessive fantasy complex? I mean, you talk like "I want to be the most powerful man in the world. I want to shag every woman I see. I want to have all the money" and then you make no realistic steps to make any of that happen. Seems like a "shit or get off the pot" situation, if you ask me. Either do it, or quit worrying about it and focus on something more achievable. Head-in-the-clouds syndrome, maybe?

Chase

SZ's picture

"A reply to your last comment about being depressed about old age. I do practice what you preach in the article, but I didn't know it worked for stuff like that?, I'm just sad how fast time has gone and how fast it will continue to be, I really wanna know how to even be positive about that? How can you be?"

So I'm going crazy right now Chase, I have been reading threw old articles and I am shocked that some articles are like from 5 years ago, 5 fuckin years ago! Time has passed so quickly, I can't comprehend. Most of the articles felt like they were written maybe a year or two ago, but 5 years!? Are you serious!?

I really would appreciate if you could help me find the root cause of where i am at now.

Idk if I'm lazy, unmotivated, hard headed, scared, lack confidence, maybe all of thee above?

I need an honest answer so I can find why I am the way I am and how to fix the root cause.

This is more than dating as well. I know you don't know me personally, but I'll tell you what I'm going through quickly, so you can just tell me wth is my problem.

I have also realized why I have some of the problems I have that I never thought of before.

Like girls, I really noticed that I might have been approaching girls at work and clubs and getting laid here and there. There really aren't many girls at the job I worked at that I would want to sleep with, it was like a new girl that was cute would come by and then I'd fuck them, but they came so far between. I had no success with clubs yet, even tho I've been going for years. But i think my main problem was that I really didn't approach enough girls. Is that the answer to my girl troubles? I might get 1-3 numbers a night, but I got flaked on everytime for years, no matter if I kissed them, no matter if i didn't, no matter if I talked for a week or less, on the phone or text. I have tried all methods and I couldn't even get one date after years. Is the answer to just approach more girls in the night? Like 10 or 20? Or is there something else? Maybe I should just keep trying to fuck the same night?

Pretty much, when it comes to going out a lot to meet girls I mostly relied on clubs and have gotten nothing for some reason, I'll be honest game day still scares the shit out of me because I'm not even good with club girls after years of different methods. Wonder if it'll work.

I'll admit that there's times where when I didn't go to the club because my friends didn't, I would either and that would be for months, I had no interaction with chicks, so I guess I found out that problem.

Anyway I would like to know if you could give me an idea on the root cause of why don't I just go out more to meet chicks more and talk to more girls? Am I just lazy, scared ? Why wouldn't I want to meet more women ? I never thought of it like this before, there would be months a lot of then where I didn't meet any women because I was so focused on the club and not anything else.

I want to know what I can do to meet women everyday and finally get good.

Part 2 is working, money, etc.

I really love to relax, I love to sleep and be in my bed all day, it's sad, I want to improve more with working my ass off. It's like my body doesn't want to do anything but relax, but I can't live like that I want to be a go getter, I want to change myself to be a hard worker and hustla instead of some lazy dude that hates work. I have a job where I can work when I want, but I don't work much because I really hate being on the phone. Doesn't that sound stupid? I barely work because I hate being on the phone a lot for many hours helping people. It's like I'd rather not make money more than I want to make money, that needs to stop, I can start improving my life if I could just keep doing it, but my will gives up and I go back to just chilling. I want to be the opposite of that, I want money, I want to change my life and be something great and not just keep sleeping years away.

1. I always think why am I so lazy with work? Why can everyone I know work a 9-5 and improve their lives, while I don't? Why am I unmotivated for? Why don't i want to put the work in like everyone else? Why is it so hard for me?

And lastly, it seems all I have are regrets, I was regretting things before I even came to this site, I was regretting things back when I was a teenager, I'm regretting things now, no matter what I regret. I want to stop this.

I know I wrote a lot and hope it made sense. I just want to change man, I just want to change, but I'd love for you to be honest with me, so I can be honest to myself and see why so much time has passed and I have barely improved at all with anything. 5 years Chase, to be honest even more like 7 if I want to be technical. It all just came to me recently because I just wasn't aware, I was just going with the flow with no plan, but I have one, to be the best.

I honestly think I'm going through a mental crisis or something because I'm going crazy now with these thoughts and realizations.

I really will calm down on these personal comments because I have been doing this for years, with little improvement. Sure I got more lays, better conversation, better with getting first night sex, getting muscles, but it all took way longer than it should. I should be at the level where I can even be a writer or something on here because of how successful I'm supposed to be. Even though I'm older and have been on here for a while, I still refuse to give up, but I'm truly depressed to find out that there's stuff I've been reading for 5 years, it doesn't even feel like it though, that's why I haven't improved greatly, time just flew by and I wasn't aware of it until now.

Do you know what the saddest thing is tho?.....

People expect me to be great and do great things, people have confidence in me to be great, people think I'm a hustla and fuck many women, but I don't really, That's kind of the worse, people have more confidence and faith in me than i do myself. All types of people expect me to be great and well off, a hard worker fuckin mad girls.

I want to do a complete change honestly, I want to live everyday with a meaning, I want to be making money on my own terms as a hustla, I want to fuck all the girls I want.

I would just like to know why I'm even like this, why? Why can't I be the opposite?

What's the root to all of this and how do I change this? This isn't me, I am a go getter, I do get a lot of girls, I will achieve my goals!!!!!!

Anyway, I'm really gonna chill with these types of comments, but I'm just having a mental breakdown right now.

I thank you so much for everything. I look forward to reading all of your articles everyday.

Thank you.

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