Treat Your Woman Well, but Don't be a Doormat | Girls Chase

Treat Your Woman Well, but Don't be a Doormat

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

don't be a doormat
If you let a woman run slipshod over you, she will. But how do you keep control without being controlling?

I treat women well.

I give them phenomenal connection, great conversation, and scream-out-loud sex. I have a good sense of humor, possess a knack for solving pretty much any problem, no matter how intractable, and I look good and present well to women’s friends and family (when it comes time for that).

I also give a woman I’m with a fair amount of autonomy – within reason. But I do require women to be good partners, and to hold to the things I hold women in relationships to.

Once I had a girlfriend who liked to probe and test ask me if I wanted to try an open relationship. “You mean, you date other people, and I date other people, and also still date each other?” I asked. She said yes. “So you mean like I could go get a really hot and loyal girlfriend, and you’d be shagging a bunch of other dudes or whatever, and we could both do that.” She said yes again. “Okay, cool. But wait, why would I continue to date you then?” I asked. She explained well this way we could still see each other but we could also see other people. “Why wouldn’t I just date other women just as pretty, fun, and awesome as you whom I do not have to share with other men?” I asked.

You might wonder what happened next. Was she forced to repress a desire she had for an open relationship? Did she secretly engage in an open relationship behind my back? Did she accept my position, submit, and become a devoted girlfriend? In this article, we’re going to talk about how women react when you put your foot down on things; when you deny requests they claim they want.

There’s nothing wrong with open relationships if that’s your thing, of course. I’m not against them for other people. I just use this as an example of a girl testing to see how far she could expand her liberties with me before I put my foot down.

Every woman will do this with you. It’s not a matter of respect or disrespect. Nor is it a matter of how free she is in the relationship – even if you give her unprecedented freedom in the relationship, she will still test you to see if she can get more freedom (or to get you to do more free stuff for her).

This is an important concept to understand with women.

Comments

SZ's picture

Hey Chase,

I was reading through the comments of your last article, and I knew about this stuff before, but just reading it again just shocked me.

It was the comment where you were talking about hiding your car and not telling women your real job.

So you mean to tell me id do better if I have no car or a job? Or at least hide them? And tell women I'm a writer? I'm tryna get money and stunt though haha. This is like the opposite of what I'm tryna do.

I feel this would mess me up and make me look like I have no ambition. Does this stuff mostly work on white women as a white man?

I can't picture black women, white, or any race of women acting like it's fine for a black men. Especially black women, all I hear is them talking shit about black men not having shit.

Black women I know love lavish, fly shit.

Anyway, is this more beginner advice or more advance advice, when you hide your car or downplay your job?

I want to get more money, and have a nice ride. I guess you're not saying not to do that, but more as don't let her know you got it like that, but I'm so confused on how this would work better for me, in a confidence stand point.

Think you break it down for me a little more?
I also think an article on this would be absolutely perfect, like, sleeping with many fine women when you're broke, or how to downplay your job and hide your car to get laid more, something like that discussing the mentality to still be high value and sleep with her when you're either really broke, or she thinks you're not too well off.

Think I could tell women that I'm a writer with no proof?

I feel if you can break this down for me it'll give me a lot more confidence now that I'm starting out again going harder with girls. I'd appreciate some tips now, while I work on myself now.

Response to my comment:

What I meant by walking around spots I normally go to, how often should I go to those same spots during the week, weeks, or month? How many times would you recommend going to the same spot? This includes clubs, cafés, malls. I don't want to be a super regular. I know with clubs I can go once a week, but idk if that's too much.

I was reading comments and saw one about black men in America. I was thinking something a little bit more.

How can we black men be safe against false accusations of anything to women or anything in general, po-po, unfair racism towards us, even when we're in the right. how can we survive against that? Because that shit is serious.

Thanks for everything my man

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

Everything in dating is 'it depends'.

We talked about dating hood girls when you're in the hood and seem hood before, and concluded maybe job/car help differentiate you. My suggestion: go talk to girls, test showing some of them one side of yourself and test showing some of them another, and see what the effects are.

I'll add "dating while broke" to the articles queue. Could be a fun topic to talk about.

I wouldn't tell women you're a writer unless you write. Pick something you do, and talk about that. If you don't do anything interesting, find something interesting to do, do that, then talk about it.

I can't give you an exact, specific number of times you can go to a place. It's different for every place, based on a hundred different factors: foot traffic, turnover, how many people work in the area, how busy they are, whether you're always going at the same time of day, how big the place is and how much ground in it you cover, how often you circulate through the same spots, how many approaches you're doing, what else you're doing there, how genuinely busy you seem, etc. That said, could be a worthwhile topic and it's not something we've ever covered to any great extent before, so I have this one noted down as an article topic too.

False accusations, same answer as ever. Check out these articles:

What do you do:

White women:

Threats are hot, you deal with them by going cold. You use moral superiority to paint her as the diabolical one, and exit the situation. Like:

Her: I can just call the police on you and say you hit me.

You: Excuse me? Did you just threaten me?

Her: I'll do it.

You: Get out. Just go. Go threaten somebody else. I'm done with this pointless shit.

That's the strong way. There's also the way aimed at defusing her anger:

Her: I can just call the police on you and say you hit me.

You: Are you serious? You hate me that much? I cannot believe you. Everything I have done for you and you come back with threats and attacks. You don't even treat your enemies like this. Only the people close to you.

Either way, you must deal with it by wielding moral authority against her. What this does is force her to defend her righteousness, which moves the frame of the conversation from she threatens and you fume or plead, to you accuse and she defends.

Chase

SZ's picture

1.I get stuck chase when girls ask me what I do. I actually say student, but that sounds lame to me now. I know I could just say something stupid and fake, but that ain't me. I really don't know what to say in this situation, I could say writer, but then what? What if I get asked how I pay bills, what I write about, etc. I really don't know what to say, and it's gonna be harder when I start going on more dates.

2. I think imma try white women out since that's all there is where I'm at, but what I worry about is the fact that their white. I feel if they get mad they can lie about whatever and people will believe them, I do not want this with anyone, but I feel it's ten times stronger with those kind.
But I still want to do it for the experience. If appreciate your thoughts on this.

3. This is more about being a doormat like in the article, how do you avoid the problem if a girl threatens you with a lie or something of she doesn't like your answer or some shit. The way everyone acts like females it's like their word against your word on anything. How do you avoid stuff like that ? This is actually a very real question because I have seen this; a girl just lie on someone and he word don't mean shit.

Jimbo's picture

Great metaphor of emotional/character strength in the end. I've never quite pictured it like that but I guess that kind of rock-like certainty and frame is what strength of character is all about.

SZ's picture

To add to my comment about showing off your stuff, wouldn't it be better to show off your nice things to younger girls ? Don't they want to see that you are successful you are compared to them? Say you're out of college or a few years older than her? Like my current age to a girl 18-23, wouldn't they want to see my nice car and stuff?
Or does that not matter now since I'm not at that older man age yet?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

Unless you are trying to be a sugar daddy, I suggest you aim to level yourself up in the ways this site teaches you how to, and show that off to younger girls instead.

From what you've said before, it doesn't sound like you are particularly wealthy. Even if a girl is dirt poor living in the hood, she can probably find a rich guy to date anyway if that's her angle. Trying to compete on wealth when you're poor is like trying to outrun Usain Bolt when you're in a wheelchair and one of the wheels is busted.

Chase

Thelema's picture

What Chase said, but also - In my experience, in the West at least, young (I mean anything under 26, but especially for 21 and under) middle-class or upper-lower class girls *do not care one bit* about wealth and stability unless they are religiously being pushed into early marriage.

They have never experienced anything like real hardship, and (at least believe) they have plenty of time to find a partner / father when the time comes, they don't need a provider now (unless they're gold diggers / looking for a sugar daddy). They want FUN. They will hook up with the poor but smooth guy with good fundamentals and tight game (or the ripped dude, depending on girl) over the wealthy/stable guy EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

My own success rate skyrocketed when I stopped demonstrating my safeness, moderate wealth and competence / reliability and became more mysterious. Conversely, a mentor and the most dangerous laying machine I ever knew personally was always dirt-poor and flat broke, never owned a car and had no prospects. And he could get ANYTHING into bed. My Lexus and suit didn't even register :)

Tripper's picture

Well, of course you've failed.

- If you are a K-selected guy trying to get r-selected women [1], you will fail and feel frustrated.

- If you're an r-selected guy trying to get K-selected women [2], you will fail and feel frustrated.

Instead, go for your mirror:

If you're a K-selected guy, go for K-selected women.
If you're an r-selected guy, go for r-selected women.

Otherwise, you're fighting an uphill battle and relying on trickery and luck.

___

[1] sensation-seeking, less attractive, career women, liberal.
[2] gold digging, more attractive, conservative/religious.

Thelema's picture

Not really? You just change what you present...

Jimbo's picture

That's an interesting take of things. While I always noticed the more attractive and conservative women go for high-status/rich/socially successful or influential guys, I never really tied it to the r-/K-stragies theory. I'd be interested in hearing more on this, so if you could expand a little on what you said it'd be great.

Jimbo's picture

You're putting new adjectives in my mouth (safeness, stability, competence), I didn't mention them at all. Yes, those things aren't sexy. But wealth is. Not because of the stability or safeness factor, but because of the allure of a luxurious lifestyle and the coolness factor that comes with that as well as with the high social status, influence, and popularity rich guys enjoy.

Kilyian's picture

How does one become a strong man? Not just what to say or how to act but what steps or process doesa man need to go through to cultivate true core strength that he can carry with him at all times. Is there any practices to engage in or steps to go through?
Thanks,
Kilyian

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Kilyian-

First and foremost, this kind of strength (strength of frame, of confidence, certainty, emotion control, etc.) comes from discipline. And discipline comes from exposure to difficult situations and soldiering on regardless.

My suggestion is to seek out various difficult-yet-manageable situations that will fire your strength in the crucible of overcoming challenges of various sorts. That includes:

  • Physical challenges, like working out to failure in the gym or taking a martial arts class or outdoors class that pushes you to the extreme end of your endurance

  • Immediate danger challenges, like rock climbing or parachuting or other things that force you to confront perceived risk of death (be careful, of course)

  • Marathon stressors, like having a punishing job you hold for at least a few months - preferably one that is both physically and emotionally punishing - and force yourself to endure until it goes from almost breaking you to a job you're fine and comfortable with

  • Emotional dangers, like knowingly choosing to be around sociopathic or manipulative people, being aware of how they operate, and working to control or mitigate their abilities to gain leverage over you or manipulate you (knowing full well that if you let them spend enough time around you, sooner or later they will succeed)

  • Jumping off emotional cliffs, like breaking up with a girl you really want to stay with, because you know logically you need to, even if emotionally you do not want to

  • Taking various plunges; diving into new situations that seem completely alien to you and not like anything you can ever see yourself doing

The more you go through situations like these and endure these different stressors and challenges, the tougher you grow and the savvier about the world you become. You get harder to fool, become better able to predict what any given situation has to offer or not, and know what you want, what you stand for, and what you will and will not tolerate, and to what extent, to greater and greater degrees.

Chase

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