What Gay Bars Teach You About Women, Dating, and Sex | Girls Chase

What Gay Bars Teach You About Women, Dating, and Sex

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Alek Rolstad's picture

gay bar meet girls
Gay bars are wonderful places to meet girls. But more than this, they teach you about women’s true nature – and sexuality.

Reading Hector’s fantastic piece on why women like homoerotic men, I must say that I agree with his points. I found his theory on how bi-sexual and homoerotic men can come across as more dominant very interesting.

I am personally not that bi-curious. That said, I am very comfortable with physical contact; I don’t mind if a gay guy touches me, even on intimate areas. It is “just touching,” after all. Some women find homoerotism hot – but not all. However, every woman does find men who are comfortable with their sexuality hot. If a man is comfortable with a dude touching him, one can easily conclude that he is not only a very sexual guy, but also very confident.

It also displays that one does not have stuck-up beliefs related to sex and that one is most likely not homophobic (women find homophobia very unsexy). It conveys non-judgmental attitudes in regards to sex, which helps women allow themselves to open up sexually to you.

So I decided to write a follow up with my own thoughts on this topic. Since 2011, after doing a sociology assessment with a lesbian girl in senior high school regarding the gay-environment, I have not only been fascinated by gay clubs, but I have also become a regular in them. There are a few reasons for this:

  • Many gay clubs have a better women/men ratio than straight clubs

  • Hotter women

  • More sexual vibe

  • Less bullshit (less “bitchshield”) – women have their guards down

Based on all this, gay clubs can seem like a paradise... but there are some downsides, too:

  • They can sometimes become sausage fests (for obvious reasons)

  • Gay guys can be serious cockblocks – directly messing things up for you (especially if they are into you)

  • Gay guys can oftentimes be ultra annoying – i.e., constantly popping up and wanting to drink/dance with your girl while you’re trying to seduce

  • Gay clubs can be chaotic

  • You never get “freebies” (as in ovulating horny girls); those usually go to places they are most likely to meet someone (not gay clubs) – in other words, in gay clubs, it is all about skills

  • You need to pass the “are you gay” test all the time – and believe me, women will test you hard on this one

  • You need to have a good response to the “why are you in a gay bar” question

But apart from all this, I find gay clubs interesting. The vibe is uniquely good and sexual in very intriguing way.

I can write many guides on meeting women in gay bars/clubs if so desired (let me know in the comments section).

I think it is pretty niche. However, there are valuable lessons I learned in gay bars that helped me tremendously in becoming better in all venues.

Comments

Alexander Abraham's picture

Love the article and think it would be pretty kickass to have a follow-up. Plus 1 voting here

Author
Alek Rolstad's picture

Thank you sir! I will write up a follow-up, but keep in mind that it may take a few weeks before you see these articles popping up. It usually takes after i submit an article before it gets posted.

I have submitted 2 articles on sexual tension (kinda feel like wrapping this one up before moving on).

But do not worry I will share some of my "secrets" to gay clubs.

-Alek

Alexander Abraham's picture

Sounds good to me, boss man. Take your time, looking forward to it

John Greco's picture

I assume that, usually, women go to gay bars with their gay friends to have fun and let their guards down because they don't have to worry about clumsy-pushy-creepy guys approaching (they might even find some charming straight guy and feel like it's destiny, who knows...) so it would be a great follow up on how to approach a woman in a gay+girlfriend group

Great article Alek.
Cheers.

Author
Alek Rolstad's picture

you are very right. Most women go to gay bars with their gay friends to have fun. Although you find some exceptions (the freak), this is usually the norm (disregarding bi and lesbian girl if the place is lgbt club and not just "gay"). Hot girls usually like to go to gay bars to avoid those pusy men, so what tends to happen is that they are super excited for an hour, having shitloads of fun, and eventually, starts getting bored as no men pay any "attention" to them. Women... never happy...

As mentioned earlier, I will write a follow-up, but give it a few weeks as I have submitted some other articles on sexual tension. Kinda wanna close that one of before moving on.

-Alek

CarverMontana's picture

Hey, good article Alec. As you well know, this topic is one that many in the seduction community consider to be taboo, and therefor won't write on it or even allow themselves to have the experience. I've never gone out to do gay-bar pickup per se, but it made me think of an experience that confirms a lot of what you're saying.

Years ago, long before I ever got seriously into seduction, I was out on a date with a girl in a small town bar. I wouldn't even characterize the place as particularly gay friendly, but it may have been the closest thing one could find in that little town. As luck would have it, I got approached by a gay guy that night.

I've always been pretty open minded and homophobia's never really been a problem for me. I guess that's dude's approach gave me the right opportunity to demonstrate that in front of my girl. I reacted in a calm and friendly manner, even while I kept myself closed off to his advances. In other words, what I didn't do was freak out or get uptight and defensive. He got the hint soon enough and moved on. After that, my girl was noticeably more turned on, giggling and commenting to me "Wow, that guy was SOOOOO gay!" I ended up banging her not too long after that :)

So, from my little experience, one might be able to conclude how one reacts to a gay man's approach can have a real impact on a girl's attraction (and it probably also showed some pre-selection, come to think of it!)

Author
Alek Rolstad's picture

Hey, and thank you for the kudos.

Well I am happy that it is a bit of a taboo for straight men to go to gay bars. If too many straight men go there, the vibe will be ruined.

Your story demonstrates the points Hector made in his post - some women like homoerotic men, and all love sexually confident men (who are comfortable being touched and flirting with gay people). Most gay men have a good gaydar and will usually notice it quickly that you are straight and move on. So no worries there!

Also, have you consider that this gay man just gave you some free social proof? social proof is not limited to women, also gay men can increase your sexual market value!

-Alek

Agent's picture

Hey Alek,
Could you elaborate more on the creepy approaches vs the good ones? It's actually very interesting you were in a situation where you could examine the scene from a women's point of view. By the way, thank you for your reply in your previous post about approaching in day game! You mentioned very subtle approach signals from girls. I don't seem to notice any except the very obvious ones. Could you expand here, on the subtle signs? Besides anything that has already been covered on the site of course.Generally, I feel confident to approach when the girl is giving me strong eye contact and/or smiling. This does not happen that much often though.

Author
Alek Rolstad's picture

Hi man. You are more than welcome.

I will probably dedicate a post to this subject as I am sure many would be curious about it (in other words: good question broh!)

But the overall idea is to not be intruding and test the waters before approaching. Women hate being approached by the wrong guy and love being approached by the right guy. Problem is, they rarely know who the right guy is before he actually manages to hook her in - sort of. A paradox you say? yes!

The idea is to test the waters and test a reaction and slowly but surely hook her in. The key is to communicate that under no circumstances will you be following her, stalking her or behaving in a needy way. The problem many women face in clubs is that whenever they react in a nice way toward the approach of a guy they are not into, the guy tends to start acting stalkerish and needy. It is key that you communicate that you are not that guy.

This can be done by:
-Acting like you are on your way somewhere when opening
- Indirect openers tends to seem more innocent, hence higher hook rate (direct openers tend to be hit or miss, but when it hits it hits hard!)
- Act like you are moving on when you approach (test the water)
- Deliver a preopener as you walk by to test their reaction
- If positive - approach
- If negative - move on and try again later
- If neutral - approach but after approx 5 minutes break rapport and re-egange later (to communicate that you aren't that stalker guy - this can remove their shield).

I will submit a post on how to deal with women's guards with the use of sexual tension. So stay tuned.

-Alek

Annon's picture

I'm surprised that you said it takes all skill to pick up women in gay bars cuz I have succeeded in doing this and I have a lay count of less than 5 in my late 20s. Never even had sex with a GF. He woman was quite attractive who was with her bi friend. I think I successed though cuz I talked about a time where I was "flexible" with sexuality. Then I guy I later found out was attracted to me and I think asked the girl if she could brings me back to the apartment. I also was approached by a girl who's gay friend wanted to dance with me, but I declined. Yea remberinf that night I was wel dressed and pretty chill because I could talk openly about sex with an attractive woman without scaring her off. I also remberinf answering what my passion was (music) and remembered hat the guy liked music so that was a connection beyond the carnal. I also didn't want to go home since it was late in the night and thought hey what the hell why not try my luck here and see what happens? I even told he girl I prefer women but I was open to "whatever" so I guess I did all the right things. But in the future say I don't want to share her when I go to a gay club, how do I oss the gay club test and are you gay test?

name does not matter's picture

"gay men can increase your sexual market value!"
Yes, good point, and something to ponder about! a good social seducer may be able to put some sexual tension (a little homo-eroticism) in his male on male interactions for fun and profit...

734Navyguy's picture

Hey, I get what your getting at. But the thing I don’t necessary agree with is the referral to the sausage party being looked at as a disadvantage. I mean,respectfully, it’s a gay bar. Nine times out of ten, it’s their space that’s created for them to be their selves. It’s not a place for straight men to pick up women. You can literally do that anywhere. Also, the women who are there may be bisexual, or 100% lesbian and may not be at all interested in straight men. She may look at you as a cockblock from the girl she’s been eyeballing all night. If gay men hitting on you is considered a disadvantage, then maybe you should pickup women elsewhere, and not at a bar for lgbt people. I mean I was following up until that point, it’s kinda like a man writing an article about “How a gay man can pick up Straight men at a straight bar.” I mean you can always politely turn them down, but I wouldn’t look at it as a disadvantage given the setting. I’m just saying keep all this in mind when you go.

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