Tactics Tuesdays: How to Proceed When She Asks You Out | Girls Chase

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Proceed When She Asks You Out

Chase Amante

Hey! Chase Amante here.

You've read all the free articles I can offer you for this month.

If you'd like to read more, I've got to ask for your help keeping the lights on at Girls Chase.

Click a plan below to sign up now and get right back to reading. It's only 99¢ the first month.

Already a GirlsChase.com subscriber? Log in here.

Chase Amante's picture

girl asks you out
When a girl asks you out, it should seem obvious what to do: say yes, right? Yet guys botch this one surprisingly often. Here’s how not to.

You’re in the classroom looking at your notebook, or you’re in the office leaned up against a cubicle wall. A girl you know stops by to say hello and makes a little light chitchat with you. You talk with her, it’s fun; at one point she laughs. And then all at once she tells you, “We should hang out sometime.”

“Yeah, totally,” you tell her.

“All right, I need to get back to work,” she says. “I’ll see you.”

“See you!” you tell her.

You spend the next week mulling over what to do. Should you walk up to her and ask her for her phone number? Should you go tell her about the date idea you cooked up? Should you wait for her to re-approach you and make something happen then?

The more time goes by, the more awkward it gets.

Finally, two weeks later, you bump into her again and tell her, “We should get some coffee or something.”

She says, “Yeah, just let me know.” Then drifts off.

Still, you don’t have her contact info.

The date never happens.

How should you have dealt with the situation?

Comments

SZ's picture

So I just read both articles on being exceptional and vibe, and I re-read all of the articles in that as well.... a lot of information haha.

I would like to know what more I could do to make it work though? I feel I'm the best thing out when I'm walking around, I feel so smooth and powerful, but yet I don't see too many girls looking, is it cuz I'm black you think? There's a lot of white girls where I live, and I want to have every type of girl attracted.

After reading all those articles, I'll admit I probably won't remember every detail, but I remember most.

Think you could break down the three main parts of vibe for me? I'd like something quick to remember.

The parts were
1. Playfulness
2. Masculine
3. Sexual

I remember those were the 3 for vibe, but could you give me something quick to Remember on each of them, so I don't forget. Like I want all women to feel my sexual intent, I talk to them smooth, but I just don't feel them feeling my sexual intent. It's like I'm being smooth and sexual to almost every girl I interact with, even cashiers and they still act on autopilot or if they're not interested.

I really feel like I'm doing this stuff, so it's weird to me this doesn't happen very often, I really feel it's maybe because I'm black or something.

Anyway I'll work on it.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

No way I could know what's wrong with your vibe unless I was there with you if you don't know. Best I can do is give you the tools I've given you and hope you can figure it out from there. If you can't, I suggest you seek out men whom you know do well with women and ask them to watch you in action and point out what you need to work on.

If you want a quick breakdown on those aspects of vibe:

  • Playfulness: is it light and fun with you? Or serious, heavy, or unfun?

  • Masculinity: can she feel girly around you because you are strong, hard, capable, and drive things ever forward? Or do you let her down by being soft, hesitant, unsure, incapable, or not being someone who makes things happen?

  • Sexual: does she feel like if she gets alone with you you are going to tear her clothes off and mount her, or are you just some platonic asexual person talking to her about platonic things?

You get those three right and you're off to the races.

Chase

Toony's picture

Hey Chase,
There is a girl in my class, we were really flirting with each other and at the end oft he lesson she told me something like :" Are you sad that we don't see each other in the next 2 weeks?" (because we have school vacation now).

I tried to play it "cool" and shrug it off. After I read your post I'm curious if this was an invitation for a date.

Sorry if my english isn't good it's because I'm from germany.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Toony-

You'll never know with certainty on these things until you ask... But from the way you've described it here, sounds like a date invitation, yes.

English seems perfectly passable; save a few minor typos and capitalization deals, indistinguishable from a native speaker ;)

Chase

Frost's picture

Great article Chase, as always.

I want to share something similar that happened to me a while back. I was in a salsa class, there weren't many people, and the proportion of girls was low as well. There was one girl there, from Taiwan who I danced with, she was cute but didn't give me any signs of interest I could see and since I was tired I decided not to push it further. We were talking for a bit while dancing, I was teasing her, then out of the blue she asks me if I have Whatsapp or something. I acted swiftly and in a relaxed way and told her to give me her number so we can see each other. Thanks to Hector Castillo's articles "What to do when she's thirsty for you", where he says that sometimes girl will give you a compliment or do a bold move out of the blue, and you shouldn't act surprised when it happens, otherwise she'll think that you're not the stud she thought you was. And I'm glad that this subject got an article of its own!

Again great article Chase!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Frost-

Great quick action!

East Asian girls tend to be some of the least well socialized on average, and often won't give as many signals they're interested as girls from other regions will. Girls who signal less can be more aggressive in throwing date invites, contact detail requests, etc., out there, presumably because they get less male attention (due to signaling less) and have learned to just ask for what they want rather than leave it up to chances which may not happen.

Can be strange when you see it, especially if you saw no indications of interest, and then all of a sudden she wants your number or Facebook or WhatsApp or WeChat or what have you.

Looks like you took this right in stride, however :)

Chase

Frost's picture

Now that you mentioned Facebook, I'm living in France now, and people here rely on Facebook a lot to connect, but of course I always go for the number. So when a girl asks for my Facebook, should I treat it as a friendly request to connect or assume attraction and push for the number (considering there were no big indicators of interest)?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Frost-

We debated this with one of our girls from Eastern Europe in my upcoming course. They use Facebook Messenger to communicate there quite a lot; more so than what you see in the States. Some of the guys we were with used Facebook to set up dates with girls there as well. So it's a viable option.

However, the girls admitted that if they really liked a guy, they'd give him their phone number. If they didn't like him as much, he'd have to settle for Facebook. And I presume at that point have a much harder climb to set the date up.

From what I observed, guys there spent a lot of time on Facebook messenger to set up a date with a girl. Whereas with text, you fire off a couple texts and it's done.

My suggestion would still be to turn down Facebook and go for the number. If she isn't into you enough to give you her number, you save time you'd otherwise waste trying to finagle an unwilling girl onto a date. And you have a more efficient platform to set dates up with without being expected to trade a bunch of messages back and forth with her about how her day's gone and what people said to her at work and this and that.

Facebook's doable, but seems the less efficient option. And if she only gives her number to men she really likes, and you get her to give you her number, the thought in her head is a lot more likely to be, "I guess I really liked that guy."

Chase

Boing's picture

What can you do if your family members bug you to get a girlfriend? Im 23 and Ive never had a girlfriend. Im about to begin my journey doing pick up but right now I have no girls in my life. Im getting tired of my family saying that I need a girlfriend to get me out of the house and so that I stop being sad. I would get one if I could but I suck with women and Im afraid I'll be super needy given my experiences other girls in the past.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Boing-

Put the onus back on them:

Family member: "Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

You: "I'm working on it. Open to suggestions. But it's not easy, and there's a big learning curve. I'm still on that curve and trying to catch up."

As soon as they know you're not single because you choose to be, they can shift somewhat from push/criticize to help/advise. Even if their ideas aren't super practical, that's better than nagging, and at least you'll know they want you to succeed.

Chase

Solo's picture

What do you do you do to not be a weak man? I feel like a lot of this "weak man" stuff is just low testosterone. Low T is going to make you less aggressive towards other males and less likely to exert yourselves over others and win. I think Less T males are naturally at a disadvantage.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Solo-

Check out my comment response to Kilyian here for more on building mental strength:

Building Mental Strength

Testosterone absolutely plays a large role. At lower T-levels, men are softer, more compliant, less aggressive, less confident, more risk averse, and not as attractive.

However, fairly important to know testosterone is controllable to a certain extent. Winner effect is huge. Lifting heavy weights, eating clean / getting a good mix of protein and vegetables, and getting enough sleep play big roles. Also just being around hot women more and checking them out (looking at their legs, butts, and breasts), and visualizing sex with them stimulates testosterone production.

More on increasing T-levels here:

Improve Every Aspect of Your Game Through Testosterone Optimization

Your environment, and whether you condition yourself for victories, and add other pieces in that positively impact testosterone vs. negatively impact it, plays a big role in what your levels are (and thus how confident, dominant, risk-taking, etc.) you are.

Beyond testosterone, however, there is also your overall conditioning: what have you learned to do? Once you've learned to approach women, it doesn't take a big testosterone confidence boost to go do it anymore because it's not that scary and it's more or less a familiar act. Once you've gotten used to going to the gym and lifting to failure, you don't need to be on a testosterone high to get yourself to do this and can even do it on a lethargic day after you've lost a bunch, just because now it's a habit and you don't need hormones to motivate you as much.

Chase

Jaja's picture

From time to time I meet people/girls who insist on being right and whenever I assume something, they just go with their frame of "I know it all, better", which annoys the heck out of me.
How do you deal with that kind of people, who assume wrong things and feel hurt and seek revenge when you point them they're wrong. Should you succumb and let it go, or get them out of your life?
What if these people are harder to replace like relatives or colleagues?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Jaja-

If it's non-critical, I suggest you just be dismissive of the entire topic. Shrug, glance away, and say, "Oh okay. Yeah. I don't really know anything about that," and then just treat it as a dead topic. If the person doesn't want to have an actual conversation, you turn that topic off.

If it's critical, use Socratic questioning to point out holes in logic and have the know-it-all undermine his own position:

Him: Vaccines cause autism. The proof is irrefutable. Anyone who denies it is a paid schill for Big Pharma.

You: That's no good. What proof do you have this is going on?

Him: There was a study published in 1998 that showed it.

You: Wasn't that study done on a super small sample size, repudiated by almost all its authors, retracted from the journal it was published in, and shown the main guy faked his data?

Him: I don't know about that. But there've been other studies.

You: Okay. Which ones?

Him: Look, you're going to have to do the research, I'm not going to do it for you.

You: Now wait a minute. We're trying to get to the bottom of why you believe this and whether you're right. So far you've cited a study based on a tiny sample size, which in science typically means any results are not telling unless they're irrefutably huge, in which the primary study author reportedly fudged the numbers, and which the rest of the authors retracted. I realize these memes can be hard to get out of your head once the idea is in there, but have you considered you might've been led to arrive at this belief by evidence that researchers had falsified?

Him: No. This a real thing, and there's a cover up.

You: So you just believe it, but you can't say why.

Him: It's real.

You: Okay. No point arguing that then. I can't argue against god or space aliens or atheism either. Let's just not go around saying the proof is irrefutable then, shall we?

That'd be if, say, this guy was swaying a bunch of people publicly and you wanted to stop him from inciting a moral panic. Or if he was just really getting on your nerves and the cognitive dissonance was too much, so you simply had to debate him.

If people can't cite reliable evidence or make convincing arguments to back their claims, they won't usually hold up well under Socratic questioning. On the other hand, occasionally you will meet someone you assume must be wrong, employ Socratic questioning against him, and discover he actually has some very good evidence, arguments, and points. So it's useful either way, for exposing the hole-filled arguments, as well as for allowing the other guy to win you over with his evidence and arguments in the event he is actually right and you are actually the one missing part of the picture.

Chase

Leave a Comment

One Date girl next to the number one

Get The Girl In Just One Date

It only takes one date to get the girl you want. Best of all, the date's easy to get… and girls love it.

Inside One Date, You'll Learn

  • How to build instant chemistry
  • Ways to easily create arousal
  • How to get girls to do what you want
  • The secret to a devoted girlfriend

…and more great Girls Chase Tech