Having Sex is Supposed to be Easy | Girls Chase

Having Sex is Supposed to be Easy

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

sex is easy
You’ve no doubt heard it before: “It’s instinct.” So why does it seem like it’s so hard to meet girls and have sex in the world of today?

Yesterday in “How to Take Girls Off Their “Scripts””, I mentioned I intended to get an article up titled this. So here it is.

Sex isn’t supposed to be hard. It’s supposed to be easy. And it makes sense, right? The fact that you’re alive right now means every single one of your male ancestors stretching back a billion or so years got not just laid, but managed to knock up at least one chick once, and quite possibly knocked up one chick multiple times, or even multiple chicks multiple times.

It’s easy for men to stress out about sex. If you’re young and inexperienced, you might feel the fear grip you as you imagine becoming a 30-year-old male virgin, still sitting alone in his room playing video games and watching anime, lost in fantasies about fictional characters. If you’re a recent divorcé, you may look at all your nimble competitors in the fast-moving dating world of today and wonder if you’ll ever be as sharp as they are, and if any woman will want you again.

Why does sex seem so difficult to get for so many men? Is it a society-level problem, is it a problem of the women, is it a problem of competition, or is it a problem of men themselves?

I want to dig into that a little bit, and also give you a bit of different perspective you may not have considered before on how fear and instinct play into things here.

Comments

SilverTongue's picture

Great article, Chase. Always a splendid read.

Frost's picture

Thanks for this article Chase, it's very inspiring and reassuring at the same time. No matter how much you're struggling you should know that all of this is already programmed in you so all you need is to let it flow.

I'm reading this article right after coming back from a night out with a buddy of mine. I wanted to approach a couple of girls who walked in the bar and were sitting at a table. As soon as I decided to approach them I knew that I had to do it before the anxiety kicks in (especially since I've never approached a girl like that in a bar). But as soon as I got up I started overthinking, even though my instincts were screaming at me to just go. After a while of struggling like that I had 1 second in which my analytical brain just took a pause, so I immediately went in and talked to them. I got a soft rebuff but I don't care, I'm way more excited that I finally took the courage and approached them.

Thanks again for the article. Next time I will try to loosen up more and let my instincts do the work for me.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Nice going, Frost!

That's how you get started. A few of those "I don't think I can do it... Ah screw it, I'll go do it anyway," moments, and you start to realize nothing bad's going to happen from walking up to girls.

Then once you do it long enough to have some good stuff happen, that's when it gets real fun :)

Chase

Legend 's picture

Real true but are you firing us? This just makes everything we read from you seem obsolete.

Still a big fan though.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Legend-

Of course not! :) The instinct is there, but urban societies program you to disobey it. The first place I come in is deprogramming that anti-instinct programming to get you back in touch with instinct again (i.e., it's why the articles here trigger that feeling of, "I knew it was true! I just didn't know all the details / techniques / etc." The reader knows it's true, because that instinct is there... But it's still an epiphany because while some part of him may know it, the rest of him suppressed that awareness or didn't act on it, or felt like he was not 'allowed' to act on it).

The second place I come in is finesse. Instinct may be all you need in a small tribe or rural community, but toss a guy into the middle of a small town or city with tens of thousands to millions of competitors, many of whom have worked out their own specific angles for succeeding with girls over the years, plus girls with similarly whittled tastes, and if all you're running on is instinct you're basically showing up to the basketball match not in a wheelchair. You'll have a much easier time of it than most of the guys riding around in wheelchairs, but if you don't want to get creamed in the big games you need technique and strategy. There are lots of other guys not in wheelchairs who've also been studying the game for years.

So, I can still talk about instinct without making myself irrelevant. Just like coach can tell you you gotta play from the heart... But you still better study the game plan, know the other team's play calls, and know the best way to use each player on your roster.

Chase

moses's picture

Hi Chase, this is my first time commenting. It's true I have had those times where my mind tells me I should isolate a girl but I keep on delaying by thinking that I should tell more jokes,she should feel comfortable etc etc. There are those times my mind tells me to go for the kiss, move her or do/say something scary or risky. Well it goes back to taking risks and listening to instincts. Thank you Chase for covering topics that are not discussed in detail like in this site.

Vaquero357's picture

Chase~ Every time I think you can't possibly make a post that's more spot on and gives more insight and practical advice - dammit, you do!! Or maybe it's just because this topic has been on my mind the last coupla days. There's a woman at work - I know, not the best place for picking up women to date, but there's no boss/subordinate relationship, we're in different depts., etc. I think she likes me; at least she's gone out of her way to strike up conversations with me.

But I've wandered into the "second guess spiral" you talk about above. Then I finally had a moment of clarity yesterday and realized, "Oh crap, just ask her to do something outside of work. If she likes me, she'll say yes - then great. If she doesn't, she'll beg off politely, and at least then I'll know where I stand and can move on."

It's just what you said, though: go with my instincts. I'm socially calibrated enough to take a "no" gracefully. She's above-average attractive to me, but it's not like I don't encounter women on a similar level pretty regularly.

When you think of it, it's pretty clear cut. How often can you get a result that decisive in the world of human interaction? WE (guys, men) make this stuff way more difficult for ourselves than we have to. (Well, I do because many - many - years ago when I was young and dumb, there might've been a workplace incident, which makes me way too cautious. Some of us spend way too much time worrying about repeating a mistake that, realistically, we're never going to do again.)

Anyway, thanks for this post - and everything you do here. I sure wish GC had been around when I was young and dumb! Would've saved me a ton of angst and self-doubt. Better late than never, right?~Vaquero

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Vaquero-

Better late than never indeed!

One of the key mindset shifts that comes with improvement with women (or perhaps that precipitates it too... they seem to go hand-in-hand) is getting comfortable with 'fuzzy signals' and putting together enough small steps that you can feel a girl out well to get past ambiguity.

Big difference on the two sides. On one side, guys are paralyzed by uncertainty, fearing blowback against whatever they do. On the other side of the divide, the guys just say, "Let's go see what happens," because they've grown comfortable with that same uncertainty and unlearned any fears they had associated with it (like your workplace incident left imprinted).

Chase

Bond's picture

Chase,

I'm impatient for the new course. Sounds terrific! ;)

Bond.

J's picture

Chase,

As someone who has dealt with Asperger's their entire life, I can say we definitely feel the instinct, but our (at least for me) brains are so logical and powerful they tell us not to feel. They try to make sense of things in too much of a logical way. Sometimes it seems like I'm hardwired to analyze everything and often over-analyze things. My instincts are there for sure, its almost like I'm battling with a greater power that doesn't allow me to use or feel them, kind of hard to explain...like, I know I could be doing better, but its almost if there's something there in the way preventing me from doing so, its frustrating. I have come a long way from 5 years ago and my biggest issues now are being more care-free, challenging them (the right way), and generally giving them a hard time and being cocky yet funny, using suggestive humor and like you said, having no fear. For some reason I have found this area to be super hard to wrap my head around ever since I started. It seems so unnatural and I know it shouldn't be. Either way, all the info on this site and your book have helped more than you know. It would be great if you could do an article on the areas I mentioned. Cheers.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

J-

Ah, got it. Thank you for the insight.

Basically then it sounds like the same thing most guys deal with, only... worse. More extreme. The instinct's buried even deeper and is even less accessible.

Sure, I could do a piece on being carefree, getting more comfortable teasing girls, using humor, etc. I think the big thing to remember is when you're not used to doing this, it feels like an act. But as you do it more and emulate guys who are good at it (friends, actors, whomever), you eventually start to integrate it into your natural personality, too. If you're not a carefree fun-loving guy, you don't necessarily become carefree and fun-loving, but you're able to be more relaxed in a lot of situations you'd otherwise have been tenser or more in-your-head in.

But yeah, I'll do a piece on it.

Chase

fivethirtyfive's picture

Quick backstory: Basic fundamentals like body language, vocal tonality, fashion, etc were learnt from my dad. Relationship maintenance I learnt from my parents.

Growing up with a sexually open-minded older sister helped me have naturally provocative conversations with girls. I even had this insane identity that I was the best seducer that ever lived.

Of course, this had a few advantages, since approach anxiety was virtually non-existent. I would walk up to any girl with the unshakeable belief that she was going to be addicted to me as soon as she experienced my sheer awesomeness.

I effortlessly teased and utilized even the smallest escalation windows effectively. As a result, I wound up with ridiculous conversion rates with regards to my minimal effort. I was content with the women I had in my life and I although I liked being single, they were cool with that.

Finally, I came across a new group of girls. The extremely religious, conservative ones. Now I’m not sure if it was greed delusions, or another factor that made me want to get ALL kinds of girls. It might’ve been the fact that I based my identity on this. It could equally have been the fact that I always sought to completely master everything I saw as a skill.

Seduction was a skill after all.

The idea of properly seducing the elusive conservative girls drew me to the seduction community. Their mantra that you could get any girl you wanted by learning a system of female psychology seemed pretty logical. But beyond that, I had a goal, and I wouldn't be stopped. I would ultimately become so attractive as a man that I would appeal to all demographics of women.
After a few weeks of studying female psychology, and sharpening my existing fundaments etc. (Now, I have nothing against working on one's fundamentals but only when done with the right mindset(becoming the man of your dreams. -more on that later))

I noticed that I could quickly elicit a girl's values and what she wanted in guys. I would intuitively become this, provide good emotions, and I was finally seducing even the conservatives.

"The grass is always greener on the other side"

Wasting my time being a seduction chameleon wasn’t bringing me happiness. What’s more? I hated putting on an act with girls I wasn't very compatible with in the first place.

*end of backstory*

That's my history and now for general wisdom:

Do you ever wonder why so many rules exist (often contradictory ones too) and yet there are guys that can break almost every rule in the book and still succeed?

Heck, you may have experienced one of those moments when you were in the zone.
All the PUA tactics went out the window, you were completely unfiltered and following your 'instinct'. (you were using your right prefrontal cortex, and all the mind chatter from the left prefrontal cortex was silent. You were naturally quick-witted and charming but as soon as you started analyzing things, your 'results' plummeted.)

The mistake most guys make is trying to gain validation from the variety of girls they can seduce. I call this a mistake because it forces you to be the ever-changing PRODUCT(always analyzing the situation) instead of being the high-value CUSTOMER who achieves contentment.

Imagine the feeling you get after going shopping with a concrete shopping list and ticking off those exact items. Now compare that with the nagging buyer's remorse you feel after a pointless shopping spree for things you neither want nor need.

"Too much of what you don't want can NEVER satisfy you."

The age old advice: Be yourself sounds downright annoying when looked at on the surface, but let’s go deeper and tweak it a bit.

Everyone has a girl of their dreams. The kind of girl that blows all other girls out the water. And of course, that girl has the man of her dreams. I'm not talking about a soulmate here, I'm just taking about someone that satisfies what you need. It’s ridiculously easy to merge these two concepts and become the man of YOUR dreams.

Then the notion of being yourself starts to make sense doesn't it?

That’s under-emphasized and that’s why a lot of guys miss the point. By simply spending a few months working to become that man and live a fulfilled life, you become the high-value customer that easily finds the right product(the girl).

You become a breath of fresh air from the other guys who think all women are the same and respond universally to the same techniques. A small bonus I'd like to add is that you start effortlessly screening girls and having deeper conversations.

Let’s end this and bring it home with an example. Imagine two guys. One a highly successful business man actively chasing his dreams, we’ll call him Hank. The other guy pointlessly surfs the internet all day with no drive, we’ll call him Paul.

Let’s assume a moderately successful and attractive woman gets advice from the female seduction community that tells her: “ALL men like to chase women and you must use all tactics available to make yourself seem like the prize.” She robotically implements this advice and it works tremendously on Paul. She soon discovers she isn’t satisfied with Paul though, he isn't the man of her dreams. The man of her dreams is too independent to chase her. He sees right through her charades and games.

She meets Hank, and they hit it off. He seems to fit her criteria and there's undeniable chemistry. However, her left prefrontal cortex associated with logic won't let her enjoy this. She remembers the infamous advice that all men like the chase. Ignoring her instincts, she decides to keep him chasing, and he swiftly moves on.

Hank finds a new girl, Rachel, who isn't bugged down with logic and techniques and they seamlessly get along.
Paul eventually meets a girl, Jane who uses the same technique on him and he falls for it again. In fact, this time he chases even harder. Surprisingly this time, she sticks around for the validation he provides.

What do the two eventual couples have in common? Think back to the shopping list versus impulsive shopping analogy.
I’m getting a bit sleepy, and this post is getting rather long. I’ll answer any relevant comments/questions later.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

fivethirtyfive-

Wonderful post. Whole lot of truth in there.

If you're a newer guy, don't beat yourself up too much when you lose a girl by being a little too fake if you're out hustling and learning hard.

Once you're out of the "try out tons of new stuff with girls" phase and you've got the tools and now it's time to stop logically learning and start tuning into instinct, you will stop doing the "gotta act like Mr. Perfect Game" thing that costs you girls who see through it.

That's for sure where you want to get to, though. Past one-size-fits-all game and back to you being a creature of instinct, now with the tools and mental freedom to do something with it.

Chase

Aspie's picture

Hey Chase,

Many thanks for again a great article! So far I've been here a silent reader, but let me share a thing or 2 on Asperger and Autism - I'm an asperger myself, and leaning strongly towards the autism end.

The 'problem' with Aspergers is that our brains are wired differently - We are very good at processing factual information, and very good at processing lots of information, but very bad at social learning. At the same time, even when we can process lots of information, it usually goes slow.

In practice it means that if you give us a course book on let's say quantum physics and some time, we can write a phd on it. At the same time, when we see a girl smiling and trying to make eye-contact on the street, we firstly just think 'Oh, she's a friendly girl'. Maybe we realize later that there was potential for more, but often not.

And on top of that, when we realize that this smiling girl wants to be approached, we still need somebody to explain us ˇHey, you should go to her'. This is where your blog comes in quite handy, as most aspergers are very logical - thinking minded, and indeed need a pre-formulated plan with logical steps. So on behalf of hopefully a few more more Aspies - Many thanks Chase! ;)

As for the instincts - those are absolutely there, but again we have no idea what to do, when to do, how to do etc... unless somebody explains us and when we start looking out for the right signals. On top of that, many aspires are a bit socially awkward and have been bullied for that, so self-esteem can also be quite low, which of course also affects your motivation to approach.

Personally I adapted my approach also on this - I usually wait for an approach invitation (and frankly speaking, once you're social aware and are aware of the importance of your fundamentals, you get more approach invitations than you can handle) and then execute all next steps, preferable as fast as possible.

I hope this is a but useful/informative - I have to say, thanks to amongst others your site my social life and sex life have been turned from nearly non-existing 5 years ago, to nicely flourishing nowadays! Many thanks Chase, and I'm sure your blog has been a changer for quite some fellow aspies too!

Drexel Scott's picture

I have Asperger's as well and can confirm that when pickup material is solid and explained properly, it's a serious life-changer.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Aspie-

This was an insightful comment. Thank you.

I see a lot of similarity in early me with what it seems like Asperger's guys go through. I'd been so social phobic that when I finally decided to start learning social skills, it was all weird, mechanical, and alien to me. But I don't have Asperger's.

So I'm trying to figure out what's the difference between, say, a guy like me, who has to learn mechanically at the outset because he's just so far behind, versus someone with Asperger's, who has to learn mechanically all the time. And I suspect (tell me if I'm wrong) it's this: because I can learn social stuff intuitively, I'm able to say, "You know what, screw it, I have no idea what the correct thing to do in this situation is, but I'm just going to go throw myself into the situation, and even if I mess up, the mistakes will show me what to do different next time." My suspicion is someone with Asperger's can't do this, and if he throws himself into an alien social situation and it doesn't go well he may not pick up on or correctly interpret the feedback, and will just be left going, "I don't know what went wrong there. I literally have no clue."

That sound accurate?

Chase

M's picture

Brilliant article, Chase.

Really enjoyed reading that, it resonated with me completely. I genuinely feel that I am an attractive prospect for women, both in terms of fundamentals and 'game'

My problem has always been that I just have never been able to just go talk to a girl I like. I go out all the time but there is definitely a fear holding me back from just walking up to a girl, seeing if she likes me and moving things forward.

One of my worries is that I'll mess up not just the first few times but that I'll never see improvements and I'll just have this perpetual cycle of approaching and being rejected. I guess my not approaching is a kind of ego defence mechanism.

My question for you Chase, as somebody who has spent loads of time talking to women: how often do you get rejected? For the men in the upper echelons of seduction just how common is rejection? You have great fundamentals, brilliant game - but even with those do you still expect to be rejected?

Say you go to a club? And approach like 5 girls would you generally expect to take one of them home? Would you be shocked if the 5 of them all brushed you off?

I guess as you get better you kind of sniper style it, you pick the girl you just know are horny and the ones that have given you pre openers or signs of interest, but even with these 'in' girls, do you still mess up a for bit? Or are you pretty much one shot one kill each time

Author
Chase Amante's picture

M-

It depends how aggressive I'm being. If I don't approach much, I may only approach when I get a blatant approach invitation (i.e., she's staring at me, smiles back when I smile at her and holds eye contact, etc.). Even for those you'll never be 100%, because you can still trip up somewhere in the interaction. Although these days I find if I trip up with a girl who likes me it's almost always because I screwed up attainability, and that's easy to bounce back from (just be more considerate than she expected you to be). Sometimes I get on a run and start thinking I've made it, I'm the one-shot-one-kill guy now. And then I get a bunch of blatant approach invitations that go nowhere. It's all statistics / random variation.

If I'm more aggressive though and I'm actively opening girls in search of a girl to take home, my rate's anywhere from 1 in 12 to 1 in 30 opens, depending on the environment (i.e., sex ratio, mood of the girls there, etc.). Occasionally I may find myself in a place where I've done 30+ opens and girls just aren't biting, and at that point I'll either call the outing a bust (maybe I'm in my head too much) or at the least change venues (maybe I'm not well-calibrated to that venue or type of girl). Usually even then I just consider that a bad roll of the dice more than anything else - that's thinking about things in asymmetric terms for you. But note I'm considering any kind of open an open, really. I'll ping girls, chat them up a little, see how they respond. If I make eye contact with her and smile and she rolls her eyes, that's an open that didn't work, to me (usually I try to make some kind of verbal open, though). If they're not biting and there are other prospects I'll just move on. Maybe I'll circle back to them later and see if they've warmed up at all.

I don't really think of it as 'rejection' anymore though. She's a girl I talked to, we didn't connect, oh well. I'll talk to another one. If she gives me some green lights, I'll move ahead. If she doesn't, no biggie. Maybe I'll try a little more if she's really cute or I think she's playing games. Or maybe I won't bother if I'm not that excited about her either.

Chase

Drexel Scott's picture

I just read a study showing that millennials are having less sex than any generation before them--despite the sexual "freedom" of modern woman, and the abundance of seduction material available for free (or a small cost) online to men. There are many, many forces in our culture tearing men and women apart, moving us away from something that's built into the very deepest recesses of our DNA--and it's making people miserable!

We are supposed to "Be fruitful and multiply," and yet our birth rate (at least here in America) is dangerously low. Well below replacement level. If we don't reverse this trend soon, we'll be in serious trouble--so get out there and start banging!

a-jay's picture

Could you send the link to that study? I'd love to read it

Drexel Scott's picture

Most of the articles analyzing the study are poorly-written but still the fact remains that millenials are not having much sex compared to earlier generations. Assuming, as we should, that women are lying about their number of partners and sexual activity...but that probably has been true for ALL studies so I'd imagine the general trend still holds true.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/why-millenials-stopped-...

Frost's picture

I've read about this study when it came out and I was quite shocked by it.

When it comes to our birth rate, it's true that in Europe and the US (and pretty much most if not all developed countries) birth rates are getting lower, but on a global scale we are still have the problem of overpopulation (reminds of the book Inferno) thanks to China and India (even with China's single child policy there are a lot of children that are not registered with the authorities because the couple already has a child). So I wouldn't worry too much about this, overpopulation is the more pressing issue.

Rick Mick's picture

Think about the effort it took you to get to a point where you can regularly sleep with women. Compare that to the effort it takes to achieve an orgasm by masturbating.

Masturbation:

1. free (in terms of money & time)
2. instant (no game required)
3. available almost anytime (just go to the bathroom)
4. no diseases
5. not dealing with other people

Sex with a woman:

1. Spending time (gaming, approaching, dating) and money (fashion, travel, opportunity cost)
2. Game required prior to sex
3. Small time windows
4. Risk of contracting diseases
5. Dealing with another person (who might be crazy or have a jealous partner; accuse you of rape etc.)

The main reason, in my opinion, that the numbers for millennials aren't even lower is that there is social pressure to be in a relationship or get married by certain age.

Also, think about virtual reality and sophisticated sex toys in the future. Once that becomes more popular, numbers will plummet to record lows with large segments of male population being virgins.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Indeed. Happens in every late-stage civilization. Birth rates plummet, and nothing the politicians do can fix it. Some of the European countries have offered incentives to have more children. South Korea's trying it. The Romans tried it two millennia ago. Never works. Success makes us sterile.

It's interesting to speculate about why. Certainly in our civilization, porn, etc., plays a role. But because the trend happens again and again, it seems to be more there's a demand for these non-reproductive sexual outlets that springs up in advanced urbanized societies, and the supply ramps up to meet the demand.

Chase

Jimbo's picture

That's interesting. What did the Romans do to incentivize births?

trilegius's picture

Hey Chase!

Great article as always!

I can relate especially because I'm a romanian.The fact that you say that romanian guys don't have problems with women just made me feel like a bigger loser :) I also don't think that the problems you talk about are just in the west, maybe the west is more influenced by them but I think it starts to spread in the east too,at least this is how I feel I may be wrong...I can also relate to that paragraph when you say that the reasons the instincts are no longer followed by most men nowadays, is because they have their heads in the books and computers and they don't socialize! This is the trap that I felt into,you know learn,get good grades and you'll have time to socialize after you finish school bla bla bla but this is a sure way to end up a social retard like myself!
I can't believe what a fool I was...anyways I'm just 21 I don't think it is too late to start over again but it's hard,especially with this pressure from parents to do great in college...

Anyways this post got too long I guess,but I wanna ask you cause I'm curious were the actresses romanian girls? And have you got the chance to pick up some romanian girls? How hard/easy it is to pick them up doing cold approach if you did manage to pick up? I heard cold approach doesn't work that great in the east,I hope not!!! I'm really looking forward for your answer especially about the last part of the post,I know you're busy so I'll be patient!

Hope you liked Romania!!

Greetings Chase!!!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Trilegius-

I figured we'd get a few Romanian guys commenting and saying, "But I still have these issues too!"

It's not as prevalent in Romania, but there are still guys who need help with girls, for sure. We sat down to look at the analytics for GirlsChase.com with our director - she was curious whether any Romanian guys actually visited our site. We discovered a little over 2,000 visitors a month hit Girls Chase from Romania. That was more than any of the neighboring countries, if I recall right. She was surprised (and then she said we needed to show that to the one of our actresses who had the most resistance to the idea of guys needing to learn game!).

Romania seems like its population hasn't been as urban as long in its recent history - lots of folks I met were from smaller towns around the country. So I suspect there's been fewer guys like you, who studied well and read a lot of books. More 'feral' men, more in touch with their roots. But the guys with noses in books have advantages, too.

Our actresses were Romanian, yeah. Lots of fun. As for cold approach in Romania... Dude, it works great! And not just for foreigners; we saw Romanian guys approaching girls in bars and they did fine as well. We almost did a portion of the course with me approaching girls on the street, before scratching that for several reasons, but lack of receptivity wasn't one of them. I had people tell me before that girls in Romania were not open to cold approach, but yeah, no, that's definitely not the case at all. I've yet to find a country where cold approach doesn't work. If it's out there, I'll find it eventually...!

And, Romania is a wonderful country. I of course enjoyed my stay! I think everyone on the crew did. One of the guys from our team already swung back through for another visit, in fact.

Chase

trilegius's picture

Hey Chase!

Thanks for the reply!

Wow 2000 romanian viewers a month?That is pretty much...
You're right there are a lot of people who come to cities from countryside and yeah I noticed the guys who were,lets say mediocre in school were good with girls too,I guess they didn't overanalyze so much and they definently socialized more.As for girls not responding to cold approach, I trust you when you say they do...and that motivates me to get better and approach more.I got a question, I saw you replied on the comment of the other guy from Romania that commented on this article and you said that in Bucharest in the Old Town there are a lot of chances of bumping into familiar faces,I live in a much smaller city than Bucharest with a population of 147 000 citizens how big of a problem you think it is to meet familiar faces when you cold approach on the street and even in bars?
And I was also curious if you have this sticking point when you started out...I approached 2 girls in July, my first cold approaches and for some reason I didn't manage to approach another girl or girls last month ,although I went out during day.Now it is summer break, so the city is pretty empty,I had to walk for a little while to see some girls that I wanted to talk to,but when I saw them I was so in my head I couldn't do it.Did you have this problem?I thaught it would be a lot easier to approach once I broke the ice...

I'm glad you liked Romania and I hope you'll also visit Sibiu when you come back! It's a wonderful city and every year it brings around 300 000 tourist!

Thanks Chase,keep up the good work!

Gordon's picture

When can we expect your new course?!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Gordon-

We're about 6 weeks behind at this point, after our video editor fell off the map. Much of it's going to depend on how fast I can find a replacement editor, how fast I can ship him the data (6 TB of raw footage... it'd take me months to upload all that to a server), and how fast he works.

My optimistic target is late October at this point. We'll see how fast I can move on getting a new editor and getting another copy of the data out to him!

Chase

Matei's picture

This was a very enlightening post for me, Chase!

I am from Romania and was not really aware of the fact that men here are truly manly. After reading your article, it got me thinking. There is a strong pickup and personal development community here. I discovered it soon after discovering your site and starting to practice the skills you teach. I was very surprised to see the interest that Romanian men have in seduction, with more than a dozen pickup instructors in Bucharest only. However, taking your perspective into account (and the one on the Alpha provider article), it makes sense.
The pickup community is like a medical community for manhood. Men who become aware that they lack masculinity start searching for help and find this community. But the reason they are so many here is because they compare themselves with other men, who are truly manly and alpha providers (about 1/3 of my male acquaintances are alpha providers, by your description).

Maybe because we are Latin people, or because we are very sociable people - foreigners feel most welcome here and we historically got along well with a multitude of minorities we have here. But I'm starting to notice how a lot of men behave in general - they truly treat women like cute, silly little girls and women are thrilled to be around them and are very feminine. Thanks for shedding some light on my fellow compatriots, Chase! :D

I would also suggest a place for you to visit next time you come here which I'm sure you will find fascinating: "Vama Veche" - it's the southernmost tourist village at the seaside, next to Bulgaria. It's a famous place here where a very interesting mix of people gather during the summer - especially young people. It's not your everyday tourist establishment with a beach. It's the most open and non-judgemental community you can find, a really exotic place. People of all colors, nationalities and social statuses come here and blend in anonimously. They live in tents or small houses - there isn't a single 3-star hotel here, and it's meant to stay that way... :) Everybody socialises with everybody. Women open up like nowehere else and there is a lot of sex going on if you know how to get it and nobody judges you. :)) It's a special place - like an exotic festival that lasts all summer. It's worth checking out if you make another trip here. ;)
Cheers!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Matei-

Happy to have provided a different perspective on the men there. I was not aware there were a dozen pickup instructors in Bucharest, though! It's a small city. I guess if guys are hitting up Old Town a lot though, they probably need help - the ratios aren't the best there. I noticed in a lot of places you start to see many familiar faces if you go more than once. Multiple times I ran into people I knew on the street, too, just walking about.

I had a lot of people telling me about the beach on the Black Sea. My first reaction was, "Great. I just worked 16 hour days for 2.5 weeks straight with just a single day off; I could use some peace and quiet." And they said, "Oh, no, you will not get quiet there!" Ended up not having time to hit the beach after all before I had to jet off to another destination.

Vama Veche - thanks for the tip! I assume that's the same place everyone else was telling me they go to during the summer. Sounds like somewhere worth a visit. I know Sunny Beach (Bulgaria) used to be great about half a decade ago, but it's more a family resort now and has lost its edge. The hot spots move around pretty quick; seems like Vama Veche might be one of the more recent ones (not sure how long it's been a hot spot for).

Chase

SZ's picture

Hey Chase,

this is the link to the article I was telling you about and wonder how we can protect ourselves from this

http://www.aol.com/article/2016/08/23/florida-man-lured-to-his-death-thr...

SZ's picture

These will be my last questions about paying for dates.

1.I don't have a problem with paying for girls on dates, but I do expect to get laid if I do pay, it doesn't hurt my pockets, but I'm not paying to be in competition or to keep paying until we have sex.

with that way of thinking, should I still avoid paying? it's not a big deal to pay, but if I'm not having sex 100%, then I'm not going to pay.

I also feel it'll make the date easier and it'll avoid drama, but correct me if I'm wrong.

all in all, I don't want to pay because I feel I shouldn't have to, but society fucks it up.

2.if you do end up in a situation when a girl expects to you to pay, and you don't, then they get angry, what do you do?

3.could you tell me how my way for splitting the check sounds?

I tell the waiter that checks are separate after the meal.

If we're at a pizza spot, or coffee spot, I'll let them order first.

how's that sound?

thanks

Author
Chase Amante's picture

SZ-

If you need to know 100% you'll have sex before you pay, then you should never pay. If a girl picks up on it, she won't sleep with you. Even if she doesn't pick up on it, it's going to make you outcome dependent (and, thus, needy and reactive). So if that's the case, paying's an absolutely bad thing for you to do.

I honestly haven't dealt with a girl getting angry because I didn't pay for a date since I was brand new. Last time I saw this was 2006. In that case, the girl was Puerto Rican and I brushed it off as cultural differences. Not sure how I'd deal with it now. I'd probably just give her the bored look.

Tell the waiter the checks are separate at the start of the meal. Just tell him, "We'll split, so please keep dishes separate, if you can." And letting girls order first is always sound policy places where you wait in line.

Chase

Mase's picture

Hey chase. I am actually diagnosed with aspergers. I don't think it's too severe tho. Still I was very antisocial and not very smooth through most of my life until about jr high (I slowly got better) I believe it was mostly because I internalized the belief that talking to people and recess and etc was boring in elementary school and self identified as an outsider. Then later on I wasn't very well socialized and thought that I was hopeless and socially inept and would never be able to make friends. I'm far past that now and that instinct is alive. I just didn't know that I was really supposed to listen to it and I've actually been having a lot of internal conflict with it as Ive developed into a very analytical person. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I have a tendency to overthink. So thanks for helping me find the freedom to loosen up. Keep up the good work! :) ps any special advice pertaining to teenagers? I'm 15)

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