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You shouldn’t join a girl’s shopping
expedition for a date. So why’s it okay to invite her along while YOU
shop? The difference is the dynamic.
In my article on The “Help Run Some Errands” Date, Lawliet questions whether having a girl come help you on dates doesn’t set too much of a boyfriend frame.
As we’ve talked about before, you very much do not want to be the early boyfriend. If you act like her boyfriend before you sleep with her, you will almost never sleep with her. We’ve even talked about the misfortune that fell one poor man who decided it’d be a good idea to take a girlfriend of mine shopping and go around holding her bags for her.
So why, then, would I turn around and propose you take girls
shopping with you?
Have I flipped my gourd?
Gone stark mad?
No, don’t worry. If this distinction confuses you, it won’t for long.
That’s because in today’s article, we’re going to draw a line between what happens when you help her versus when she helps you.
Comments
Hey Chase! Check out this dude..
http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infi...
Just check out this thread back from 2008 Chase by a dude called "NewKatalyst" he discovered it all by accident it seems! Go through the entire thread (it's 15 pages long but worth it). He wrote 2 threads on this site and has since vanished. I tried searching for him but not a trace. This guy figured it out back then! And it's so similar to what you say. Your words are gold man.. can you please write a piece (if you think you can give good advice on this) what is a guy to do to keep wifey happy while not becoming a boring dork! I personally hate hurting people what this guy says is so true! I've seen people like him and they're so happy (maybe cause they're in control of their lives), but how do you reconcile your conscience and genuinely get away with all this! (Women can smell a rat from a mile). . Your two cents on this please?
One-Sided Monogamy
John-
Fun thread from NewKatalyst. And he's right, Swiss women are super receptive to game. Swiss men are kind, but somewhat passive. A more aggressive style is very refreshing to them.
I'm very wary about advising guys how to run any kind of one-sided monogamy, whether implicit or explicit. The risk of damage is just very high there - it's the "**** will likely hit the fan at some point" setup NewKatalyst talks about.
If I can ever figure out a way to discuss it that is not going to be something inexperienced guys will go out and blow their relationships up and destroy women's psyches with, I might talk about it. For now, it's something where there's no way I could talk about publicly without having guys come back sobbing and saying, "Chase Amante, I followed your directions and now I've ruined it with the girl of my dreams!" or the like, so I don't teach it. This is one of the few things I won't teach to students I don't know / haven't trained personally.
Chase
The BF Distinction
Hey Chase,
Great points in this article! There's something I'm a bit confused about: let's say you want a girl as a girlfriend. Should one still go the lover route and have her try to convert you to the bf? Or is it okay to be "bf material"?
I would assume being bf material means she'll put the breaks on sex, and the relationship will unfold in a rather unsexual, boring way in which she'll eventually just get bored of the whole thing. So it's better to go the lover route and have her convert you to keep things sexually charged and interesting.
Is it ever good to go the BF route from the beginning?
Thanks, Chase!
Evan
Boyfriend or No?
Evan-
Well, it depends.
If you've got high value as a lover, I suggest you rid yourself of most boyfriend value. Though still keep some of it. The goal is to make it easy to bed her, while not taking yourself totally out of contention as a prospective long-term mate... Just in case you want that with her (or change her mind even if you don't think you want it now).
If you do not have high lover value though, you may not want to nuke your boyfriend value just yet. Simply because if you get rid of that and don't replace it with something else appealing, there's not much reason for her to want to keep you in her life or move forward with you (though perhaps as a friend).
So, it'd be: if you have solid lover value, then yes, mostly don't be too much of a boyfriend. Still keep a few little boyfriend-y things here and there - enough to leave the door open. But be 95% lover. If you're not so good at being the lover yet though, make it more of an even split to avoid a situation where you remove your most compelling value to her and now she doesn't want anything to do with you.
Chase
Society's Imposed Beauty Standards Are Keeping Me A Virgin
Hi Chase,
About 2 months ago I read an article on the homepage about being a virgin I just wanted to touch on that here.
I am 20, still a virgin and have never been in a relationship either (I have kissed several girls and been on dates though), I feel the societal pressure and I'm not too ashamed, just questioning if I've been making the right decision. What I mean by this is that I have had a few opportunities where girls have been into me and I could have potentially gotten into a relationship with them and or potentially had sex at parties but chose not to. The problem always was that the majority of these girls weren't attractive to me, they had nice personalities but physically I didn't want to have sex with them (objectively speaking they were of average attractiveness).
My question: is it wrong/"worth it" to only want to sleep with women that you're really attracted to?
I have high standards for beauty (should you? Is it warranted? I don't know) and believe that my sense of physical attraction has been tainted by society, media, celebrities and porn. I have been called too picky a couple times and I think that occasionally I am shallow in who I feel attracted to (which I cannot control).
What the hell am I to do if I'm only attracted to really beautiful women? I'm an average looking guy physically (lean athletic 5'10), have pretty solid fundamentals especially fashion (I kill it man!). Asking that question sounds so terrible and superficial but I've noticed that is what's happening when I go out. I should add that the limited number of girls that I have kissed/made out with are very attractive. I have always been quality over quantity. So for example if I go out and out of 100 girls spot 15 who meet my unfair standard of attractiveness, if I approached them all and got 4 conversations and 1 phone number or kiss I would consider that a million times better than sleeping with 2 girls who I wasn't really attracted to.
Hopefully that made some sense! If you have a free second an answer would mean a lot to me, you've answered my questions in the past and I sincerely appreciate it every time. Anyways thanks for your continued dedication to this site spreading valuable knowledge!
Cheers,
Jon
Article Addressing This
Jon,
I think the following article addresses your concerns (and might give you a better perspective on things):
Lower Your Standards (and Date Hotter Girls)
Check it out if you have some time.
Cheers!
- Franco
Franco,
Franco,
Thanks for the reply man! I hadn't read that article before and it does give my situation some perspective from another viewpoint that I may have not really been able to tap into. Some of the points I’d contest in the article and don’t necessarily believe but on the whole I agree with what Chase is saying about how sleeping with more girls because you lowered your standards will in the long term result in getting with higher standard girls.
If you did not settle and only slept with attractive or higher girls albeit a lot less frequently wouldn’t the confidence boost and skill development be somewhat equivalent to sleeping with lower standard girls more frequently? Because more attractive girls are inherently more challenging to sleep with otherwise everyone would be with them so doesn’t it make sense then that you would get more “experience points” per girl?
As an example (unrelated to the last paragraph), for me, part of the spectrum roughly looks like this:
1. Ok- bare minimum to sleep with, feel like I am heavily settling, may feel very indifferent
2. Attractive- would be completely satisfied or more sleeping with this girl
3. Fire- 12/10 would sleep with on the word go
My whole question which is still unanswered, and may not be answerable at the current moment is, is my 1. (the bare minimum) set too high? Or possibly that it doesn't even exist (only theoretically in my head) and that in fact I will only sleep with 2. and 3. In which case is my 2. girls I personally find "attractive" set at too high of a standard?
One of the biggest problems is that attraction is subject and so it is difficult to determine whether I am being too picky or not. If several guys said that they would sleep with this one girl because they all found her attractive and I said no way, who's right? Is she attractive and I'm just a picky asshole? Or are my standards reasonable and they all just have lower standards? The complexities of social life haha!
-Jon
Another Aspect
Jon,
I think part of the big issue here that I'm trying to point out is that it seems like you're trying to put the cart before the horse.
You're currently a virgin, which means you have exactly zero experience seducing a woman and sleeping with her. There's a LOT of steps that can go wrong (even with a girl that REALLY likes you) between the stages of saying "hi" and having sexual intercourse with her.
The issue that you might not be seeing here is, by not practicing sleeping with girls who are slightly less attractive (and waiting for ONLY girls you find very attractive), you're not getting any confidence and experience on how to effectively and consistently "close it out" with a girl you've built attraction with.
Let's say you decide you only want to sleep with girls you think are at least a "9" (for all intensive purposes) or higher. After going out for 5 months of approaching women, you finally get a "9" to bite and go out on a date with you. The date goes well... but now comes the next part of seduction. You have to invite her home. You have to persist -- in a suave way -- when she resists. You need to get her into your apartment and get her comfortable. You need to kiss her within 5 minutes. You need to -- again, suavely -- persist as she "casually" resists. You need to physically begin touching her body with your hands and moving your hands over her crotch area as she tries to push you away a bit while saying things such as "no, we can't do this silly!" while smiling. You need to back off a bit, smile, make her more comfortable, and then persist again. You need to begin removing her clothing. She might ask, "how many women have you slept with?" Would you know how to respond right in that moment without batting an eyelash? Would you be able to continue the escalation and continue removing her clothes? Would you be able to grab her hand and put it on your hard erection and say, "look what you're doing to me!"
Anyway, I think you're getting the point here. If you have zero experience bringing women home and sleeping with them, then you're VERY likely to fumble the ball when it comes time to make snap decisions in situations you've never been in before. Any type of hesitation or inability to lead will lose you the girl -- especially if she's of "high" quality and very experienced, unlike you.
It's not always about "I want to sleep with attractive girls because that's that's what makes me happy." EVERY guy who comes to this website wants to sleep with attractive women and not just unattractive ones. Every guy has high standards. But sometimes lowering those standards -- for the sake of improving your confidence and your ability to respond to women appropriately in split-second situations where the seduction moving forward or not is on the line -- can help you get the practice you likely need.
This is just something to consider before answering any of your further questions. I can understand as a virgin where your thought processes are coming from; a lot of those thought processes begin to change once you actually start to attempt to sleep with women. You'll find it is much more difficult to do consistently when you have little experience, and you begin to learn that getting as much experience as you possibly can is extremely beneficial to helping you sleep with the type of women you REALLY find attractive.
I hope this helps!
- Franco
high standards
Hey, man.
I used to have the same problem (and still have probably). But if you dont feel attracted to a girl, she will most likely sense it and also, you will not put your best into the interaction really because you dont feel motivated to do so. It comes of ingenuine and incogruent really and whatever compliment you tell her, she might sense that you dont mean it 100%.
The article Franco suggests is good, however what I did does not really correspond with it at all. I talk with lots and lots of people during the day, so I have the social mental swiftness and agility, I dont look for words to say like when I was a nerd playing DotA. I can think of 3 sentences in advance while speaking. Next thing is, with approach anxiety, those numerous approaches everyone suggests is that you feel like its not a big deal, that it is natural to do that and feel normal doing that and dont fidget all over the place. Next thing is, when I see a girl like that who is my type, for some unknown reason I feel like I can get her even though I know nothing about her yet and I kinda behave like I already got her. It probably comes from my drawing because I used to draw only women that I found being exceptionally beautiful with minimum flaws. And it translated to my entitlement for getting the most beautiful women for some reason. And it might be wrong, but to me, it seems like I come off as very confident, while with a girl I dont find attractive, it must look like I am an indiferent dick, and I can feel the difference.
Also, I dont think I have an abundance mentality, not at all, very far from it but I have an inner belief that quality takes time and you need to be patient with it. Which means, I am fairly ok with it if I find a girl like that only every 2 months. I have shit to do in the mean time. And I want girlfriend who I share my life with, not some fuck buddy. So, like, with a lot of stuff and advice that is on this site, you have to look at it more carefully and examine what the advice really targets and why and what it brings. What I mean by that is like... "shotgun approaching" or what was the article... it is there to get you into a social mood and social momentum. I get this naturally from my day to day life, I dont need to do it at all. I ask cashiers how their day is going if there is noone behind me, I chit chat a bit, I smile at people for no reason and they might smile back. You have to look at the whole seduction from your own perspective and pick the biggest flaws and work on those. If your logistics suck, doing million approaches might bring some results but if you took an hour off from approaching and invested it in working on better logistics like moving to a better placed appartment, it will improve your chances. Or the simple thing like fixing your haircut. I had shitty one all my life, the moment I stepped from the barber, it felt like I stepped into a different world.
So, to finish this comment, if you cannot find a very attractive girls easily and as a result, when you find one, you feel like it is a do or die situation, you need to fix that. You need to find a place, where women like that gather. Where they go or spend time to feel like there is a fresh supply. Or something like I do, I am on the verge of being homeless in October and like, my life is #1 priority now. 2nd priority is my life and 3rd might be my friends or job. And then, there is the girl. So I dont really give a shit if it goes well or not with the girl. Simply put, there are more important things in my life. Its like, if you have a broken arm, would you worry about a scratch you got from a knife while you were eating dinner?
As I said, on this site, you need to first find your issues and then look here to find the article that deals with it. If you say your fashion is top notch, you will not waste your time on fashion, right? And things suggested in those articles, are not usually the only way you can get the result you want. I mean like really, I have existentional problems, I dont really give a fuck if a girl rejects me. Or if she was "the one". My life demolishes the neediness for me. I dont need to talk to 8 different girls a day for that reason, my life provides that for me. But dont get me wrong, the advice here is gold.
At the end of the day, it is up to you.
Mr. Shark,
Mr. Shark,
Thanks a lot for your comment, I really appreciate your opinion on the situation and the article. I also liked how you were critical of it, questioning it and not blindly following everything the writers say!
I completely agree with your point about not being genuine if you don't find her attractive because women can definitely pick up on it and it's not fair to them. I respect women and only want to be genuine with them.
The other point that hit home was finding places/locations where the caliber of girls I'm looking for would probably be. I don't think about it as much as I probably should but it'd take some deduction and thought to guess where they might be in more frequent numbers. Logistics is a problem though as I don't have a car and travelling around the GTA can add up in cost.
Thanks again!
Jon
Lower Standards to Lose Virginity?
Jon-
Great reply from Franco. Not much to add to it, but I will say this: don't go for girls you're totally grossed out by, but do go for girls you find acceptable looks-wise.
Your first lay is about getting it out of the way. The beauty queens come after. My first lay was among the least attractive girls I've been with (really dropped my standards for that one), but I was sleeping with some very pretty girls not too long after her. I don't mind it one bit. I doubt I'd have gotten those hotter girls later had I not gotten sex out of the way before.
And I'll tell you - I skipped lays in high school because the girl was cute but not perfect. And then years later I'd be beating myself up going, "Goddamn, you idiot - her face was just all right, but she had a massive rack and you would've gotten off to a much sooner start." If I repeated my teenage years, I'd for sure sleep with those girls. At the time, I thought about it, wanted it, then got cold feet and didn't do it.
These days - no regrets for girls I have slept with.
The only ones I still have any modicum of regret around are the ones I could've had but passed on.
Chase
I'm shy and outrageous at the
I'm shy and outrageous at the same time. I can confess love after 10 minutes with no fucks given, like one time I told a british girl that she was my Queen. She started to giggle a lot and couldnt help herself but leave me, boast about it to her friend, and come back. Thing is I was clueless and super shy at that time. I thought she was laughing about me. I started being less shy the last two months and now women just fawn over me in public places. Like I went to the gym and this hot chick I passed by just got "stunned" when I looked into her eyes. Like awestruck or something. I also said something in class and stopped my sentence by looking into the eyes of a chick that was looking at me. She looked mind blown and I was like: wut?? Honestly it freaks me out and Id appreciate if somebody would explain whats happening because Im not that good looking! I often stun or mindblow people by just behaving normally... Its a very confusing time in my life
Reality Distortion Field
Newjohn-
If I had to guess, from the sound of it, you're probably a natural at this:
The Look: Make Your Eye Contact Piercing
Chase
Flirting Check
Hey Chase,
Thanks for this article.
You know I'm all about details and intricates, especially comes to signs.
Re: Flirting
I've been flirty lately.
So I keep getting flirty statements pop on my head.
But some of them feel "Cringeworthy"
So I want to get some feedback from you, help calibrate it to be more fluid and smooth.
Pertaining to the article, I want to avoid bf designation and instead be lover.
So i believe the flirting would be different between two.
For example, I think if bf, they give committment flirting.
I only like you for example.
"Only you give me that feel"
Not that explicit, but essentially implies she's different than other girls to you.
Let me know if my logic is right. If it's bad, let me know and I'll amend the style. Thanks bro!
Some good flirting that comes up my mind is:
Girl: If you're sick, you should go to the doctor
Me: This sickness can't be cleared by doctors. Only you ;)
Comment: Essentially, this flirting is "You are special to me". It bends whatever it is to be about her.
What I worry is it gives bf expectations.
Similar one is:
Me looking up in the sky.
Girl: What are you thinking about?
Me: I'm deciding which one is more beautiful tonight. You or the moon.
Girl asks what guy is thinking about.
Add "Her" into the equation.
Guy: I'm thinking if you're more fierce or that lady over there.
Girl gets yelled by boss. Throws paperwork at her.
Guy helps her pick up dropped
Guy: Your boss is an asshole. How can he treat such a beautiful lady like so?
Comment: I don't know why but I feel something's off about this one.
Girl and guy meet.
Girl tells him her name.
Guy: The name is as beautiful as the person.
Guy see girl at bar.
He goes up, and calls her beautiful instead of asking her name. Basically namecalling.
Guy: My beautiful lady, how is your night going?
Comment: I feel the word "Beautiful" is too corny. What are some good namecalling that also indicates our interest?
I know friends who call girl they don't know "Hey beautiful" but it feels like it's from the 80s. We're in the 21st century!
How would your flirting look like?
Any guidelines?
Such as "You never say no to improv" is something you told me before about bantering.
What about flirting then?
Thanks Chase!
Cheesy Romantic Flirting
Lawliet-
Hard for me to comment. You're using what I'd dub "cheesy romantic flirting." It's cheesy, silly, and over-the-top. But it might work.
I've seen black guys and Mediterranean guys run this style of game. It seems to work if you do it with the right delivery, of basically playful half-romanticism.
It's not a style I use personally a whole lot. The only time I'll use it is if a girl is being really ridiculous and I just want to bust her stones. I prefer to imply the girl is chasing me rather than tell the girl that I am chasing her.
This is ultimately one you'll have to test out for yourself and see if it works. If it does, keep using it. If it doesn't, tweak it, or test something different.
Chase
How to know when you're giving help in the right amount as BF
Hey Chase,
Thanks for another insight article especially about how "dynamics" really work and that as long as you can handle situations in the right dynamics, you can break the rules or at least not follow them strictly. Which brings back to a question I have in terms of giving help to a girl. So just a little background, I'm currently dating an au pair, who is considered a foreigner in this country. So I have helped her with a lot of things such as improving her English, help her with application for status extension/change, plus a number of non-fun items, even though after those items we have fun and sleep together as much as I want. So more of an early boyfriend status. So my question is am i doing too much to help her, have you done an article in terms of when offering help to your girlfriend, what is the right amount or how to gauge when to help and when not to help and just let her do it on her own?
My other question is, how do i really know she likes me for who I am rather than liking me for my US citizenship someday? Is there a way to screen out those or you just have to live with that risk whenever you date a foreigner. Would me helping her get her work visa (or citizenship) first, then marry her (or be in LTR) impact the dynamic of the relationship? So maybe an article for US guys dating foreigners and the best way to go about that without being used as a marriage certificate? That would be very helpful :o)
And finally, I also realized that the past 3-4 girls I dated in the past have ended up with a lesser guy than me, does that mean I dated down? Is there a term for that type of situation where the girls you date and broken up with gets worse boyfriends vs you? What about the opposite such as that Dane Cook movie Good Luck Chuck, where the girls you date, breaks up, and she finds the next guy as marriage material but not you. Is there term for that? How do you resolve both different situations and stop repeating the pattern?
Best,
Magenta
Investment Calibration, Green Cards, and Dating Down
Magenta-
Some good questions here. I've noted these down in our topics list - would make for fun articles.
Just for now, some quick one- or two-sentence answers on these:
For calibrating investment, the basic formula is take her investment levels, as she values them, and multiply that by about .8 or .85 for your own investment, as she values it. Must be "as she values it", though, because even if you buy her an $80,000 sports car, if she doesn't value this and feels like whatever she gives you is worth more, she'll be unsatisfied with the relationship - it's about calibrating what you deliver to what she values.
For foreign girls / green card hunters, my default is to just make it clear I'm not long-term material. That gets honesty out of foreign girls real quick. If their goal is a husband, they may still get into a short-term sexual relationship with you, but they will typically be relentless about picking your brain for the best strategies to get a man who'll put a ring on their finger - makes the situation clear real quick.
Girls going for lesser men than you, it might, but not necessarily. Depends on what kind of relationship we're talking about here. If you were the serious boyfriend, girls will often take lower caliber guys on the rebound, then go back to their normal dating range once they take someone serious. If the serious boyfriends of your ex-girlfriends are consistently lower caliber than you, though, then yeah, you're dating down (and can probably do better). Girls getting married immediately after breaking up with you usually means that a.) you're devastating them pretty hard when you break up with them [i.e., they were really hoping for marriage with you] and/or b.) you're dating chicks who are right around the age where they need to be getting married, so when it ends with you they put the hustle on.
Anyway, I really like all these topics. Will try to do articles on some of them!
UPDATE: here's the girlfriend investment article: "How Much Should You Do for a Girlfriend? The Investment Scales"
Chase
Debt
Chase,
do you have any good information on how to get out of debt faster?
I know the obvious is to make more money, but I'd like to know if there are hacks?
I'm in school right now, so I can't put all of my focus on working or having my own business yet.
Buy I'd like to take some of my debt down now, while still trying to move forward with my life, without my current debt messing it up.
I also want to be prepared when I have to pay my Loans off when I'm done with school.
it's isn't too much money compared to others and the average, but I want to focus on getting all of this down fast in some way.
Thanks
MMM
Money. Making. Mode.
This is kinda a two-part question.
Right now I want to make as much money as I can Chase, I am currently in school so that screws up time, but I have read your posts about making money, so I'll use all of that.
My main concern is that I want to change my attitude and mildest that I currently have.
I am relaxed and rather not work when I don't have to, I'll do what I have to do, but when I'm free, I chill.
I just love to have my relax time, I love to sleep in, if I have something to do, I work around it with my relaxation. it will get done, but me relaxing comes first.
I want to stop relaxing so much and get to work.
I'm thinking I should just put all of that chill time into making money and having little time to relax.
I'm currently in school, so I know I can't work 24/7, but I do want to make enough money where I don't have to worry too much. If I need anything I got it on my own, no credit card or loans.
I just want to have that hunger and actually do something instead of thinking about it.
1. How would I change my mind-set to this? How do I change my habit to relax to a one that's about making money all of the time?
2. Is it wise to work all of the time with very little relaxation.
3. How often should we relax?
On the girl side of things:
I remember you saying in a comment that you think I want to get halfway decent with girls.
To be honest, I don't know what your definition of halfway is, but I want to be excellent. I don't know about making this my life like yours, but I want to be better than decent.
My motivation with this is that I pretty much have to make up for lost time.
I want to excel with women; I deserve it, they deserve it.
I want to make up on all of the opportunities where in the past where I could have fucked a lot more.
I want to be better with women and have more sex with women than anyone I know.
I'm competitive like that.
It is a burning hunger within me to make up for my mistakes.
I want to know how I can intertwine Making as much money as possible now and getting good with women as much as possible now.
is that possible?
If I work hard on money now, can women wait?
I can tell you money is my number 1 focus now, women are not, but I want to get good with this thing fast because as I have said before that I am almost 30.
I have done well with women my whole life, as in Its not hard for me to attract them or get a number.
but my main problems that I have always had were closing ( getting a response to greeting text, a date, over to my casa). Getting past lmr and their test during lmr . Meeting more Women ( it's hard for me to meet women unless I go to the club, when I go out, I really don't see too many girls), getting my lay count up, and of course aa. That fuckin aa has plagued me for the longest.
I can read and read about the shit all day, and fucking feel pumped to go out and approach, but every time I just can't when I finally get there.
My biggest thing is fuckin aa, I'm sure I would get better with all my other problems, but that fuckin aa has to go.
1.What can I do to get good at both at the same time?
I want to do both the fastest way that I can.
2. Would it be wise to put women second with the age I am now.
3. How can I combine these together?
I'm not trying to get money for women; I'm doing it for me; I'm trying to do it so I can have a comfortable life, and get things that I want.
Thank You Chase.
Debt, Work/Life Balance, & Emotion Regulation
SZ-
The only thing I know about getting out of debt (having done it once already) is:
As for work/life balance, find a balance that does not burn you out but lets you hit your goals. What that balance is will depend on you. I can tell you for me it fluctuates. Sometimes I can work 17 or 18 hour days and sleep 3 or 4 hours a night for periods of time and it's great, because I'm getting lots done, piling up wins, and riding the winner effect. Sometimes I'm not getting a lot of wins and instead taking a lot of hits, and need more downtime to not burn completely out. Days like that I may only work 3 to 6 hours.
Regardless of that, I rarely have a full day off, and haven't had a proper vacation since 2010.
As for getting good with girls - if you are that hungry, you don't need to ask me. Go do the approaches, and you will find a way to fit this into a schedule.
Check out this article on emotion regulation:
Chase
How to learn skills specifically
Hey Chase
As a kind of follow up to my question on "When she picks you, it's vital she feels it's her choice" (comment link - http://www.girlschase.com/comment/80494#comment-80494)
What is your system to remember all these skills while with women, interacting with them, etc.?
Telling stories, touch, eye contact, warmth, understanding her, moving, sexy flirting ;) , etc.
Is it a thing where you have done these skills little by little consciously many times over and over until it became intuitive/unconscious over many years?
I feel like learning like a couple skills at a time would take forever.
For example, let's say a guy wants to learn moving a girl when first meeting her. To learn it, i know it might sound super basic, how exactly would a guy learn the skill until he's got it down pretty well? Just do it w/ 5 girls over 3 days?
I just came across Denton's article of learn 1 skill at a time to get good w/ women, but he didn't go into specifics. Could you provide a concrete example, kind of like I just did above, if that's a good way to learn?
Overall, how would you advise me/guys who want to get better w/ women at an efficient pace to learn skills w/ women like opening, eliciting values, touch, talking about myself, leading, etc.?
Thanks Chase, can't wait to read ur reply man, literally haha.
I feel like I'm learning at an inefficient pace, trying to do too many things at once and just in a whirlwind so I feel like nothing is sticking too much and then 3 months later, I see I haven't really improved much.
Also how big is consistency in learning these skills, like everyday or how many days a week would be best? - GermanShepherd
How to Remember It All
Germ-
If you haven't seen it yet, check out my response here:
http://www.girlschase.com/comment/81084#comment-81084
Chase
Emotions
Chase,
How do we get out of our emotions if we are very emotional people?
I don't mean emotional, like being sad or weak, u mean it like you take everything so seriously, everything means a lot to you, it also has to do with being happy or sad.
it's more of that you a lot more into the emotion than a cool cat.
if I happy, I'm all smiles and you can tell.
When I'm mad, you can definitely tell.
I get angry and annoyed very easily and I know that causes problems with relationships do I want to stop that.
I make everything a big deal all of the time.
I want to limit my emotions, but have no idea how, I have been trying to do it concisely, but my emotions are too strong and I go right back to them.
How do I stop being so emotional?
P.S. What's a cool, sexy, attractive laugh for a black guy in your opinion?
Thanks
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