How to be Resilient (and Bounce Back from Rejection) | Girls Chase

How to be Resilient (and Bounce Back from Rejection)

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

how to be resilient
Resilience: it’s your ability to take a hit (rejection) and keep going. The more resilient you are, the better your odds get with girls.

This week I’ve talked about the beginning being the hardest part, and about the belief some (many?) men hold that women are evil, due to bad experiences with girls, rejections, or even just loneliness, isolation, assumption, or projection.

Today I want to get a little more strategic and give you something you can immediately go out and start to improve on. I’d like to talk about how to be resilient.

If you’re unfamiliar with the subject of resilience in the context of meeting, dating, and sleeping with girls, here’s the explanation in puzzle form:

  • Why is it that one man can suffer rejection from a girl, then shrug it off, go meet another girl, charm her socks off, take her home, and have sex with her...

  • While another man may suffer rejection, drop down into a funk, start to feel bad about himself, feel bad about women, not talk to another girl the rest of the day, and go home alone?

The answer to this riddle is ‘resilience’ – the ability to bounce back from defeat; to take a hit and stay in the ring.

Because if you can’t shake off a hit, you’re just one big blow away from ‘crushed’.

But if you can shake the next hit off, you stand a pretty good chance to get that date, get that girlfriend... or just plain old get laid.

Comments

stef's picture

chase have you read "antifragility" by nassim nicholas taleb, i found fooled by randomnes thanks to one of your articles! great read!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Stef-

Haven't gotten around to it yet, but I have little doubt it's good. Nassim is awesome. I want to / intend to read it.

Chase

christiano vegas's picture

Great article and at the right time. I had a bit of a rough time. My game was not up to scratch lately. It's frustrating if you know how it supposed to be, but you sabotage yourself. I hit a string of rejections which put me in a crushed and almost depressed state. I took a break, but I really want this to work. No matter how long or what it takes. The problem is, I do take rejections too personal. I know I'm capable of doing it. For everyone who wants to know more or develop grit and resilience I recommend "Grit" by Angela Duckworth.
I'll put this tips into practice. Thanks

Sadeqh's picture

hey chase!
I have noticed that you covered a lot of topics on how to seduce or introduced a lot of ways to success.
I admire them all but why didn't you ever start to teach men how to not let someone (like which would Be called a bitch by society) begin to destroy and suck Blood outta men who only think they love her?
why didn't you write in your book about defense, nothing Held back! about the destroying Powers women could have over men? about the hate that hurt people could use against someone who only wants to enjoy with them?
thanks, sadeqh

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Sadeqh-

I will add it to the article queue!

I've kind of already covered it here:

"Protecting Yourself from Psychic Vampires (and Not Turning, Either)"

And really the largest part of it comes down to recognizing bad actors and avoiding them - see the articles linked to under the "How to Pick Better Mates" subhead:

"Her Raw Material or Your Relationship Skills: Which Matters More?"

However, a proper post on defensive measures would be good to write up, as well. I'll cover it.

Chase

90210's picture

What are the little things you did that girls told you about in the post sex interview? Really curious.

90210

Author
Chase Amante's picture

90210-

Often it's some small gesture or line that shows either masculine protection/consideration for her, or it's a deftly passed test. Sometimes I remember the moment and felt the change in her the moment it happened (e.g., I could sense her go from, "I really like this guy," to, "Okay, yes, I will sleep with him now no matter what"). Other times it's been something where I've just gone, "I don't even remember that, but okay!"

As examples, I had a girl tell me she knew in the middle of a casual dinner date when we were sitting there laughing and eating and we just locked eyes and I held it, that was when she knew she was going to sleep with me. I had another girl tell me she knew when she realized I'd been talking to her for 10 minutes and was still there talking to her that she'd sleep with me (I recall asking her, "Do most men not talk to you for more than 10 minutes?" and her saying most of them just left [ejected] or just wanted to take her phone number and then text her to meet up later. That was a big lesson for me - if she likes you, and you like her, and you just stick around long enough and keep moving things forward, much of the time that's when sex "just happens"). Another (I mentioned this one in the first lay report in the appendix of my ebook) was a girl who told me that how I responded when she challenged me on my pull more or less sealed the lay (we were at a bar; I said "Let's go get a nightcap"; she said "Isn't that what we're having right now?"; I frame controlled it and we left right after).

Both the eye contact and nightcap frame control ones were ones where I'd felt the shift; the "still there after 10 minutes" one just caught me out of left field because I didn't think I'd sleep with the girl even after 20 minutes of talking with her. But I was younger and less experienced then and probably not as perceptive.

Chase

Bond's picture

Chase,

How's the new program doing? When is it scheduled for?

Bond.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Bond-

I’m waiting to hear back from our video editor. The shoot wrapped 5 weeks ago and he was supposed to begin immediately; I think he got back to Smalltown, USA, slipped back into daily life there, and staring at 100 hours of footage to edit his way through started to look like an impossible task and he’s had trouble getting started.

At this point, I don’t want to set a date until I know what we’re doing on that front. I still want him to edit, because he knows the course front and back (he was on cameras the whole time), has all the notes, and knows what goes where. He’s also a fantastic editor and I know it’d be safe and awesome in his hands.

But we also can’t wait forever. If we have to change editors though, then I’ve got to copy the 6 TB of data we have, organize it all, ship it off to a new editor, and pay much closer attention to the editing process because we kind of have files all over the place and he won’t have notes. I’ll also have to screen and vet new video editors, and it’s always a bit of a gamble trying to find someone who’s good. Will be a big hassle.

So that’s kind of the status. If our guy gets started soon, we can probably set a date. I was REALLY hoping for no later than October, for a bunch of reasons. If our guy isn’t rolling by next week though, we will probably have to start the process of finding someone else.

Anyway, I still hope to have the core course, bonuses, and Modules 1 & 2 ready for October so we can launch. But considering the late start we’ll have on editing whether our guy jumps on or we have to grab someone else, we may need to delay.

Chase

Hughes's picture

Hi chase, great article as always. You'd think your articles focuses on a set of women until after careful observation, you'd realise that it even is true in Africa where I come from, however, all your articles on female mind have covered key aspects in women I.e how to know when she's horny, female hypergamy and so on but I'm yet to see one that talks about how women think about men really, relationships, the fact that we want them for sex most time (I hope you get me). The closest I've seen to this is 'why she chose you as a boyfriend'.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hughes-

Glad to hear it! What part of Africa?

I like the topic idea - will add it to the queue.

Chase

blogster's picture

"the girl I took home the second night was the hottest girl I’d spoken with all night, after perhaps another 12 or so conversations with less-cute girls went nowhere or led to flat-out snubs)"

what do you attribute this to? i've had similar situations and was confused by it. yes i understand you're not going to be everyone's cup of tea, but is there any dynamic which may cause this j- e.g. auto-rejection/a claim for higher status. i've experienced this in situations where i have not acted or been any different.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Blogster-

The brain’s a pattern recognition engine, so we tend to look for things to attribute this to. When I look at that one, I WANT to say that my snubs came because it was a big party venue and most of the girls I’d approached previously were either dancing or with friends, and I was approaching solo.

Then I took a break and hung out with a couple of buddies near the bar (social proof), and spotted a girl taking a break by the bar by herself, snapping photos with her camera, and she was in a perfect position for an easy approach.

So in that case, it could be that I had social proof + a more natural approach to work in my favor. It could’ve been she saw me talking with my buddies and positioned herself near me and caught my eye – I don’t remember that being the case, but a good approach invitation goes unrealized by the man (i.e., you don’t realize she made the first move, you think you did). Or maybe because it was a preferred situation for me (I like meeting girls by the bar better than girls out dancing, for instance), I went in smoother and more confident.

But then there’s also the side of me that doesn’t trust the part that wants to find the pattern in everything, and just says “asymmetric returns.” I’ve spent enough time verifying and reverifying casualities that I’ve come to distrust a lot of my initial assumptions about why something happens – often you think you know, but you don’t.

So, couldn’t say for sure. Might’ve been a vibe change, might’ve been social proof, might’ve been me being a little bit more comfortable. Or it may have just been she was lucky number 13 (or whatever number approach she was – somewhere around there), and I happened into a girl I did well with.

That’s one of the toughest aspects of seduction. Often you want to say, “I succeeded because X,” or, “I failed because Y,” but on a case-by-case basis you usually won’t really know for sure exactly why this or that truly happened. Only at scale can you really say, “X helps, Y hurts – oh, and here are the exceptions to that.”

Chase

SZ's picture

Poli's picture

This is no doubt the most clutch article I have come across, I read this article and the next day I go out and just when was about to walk out in disappointment and shame I remember this article and literally force myself to continue on. Chance was on my side this time as I met this gorgeous model and we clicked immediately I got her email(I know really an email? LOL) but I understand her circumstance and its legit the only way she can communicate now. Anyways its going well since I got a response from her in a few hours after emailing. Thanks Chase You really came in clutch without a doubt with this one.

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