Dating as a Short Guy: What to Know and Do | Girls Chase

Dating as a Short Guy: What to Know and Do

Chase Amante

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Jerome Wu's picture

Note from Chase: this is our second article from Jerome Wu, a friend of mine originally from China, who has been living in the United States (and sleeping with girls off of cold approach in nightclubs, the street, and the beach) for many years now. Three years ago, Jerome talked to us about Asian guys and white girls; today he’s here to talk about another sticking point for many men: being short. Here’s Jerome.


To be tall and handsome, is that really the splitting image of every woman’s true desire? Let’s look at what it’s like to be a short guy in the dating game, and some strategies we can use to alleviate whatever shortcomings might be associated with being a short seducer.

I measured myself the other day, and I found that technically I stand at 5 foot 5 ½ inches. Mr. Chase has mention in some articles on this site that I am near 5’3” to 5’5” – I am hurt, butthurt that is, by the inaccuracy... LOL.

I was supposed to write this article in 2014 – I’m kind of late! I didn’t understand the question Chase presented to me. I just didn’t think my height was an issue until I researched it. I also wrote an article on being Asian. Writing all these articles on being Asian, short, and introverted has made me somewhat insecure. I never realized this was such an issue until now. I guess I’m totally late again, or perhaps I simply forgot about this issue, or maybe I’ve just been too busy living my life...

Anyway, let’s begin.

Comments

Anonymous's picture

Very interesting points of view you have mentioned here.
And the most interesting one for me is "flying under the radar".
I think I know what you mean (namely pretend that there is no "seduction danger" so she can be relaxed).
My questions: Is the behavior "flying under the radar" something that comes out of her mind and I have to play along for the start or is it something I have to communicate to her?
In both cases: when do I start to escalate?
Do you have a tangible example? I think it would help here.

Author
Jerome Wu's picture

My questions: Is the behavior "flying under the radar" something that comes out of her mind and I have to play along for the start or is it something I have to communicate to her?

Jerome: No, it has not-hen to do with conversational skill, Flying under radar is about comfort, for example when in social network (most guys meet girls through school, friends and work). By going under the radar girls are more likely to give you a chance and listen to your game versus a stranger.

In both cases: when do I start to escalate?

Jerome: It has no-then to do with escalation it has to do with being physically romantic and sexual

Do you have a tangible example? I think it would help here.

Jerome: I can tell you a thousand stories, but it is meaningless, only you can draw from your own personal experience, mine is different.

Lithuanian's picture

I'm not a short guy. My height is 1,83 m (that's probably about 6 feet 2 inches). But I'm dating a girl which is just a tiny bit taller. I don't feel uncomfortable due to this, but I think, I have other issues with being smaller than a girl.

First, I wanted to kiss her, but it's that bit harder - when we sit, she looks much taller, and I have to reach her lips, lol. So, it makes me uncomfortable when I think kissing her (I'm a begginer still).

Second, I think she is a bit uncomfortable, but maybe because she is so tall. Maybe, she feels uncomfortable with her height.

Third, trying to put my arm on her shoulders. Maybe I should always target lower parts of the body.

Author
Jerome Wu's picture

"I don't feel uncomfortable due to this, but I think, I have other issues with being smaller than a girl."

You broke rule number two, do not be insecure about your height or her height, its all mental, why is it uncomfortable?

It's sounds like social construct at play, who says love has to be.....

If you feel comfortable, she will to.

Sounds like your insecure about her height.

If you look for fault and problems in a relationship, you will project it and make it a reality.

If you look to appreciate her beauty and height, than you will appreciate your time together.

Life is short don't focus on your insecurities.

Anonymous's picture

I wonder if I can fly under the radar at 5'9 and be more aggressive or if it's relative to her height? Also if my ethnic background affects this since I'm a quarter white black spanish and native american looking like drake with a better face but a smaller frame.
Also since I don't comment much I always wanted to ask for chase frame examples. I could never wrap my head around how it actually works without being obvious. I'd pay for a book with only chase frame examples lol

Author
Jerome Wu's picture

It has nothen to be height.

For example, If your a nice guy, she won't see you as a threat, but most guys stay in the friend-zone. There are advantages being in the friend-zone, if your experience player.

Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Re: book with chase frame examples, there's a 46-page ebook solely on chase framing in the updated ($97) standalone version of Spellbinding, chock full of examples and breakdown:

http://www.girlschase.com/spellbinding-get-her-talking

It's not on the sales page (that page is in dire need of an overhaul), but it is in the course you receive now (plus another new in-depth book on conversation scripts).

Chase

Explozive Results's picture

Isn't height relative though? There are plenty of girls who are 5 foot nothing (or shorter); surely a shorter man doesn't need to behave differently when the girl is also short. Why isn't this addressed in the article? It comes across as though the rules are the same for girls of all heights.

I'm 173cm/5'8" and in my experience height has never been an issue... in the real world at least... I've had plenty of interest from girls noticeably taller and have never been rejected because I'm under a certain height.

Never realised height mattered until I tried online dating... then I learned if you're not the magic 6 foot tall (or thereabouts) that will scare many the taller girls off pretty quickly.

Anonymous's picture

I made the same experiences..... the best connections I made last time were with women not much smaller or even taller then me........

Anonymous's picture

I'm about 5'8, is that considered short? I never really thought I was until some guy friends pointed it out. The way I see It i'm taller than most girls so I'm fine with it.

Black's picture

Hi, I'm not sure I get the article in two points:

a) What's the difference between "under the radar game" and "hiding the banana"?

b) Part of this sounds to me like, if you are short, you are automatically framed non-sexually (as if we were some ugly lesbian women haha!) and so you have to do this "under the radar" thing instead.
At 5'7'', I'd be short for North American / European contexts but in Latin America / Asia (where I've been so far) I get framed as the "muscular/tough guy". . . and then there's whatever a girl has on her mind when she sees me ( whether she thinks/cares I'm short or not). So it's not too clear to me whether, where and when and if I should be thinking about this at all (unless I was clearly small and skinny - in all contexts, beyond any doubt). Maybe this is too advanced and I should just be running/improving my standard game instead until I hit a wall for being "too short" (if that ever happens).
I'm just not used to seeing myself as short and then making that a starting point for my game/identity/whatever (like some others here, I just got shot down for it online a couple times but that's it).

Author
Jerome Wu's picture

Ignorance is bliss,

Just continue to game, some day you will understand wat I meant by under t e radar. Only trough experience and reference point will you someday understand.

Frank Johnson's picture

This blog made me think of my early 20’s, as I was rejected by the women who chased after the Alfa males and showed no more interest in me than glancing at a blade of grass next to the highway traveling at 75 MPH. And this made me think about my own personal experiences with tall women, a slightly different story from this blog, but same result due to being a Beta male.
One 6’ tall girl, in a gym, talked to me with such a look of disinterested she couldn’t have looked or acted more uninterested if she had wanted to. I approached another, who I estimated being 5 foot 9 or 10 inches. She got angry with me for even asking her out and stuck her finger in my face informing me she didn’t date shorter men. On line, I met a girl 5’11”, and we worked out together once in my apartment complex gym, after that she did not return my two phone calls, there could be others, too, I just don’t remember them all. Now, you may say the rejections were because of my looks, that could be true, but as I approached girls closer to my height, my success rate went way up.
This blog also made me think about the rejections by tall girls, and it angered me, but not at the time the rejection. Only years later, when I actually tallied them up, did I get angry. I was rejected not because I was fat, bald, ugly, deformed or had a rotten personality. No. The reason I was rejected by all of these women was my height
I did date three women who were significantly taller than me, two at 5’11” and one at 5’10”. (I am 5’8”) And all three happened to be 32 years of age, which is more than a coincidence. No doubt, all three wanted a tall Alfa male, and lost, so a safe stable Beta male was the next best thing in their 30’s,. I didn’t grow any taller and I doubt I got better looking. These women were past their prime and worried. I was in my late 30’s, at this time of my life, after being married for 10 years. It was also at this time, I could easily date younger women, and I did. When I was 38, my first girlfriend was 27, the next was 27 and the next was 24 who became my second wife. I never dated with any intent of marrying a woman my age. Younger women had no issue with me dating them, and I certainly had no issue dating them. I remember going to singles events and seeing very pretty women, who were my age, who I know 15 years earlier wouldn’t have given me the time of day. And even now, may have looked better than myself, but now it was me who had no interest in approaching them. I did not want to take time and money away from pursuing younger women. Why go old, when I could go young?
I am now married and have 4 sons. I could have provided a good life to any girl. I wanted a taller girl because of the physical turn on and to for fill one of my desires, yet not one single tall girl (in her 20’s) gave me a chance. I was turned down consistently and without a second thought. SO, IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN YOUR LATE 20’S OR EARLY 30’S WITH NO PROSPECT OF A HUSBAND OR CHILDREN, YOU HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF. There were men like me, who wanted a leggy female, but they, like me, were never accorded the opportunity. (This also applies to average height women, too) And the reality is that the vast majority of tall women will not even consider a shorter man until it is too late. You would think it would be obvious that if you included shorter males in your suitor selection, your odds would increase of finding a mate, for there are a lot more short and medium height males than there are taller ones. So my advice would be to accept the advances of all men and get to know them. I, who would have relished the opportunity of having curvy broad hips and a tapered waist to hold all night and to make love to into the early hours of the morning, was never, not once, even given a chance to start a relationship. Thus, throw away the yardstick, for you may find someone like me, who would love to share his life and love with a leggy lady.
By the way, another tie in with this article and be found at this web site.
http://shortguycentral.com/P-57/beware-of-the-reformed-heightist-woman
This writer tells about women’s rejections in his 20’s, only to find that women now chased after him, in spite of his height, now he is in his early 30’s. HE WARNS OF THE DANGERS OF THE “REFORMED HEIGHTEST WOMAN” WHO ARE DESPERATE AFTER WASTING THEIR LIFE CHASING THE ALFA MALE AND NOW WANT A STABLE BETA WITH A STEADY PAY-CHECK.
Here is anther on how women who found the Mr. Average (Beta Males) were worth nothing in their 20’s and now that these women are in their 30’s can’t buy a date, even from the Beta Males, titled “Why women lose in the dating game”
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/why-women-lose-the-dating-game-2012...
During their 20s, women compete for the most highly desirable men, the Mr Bigs. Many will readily share a bed with the sporty, attractive, confident men, while ordinary men miss out. As Whiskey puts it at whiskeysplace.wordpress.com: ''Joe Average Beta Male is about as desirable to women as a cold bowl of oatmeal.''
''I can't believe how many men my age are only interested in younger women,'' wails Gail, a 34-year-old advertising executive as she describes her first search through men's profiles on the RSVP internet dating site. She is shocked to find many mid-30s men have set up their profiles to refuse mail from women their own age.
Talking to many women like her, it's intriguing how many look back on past relationships where they let good men get away because they weren't ready. American journalist Kate Bolick wrote recently in The Atlantic about breaking off her three-year relationship with a man she described as ''intelligent, good-looking, loyal and kind''. She acknowledged ''there was no good reason to end things'', yet, at the time, she was convinced something was missing in the relationship. That was 11 years ago. She's is now 39 and facing grim choices.
Here is an interesting article for a women who transgendered to a man, who finds how women treat him poorly due to this height of 5’9”.
http://libertyviral.com/is-living-life-better-as-a-man-or-woman-a-transg...
When I identified as female, I was somehow awesome for being on the taller end of femme, but now? Now, I’ve been called a “manlet” for being a hair under average male height – because apparently men get to be treated like shit for something that they can’t control. I’ve also noticed that, while dating women, a lot of them won’t even go NEAR you if you’re under 6 feet tall. Which is bullshit.
As a woman, I was free to be as shitty as I wanted, in personality, as well – in my (very stupid) younger man-hating years, no one was mad, and people even ENCOURAGED me to be a man hater! Now, as a man, I am apparently not even allowed to voice my opinion on women’s rights. Doesn’t matter that I still have breasts, a vagina, and two X chromosomes – nope. Because I pass as male, I have suddenly lost my ability to understand the plight of poor womenfolk.

This blog made me think of my early 20’s, as I was rejected by the women who chased after the Alfa males and showed no more interest in me than glancing at a blade of grass next to the highway traveling at 75 MPH. And this made me think about my own personal experiences with tall women, a slightly different story from this blog, but same result due to being a Beta male.
One 6’ tall girl, in a gym, talked to me with such a look of disinterested she couldn’t have looked or acted more uninterested if she had wanted to. I approached another, who I estimated being 5 foot 9 or 10 inches. She got angry with me for even asking her out and stuck her finger in my face informing me she didn’t date shorter men. On line, I met a girl 5’11”, and we worked out together once in my apartment complex gym, after that she did not return my two phone calls, there could be others, too, I just don’t remember them all. Now, you may say the rejections were because of my looks, that could be true, but as I approached girls closer to my height, my success rate went way up.
This blog also made me think about the rejections by tall girls, and it angered me, but not at the time the rejection. Only years later, when I actually tallied them up, did I get angry. I was rejected not because I was fat, bald, ugly, deformed or had a rotten personality. No. The reason I was rejected by all of these women was my height
I did date three women who were significantly taller than me, two at 5’11” and one at 5’10”. (I am 5’8”) And all three happened to be 32 years of age, which is more than a coincidence. No doubt, all three wanted a tall Alfa male, and lost, so a safe stable Beta male was the next best thing in their 30’s,. I didn’t grow any taller and I doubt I got better looking. These women were past their prime and worried. I was in my late 30’s, at this time of my life, after being married for 10 years. It was also at this time, I could easily date younger women, and I did. When I was 38, my first girlfriend was 27, the next was 27 and the next was 24 who became my second wife. I never dated with any intent of marrying a woman my age. Younger women had no issue with me dating them, and I certainly had no issue dating them. I remember going to singles events and seeing very pretty women, who were my age, who I know 15 years earlier wouldn’t have given me the time of day. And even now, may have looked better than myself, but now it was me who had no interest in approaching them. I did not want to take time and money away from pursuing younger women. Why go old, when I could go young?
I am now married and have 4 sons. I could have provided a good life to any girl. I wanted a taller girl because of the physical turn on and to for fill one of my desires, yet not one single tall girl (in her 20’s) gave me a chance. I was turned down consistently and without a second thought. SO, IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN YOUR LATE 20’S OR EARLY 30’S WITH NO PROSPECT OF A HUSBAND OR CHILDREN, YOU HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF. There were men like me, who wanted a leggy female, but they, like me, were never accorded the opportunity. (This also applies to average height women, too) And the reality is that the vast majority of tall women will not even consider a shorter man until it is too late. You would think it would be obvious that if you included shorter males in your suitor selection, your odds would increase of finding a mate, for there are a lot more short and medium height males than there are taller ones. So my advice would be to accept the advances of all men and get to know them. I, who would have relished the opportunity of having curvy broad hips and a tapered waist to hold all night and to make love to into the early hours of the morning, was never, not once, even given a chance to start a relationship. Thus, throw away the yardstick, for you may find someone like me, who would love to share his life and love with a leggy lady.
By the way, another tie in with this article and be found at this web site.
http://shortguycentral.com/P-57/beware-of-the-reformed-heightist-woman
This writer tells about women’s rejections in his 20’s, only to find that women now chased after him, in spite of his height, now he is in his early 30’s. HE WARNS OF THE DANGERS OF THE “REFORMED HEIGHTEST WOMAN” WHO ARE DESPERATE AFTER WASTING THEIR LIFE CHASING THE ALFA MALE AND NOW WANT A STABLE BETA WITH A STEADY PAY-CHECK.
Here is anther on how women who found the Mr. Average (Beta Males) were worth nothing in their 20’s and now that these women are in their 30’s can’t buy a date, even from the Beta Males, titled “Why women lose in the dating game”
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/why-women-lose-the-dating-game-2012...
During their 20s, women compete for the most highly desirable men, the Mr Bigs. Many will readily share a bed with the sporty, attractive, confident men, while ordinary men miss out. As Whiskey puts it at whiskeysplace.wordpress.com: ''Joe Average Beta Male is about as desirable to women as a cold bowl of oatmeal.''
''I can't believe how many men my age are only interested in younger women,'' wails Gail, a 34-year-old advertising executive as she describes her first search through men's profiles on the RSVP internet dating site. She is shocked to find many mid-30s men have set up their profiles to refuse mail from women their own age.
Talking to many women like her, it's intriguing how many look back on past relationships where they let good men get away because they weren't ready. American journalist Kate Bolick wrote recently in The Atlantic about breaking off her three-year relationship with a man she described as ''intelligent, good-looking, loyal and kind''. She acknowledged ''there was no good reason to end things'', yet, at the time, she was convinced something was missing in the relationship. That was 11 years ago. She's is now 39 and facing grim choices.
Here is an interesting article for a women who transgendered to a man, who finds how women treat him poorly due to this height of 5’9”.
http://libertyviral.com/is-living-life-better-as-a-man-or-woman-a-transg...
When I identified as female, I was somehow awesome for being on the taller end of femme, but now? Now, I’ve been called a “manlet” for being a hair under average male height – because apparently men get to be treated like shit for something that they can’t control. I’ve also noticed that, while dating women, a lot of them won’t even go NEAR you if you’re under 6 feet tall. Which is bullshit.
As a woman, I was free to be as shitty as I wanted, in personality, as well – in my (very stupid) younger man-hating years, no one was mad, and people even ENCOURAGED me to be a man hater! Now, as a man, I am apparently not even allowed to voice my opinion on women’s rights. Doesn’t matter that I still have breasts, a vagina, and two X chromosomes – nope. Because I pass as male, I have suddenly lost my ability to understand the plight of poor womenfolk.

simflip10's picture

Hey Frank,

Read ur comment and just wanted to say in my experience (I'm 5'6" btw, also a straight 118 lbs lol), that sometimes for me, some taller, cute girls seem kinda more interested in me. I just turned 23 so pretty much all the girls I interact or am around are in their late teens/early 20s & mid-20s. Like taller girls, I mean who are 5'8"-5'10", which is taller to me.

I think it's more about posture, presence & fundamentals. I never think about height. I never really feel like a girl is taller than me. But I think some women do have values about height and stuff & it's kind of lame but superficial values like that likely lead to other superficial values, like chasing alpha males v. beta males. Some cute girls care & other cute girls don't. I think maybe you just had a subset of experiences v. a whole thing of tall, young women don't date shorter guys.

Sharing my experiences

-simflip10

Frank Johnson's picture

My guess, you must be very good looking. No doubt, tall girls will go out with shorter guys, but this is the exception to the rule for girls in their early 20's. I am just average, and have been told this. On two different occasions, I had girls, about 5'6", tell me they wanted to date a taller man. I did the on-line dating thing and had a girl 5'7" tell me the same thing. I did date one girl who was 5'8" for 3 years. My first wife was 5'7 1/2" and the second 5'7". But this also could be generational. I am much older than you. I have a son who is 27. By the way for women who thing short men will produce short children, my oldest boy is 6'3", my second boy is 6'1" and is 16 years old.

J A's picture

I heard something weird on the radio: Apparently, women will take guys over 6 foot 6 even if they don't make any money. However, the shorter you are, the more money you have to make. That is messed up.

Shawn's picture

Although most of it is true and I do believe that height plays an important role in attraction and seduction and I myself Sam 5'7", I've never felt like I should game "under the radar". Even if one is short physically, "gaming under the radar" at least for me sounds like hiding something and being shameful of one's sexualities. I think game should be the same for everyone and if the girl doesn't like you, you should just learn to accept it and move on instead of trying to play safe. Author may have meant that short guys "by default" appear safe to girls but I think sexiness is not always related to height.. a short guy can still be muscular, have a deep voice, sexy eye contact, moves slowly and dresses well and also knows to have a confident body language and facial expressions. He can be a great conversationalist, travelled a lot, has a lot of social experiences and navigates situations with ease and gracefully. If one has all the qualities that I've mentioned and hides his banana (like Chase says in one of his article), then the guy can never become sexy

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